The doctors don't think my mom wake up. Her brain is still showing some activity, but they have to keep her on life support. There's nothing to indicate a change in her status. I'm going to fly back to California to pick up the rest of my things from storage. I've decided that I'll be staying New York indefinitely now. I don't care for all the people, squished together like so many ants in an ant farm, but I need to stay near my mom. It's literally the only thing I can do for her. Besides, I have a good job and I'm not so alone any more.
I'm planning on being gone for a few days since I doubt I'll be able to get the moving van in order and say good-bye to Jenny (my sort of friend and roommate from college) in less than a day. Just the traveling there and back will take at least two days in itself.
Steve was kind enough to come with me to the airport. I think he knows how nervous this trip is making me.
"Can I ask a huge favor from you, Steve?" I inquire softly.
"You know you can."
"If, if something should happen with my mom while I'm gone...I'd like to put you as one of her emergency contacts, just for while I'm gone. I-I just, if you could just be with her, if they call, so- so she isn't alone...I know it's a lot to ask, but, I can't stand the thought of her waking up alone, o-or not waking up..."
He took my hand in his. "I'd be glad to do whatever I can to help out. That's one less thing you need to worry about while you're gone, okay? If something happens, I'll be there."
I give his hand a squeeze before I let go. "Thank you so much, Steve."
âoâ
I was able to get a direct flight to LAX, which cost a bit more, but it was faster. Once we land, I debate with myself a bit.
'Should I let Steve know I've made it? Would that just be weird for him? I know it'd be weird for me. Would he care? I think he might. I would want to know my friend had arrived safely, I suppose. Having a friend requires too much thought. Or I may be overthinking things again...Nah, I never do that.'
With a sigh, I send him a quick text to let him know that I've landed in LA. He shortly replies with a 'thank-you' for letting him know and a request that I tell him when I get to where I'll be staying. I guess I did the friendly thing then. Good for me. This whole 'friendship' thing is a real learning experience for me.
Unfortunately, I had lived several hours north of LA when I was in California, so I have to take a bus the rest of the way. It isn't too bad. I've brought a couple of books with me so my mind is well distracted. Although I do have my phone within my line of sight at all times, just in case the hospital calls.
Jenny offered to let me stay with her while I'm in town. She's also picking me up from the bus depot, which is only a few minutes away from her apartment. By the time I step off of the bus, I feel quite gross. I may not have actually done anything all day, but I'm positive that I smell...and not like wildflowers. Also, my butt is no longer on speaking terms with me. Entirely too much sitting.
I haven't made it very far before I'm nearly tackled. "Mmph! Jenny? I really hope that's you...otherwise you should know that I'm not good with having my personal space invaded by strangers and I will have to hurt you if you don't let me go." I'm only halfway teasing as I hug her back.
The strawberry-blonde with her arms wrapped around me laughs and releases me. "Still the bubbly social butterfly, I see." Jenny is a couple of inches taller than me, so I have to tilt my head up a bit to look her in the eye. Yes, I look her in the eye. She throws a mini fit if I avoid eye contact with her ever since she sort of made me a 'project' while we were in college. It was all very 'Galinda and Elphaba' of her. She tried to make me more appealing to the general public and also tried to make me enjoy the general public. She experienced limited success. And while I appreciate the sentiment behind her actions, I couldn't appreciate her actual actions themselves. It always felt like she didn't like who I already was, like I wasn't good enough. Besides, I relish the times when I can be alone. That's something Steve seems to understand about me.
'Probably shouldn't be comparing friends. That's probably not a great idea, right?'
Jenny's bright green eyes take me in, inspecting for I don't know what. Probably trying to see if living in New York has turned me into a gang member or something. "You look good. How was your trip?" This is a polite lie. I look frumpled and most likely greasy if how I feel is any indication of my appearance. But she sometimes 'reshapes' the truth to be more flattering than reality.
"It was fine. Long, but fine. Would you mind if we left? I'm kind of dying for a shower and I'd love to go to bed." New York is three hours ahead of California and I'm exhausted.
"Of course, of course! I wasn't thinking, sorry. Is this all you have?" Jenny waves a manicured hand at my carry-on.
"Yeah, I packed light since I'll only be here a couple days," I answer; knowing that this must looks absurdly tiny to her. She never could pack lightly; she always felt that she needed to be prepared for anything. I actually could have gotten away with just a backpack, but I needed more room for my books.
"Great! Let's get going then! I'm parked just over here."
When we get in her car, she begins pelting me (in a friendly fashion) with questions about New York and what I've been up to. Jenny already knows about my mom since I told her why I was coming to California, so I don't have to talk about that, thankfully.
"Well, my job is pretty much the same as it was here. I still shelve books, checkout books, scan books, and help patrons. The building is beautiful though. It's much older than the one here. I'm also teaching a night class for computers-"
"Whoa!" she cuts me off. "You're teaching? Do you actually talk to strangers?"
I'm a bit insulted, but I know she doesn't mean anything by it. "It's easier than I expected it to be. I have a little binder of what all I need to cover, and most of the people that come are of the adorable and old variety."
She nods and smiles; apparently pleased that I'm being quasi-forced into talking to people. "What about self-defense classes, are you still taking those?"
When I had moved across the country for college my mom had insisted that I take a self-defense class. I wasn't worried about anything happening to me, but I went anyway to make my mom feel better.
It was super awkward for me at first, having to work so closely with strangers, but I got comfortable with them soon enough and I loved the new confidence it would give me when I was out on my own. I still can't deal with spiders though. They didn't show me any techniques for that.
"Yeah," I answer her. "I found a gym not too far from the library that has classes after I get off of work." I wasn't a ninja or anything, or even very fit, but my brain and my body knew what to do if I was attacked.
"Any cute boys there?" Jenny asks slyly.
"Not really," I answer honestly. "Most of the class is made up of women anyway. I think the guys that come just do it for fitness. They tend to be middle-aged."
A small frown flits across her mouth before she tries again. "How about at work?"
"All my coworkers are women and I don't interact with patrons enough to recognize any regulars." I try not to smile as I can tell she's growing a bit frustrated.
"Any cuties in your building?"
'Yes.'
"No."
'Wow. That lie just jumped right out of my face.'
I was hoping she wouldn't ask this. I don't like lying but I know she would never let me hear the end of it if she knew there was some hunk living across the hall from me. Besides, she's really just asking about my dating prospects and the answer to that question is 'no'.
"But I mean, do you really think I would know if there was? That would require having the initiative to introduce myself to strangers, which we both know is not going to happen." In my guilt, I try to distract her from my lie. Hopefully I'm not too obvious.
Her eyes widen. "Oh my goodness! There is a hunk in your building, isn't there?!"
'What? How did she know??'
Unless I want to shrivel up completely from my guilt, I have to tell the truth. "There might have been a guy...who, recently moved in, who isn't too terrible to look at... I don't know. I spend a lot of time working, at the hospital, or shut in my apartment." Well, that last sentence is true.
She squealed. "Ahh! You like him!"
I try to not grind my teeth together. This is an aspect of our relationship that I never handle well. I'd be fine asking her about her romantic interests, but she would drive me absolutely nuts with her insinuations and constant questions that bordered on the line of nagging when it was my turn. She would just believe whatever she wanted to and refuse to listen to what I was actually saying.
I bite my tongue â literally. It's what I have to do to keep quiet. There's nothing I can say to make her stop. If I wait long enough hopefully she'll have the whole conversation with herself and I won't have to say anything.
"What's he look like? Is he totally dreamy? Is he smart? I bet he's smart; he'd have to be to have a chance with you. What does he do for a living? Is he well off? Has he asked you out yet? What did you say? Well? Why aren't you answering? Say something! I'm dying here!"
I wait a moment to make sure that she's done. "He's just a friend and he's barely shown interest in being that."
'That's stretching the truth a bit. He's very friendly.'
"Besides, I'm sure he already has a girlfriend anyway."
'How could he not?'
Jenny doesn't seem pacified, but something in my tone must've made her drop it. For now, at least. She was kind enough to order some Chinese takeout when we made it to her place. Her roommate, Stacey, was gone for the weekend, which made one less stranger I had to meet. I wolfed my dinner down and after a quick shower, I almost immediately fell asleep on the hide-away bed Jenny had set up for me.
âoâ
I don't have too much in storage. Mostly books, a couple boxes of seasonal clothes, and some personal paraphernalia.
It took most of the day for the movers to come by and load everything up and for me to close out my storage unit contract. By the time everything was finished, it was time for dinner and Jenny had offered to pick me up and take me to one of our favorite diners. She introduced me to her boyfriend, Toby. He seemed nice enough, if a bit overly affectionate for my comfort. Their PDA made me avert my eyes on multiple occasions.
They're both elementary school teachers and much of their conversation centers on work. Jenny teaches English and Toby teaches American History. I didn't have much interest or input for most of it. Although hearing stories about some of their students was rather entertaining.
We were just finishing our shakes when Toby began, "Did you hear about what happened in Germany yesterday afternoon? Well, it was night over there, but still."
Jenny became very engaged. "Oh, yeah! There was some weird showdown or hostage thing outside of a gala, or something, right?"
'That sounds a bit scary, but why do they seem so interested?'
"Yeah, some nut scooped out someone's eye and then held a bunch of people hostage," Toby continued.
'Oh, gross. He took someone's eye? He must be properly out of his mind.'
"But that's not even the coolest part. Apparently, the people that came to the rescue were Iron Man, of course, the little showoff, and- get this- Captain America!"
'Why does that name sound so familiar?'
"Obviously it isn't the Captain America. He's been dead for about 70 years now, but still!"
'Of course! He started by selling war bonds during WWII before he saved over 600 people from a Nazi camp and then joined the Howling Commandos. He led dozens of missions behind enemy lines. Dad used to love telling those stories. The Captain was kind of like Santa Claus to everyone in the military.'
"Just the idea of someone even impersonating him and teaming up with Iron Man - how cool is that?!"
'Very, actually. From what Dad told me, he was a real hero â not into the publicity like Stark, but just in doing the right thing and saving lives no matter the cost. He died taking down a German plane that was loaded with explosives and headed for America. Who knows how many lives he had saved by giving his own?'
"This guy had the shield and everything!"
"What was he doing in Germany?" I ask aloud before I can stop myself.
âoâ
We've been in the air for about five hours now when the pilot comes on the intercom. He says something about there being unexpected weather conditions in New York that are forcing us to land in an airport in Pennsylvania, they apologize for the inconvenience, etc.
'There's no snow this time of year. What could be bad enough to make us avoid the entire state?'
It isn't until we land and disembark from the plane that we all see the news. New York is under attack. Not weather, but robots, maybe. It's kind of hard to tell, but they certainly aren't human. There aren't any news crews near the battle now, but they loop some footage taken earlier from some bystanders before the area was evacuated. There's so many of them. At the end of one of the loops, they show Iron Man flying in to try to stop them. But how could he possibly take on so many by himself? I can't help but think of 'Independence Day' and wish for Will Smith to come kick their butts.
My heart crashes into my guts. Did they evacuate the hospitals too? I remember that my phone is still shut off from the flight. I don't think I take a breath the entire time I wait for it to turn back on. There's nothing. Nothing.
Then a text that must've been sent while I was on the plane. It's from Steve.
"Don't come to New York."
âoâ
It takes me another two days to get back home. All the phone lines in the New York area have been down, either destroyed or just jammed with calls. I tried calling the hospital and Steve but I couldn't get through. I had to wait until there was a bus available to take me into the city. The worst of the devastation is contained in a relatively small area. My apartment was fine, the hospital was not.
I have no idea what to do. How do I find out what happened to my mom? Shouldn't someone have called me? What about Steve? Did they call him and he went to get her and they both- no, they're okay. They have to be okay.
When I finally get to my apartment building, I have to make myself go through the front door. I don't know what I'll do if Steve isn't home. Eventually I find myself standing outside his door. I don't hear anything from behind his door. It's 8:15. Is he usually home at this time of night on Tuesdays? I can't remember. I don't know how long I stand outside of his door before I work up the nerve to knock.
No answer.
I try calling him again.
No answer.
My legs take me backwards until I run into my door and I slide down to the floor, wrapping my arms around my legs that I've tucked against my chest.
'What do I do? What do I do?'
"Anne?"
My eyes shoot up to see who called me. "Steve!" I jump up and throw my arms around his neck. He hugs me back. "I-I thought maybe, when you didn't answer your door...I was so scared...I thought you were-" I can't finish my thought. "Are you okay?" I ask, my chin on his shoulder.
"I'm fine, Anne. Are you all right?"
I nod and then shake my head. "Do, do you know what happened to my mom? I know they were in the worst of it. Did the hospital ever call you?"
He tenses and slowly pulls me away, holding me by my arms.
"They did. Anne, I'm so sorry-"
"Sorry? No. Why are you sorry?" I cut him off.
"They were hit pretty hard. They lost power and their back up generators before they could finish evacuating." He pauses as he moves his hands up to my shoulders. "They did everything they could, but so many patients were on life support. They didn't have enough people to, to keep them all alive."
"No. No-"
"I'm so sorry, Anne. By the time they called me, she had already passed-"
"No!" My voice rips from my throat. My legs can no longer hold me. I sink to the floor and Steve kneels with me, his arms back around me.
'I knew she might not wake up. But this, this is wrong. I should've been here for her!'
"I w-wasn't here for her, Steve. She's gone. This wasn't supposed to happen. She might've w-woken up on her own. This wasn't supposed to happen..." my voice dissolves into tears. How could I have left her here?
"Anne, I'm so, so sorry. I wish I could've done something." Steve's arms tighten around me and he tucks my head under his chin. I want to tell him that there's nothing he could have done. That it isn't his fault that he couldn't keep his promise to me. But I can't. I can't say anything. I can't think anything. Except that she died alone and it's my fault that I wasn't here for her.
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A/N: See that gif up there? That's how it's supposed to be, boys. Working together to defeat a common enemy and save the world. Not fighting each other. No. Nope. Definitely not a fan of the fighting amongst the team.
Can we pretend like that's what will happen in 'Civil War'? They all get a punch to the face and then are like, "hey, we're still a family. We can still work together despite our differences of opinion." And then they hug and roast marshmallows and everyone accepts Bucky with open arms and it's beautiful and we cry happy tears, the end.
I should be a screenwriter.