Twenty One. Halloween is a night of bullshit
It's too early for a girl to be up. She knows that, but she hadn't slept well. Her mind was too alive, between the phone call from a hurting girl who she was (now badly) friends with, and sleeping next to a baby and her fucking fatherâher taken father. This wasn't her family to infringe on, it was Nancy's... (Not really.)
Jen felt awful. This had gotten too much. It had been too much from the start, she knew that, but she now just seem to realize how fucking selfish she is. She wants Steve, so badly. She wants his daughter, so badly. She wants that feeling of being needed by people she cares for, so badly.
This last year has been such a sweet torture.
This mornings light isn't even out yet. Jen's sat at the edge of her bed, knees to her chest. Her head is pounding, and she knows she's out of painkillersâshe'd given Steve the last of them a few nights ago. Ever since last year, his fight with Jonathan in that alleyway, the one Jen had ran from, his headaches have been a constant reminder of how cruel he'd been those few weeks.
Jen's fingers tease at her scalp, pulling hard at flatten wavy strands, her hair is a mess against her skin. Her eyes are screwed shut, and she tries to calm her racing heart. How could she have done this to Nancy? She was sure she knew. She had too. Especially after last night. How could Nancy even call Jen a friend?
Jen was sure she knew, she had too.
Jen flinched a little at the sudden small hand on her bare thigh, just below her soft sleep shorts. The girl removed her tightened grip from her untamed hair, her eyes peering open slowly and looking to the left side. Her eyes met Violet's small form. She was sat up, legs bent in towards herself, a broken criss-cross applesauce. Her brunette hair was a mess of soft waves and her chubby fists were rubbing into her sleep laced eyes. The little girl was doused in sleep like a beautiful sweet perfume. Jen's face softened. "J.." Violet mumbled softly, she didn't have Jen's name just yet.
Jen turned herself more towards the small girl , and she wasted no time crawling into Jen's lap. She melted into the teenage girl. Jen's arms wrapped around the girl, her chin resting on the crown of her head. Her hair was soft against her skin and still smelled like jelly bean baby soap. Jen's eyes lingered on Steve's sleeping form. His face was somewhat covered by his untamed hair, he was letting it grow out. His lips were parted slightly and his face was smushed into one of Jen's pillows that now smelled like him. He had an arm laid out, where Violet had been curled up in his side. The other had been sprawled out over her, and his fingertips had been touching strands of Jen's hair.
Tears pushed themselves to Jen's waterlines.
She looked away from the boy and stood from her bed, Violet delicately in her arms still.
She knew this was wrong. All of it. Sure, her and Steve had never done anything more than kissâbut that was still wrong. Bad. Even if they hadn't done anything more, the things they did were more intimate than anything he'd ever done with Nancy.
Things were just different.
Jen was careful with her steps, calculated. Her socks, all wool and too soft, moved against the wood floors beautifully.
She could feel Violet teasing the ends of her long hair. Violet seem to be distracting herself from falling asleep in Jen's arms, like she knew something was off.
Jen reached the fridge and gently grabbed at Violet's sippy cup, milk laced inside. Violet took it with ease, a soft hum slipping past her closed lips in content. Jen smiled, all too sweet, and ran a hand over Violet's untamed waves. (She looked so much like Lowen, but didn't look like her at all.)
Jen pried open her front door with a wince, bruise still lingering on her hip. Steve did get degreaser a few months ago, he'd seen the trouble with the door. It was easier to open now, but still a pain. A pain that was permanent on Jen's hip. She wondered if the bruise would ever go away? But how could it, if she never let it heal?
The door had to open somehow.
Jen gently took a seat on the stone steps, the door closed behind her. Violet sat perfectly on Jen's lap, her small back to Jen's front as she sipped on her cup. The two just stared off into the morning, the light was starting to come. The sky becoming a faded pink and orange.
"Pretty, huh?" Her voice was soft and quiet, just for Violet's ears. Violet nodded against her cup, her small eyes on the color changing sky. "M'Pretty." She dragged the end out, like she always did with T's and Y's. Jen smiled, her eyes falling shut and she leaned her forehead against the back of Violet's head. "Your the bestest, V."
Violet made a noise of content. "Bestest.." She mumbled between sipping.
Jen smiled even more, eyes still closed as her arms wrapped tighter around the little girl.
The pink of the morning encased them. It was Halloween.
Mötley Crüe had Jen's ears brutally ringing.
She still wasn't sure whether coming to Tina's party was a good idea or not. Her car still wasn't starting this morning and she didn't even give it another go around noon.
Some girl from the trailer park she went to school with had some old sports car, she had asked Jen if she was going to the party and if she needed a ride. Jen had never spoken to her before, she'd only talked to her mother a handful of times. She took the chance and ended up piling out of the sports car with five other girls like it was a clown car in Tina's driveway.
They'd all had been nice. Cute and revealing costumes on their pretty figures. Smoke coming from the back half of the car. Loud and singing worthy songs played from the stereo. Jen had a good time on the way here.
And surprisingly, those girls, who she didn't remember all their names because they'd came at her with the speed of bullets, we're still with her.
They were all in Tina's back yard. The pool was glistening and some bodies swayed among the waterâsome still in their costumes, others in a little less. Jen and the girls were talking with drinks and nodding along to the loud heavy music. It had Jen's head a little numb.
She was trying not to look for Steveâand Nancy.
"..Thirty-eight, thirty-nine, forty!" Right now Jen had her focus on the new Keg King, it seemed. "âForty-one, forty-two!" Billy Hargrove came off the alcohol as guys let him down, a heavy stream spitting past his lips as people cheered for him. He had just beaten Steve's record.
He acted like a god and was sure to bite like a snake. You could smell the raw meat and poison off him if you got too close.
"We got ourselves a new Keg King!" Tommy H. speared out wildly and proudly, like it was his very own son and creationâlike how he use to be with Steve. Tommy stuck to new meat just like the girls did. He had to stay at the top of the social hierarchy in Hawkins High, with Steve or without Steve. And clearly, he had already found a new Steve. A shiny new boy, Billy Fuckin' Hargrove and his California glory.
"God, look at the balls of this new guy, like he owns the place? Definitely a prick." Maria, at least Jen was pretty sure her name was Maria, had mumbled towards her. She'd been watching Billy too, and not in the way most girls were since his arrival. Jen just hummed, feeling intimidated by the shirtless guy doused in black leather with crazy curled blonde hair.
Her cheer costume suddenly felt too small as the boy yelled out. "That's how you do it, Hawkins!"
Jen's eyes drifted back down to her red solo cup, she found it empty. She huffed, the red stuff that had been in the cup was pure gasoline with the slightest hint of cherry. "You wanna' get another drink with me?" Jen's eyes snapped away from the empty drink, another girl from the circle had her dazzling eyes and pin straight blonde hair her way. She was dressed as a cheerleader as well, hers looking better than Jen's did.. and Jen's was an actual uniform from last year that fit her a little too small. The skirt was way too short and the top was tight and small. It hugged her nicely, though. But it was Halloween, and that was a good enough excuse for her.
Jen needed to push herself past her walls and calm her mind in the worst ways possible tonight. She couldn't stop thinking about Nancy.. and Steve. How he'd gotten up this morning and was so excited about Violet's halloween costume. She was a pumpkin. It made Jen's chest ache and her smile too big.
Steve had learned to love his little girl. It made Jen happy.
Steve had told her before he left her trailer with his kid, I'm taking her trick or treating later and then I'm picking up Nance for Tina's. I'll see you at the party, yeah? Jen had gave him a simple nod and soft smile as he pressed a searing kiss to her temple.
"Yeah," Jen suddenly smiled at the girl. Lauren? I think that was her name. "Let's get another." The girl smiled at Jen and gently grabbed her hand, squeezing softly and sent her a wink.
Alcohol made girls nicer. Sometimes.
Jen trailed behind the blonde, Lauren, her hand felt nice in her own. Her nails painted a baby pink. She had a gold band around her pinky. Her skin was a pretty tan. There was a birthmark, lighter than her skin tone, by her thumb. And the shade of her blonde hair reminded Jen of summer.
The inside of Tina's house was a disaster. Loud and crowded, even worse than outside. There was broken glass by the sliding door and the room smelt like alcohol and sweat. Maybe even sex in the halls.
Lauren pushed through bodies carelessly and perfectly, no one told her off or even sent her a look. Jen was right on her tail as they made it into the kitchen. There were more than enough people making out for comfort.
"And here's the charm!" Lauren spoke gently to Jen as they made it to the huge punch bowl. Lauren was quick to refill her cup and Jen's. "Here you go," Jen smiled warmly with another sip. "Thanks." Lauren hummed as she leaned against the furthest wall from the bowl, Jen followed her lead. "The girls will find us sooner than later and we'll dance. That sound cool with you?"
This blonde spoke so calmly. Like she knew exactly who she was and every single girl that had come out of that car with her. This blonde knew what she was doing, breezing through her life.
Jen couldn't respond.
Her throat felt dry suddenly as Nancy Wheeler stomped her way into the kitchen, drunk yelled out of her eyes. She looked miserable, while trying to cover it up with drinking and being a teenager. Steve was quick on her tracks. He was trying to stop her from another drink. She had had too much.
Lauren noticed Jen's lack of attention with her words and her light gaze followed, and as she landed on the couple dressed from the movie Risky BusinessâNancy's cup went spilling all over her white top. Staining perfectly red and it made Jen think of Barbara at the bottom of Steve's pool all over again. Her heart climbed up to her throat and she had the sudden urge to hold tight onto a thick surface.
A heavy frown painted Jen's lips as people gasped at the sight. The dancing in the room stilled as people stared, the music still playedâuntouched. Nancy glared at Steve, words slurred. "What the hell.."
She was quick to leave her cup now, stalking right past Jen and Lauren for the hall and the bathroom. When Jen met Nancy's eyes there wasn't kindness imbedded in them like there usually was. A glare was sent Jen's way, and it suddenly had her feeling nauseated with her two and a half drinks.
Steve was quick to follow Nancy, avoiding people's glancesâbut he paused for a moment as he met Jen's eyes. His eyes were soft and concerned as he went.
Lauren's hum next to Jen made her flinch away from the captivating couple, even over the music. "You boned him right? That's why that sweet girl probably just sent you daggers.." Lauren said it gently with a soft laugh, but it faded off as she watched Jen's face change. Jen's bottom lip eased between her teeth sharply as she placed down her cup on the counter. "I'm..I'm going to step outside for a minute.."
Lauren stared at the girl. "You're fucking Steve Harrington? I thought you were friends with Wheeler?" Fuck off, please. Please.
Jen winced, like she been wounded. "Steve and I haven't.. no. We're just friends. All of us are just friends.. I just babysit his kid sometimes.." Her voice got lower the more she spoke. She sounded pathetic and like a liar. Lauren sent her a soft look, pity.
Jen's jaw suddenly ticked. "Happy Halloween, Lauren."
The blonde huffed as Jen walked past her, "it's Laura, by the way!"
Jen couldn't breathe until she reached the street. She had to zigzag between cars. She'd seen Jonathan's on the way out, beaten up and old like the muscle in her chest felt.
Jen sighed and slumped down onto the curb. Her hands fiddled with the waistband of her skirt, she fished out a crushed pack of cigarettes. They'd been Alex's, found in a kitchen cabinet a few weeks ago. They'd been rotting there since today. There was two left stuffed inside next to a hot pink lighter.
Jen wasn't trying to smoke too much now, but the alcohol didn't seem to do her a favor tonight.
Jen wasn't good at making friends. Clearly.
The girl lit the cigarette as her shoulders sagged, skirt bunching up around her waist. Light pink laced vaguely poked out from underneath.
Smoke filtered from her lips as she let the pack sit next to her scuffed up shoes on the street. Her eyes casted over the dark empty street and cars piling around Tina's home, she paused, didn't flinch, as her gaze met Billy Hargrove. He was leaning against his blue car not too far from her, with his own smoke lingering in the air. He sent the girl a lazy wink. "Need a ride, cheerleader?"
Jen's stomach sunk in on itself, she could taste the acid in her throat. Her lips partedâ
"No. She doesn't."
Jen and Billy's eyes snapped to the voice. Jen nearly dropped her cigarette on her bare legs as Steve came closer to her. Alone. Steve was alone. "Come on, we're leaving.." The boy mumbled to her.
Jen could still feel Billy's eyes piercing into her skin like branding. He had seen this boy with Nancy Wheeler, what did he have with Jen Leadison? (Billy needed to know..)
Steve stuck a hand out for Jen. The girl dropped her cigarette to the asphalt, pushing at it with the tip of her shoe as she took the boy's hand. He had leaned down and snatched up her pack and lighter. "You okay?" Jen mumbled gently. Past Steve's head she could see Billy shake his head and kick off his car, back towards the chaos of Halloween.
"I.. I just wanna go." Steve spit out, it was meaner than he usually spoke. Jen noticed instantly, it made her nervous. There was something different in his eyes. He picked at the last cigarette in the pack and lit it as he started towards his car. He bunched up the pack and left it on Billy's car as he went.
(Bye Alex..)
Jen was stunned. Her eyes casted back on the party before landing on Steve. Where was his girlfriend? The girl was quick to jog after him and towards his BMW down the street. "Steve?" Jen called out as she reached his side. He reached aggressively into his pocket for his keys. His shades sat in his hair messily. "Steveâ"
"I'm bullshit." He had spoken so quickly it made Jen stepped back a moment, eyes wide. He was staring at her, glaring, but the glare wasn't for her. She could tell. His keys were in his hand, aimed at her. "I'm fucking bullshit, Jen."
Her jaw clicked, again. She didn't hesitate. Not even for a second, she cared too much. Jen's eyes looked up into Steve's, they swirled with all too much emotions. Sadness. Anger. Confusion. Relief. "The fuck did she say to you?"
And for the first time since Nancy had stomped on him in that bathroom, he could breathe. Staring at Jen, watching her seethe for himâhe could fucking breathe again. His anger turned to a frown for a moment. His pounding heart calmed a little.
Jen's eyes casted back towards Tina's house, and before she could move a muscleâSteve's hand was wrapping around her arm. Her eyes snapped back to his. "What did she say to you, Steve."
He squeezed down on Jen's arm, and her lips parted again. She felt hot. Bothered. Overwhelmed? "Steveâ" Though, her voice was silenced. Everything she felt faded into the background so quick, it made her stumble a bit.
Steve's lips were on hers. Publicly. He was fucking kissing her not even miles away from Tina's house. He kissed her so hard her lips felt numb. His hand from her arm moved up and cupped her face, his other hand following suit. He was cupping her face entirely, he was leaning into her. It was primal. Protective. Like he could devour her.
She couldn't breathe. Lightheaded and floating all at the same time.
When the boy pulled back his eyes remained closed and Jen's flew open, his hands were still on her face. She moved up to cup his wrists in her palms, she squeezed gently and watched his face. His parted lips and closed eyes. He looked like he was coming back down to earth. "Are you drunk.." Jen spoke gently.
His breathe tasted nothing like alcohol. Hers did.
Steve's eyes fluttered open softly and his dragged his thumbs over the apples of Jen's cheeks. Her face was red hot. It made him smile. "No. I'm good."
Jen let out a shaky breath, her hands sliding down Steve's arms. "I.. I don't know what to say.." Jen whispered and Steve smiled warmly.
"Spend the night at mine?"
Her eyes snapped back up to his, he hadn't looked away from her once. She wondered if her heart was sitting on her sleeve. It probably was. "Are you sure?" Steve let out a breath, mint and the mix of alcohol that had been on Jen's breath. "Yeah. Never been so sure."
What the hell did Nancy do to him?
She'd let him free, he was no longer a teenage boy with a big swimming pool and a dead girl. He wasn't a King.
He was simply Steve Harrington. Who was a father.