My Fault: Chapter 22

My intention hadn’t been to hook up with her in the bar parking lot. Quite the opposite: the conversation in my car with that dumbass Dan on the way to the airport had affected me more deeply than I cared to admit. It kept replaying in my mind.

“You’ve got no idea what you’re getting into,” he’d said after an intense silence in which I couldn’t stop thinking about pulverizing him. “Noah’s hot for sure, but she’s more fucked-up than you and me put together.”

I watched my breathing, tried to stay calm and not enter into his game, but I wanted to know what he was getting at. I wasn’t trying to be in a relationship with Noah, but there was no denying my attraction to her.

I gripped the wheel without responding.

“I’m telling you from experience. That chick’s got a lot more hidden secrets than you’d think at first glance, and—”

“That’s why you decided to come out here, right?” I said, turning onto a side street.

“I guess it’s hard to resist a girl who keeps so much to herself. There’s always another layer you’re trying to peel back.”

I tried to guess at what he meant by that:

I hadn’t met many of those.

“I’m not trying to ruin things for you, but I don’t think you’re the type of guy who’s willing to wait. I don’t know if I’m explaining myself.”

“I can be patient,” I said, staring at the line of cars in front of me, “but I can be impatient, too. Like right now, I’m impatient to pop you in the nose.”

Dan smiled, and it took everything I had not to turn around and give it to him then and there. That dickhead was talking about his ex-girlfriend with no kind of respect whatsoever.

I get it, I was no knight in shining armor, but at least I didn’t try to pretend. I was straight-up about who I was. This dude was a liar and a cheat.

“I’m just warning you, bro. When you let her in, it’s hard to let her go. Just like you said, I’m here, right? If you don’t watch out, you’ll find yourself eating out of her hand, and you won’t know how or why you got there.”

I stopped at the gate at the airport.

“Disappear,” I ordered him with a clenched jaw.

Dan grabbed his bag and got out, but not without a few last words:

“I wanted to fix it. Beth is nothing compared to her.”

And then he turned around and walked off.

I’d spent the rest of the day on the beach. I couldn’t stop thinking about what Dan had said, and despite his warning, all I wanted was to see Noah and be sure she was okay. I had no idea how to deal with my feelings for her.

I grabbed my surfboard and paddled out into the ocean. I didn’t know what else to do. Having her in my home was torture. I lusted after her like crazy, and whenever I saw her, my imagination went wild. If my father knew what was happening, he’d kill me. I couldn’t forget, Noah was five years younger than me.

Even so, I went to find her at the bar she’d been stubborn enough to get a job at. I couldn’t understand why the hell she’d do that, especially as a waitress. Bar 48 was a place a lot of bands played. My friends and I went there pretty often. The drinks were cheap, and all kinds of people went there. I wasn’t at all pleased to have Noah working there, and it was even worse when I saw her come out with Mario.

He and I shared a past—one I didn’t want Noah ever to know about. The things I’d done when I’d left home, the way I’d acted after my mother had run off… Mario had been there through every stage of it and knew about all I’d had to get through to end up where I was now. I didn’t want those secrets coming to light—certainly not with someone I shared my house with.

Noah’s hair was down. She looked tired. She was clearly stressed out by my presence. She was brusque with me, and her answers made me want to dig at her further. That push and pull between us amused me. I was having fun seeing her grow irate.

I should have stayed away, but I couldn’t. My legs kept pushing me toward her until there was practically no space between us. Either I kissed her or I went crazy—there was no other alternative. I wasn’t even conscious of what we were talking about. Something about doing favors or making her my servant… I don’t know.

Just the thought of having her at my mercy turned me on unbearably. I needed it, even if I knew it was wrong. I needed her the way I needed oxygen to breathe.

I buried my hands in her long hair and pulled her close. I was on the verge of desperation. Noah’s hands wrapped around my neck, and our bodies collided. I tasted the sweet flavor of her mouth, savored her with my tongue, and I thought I would die.

There was nothing like kissing those lips. I wanted to feel her shiver in my arms, make her feel things nobody, and certainly not her asshole ex-boyfriend, had ever made her feel before. That was my number one priority: her pleasure. I came closer, pushed her into the car door, pressed my knee between her legs.

The sigh that came from deep inside her made me quiver all over until my phone rang and we couldn’t continue what we’d started there in the middle of the parking lot.

I took one more look at her and knew I was lost.

I tried to turn away from her pink cheeks and her swollen lips and concentrate on whatever I was hearing. I needed to go, needed to put distance between us. I couldn’t let Noah take over my thoughts, my life.

“I’ve got to go. I’ve got something to do,” I said, hoping she wouldn’t notice my consternation. “I’ll see you at home.”

Noah pursed her lips and got into her car.

I had an unpleasant feeling as I watched her go.

Was it already too late?