I froze. Of all the possible things I could have done, I did the worst. I froze. I mean, what are you supposed to do anyway? When your allegedly gay neighbor comes up and kisses you?
At first it was just a peck on the lips, but as his grip on my hips tightened the slightest, I started feeling he was pushing for more. And when those very same hands moved to cup my neck as Ben deepened the kiss, I realized. This was no mistake, no random moment. He wanted it.
It was painfully slow, but in the end I unfroze, bit by bit, and started following his movements. I had no idea what I was doing, this was the first time ever, but even though I've never been impulsive, something told me I had to follow my instincts just this once. I had to.
I realized I'd been gripping his shirt only when, much to my own surprise, I pulled him closer. Ben was glad. He smiled against my lips, which he traced with his tongue, until he finally went in. So this is what a real kiss looks like? The feverish search for each other, the frenetic beats of the heart, the dizziness that blurries your sight, even though your eyes are closed, so you're not seeing anything at all. Is this what it feels like to be kissed?
I was tired, sleepy, worn out in every possible way; my uniform was sticking to me and I'm pretty sure I smelled of fried chicken mixed with bleach; I was probably sweating too, not to mention my breath was way less than ideal. And yet ... Ben was unmoving.
He finally moved only when I half choked on saliva â whether it was his or mine, I don't even want to know â, so he realized he'd kept me from breathing for too long. Now I know the true meaning of breathtaking.
Ben left his forehead against mine, and I didn't have the courage to open my eyes again, but I did hear him let out a tiny chuckle against my lips. He seemed just as out of breath and mentally, physically, emotionally exhausted. It was as if that single kiss had been enough to leave everlasting scars on the both of us. I know I felt scorched, and not just because it wasy my first real kiss, or because it came from the most unexpected person, but because I felt something deep within me. A fire I'd only known years ago, back to when I was passionate about my dreams and working towards that goal was the limitless fuel that kept me on, pushing me further and further.
"So ..." Ben finally spoke, his voice hoarsely low, then let out a small nervous laugh as his thumb traced my lips, "I ... someone's looking for you."
I blinked my eyes open, confused. Did I dream of it? "What?"
Ben pulled back the slightest, hinting at my pocket. "Your phone."
"Oh." I don't need to answer, do I? "Uh ..."
"Go on." Ben pulled back with a small smile, yet remaining just a few inches away from me.
Albeit confused as to why would he think that a call - probably my parents - would be so important as to break that fairy tale moment, I fished my phone in my pockets, and I did what I normally never would, in my right mind: I answered the call without checking the ID first. Now, if you're an introvert, you know that we need some preparation before human interaction, calls included, and in the state I was in - flustered, cheeks flushed, my heart racing - I was in the worst possible predicament to have a conversation with anyone else that wasn't Ben. But maybe he wanted to use that interruption as an excuse to get out of an otherwise awkward moment arisen from an impetuous act he most definitely regretted already.
"Hello?" I couldn't tear my eyes off Ben â and I hate eye contact, mind you â, but neither could he. His juicy lips were curved in a sweet smile as stared at me the same way I'd stare at a smoking hot pepperoni pizza that just came out of the oven.
"Joanna?" A male voice called from the phone.
"Yes?"
"Oh finally the right number! You have no idea how many Joanna Brooks live in New York City."
I frowned, befuddled. Do I have a stalker now? Because a sexy allegedly gay neighbor that just kissed the hell out of me wasn't enough, right? "Who ..."
"I'm sorry, it's Jeremy."
"Jeremy?" I did notice how Ben's smile faltered the moment I called that name.
"I probably shouldn't have, but I had to make it right before you came to the wrong conclusion ..." Jeremy explained, "I'm sorry for this morning, I got stuck at work."
"Oh."
"I didn't have your number, so when I was finally free I had to resort to uh ... police methods." He let out a nervous laugh. "I swear I'm not stalking you." That's not what it sounds like, Jeremy. "I just wanted to make sure you didn't think I stood you up ..."
So that's why he didn't show up for breakfast? There was no need for this call, I would have been fine knowing he just changed his mind. Ben was staring at me intently, as if trying to guess who was on the phone just from my expressions. But he could never guess right.
"So?"
"Huh?"
Jeremy chuckled. "I was saying ... can we try again? Maybe dinner this time?"
"Dinner?"
Ben's eyes widened in surprise at that word. He may not know who it was, but certainly he was beginning to guess what it was about. Picture this: Joanna Brooks, at the utmost epitome of her worst, standing outside her door, trapped against it by a guy that until yesterday was supposed to be gay yet had just finished kissing the hell out of her; and on the other side of the phone, her long lost crush, the one guy that had come as close as ever possible to owning her heart â actually, he probably had. Trapped between an allegedly gay neighbor that just gave her her first kiss in one of the cheesiest, most cliché yet most romantic ways possible, and an old crush, the guy of her dreams, finally asking her out â after years spent believing he was barely an acquaintance, imagine a possible love interest.
Not very believable, is it? If I didn't know any better, I'd have thought I was actually dreaming. I don't know why would I have dreams about Ben kissing me, but a dream sounded more believable than the truth.
"Joanna?" Jeremy called, probably thinking I'd hung up, instead of having been sent to a whole different dimension made of guys that actually see me.
Seeing me at a loss for words, or maybe impatient to get on with what we were doing, or just both, Ben decided it was cool to grab the phone from my hands, and put it on speaker. When Jeremy called my name again, Ben clenched his jaw the slightest, but nodded for me to answer.
"Yeah, I ..." I swallowed hard, not knowing what to say.
"So dinner?" Jeremy went on.
"Uh ... I ... I work at night." My voice was quivering, both because of this unexpected turn of events â my old crush asking me out, ladies and gents! â and because Ben didn't seem happy about it, not one bit. But wasn't he the one that'd been saying I ought to get out and live more?
"Oh, right. Night shift." Jeremy laughed. "Then coffee? Or we could grab a bite before we both start our shifts tonight?"
What do I say now? Yes? No? Maybe? You have the worst timing ever and you literally just interrupted the most exciting moment of my entire life, as sad as that may sound? I can't go out with you because my allegedly gay neighbor just kissed the hell out of me and I need to first of all deal with that before venturing out with anybody else?
"I understand if you don't want to ..." Jeremy commented, discouraged.
"No!" I blurted out. "I mean, yes! I mean ..." Oh, for God's sakes.
"Yes." Nope, that wasn't me. That was Ben answering for me.
"Who ..." Jeremy was baffled when he heard a male voice, of course.
"Yes, Joanna will meet you before work." Ben went on, his voice resolute. "3 pm, Leaky Cauldron."
"Leaky ...?"
"Leaky Cauldron." Ben repeated. "It's a Harry Potter themed bookstore café." He looked at me. "Joanna loves Harry Potter."
Well, I do, and Leaky Cauldron is one of my favorite places in Brooklyn, but I didn't think he was listening when I told him. It was just a place in the list I made for him when he asked me about stuff to see in the neighborhood.
"Okay." Jeremy agreed, somewhat uncertain. "3 pm, Leaky Cauldron. I'll be there." Then he hung up, without as much of a goodbye.
Ben slid my phone in one of my uniform's pockets, and cracked a small smile. "Shock therapy, I guess." He said. "I'll call Valerie to help you with the outfit."
"But ..."
"You can change into your uniform when you get to work, no?"
"Yes, but ..."
"Great." He clapped his hands, somewhat excited. "Now go to sleep, you need to rest before the big date." Ben claimed, turning me around so that I could unlock and open my door.
"Ben ..." I called as he headed to his own apartment.
He smiled â a weird smile, not one of his signature ones where his eyes smile, too, brightening up everything and everyone around him â, "believe me, it's for the best."