Confession 32

Hi. I'm someone who is 13 years old and a Filipina. I peed in the shower, I accidentally drank water with small ants ( I know it's disgusting) I dreamed to ask Lucifer what it felt like to sky dive from heaven ,I forgot my speech on our graduation, I mentally murdered my science teacher and I'm crazy.I'm not like most writers who are introverts (no offense) I like to talk a lot. I have an endless supply of problems and I cry easily but I never show my tears.You probably think that this is not a confession but it is. I always try to make people laugh just to convince myself I'm happy. I hide my pain in the prison of my smiles. I let the sky cry for me. I only have one real friend whom I haven't backstabbed but she is leaving this year. Am I really that bad of a person? Why can't people understand me? I ask too many unanswerable questions or maybe they can be answered but I'm just afraid of the truth.I have a fear of falling----literally and figuratively. Not because of heights but because I am afraid of getting hurt.Coward,I know. But you can't blame me for fearing my own ghosts. You can't blame me for being my kind of monster.You can't blame me for wanting to destroy the beast. But the beast is me.P.S. This is just my thoughts in a paper. I am not suicidal I just tend to over exaggerate things especially when I'm sad.