Chapter 42: Confession 40

I feel depressed. I don't cut or try to harm myself in anyway. I have friends, I laugh with them. Thing is, I never hang out with anyone after school or anything because no one seems to like me. it's just at night when i'm on my own the thoughts just come at me. All of a sudden i'm the reason for everything that's happening in my life, in everyone's life. I'm sarcastic with my so called friends and they are with me, but then they'll go overboard and they'll call me names and insult me and how I look in general then get upset when I take it harshly. I don't know what i'm doing wrong though. I do think about suicide, I planed out how I would do it and everything. Thing is, I would never do that. My parents think its selfish for someone to do that and I could never let that be how they think of me as their daughter. I've realized I have no true friends, they all have other people and i'm just the one that will listen to them. They never ask me how i'm doing or anything. One of my friends always posts on Snapchat how he is so suicidal. I feel bad, but I think he's just doing it for attention sometimes. If you were going to actually commit suicide you wouldn't want everyone to know like that. It's all good though. I'm almost to my senior year then I can leave and never come back to this hell. My life will change, i'll make sure of it.