Chapter XII Confusion

Chapter 12 Confusion

Jason

Jason was standing in front of his locker with his mouth hanging open, wondering once again, what he might have done wrong. It had been nine days since his last encounter with Trent. Nine whole days of Jason's fighting the urge to sulk.

"Stupid, stupid, stupid." He chanted mostly to himself while putting away textbooks he knew he wouldn't need yet. He really shouldn't have gotten his hopes so high up. He should have KNOWN better. Yes Caleb was bisexual, yes Jason felt he had a shot, but apparently it wasn't enough. For the first week, the rest of the first week, those were the hardest. Then it got easier but there were moments. Moments where avoiding Trent was impossible like P.E. when the entire class had to run track together.

Jason found himself calling himself other names every time he started to feel his mind wander towards hope. It was silly. It was irrational of him. Unrequited. Jason didn't unrequited. Unrequited made relationships toxic. He should have known better! But he couldn't stop himself from re-thinking of those last moments with Trent. This led Jason into thinking about every flaw in every conversation and thought Jason had while with Trent.

On the other hand, Jason never saw the woman who claimed to be The Queen of Sweden. Perhaps Jason could have looked her up, but every time Jason paused a finger over his phone or laptop, he couldn't do it. So what if he some crowned royalty. A lot of good that did him!

Come to think of it, how would have Trent taken it if-

No. No. No. No!

But would that have at least made Jason more desirable? Maybe he would find himself strong enough to reject Trent. If Trent so much as-

Hey! Stop that!

Jason was angry. He found himself wanting to hurt Trent, but then, it wasn't like Trent had intentionally led him on. Had he?

"Jason," Caitlin, the one person he'd been trying to look for all morning was right beside him, "we have to talk."

Jason already started to look at his locker and started to wonder if he'd fit inside.

"Now Jason." She said waspishly.

Jason, though red faced, complied. "What?"

"I don't trust him," She said with her arms crossed. "I think he's lying."

Jason looked from side to side to avoid having eavesdroppers nearby before getting closer to her face. "Lying about what?" Why did this have to be about that one person he'd been striving hard to avoid thinking about?

Caitlin yanked at her ponytail from behind and shrugged. Clearly something had her irritable today. "I heard him talk to Zoë, our other foreign exchange student."

Jason tried not to freeze but Caitlin carried on, though not oblivious to his behavior. "Please tell me you don't trust him. Something doesn't feel right about him."

For once, Jason felt like she needed to butt out but he kept his thoughts to himself. He wanted to demand some proof. He wanted to wake up and go back to day one, or better yet, three weeks ago when it was just Nicklaus, Caitlin and himself coming out of the movie theater. They were celebrating their final day of freedom before school started. For all they knew, it would be their last.

From what Jason learned recently, it could be true. But Jason still had questions. He should have asked instead of storming off like he did. That one time he had a chance. He skipped dinner that night, even though he found it wrapped in aluminum foil in the refrigerator, waiting for him. He started to ignore his mother's daily encouragement note of the day. He'd spent most of the morning feeling like his head was caught in a fog.

One look at Trent, and that feeling had vanished. Trent was currently out of earshot but still in his sights. He was talking and smiling with a group of kids Jason's mostly shied away from. As if Trent hadn't had a worry in the whole wide world as he kept fingers wrapped around the strap of a backpack that looked brand new as he leaned very casually against a empty classroom wall. A short brunette was talking to him. Her long luscious black hair was like a curtain concealing most of her identity. Another brunette was standing next her, but with shorter hair.

Jason found it a tad odd the two girls were alone. They usually traveled in pack of eight or more. All of them being brunettes, but as far as Jason knew, they were never the kind of girls who were mean to anyone. It was more like they beat to their own drum. A little snobby if you asked Caitlin. Sure they got good grades and won a lot of awards. The long haired brunettes name was... he couldn't remember her first name. Something Amram. Kristian Amram!

Trent smiled and said something back to the long haired brunette. Caitlin caught on immediately and Jason could feel the red flag wave before it happened.

"You see, and this is what worries me." Caitlin said with a head shake. "Are you in love with the guy?"

Jason hardly registered the dreamy look he might have had on his face while she babbled her suspicions to him. He kept replaying those short days spend with Trent with over and over again in his head. Like the day after school at the football field. The way Trent held him close and then how Trent treated him like how most boyfriends treated their girlfriends. He hadn't felt that cared for in a long time.

Sure there was Caitlin and Nicklaus, but it wasn't either them he'd wanted to kiss. Jason also felt that flicker in the back of his mind, in that moment, more than a minute ago, that Trent might have wanted to kiss him. Jason could have closed the distance but did he want to scare Trent off? He was starting to wonder if he was a masochist after all.

"Don't be ridiculous." He almost snapped but the words were empty with no ounce of wrath in them. He did slam his locker shut with more force than he meant to. The look of Trent's laughing face was already starting to haunt him. How dare he have a good time that didn't include Jason!

"We all thought Brett was cool too at first." She said when Jason started to walk away.

Jason froze, spun, pinched his lips together and gave her a serious look.

"Really Cait? You wanted to play that card?" He knew he shouldn't take his anger out on her, but that anger had to go somewhere. It may not happen often, but there were moments when Jason's anger got the best of him.

Now it was Caitlin's turn to look uncomfortable. It was a miracle that her ponytail was still attached to her head as she somewhat started to twist the bottom of it from behind.

"Not every guy I meet will be another Brett." Once more Jason surprised himself by saying the words that somewhat brought him a sense of peace. It was true, Nicklaus, Caitlin and Jason had all thought Brett, Jason's ex, was cool. At first he really was, but there was more to it than Jason catching him in a three way. It happened right around the time Jason was finally able to walk around better. Considering the crazy amount of damage done to him by a bunch of homophobic assholes.

But what Brett did was worse, and they all knew it.

Jason let his arms fall to sides with a slap and turned back around. He didn't look back.

When Jason was supposed to go to gym, but then he remembered. Trent would be there. That was when he was suddenly inspired to do something out of character. He would ditch P.E. and hide out in the library. He'd hide out in the bathroom if that was what it too! That also meant not seeing Trent either. Not that Jason should care, because with all intents and purposes, he did care.

Let's face it, fighting a heart is a losing battle, Jason thought before sitting down at one of the empty tables in the library. A heavy set woman in her late forties sat at the front desk. He flashed his nurse's note like it was a badge. The woman nodded and went back to her writing not bothering to check the date. Jason figured he should at least feel bad about doing it, but he couldn't summon any remorse at the moment. Jason never exchanged more than ten words with the woman for the past three years, so there wasn't much else to do but get ahead in some homework he never got around to doing.

He had some English Literature to go over. Jason usually found English to be boring but managed to pass with straight A's anyway. After that, he heard a class enter through the front doors but refused to look up. It wasn't any surprise that teachers got tired of their students, so they found excuses to send them off someplace else. Usually that meant they went over to the computers and pretended like they were working. When really they were hacking the computers to visit all their favorite social networks.

"Virgin, heey!" It was more like a whisper yell but Jason hardly bothered to look up. He knew it was Jasper. To say they were friends would be hard to say. Jason still wasn't sure if 'friends' was the proper word to use when it came to Jasper.

Jasper was brown haired, very attractive with his light brown eyes and lean muscle. Though it seemed as if he'd filled out in the past three months. Today he looked like vacation did more favors from the way his skin glowed, just with two shades darker from the last time Jason had seen him. He was wearing a pair of cowboy boots with tight skinny blue jeans with a matching blue flannel shirt halfway unbuttoned. His hair was stylishly messy and almost due for a haircut.

Jasper couldn't help but smile, even with his head down. He found himself re reading the same sentence about the Aztecs (three times) by the time Jasper plopped himself down in front of Jason. A lazy grin took form on his face before he wrapped an arm around Jason's neck to give him a hug. This was only one of the reasons of why the line between friendship and whatever it was between them were blurred.

The thing with Jasper, he had this unspoken title to protect all his virgins (that's right, his virgins) for some unspoken reason. About a year ago, when Jasper was the new kid, it took place in the very same library (nonfiction section) when Caitlin and Jason were having a private conversation. Jasper overheard Jason telling Caitlin that he was still a virgin. Back then, Jason was already having problems with Brett.

The name Virgin got stuck ever since. For whatever reason, Jasper spent nearly every ounce of his energy to seek out, tease, and have Jason scratching the back of his head at the end of nearly every conversation. Jasper, by definition was indeed a head scratcher if not simply, eye candy. Jasper had the charm of a southern gentleman but no accent.

Jasper was still half hugging Jason when he caught sight of light brown weave darting behind a bookshelf as if peeved. It was hard to tell with Jasper's blue sleeve in his face. That person had to have been Karrishea, or as Jasper called, Virginette. She was possibly the only other virgin in the same school as Jason. Jasper felt the same unknown obligation of protecting her purity as Jason's.

Karrishea on the other hand wasn't quite as shy as Jason. She was by far, the smartest girl in the school. That didn't make her stuck up in any way. She respected Jason, and nearly everyone else in school. She wasn't the type that looked down on anyone because she was smarter than everyone else. She was possibly the only other person who came close to being a friend of Jason's as Jasper.

"How're you doing?" Jason suspected Jasper was trying to get Jason to smell his armpit. "Did you lose your virginity on me yet? If you did, I'll be really sad."

To say Jasper was bisexual was still a complete mystery to Jason. He couldn't tell if Jasper was flirting or teasing more than half the time. Jasper didn't date anyone. Maybe he was asexual, or pansexual? Jason didn't know. Neither did Karrishea when they tried talking about it once. Neither of them had the guts to ask.

"How am I supposed to talk to you like this? And what took you so long to come back?"

Jason admired Jasper like a brother in some ways. Though that seemed kind of creepy to think that way since Jasper got awfully touchy with him. That was probably why he saw Karrishea taking off since she didn't care to be touched. Like at all. Jason felt rude for asking why she felt that way, so he never asked.

Jasper finally let go of Jason but Jason didn't see what was coming next. Jasper had Jason's back resting against his chest and held him like a lover. Jason didn't bother correcting Jasper from calling him 'Virgin' any more than when he did things like this. Jason learned to go with the flow. He let himself relax against Jasper's hard body.

They didn't care that they were now getting some looks from people over by the computers.

"How did you find me?"

"Where do most virgins like hanging out most?" Jasper responded by putting his arms around Jason upper torso and rested his head over the top of Jason's head.

"Funny but not always true." Jason said. They were starting to get more of an audience. Eyes were peering through bookshelves but they were more aimed at Jasper.

Jason decided to ignore everyone else. "Besides, can't go to gym class. Took a volleyball to back of the head. Nurses orders." A lie but well, if it scored him some sympathy from Jasper, so be it. Too bad Trent couldn't walk in and see.

Jason felt Jasper stiffen and not particularly in the southern region. It was more like Jasper grew still as if worrying. Caitlin and Nicklaus weren't the only ones devastated by Jason's condition late last year. It felt as if Jasper was holding his breath, as if he was about to calmly ask who did it. Jasper was worrying needlessly, so Jason gave an exaggerated yawn to show that things weren't that serious.

"Aw, my poor baby." And he kissed the top of Jason's head, though delicately so. "I thought I sensed a small bump back there."

Jason still couldn't help it, but he wished to be someone else's baby.

Jasper must have sensed Jason's hesitation because he asked him, "What's wrong?" Not without kissing the top of Jason's head again after he asked. No surprise there. Jason didn't fight it. When he started to think of... those afternoon events in the football field, the weight came pressing back down on his shoulders. He considered telling someone, even if it was Jasper, about it but decided not to.

"Not ready to talk about it?" Jasper whispered. "You don't have to."

Again this had Jason mentally scratching the back of his head. He never quite understood what Jasper was after. They managed to spend the rest of the hour blissfully. Jasper holding Jason from behind while Jason propped his feet up on a chair. His feet were trapped between Jasper's size 12 feet. Jasper took out a small paperback novel to read to the side while Jason got ahead in his studies.

It was easy to forget there were other people watching from time to time, probably making up stories as they went along. That was what people did. Jason didn't bother correcting anyone. Besides, most of the gossip that spiraled around them was inevitable. Jason might have found himself a part of it if he were on the inside looking out.

They looked like lovers, but they weren't. Jason couldn't explain it, but it didn't feel the same like they did with Trent. Trent felt like he had more than a simple overprotective attitude air to him. There was more direction and eye contact with Trent. With Jasper, he usually laughed things off, looked away and got distracted easily.

When the bell rang, Jasper lifted Jason bridal style and said things about it being time Jason could be his damsel in distress for a change. It was mind boggling. He insisted that he'd carry Jason on his back to his next class. Jason no longer feared getting a boner (this wasn't his first ride) so he kept going with the flow. They ignored the looks they got from the teachers. Some smiled smugly. It was obvious Jasper was famous in their classes.

3-D Art class was next for Jason. Jasper went all the way, going as far as to bring Jason in the classroom, on his stool. The art teacher, a short white haired woman with large artsy earrings, gave them both a long look. It was a of part worry, and part I-don't-know-what's-going-on look.

Jasper made sure to point out the fact that Jason had gotten hurt and he felt it was his designated duty to see to it Jason arrived unscathed. The speech carried on about how important he found art and how he didn't want Jason's ability to suffer from having to walk such a long way with a small egg sized bump at the back of his head. It was the nurse's orders.

"Thank you Lothario, the speech was completely unnecessary. That'll do." So not everyone could easily fall to Jasper's charms.

Jasper took a deep bow anyway and told Jason to await his return.

"Save it for drama class," Ms. Johansson said.

When Jasper left, Jason didn't know he was still smiling. It was during these times that Jason realized how lucky he was. He found a safe place to put away his text books, a cubby beneath the stool. When he looked up, his usual empty table had someone else.

"Hi, you must be Jason right?" Jason was a bit surprised to find the very blonde he'd seen talking to Trent was taking a seat across from him. "Hope you don't mind me sitting here mate. Name's Zoë. Or Zoey as some call me."

Jason wasn't aware of his fascination with accents until that moment.

Jason found himself in a better mood. Jasper had a way with him. So he said, "No, not a problem at all. You got my name right." Maybe that last sentence was unnecessary but it was out there now.

Zoey didn't seem to mind Jason's mild weirdness. "Great! I think you and I are going to get along great."