I'm ten years old.
Ever since I turned nine, my emotions have gone down the drain. I stay up later than I should (at the time I'm writing this, it's 5AM) writing god knows what and drawing. People always say I'm a good writer, artist, but they can NEVER TAKE ME SERIOUSLY. I TRY to make a point. I TRY to actually explain my emotions. But they all think it's a joke.
I act all happy, sarcastic, smart. Top of the class in Literacy for certain and not all that bad at maths, but I feel like a failure. I get teased at school by some boys and even though I've had the satisfaction of actually CHOKING them before, they keep doing it. One day, and this wasn't long ago, I snapped.
I burst out crying in class, where everyone could see. One of my friends spoke to me outside and I spilled everything to them. That same friend now hates me. My teacher then hugged me, saying that she was going to try and stop it. She has. But I've never told them how I feel. How I feel like standing up and just cussing at the world, how I feel like suicide is the only way out. How I feel absolutely worthless and pathetic.
Another incident was just recently. I was too scared to act in the school play so I was tasked with playing the music. At the first song, the VERY FIRST SONG, the computer logs out and the teachers have to find the password. I start shaking and honestly feel like crying, but I suck it up and play the damn music. And, I kid you not, I was shaking throughout the whole performance. I made a joke out of it, but I was just trying to comfort myself and say that noone was going to laugh at me, noone was going to hate me.
Another thing I've taught myself is to not be proud. Every time I get all the answers right on a test, it's always YOU'RE BRAGGING, YOU'RE CHEATING. It's. So. Annoying.
Oh jeez, this was a long rant-ish confession...