Twenty Three. Teenagers make beautiful, bloody messes
Hawkins, Jan. 1983
You know those art pieces that hang on walls and everyone just stares at them for hours trying to figure out the purpose of them? Whether they love the piece or hate it? Whether they can relate or not? Whether they might be able to do it themselves or not? Yeah. Jen feels like that. She doesn't know her purpose and she's being stared at from across the lot. The staring is heavy. It's alarming. She feels like she's in trouble. She might be. She fucked up last night. She didn't mean to. It wasn't her fault.
She can feel their gazes through the blinds across the trailer park. It's the first time Jen's ever spent the night at a guys house. Like obviously she's had sex before last night, she's just never spent the rest of the night. It wasn't something that entertained her. Something was different about Eddie Munson though.
But they didn't have sex.
Jen thinks Eddie might be too scared to touch her in the ways he might want to. But she has no clue. A boy has never really liked her before.
Jen was locked out of her own trailer last night. Alex wasn't home. Her mother wasn't home. And Jen's keys had been stolen by one of them in the morning before she left for school. So, she was keyless in the cold of Hawkins at night sitting on her two stone steps like a forgotten child.
And Eddie's kinder than he looks.
He'd let her sleep in his bed, said he'd take the couch. (Wayne worked nights.) She called him crazy and said she'd sleep on the couch. Eddie then called her crazy and they ended up in his bed together after talking a bit too much. His hair tickled her skin.
In the morning, sun rising, with her eyes still closed she could feel his pinky dragging over her arm. She got goosebumps and a faint smile.
Now Jen prays to god he can't see her mother and sisters prying eyes from across the grassy lot. But she's seen them the second he opened up his door, so, he can probably very much see them. "Everything alright, yeah?" He says gently as he pushes back a bit of her hair behind her ear. They're standing at his doorway, trailer door of his open.
They'd eaten breakfast together. Waffles and blueberries. When she went to refill her glass of water, he slipped another waffle on her plate like he knew she didn't eat enough at home. He knew.
And he definitely notices the staring.
Jen smiles shyly, arms snaking around herself as she blows a puff of air past her lips. "Yeah. I'm good. Thanks for.. like everything." Eddie smiles, something with dimples and full cheeks and shifting bangs. It's not his half smile that looks like a smirk to others. It makes her chest burn with some kind of feeling she's never really felt before. "I'll see you, Jen." He's pressing a searing kiss to her temple before she goes. She thinks he does it to be kind, but he let her sleep in his bed with himâso, she doesn't really know what any of it means. She's just glad it happened. She sends once last smile his way before she descends off his two stone steps.
The twenty six step walk to her own trailer is agonizing. She feels like she's walking on magma.
The door opens before she's even touched the handle. Which makes her kind of glad she doesn't have to hit the door open. She gasp as she's yanked inside, her chest colliding with her mothers. She's petrified, Jen. She's scared for her ears and her heart. She's not sure if she can handle yelling this early in the morning. But the woman is beaming at her, cold hands holding her daughter's arms. Jennifer is smiling at her daughter. This is the most excited Jen's seen her mother in weeks. "Oh, god! How was it! You have to tell me everything about it? I'll pull out the special vanilla cookies and we can eat them on your bed?"
Jen's lips part. "What?" She mumbles. Jennifer scoffs a laugh, "I knew he had it out for you! You gotta tell me how it was, J!" Jen gets it now. Her mother thinks they slept together.
"He's sweet, ain't he?" The older woman speaks as she moves around their trailer. She avoids Alex like she's not even there. "Ain't his eyes just gorgeous, babe?"
Jen doesn't have the heart to fully answer her mother and tell her the truth about what actually happened and why she was over at the Munson's in the first place. You guys left me out in the cold. I didn't fuck him. I froze. Jen doesn't say any of that, her mother looks so happy. She just hums in response to her.
Jen's eyes happen to flicker to Alex, and Alex seems to know the truth. She's leaning against the kitchen counter, arms folded over her front. She knows. She knows what didn't happen. Her brows are pinched and there's a frown on her full lips. She looks bothered. Disappointed. Disregarded. Alex looks like she's lost something. (She'll be angry at Jen for the rest of their lives. Jen won't ever know why.)
Jen flinches a little as her mother yanks up her wrist, her other hand holding the plastic pack of cookies they don't get to touch regularly because they're awfully expensive for their budget.
Why is Alex so bothered?
Why is this the last good memory Jen has with Mama?
Why hadn't Eddie actually slept with her that night?
Why didn't she know sleeping at Eddie's would be a mistake?
She should've just froze.
November 1, 1984.
Normal girls don't wake up in big beds with linen sheets and heavy duvets. Normal girls don't wake up in Steve Harrington's bed. Normal girls would never know Steve Harrington.
(Special Girls. Special Girls. Special Girls. This is what they know. These are the kind of beds they wake up in. The kind of boys they taste when they get down on their knees for them.)
The sheets are soft and smell like alcohol and something salty and something almost calming. It's faint. It's been there before the alcohol and salt.
She wakes with her nose scrunched up and her head ringing. She doesn't peel her eyes open, she just lets her hand gently reach out. She finds the bed empty. Cold. Steve's been gone for awhile.
Jen groans as she turns, shoving her face deep into his pillow. It smells like cedar wood and honey. Last night comes to her in flashes and at the end of it all she's squeezing her fists together down at her sides.
She's naked in Steve Harrington's bed.
Jesus Christ what has she done.
When she winced out of bed, she searches his room for her underwear and one of his shirts. She moved around his room carefully, last night was the first time she was in here and she couldn't take in the detail. She does now. There's more Violet in this room than their is Steve. For some reason it makes Jen a little sad.
The girl eventually travels downstairs in his shirt that was just thrown over his desk chair. She tries to drag her fingers through her hair, tucking strands behind her ears. She feels like a mess, probably looks it too. She's (somewhat) prepared for the big blowout that's bound to come as she reaches the first floor, bare feet cold against the flooring. Jen, I'm so sorry. Last night was a mistake. We were drunk and lonely and I'm sorry.
But she receives none of it.
Her eyes flick around the kitchen wildly. It smells like grease and bananas. And it's empty, of Steve that is.
Violet's here. In a high chair. She has a bowl of small cut up bananas in front of her. They're so small a child could never choke. Jen wonders if Steve cuts up that fruit without cutting himself. The pieces are so small. The fruit stains Violet's chubby hands and lips. Her hair sticks to her damp cheeks. Her sippy cup is in her lap, between her round stomach and the lining of the plastic table to her high chair.
Jen cannot see Steve.
The stove is still on. She passes behind Violet to get to the stove, turning off the heat. Inside the pan is burnt bacon. And to the side of that, on a paper towel is even more burnt bacon. Failed attempts.
When Jen turns around she gasps a little to find Violet's big eyes already staring at her. She pushes out a soft smile at baby. Violet let's out a loud happy noise once she realizes who's standing in front of her. It makes Jen flinch at its volume. "Hi, sweet girl," she says gently. Violet's banana hands move quickly, trying to get to the teenage girlâbut she's clicked into her high chair.
Jen simply smiles and wanders over to Violet. As Jen reaches the counter and Violet, she leans across the marble to rip at paper towels. She gently cleans Violet's hands and face, ridding her of smashed banana and damp skin. Violet giggles and Jen pokes her cheeks after. She leans in, wrinkles her nose. "Where's your daddy?"
Violet seems to know what that word means because her smile falls a smidge. I don't think she knows where Steve is. Jen leans back up to her full height, her gaze runs across the living room. It's a mess from last night. She makes note to clean all that up before she leaves. But Steve isn't there.
The girl gently bites on her lip. "Steve?" She calls out to the lone air in his huge home. She gets nothing.
"Okay, you wait here a second while I go find him." Jen turns the girls high chair so she can still see her if she walks past the kitchen. She places her bowl of bananas and water on the counter out of her reach. She drags a finger across Violet's arm as she goes. There's a guest bathroom in the hall, that's also empty. Then she reaches the big tan space leading to the back porch, Jen suddenly stops as she spots Steve. The boys standing at the edge of his pool just staring into the water. He's fully clothed and ready for the day. But his head hangs and the back sliding door is halfway open. He should've heard Jen when she called out for him.
She's careful with her steps as she reaches the back sliding door, she slips past. "Steve?" She calls out softly. He still doesn't seem to hear her, he doesn't move an inch. She frowns as she comes closer to the boy. When she's at his side she gently eases a hand over the back of his shoulder. "Steve.." She whispers and he flinches alive, but he doesn't look alarmed. His eyes look too wet as they scatter away from the pool to meet her gaze.
(Barbra died in this pool.)
"Are you okay?" The girl asks softly, her hand still on him. He feels it now, the warmth. He lets out a shaking breath. "Yeah. Of course. Sorry." He's lying. Jen's frown is faint, but it's still there. She's rubbing circles into his back. "You left the stove on.."
Steve's eyes widened at the realization. His lips part and he looks panicked. Just for a second. Jen's other hand comes down to his folded arms. "Hey, it's okay. Everything fine's. She's okay." She squeezes his arm gently and Steve deflates. He surprises Jen when he leans in for a hug, his body covers every inch of hers. "I can't cook," the boy whispers into her hair. She smiles over his shoulder, "that's okay.."
"It was supposed to be bacon. I just kept burning it. I was trying to do something nice for you. Make breakfast and all that. But I can't cook." He says the last sentence like he's lost something. Jen squeezes him a bit tighter. "I left this morning to go pick her up. I didn't mean to leave you alone, but I didn't want to wake you up either. But I was there. I am here, I mean.."
Jen softly pulls away from the boy then, she drags a hand down his arm and gently squeezes his hand when she reaches it. "You're okay?" She asks again, softer. It warms Steve's heart. He is okay now. He hadn't been a few moments ago. (He has a guilt when it comes to Nancy. And not because he doesn't want her anymore, because her best friend died in his house. In his pool. All while he was fucking Nancy. Its a guilt that won't go away. It won't die with him. The guilt dies with Nancy.)
Steve's eyes meet Jen's in a blur. He suddenly looks a little embarrassed, cheeks puffy and hinted red. "I'm okay, Jen." She nods with a smile, leaning forward a pressing a kiss to his cheek. He leans into the touch and his eyes fall close. She is so soft, it hurts him.
Jen holds his hand the entire way back to Violet. He's glad to see she's unharmed. Jen let's his hand go when she reaches the little girl, she unclips her from the seat and takes her into her arms. She fits perfectly on Jen's hip. "I found your daddy, V."
Violet smiles at Steve.
Steve's chest burns as he watches the two?
Violet pushes her head gently into the junction of Jen's neck as the girl wanders closer to the boy. Jen's eyes truly meet Steve's for the first time today. She smiles warmly, timidly. Her shyness comes back, he can see it, it makes him quick. "I can pick you something up on the way to school."
He's taking her to school. They didn't talk about that but Steve's declaring it.
Jen smiles something so soft it makes his throat warm with envy that his own smile isn't as nice. "That's okay," the girl says gently. "I can make us something?"
Steve stares at her for a moment. He looks a little lost again? She wants to make me food? His stomach pushes in on himself. He lies. "I already ate, with her." He nods towards his daughter, trying to take the heat off himself.
Jen nods, slow, like she knows something he doesn't. "Okay," she says kindly and bounces Violet on her hip a little. The baby makes a soft noise and smiles up at Jen. It's not as gummy as it use to be. She's growing up. A year old.
"I should probably head down to mine. To like change and stuff.. I don't want to make you guys late." You don't have to drive me.
Jen's turning away from Steve now and he doesn't like it at all. It looks like Jen's going to place Violet back in the chair, so she can clean up the living room from last nights disaster. Steve bites his lip, pushing towards her and his daughter. "Hey," he calls softly. Jen looks over her shoulder to reach Steve's eyes. She's still faintly smiling. She looks so calm. Like this is what she's meant to be doing. Steve almost wants her too cook him breakfast now. "Good morning," he says finally as his lips gently press down into hers. Violet's dark hair tickles both their jaws.
It's the softest kiss Jen's ever had in her life.
She can't talk after it. Lips a little parted and cheeks shocked pink. Steve just smiles, somewhat smug. Like he's won. He feels like he has for the first time in a while. "We can be a little late, Jen." He gently chucks the underside of Violet's chin. She laughs and Jen feels warmer than she's ever had in her life.
Steve gets Violet ready while Jen cleans up the living room, he complains to her she doesn't have to do thatâshe does it anyway.
Steve drives the three of them to the trailer park. Violet gets placed with Mandy. Jen gets ready quicker than she ever has in her life.
Steve is driving her to school.
They're later than late to school. A whole class late. A whole two hours.
Jen's not usually late. No. Jen is never late. She doesn't like that kind of attention that comes with being late. She's almost bouncing with anxiety as Steve pulls into the school parking lot.
They're at school, together.
The good thing about being this late is there's no one in the parking lot to see Jen slip out of Steve's car. Or even see him kiss the corner of her mouth, then fully kiss her, before she shoves him back nervously in the hall as they separate from one another. They're both smiling as distance grows between them. The bell rings for the next period and Steve's walking off laughing at Jen's shyness and she feels like a tomato. Steve has gym. Jen has study hallâwith Cade. Thank god.
Jen waits outside the girls class as the door flys open, students piling out like unhappy toddlers. Everyone seems to have that lingering affect of a hangover after Halloween. Cade's one of the last ones and looks shocked to see her friendâbut she looks better than everyone else. No hangover. Or pills taken to rid said hangover, like Jen and Steve did this morning. "You weren't at home this morning and then your locker was empty. What the hell!" They walk the halls too close together. A lot of girls are staring at the pair. Jen's nerves chuck up even more. People are staring at her.
Fuck.
Cade leans in more, voice dropping to a whisper. "God, Jen. It's bad. It feels bad. These two girls saw you and Steve at Bradley's last night after Tina's. It's all everybody was talking about this morning and then! You didn't show up.. and he didn't show up and then everyone was talking some more. Then Carol Perkins yapped her mouth about Nancy and the spilled drink and Steve leaving the party without her. It's such a big mess."
They've traveled all the way to the student parking lot now, Jen following after Cade with a pounding heart in her aching chest. They two climb into Cade's father's car. The doors shutting them away from prying teenagers and their hungry mouths of venom.
Cade turns to her closest friend. "What the hell happen last night?"
Jen suddenly can't remember the sweetened morning she had with a boy and his sweet little girl. All she wants to do now is vomit. She starts talking and at the end of it all, Cade doesn't look like she knows what to do.
Jen just needs to get home. Get through today. Maybe bleach her brain?
Steve can't seem to focus. His mind is on everything else besides basketball. He's got a kid. He's got shit parents. He's got bad eating habits. He's got a whatever the hell Nancy Wheeler is. He's got a Jen Leadison. And he's got the stares and the whispers and the everything else. Everybody knows about him and Jen in Bradley's last night. His stomach doesn't feel good and he feels a little dizzy as he runs across the glazed court with an orange ball under his palm.
They're playing teams.
And of course, he's up against Billy Hargrove. Who seems to have made himself the New King at Hawkins High.
He hasn't even been here for a week.
Steve tries to go past the boy with a blonde mop, he's good defense. "Harrington, right?" Steve can't get around his guy. The fuck? Billy is still talking. "I heard you used to run this school. That true?" Steve may not be top of the charts anymore, but he still feels the warmness of violence and anger in the pits of his belly. He wishes he could punch Billy Hargrove off him. He's still fuckin' talking. "King Steve, they used to call you, huh? Then you turned bitch. Got a kid at this ripe age. Settled down with the towns sweetheart."
Steve's jaw clenches, as does his free hand. "Hey," he spits over his shoulder at the shirtless boy. "Maybe you should just shut up and just play the game." His words slither off his tongue with fat globs of green venom. Billy huffs a laugh and steals the ball from the boy, crashing into his side and sending Steve to the ground. That's never happened before. Steve scrambles to get up as Billy slides past everyone and makes a basket, sending the ball under his leg and into the net. All net, no rim. He hollers out as boys clap his shoulders. "That's what I'm talking about!" The boy yells out, tongue twisting out towards Steve. Their eyes clash dangerously. He doesn't even hear the call out of his name from the dainty voice behind him.
It's not till Nancy calls out his name again that he turns. His harden features drop, horribly. Nancy stands at the entrance of the gym. The girl he's been dying to avoid all day and so far, it had been working.
He swallows thick as a timeout is called for the players.
He reluctantly follows after Nancy towards the brick walls behind the gym. He's got his arms folded over his chest in a protective manner. He's protecting himself from the girl who called him bullshit. Called their love bullshit. He talks low towards the girl he doesn't want to be seen with.
He's so off his game recently.
"What are you doing here, Nancy?"
The girl scoffs a laugh, arms clutching books to her chest. "What do you think?" She spits out. "Where we're you this morning? I missed first period!" Steve stares at the girl, taking her features in. She looks how she always looks. Fine.
"Someone told me you missed first too and that you were out with Jen at Bradley's last night, which I don't see why it's a big dealâ Everyone's acting like it's a big deal. You guys are close, you know, she babysits for you. But still, I don't get why you didn't pick me up this morning? It just.. just doesn't make sense." She let's out a gentle laugh and soft pushes her curled hair away.
Steve is still staring. She doesn't remember? She doesn't get it? She looks perfect compared to last night and the red punch on her white shirt? It makes Steve nauseous. It makes him angry. Fuck her.
He finally clears his throat, blunt nail scraping across his nose. "Figured Jonathan would've taken you." It's all he says. He doesn't mention anything else. He can't tell if she's being coy or playing him. She really doesn't understand what everyone means by him and Jen at Bradley's last night?
Nancy's brows raise in shock towards the boy. She's still smiling confused around her words. "Wha.. What are you talking about?"
The boy scoffs. He cares about the girl in front of him, he does. But she's stopped loving him months ago, he knows that. And deep down he knows he might love someone else already. "Jesus, you really can't handle your alcohol." She doesn't even remember? Steve won't reach her eyes. "Uh.. You remember going to Tina's party last night, right?"
Nancy huffs. "Yes?"
Steve meets her eyes now. "And then what?" Nancy looks off, trying to remember how their night went. "I remember dancing, and.. spilling some punch. You got mad at me because I was drunk and then you took me home?" Steve scoffs, she can't be serious right now? "No, see, that's where your mind gets a little bit fuzzy. That was your other boyfriend. That was.. That was Jonathan."
"I don't understand."
Steve sighs, holding tight to his towel. His skin is too hot right now. "It's pretty simple, Nancy. You were just telling it like it is."
She smiles unaware at the boy. Her heart is pounding a little too quick. Steve's never been like this with her. "What?"
"Uh.. apparently, we killed Barb and I don't care, 'cause I'm bullshit.. and our whole relationship is bullshit, and I mean, pretty much everything is just bullshit, bullshit, bullshit." He counts the bullshit's on his fingers. "Oh, yeah, also, you don't love me."
Nancy scoffs uncomfortably. "I was drunk, Steve! I don't remember any of that."
The boy lets out a bitter laugh, it's laced with malice. "So that makes everything that you said.. it's what? Just bullshit, too?"
"Yes."
Steve stares at the girl, jaw clicking. "Well, then tell me." He knows he might being mean. He knows this. But he doesn't care. He's angry. Hurt. He knows better. He knows he should've left this months ago.
"Tell you what?"
"You love me." Maybe it's fair. Maybe it isn't. He doesn't care. He needs to know.
Nancy scoffs a laugh, almost amused. "Really?" The gym doors fly open and someone from his team comes running out. "Harrington! Dude, we need you, man! That douchebag's killing us. Let's go!" Steve scoffs, "alright!" The boy goes again, covered in sweat. "Come on!" But Steve is still looking at Nancy. Her lips part and she can't. She can't fucking say it. He knew it. He knows it.
His feet shift and he starts to put distance between them.
He knows he shouldn't, but he can't fight what he was made out to be. Mean. "I think that you're bullshit." He's getting farther and he stops at the end of the brick wall. His jaw burns. He looks over his shoulder and the girls staring at the floor. "Nancy?" He calls out.
The girl looks up at him slowly.
He lets out a breath. "What everyone's been trying to tell you is that I slept with Jen. After Bradley's. I didn't come pick you up today because I spent the morning with her and my kid. Your bullshit last night was our breakup, Wheeler."
He doesn't wait for a reaction. He's gone before she can blink. He shouldn't have done that. But he feels good.
When Jen gets out for lunch, she's trying to make it to the student parking lot. There's a vending machine out there with the good chips she likes. She kind of hopes she'll find Cade at her dad's car. But her steps start to slow when there's a heavy voice behind her, calling out heavy. "Jen!"
The girls walk came to a slow, looking over her shoulder. Her gaze falls on Steve. She sucks in a breath as the boy comes closer, people stare. Her eyes flicker around to the different faces. They snicker and whisper. She almost swallows her tongue. "Hey," his hand gently comes around her upper arm. He smells like lemons. His hair towel dried. "I was thinking maybe we could grab lunch?"
She sucks in another breath as her eyes flicker around. "Steve.." Her voice so quiet when she speaks, it makes him look around at the different faces watching. He frowns and gently leads the girl out the hall. He pushes them out the back doors into the student parking lot. "You shouldn't pay attention to them, alright?"
She just hums as her eyes fall on the vending machine a few feet away. She starts up her walk and Steve jogs after her. "They're power hungry." He tries again. Jen just hums again, as she goes to pull her wallet out from her bag. Steve beats her to it, he shoves a dollar into the machine. "What do you want?" He says without looking at her. His fingers hover over the keypad as he looks at the options. Jen glares a little, even if theres a smile threatening her lips. "What are you doing?"
Steve hums, "getting you the most un-nutritious lunch ever." Jen cracks a soft laugh, "the potato chips there." Steve gasps as he clicks the letter and number. "No way. I get the same damn thing." Jen rolls her eyes fondly, "yeah, sure. You're such a cheesy chip guy." Steve scoffs, "I am not." His eyes meet hers, they're both smiling. "You so are, Steve."
Steve snickers. "Yeah. You're right. I am a cheesy chip guy." Jen watches as her chips drop, the boy going for them as he gently passes them to her. "Thank you." He just hums her off as he shoves another dollar into the machine. He's not hungry. But he'll eat chips with her.
"Should I get Oreos too?"
Jen rolls her eyes fondly. "It's your money, Steve." He hums with a smile and shoves in another dollar. "She wants the Oreos, ladies and gentlemen." Jen scoffs, "that is not what I said!" Steve smiles at her from the corner of his eyes, her face is warming up. "We can share."
Jen rolls her eyes once more and her hip sways into his teasingly. "Thanks, again." He hums and squeezes her arm gently. "Don't worry about it."
As Steve goes down to get his chips and Oreos, Jen looks around the lot with little nerves to her. She gasps and the machines flap covers the noise. Nancy Wheeler is staring right at her. Their eyes clash awfully this time. Nancy's jaw is tense and she's sitting on the hood of Jonathan's car. He doesn't notice, he's picking at chips and mumbling about something. But Nancy is glaring, glaring at Jen.
For some reason, Jen's shoulders square. She goes tense.
If looks could kill, Jen would be dead and Nancy would be standing on the top of Jonathan's hood yelling. Traitor!
It's all just a mess. At least Steve has Oreos.