Limerence (Famous Young Things): Chapter 40

Felix is fast asleep, naked and tempting, when I get out of bed. I want to wake him and tell him good morning, tell him I’m going to fix this no matter what it takes, but I’m hoping I can be back with good news before he even wakes up.

I have to detour to my place for a change of clothes but since it’s closer to the academy it’s not too much of a pain. Noah, Ben’s pretty little assistant, is on the phone when I arrive just after eight. I’d gotten a call last night to say rehearsal would resume for me on Wednesday, not today, so he is a little surprised to see me. The door to Ben’s office is closed but the blinds are open, and I can see him inside. I point in the direction of the office and Noah reaches over his shoulder and knocks on the glass. Ben’s head snaps up from his computer and Noah points at me. Ben nods.

“Yes, I understand that, Clive, but it’s really not possible. As I said, he’s in rehearsal all day,” Noah explains into the telephone as I let myself into the office.

There’s a candle burning somewhere, or incense, a calming woodsy scent that vaguely reminds me of my father.

“Morning, Nico,” Ben says. He sounds very tired, looks it too, and I wonder if he slept at all last night. I pity him, I do, and I feel guilty for what I’m about to put on him, but Felix is more important than Ben, or this place, or this show. Felix is this fucking show. I just need to remind Ben of that.

“Hey, how you doing?”

“Been better, honestly,” he admits. There’s a thermos on his desk which he lifts and drinks from at length. He sets it back down and fixes me with a serious look. “How is he?” He tries to fashion it as nonchalance, but he fails. There’s affection in his eyes, concern, too. I’m hoping it’ll help. Felix had that effect on people. He thinks he’s difficult and hard to be around but he’s wrong; he charms people, enamours them, people are drawn to him in a way he isn’t even aware of. He makes people’s lives more colourful and more interesting the moment he steps into the room. I plan on making him realise that.

“He’s… devastated,” I say. “Ava’s no longer living with him. His other best friend betrayed him, he lost the job he loves, and his father visited him yesterday—let him know with a hit to the face how disappointed he was in him.”

Ben’s eyes close and he leans forward to hide his face in his hands. “Christ…”

“Charlie isn’t pressing charges though, apparently.”

Ben nods at this but says nothing. “He has a fractured eye socket and extensive bruising to his face.” Deserved is on the tip of my tongue. Ben gives me a serious look. “The next few months will be hard, Nico, I understand you’ll be concerned, and it will mean starting over on the intimacy coordination with Niall, but I’ve spoken with Lillian this morning and she’s willing to stay on, we’ll do whatever it takes. She’s suggested some intense sessions, concentrated mainly on the two central duets. We’ll make it work.”

I take a deep breath. “I appreciate that, but it won’t be necessary, Ben.”

“It won’t?”

“No. Because I’m not doing this show without Felix.”

Ben stares. He doesn’t look overly shocked, as though on some level he even expected this. Very calmly, he says, “As of yesterday, Felix no longer dances with this company, Nico.”

“Yeah, I’m aware. So, I’m here to give notice, effective immediately.”

“You can’t do that,” he says on an exhale. “You signed a contract with LBC. The terms of it were eighteen months and a role in a single production. If you resign, you’re in breach of that.”

“I’m aware of the terms, Ben, but evidently you’re not. There was an additional term in there if you recall: a guarantee that I would be cast in a single production where Felix Taylor-Brooke was given a lead role. So, technically, you’d be in breach of contract first, which would give me no option but to resign.” It was a small condition, hardly noticeable, and listed among the other conditions, it probably didn’t look that important. Or, like it would matter all that much to me if it weren’t fulfilled. But Ben had no idea how important it was.

Just then, there’s a knock on the door and Noah pops his head in. “Hey, sorry, but I’ve got the Duke of Canterbury’s secretary on the phone again. He wants to know when you’ll be able to take the duke’s call. He’s… well… adamant.”

The duke was the patron of the company. I can only assume his urgency to speak to Benedict was due to the dismissal of their star. I don’t imagine the resignation of their second will go down too well either.

Ben is still looking at me when he says, “Fit him in as soon as I’m done with Nico.”

“Will do.”

When Noah closes the door again, I give him a measured smile. “I don’t want to do this, Ben, I really don’t, but there’s things you don’t understand. Things that make this—”

“Are you and he in a relationship?”

I stiffen with surprise. Okay, so maybe there were some things he understood. I’m certain Felix wouldn’t want Ben knowing anything about us, but then, he doesn’t want me here saying any of this so… I also know that getting his job back is the most important thing in the world to him. Which makes it the most important thing to me right now, too.

“Of sorts,” I settle on.

His eyes narrow. “What does that mean?”

“Well, for the purposes of this discussion, let’s say it means we come as a pair.”

“He assaulted one of my dancers, Nico!” he declares angrily. “In front of the entire bloody company.”

“I’m not disputing that.”

“But you want me just to let it slide?”

“Of course not,” I say. “Discipline him. Strongly. But kicking him out? Who exactly does that serve, Ben? It doesn’t help Felix, it doesn’t help this show, and I’m gonna assume by how desperately the patron of the company wants to speak with you that it isn’t helping you much either.”

“It helps the dancer with the fractured eye socket.”

“Yeah, well, with all due respect, fuck him.” I regret that immediately. It’s not going to help whatsoever. “Do you know what he did?”

“It’s irrelevant.”

“Perhaps to you, but not to Felix.”

“Felix is an arrogant, insubordinate, overindulged nuisance, and you know it.”

I did know it. I knew it, and I loved him for it.

“He’s also probably the greatest dancer who’s ever graced a stage and you know that. He’s the star of this company, and with all due respect to the rest of them, Ben, LBC is not even close to being in the top five without him. Without him or me you have a handful of good dancers with potential to be great. Without Felix, you’re robbing them of that potential because part of how we become great, Ben, is by dancing alongside the greatest.” I’d become great for another reason, but that was why Felix was far greater than I was.

Ben says nothing for an obnoxiously long time as we stare at each other across his desk. Finally, he sits back in his chair and temples his hands under his chin.

“Well, you’ve given me a lot to consider,” he says composedly. “Please be under no illusion that this means anything in terms of his returning to LBC; I’ll be speaking with the board throughout the day who will, no doubt, have their own very strong opinions.”

“Sure,” I say, standing. “Thanks for your time.”

“Am I to understand your own resignation is… on hold?”

I think about this. Nod. “As long as his dismissal is under review, yes. We’ll talk again after any final decision is made.” I head for the door, stopping when he says my name.

“Can you control him?” is what he asks. “If he is invited back, if he’s given a final chance here, can you control him?”

I smile at the very idea of it. “Um, no. But I can make him happy. I can support him, and advise him, and be here for him when he needs me.”

“But only until your contract ends, correct?”

“I don’t plan on being gone from his life, Ben. Only from ballet.”

He levels a very calculating look at me. “If you were to offer us another year, it would certainly make the case for Felix’s return more appealing.”

I’d dreamed about being done for the last five years, maybe more. Staying isn’t something I want. I don’t particularly want to dance another day let alone another year. I’m only here because I wanted to dance with him before I walked away for good. I couldn’t have dreamed I’d get everything else I wanted.

Now, I want to be done more than ever, because I want him to shine without my name beside his, without the constant comparisons, the never-ending debate of who’s really best. I want to be watching him from the stalls, not from the wings.

Still, I won’t pretend it’s a difficult sacrifice to make. If it meant Felix got to have his dreams back, I’d dance another fucking decade.

“Then I’d offer you another year, Ben.”



Felix is in the kitchen, making pancakes by the looks of it, when I get back to his place. I’d left a note to say rehearsal was still off but I’d gone home for some clean clothes and would be back later. He’d texted when he woke up to say he was ‘nipping’ out for supplies but that there was a key in the lockbox outside I could use if he wasn’t back.

I watch him for a bit as he dashes about the kitchen looking at his phone and then at the pan, and then back at the phone again. It’s a surprise to me that pancakes require this level of intense focus, but quite clearly, they do.

“Hey,” I say, which makes him jump.

“Fuck! Oh, hi, it’s you. I’m making pancakes. Or trying.”

I come around into the kitchen. “I can see that. Can I help?”

“Um, you can get me two plates from that cupboard.” He points at one above my head. “Christ, these smell so good. Do you know how long it’s been since I had pancakes for breakfast? I’m going to get fat. That’s what I’ve decided; I’m going to eat so much bread and pastries and drink so much wine.”

I set the plates down and look at him. He looks better than he did yesterday, almost happy. “You sleep okay?”

He nods. “Great, actually, though I woke up horny and you weren’t there and so well, I just had a wank.”

I smile, adoringly. “Sorry about that, really happy you managed to sort yourself out.”

He licks a bit of pancake batter off his finger. “Mmm. You know, it might actually be better if you retire.”

“To just be on hand for sex whenever you need me?”

“Basically.” I watch as he goes to flip one of the pancakes he’s laid out in neat rows on a large green griddle pan.

“No, not yet. Gotta wait until you see the bubbles,” I tell him. “Like that one. That one’s good to go.”

He flips the one I’m pointing at and makes a happy noise at the colour.

“Your first time making these?”

“I don’t cook at all. I’ve told you this. But I think I’ll learn, maybe open one of those little food trucks you see at food markets and just sell bread and dough-based items.”

“You’re going to be dancing again soon enough, I wouldn’t get too attached to the idea.”

“I actually don’t think I will. And, I’m honestly okay about it. I had such a lovely lie-in today; I could get used to that. I could sleep all fucking day every day, honestly.”

“So, the food truck would only be open at night, then?”

He nudges me. “Shut up. Okay, wait, how do you know when the other side’s cooked if there’s no bubbles.”

“Science,” I say. “And by lifting it to look.”

“Oh, it’s ready. Here, have my first pancake.” He sets it on the plate and points at an array of things: butter, sugar, sliced lemons, blueberries, jelly.

I pick it up and bite into it as it is. It’s a little underdone but not bad.

“Good,” I say around it.

We’re sat at his dining table eating from a ridiculously large stack of pancakes when the doorbell goes. He sits up and gives me a slightly alarmed look.

“I’ll get it,” I say, standing. If it is his father then I won’t be allowing him past the front door, not without a fist in the face.

It’s not his father, it’s his politician.

He’s wearing a dark wool coat, a pair of dark-framed glasses, and a grim smile.

“Hello there,” he says. “I was hoping to speak with Felix, if he’s home.”

I can’t see any reason Felix wouldn’t want to see him, and it’s not really my place to refuse him (though I want to) so I nod and open the door to let him in. In the living room, Felix’s eyes brighten at the sight of him. He stands from the table and goes toward him.

“Hello darling,” says Christian Darling. “How are you? I heard the news; I’m so desperately sorry. I wanted you to know that I made it very clear to Benedict at the board meeting that the company would be a far poorer place without you, and that I fully support your reinstatement.”

“Thanks, I appreciate it,” says Felix. “But it’s alright. I don’t blame Ben, he did what he had to. How are you?”

At this, Christian looks at me.

“I can go upstairs,” I offer. “If you want to talk alone.” I move toward the stairs.

“It’s alright,” says Christian. “It will be public knowledge soon enough. I have submitted my resignation to the prime minister, though he won’t be the prime minister much longer, the wheels are truly in motion now. I’d give him another fortnight at most.”

Felix looks enraged. “So my father just gets what he wants. It’s not fair. What will you do, you’re the best person in that whole bloody cesspit.”

Christian Darling smiles, fondly. “Well, I don’t know about that. Your father certainly doesn’t think so.”

“My father is a self-serving bully. What he thinks is irrelevant.”

“Unfortunately that’s not true, sweetheart. He’s probably the most powerful man in the whole cesspit right now. The kingmaker if you like.” He smiles grimly. “They are offering me another job, though, one they’re encouraging me, rather strongly, to accept.”

Felix lights up. “Oh, that’s good, right?”

“Yes. In a way. They’re not doing it out of the goodness of their hearts, there are other aspects at play.”

“The mousetrap,” Felix mutters. “What’s the job?”

“A diplomatic position,” Christian says. “Ambassador to the United States.”

It sounds impressive, but the disdainful look on his face says he thinks otherwise.

“So you’ll be in the States?” Felix sounds a little panicked.

“Yes, mainly.”

“Out of everyone’s way,” Felix bites.

“Exactly.”

Felix moves to sit on the couch. “I’m so sorry. I hate him so fucking much. I mean, can’t he just have a fucking heart attack and die already?”

“Felix,” chides Christian.

“I don’t give a shit, I hate him. I’m done with him.”

I’m standing like a tool near the front door, so I go to where Felix is on the couch and sit next to him, hoping to be a comforting presence if he needs it. When he moves closer and takes my hand, I try not to preen. Christian notices and a bittersweet smile settles over his mouth.

“But you are alright?” he asks Felix. “This is such a horrible business; Ben said you struck a dancer? I know you wouldn’t do something like that without good reason.”

“I hit Charlie,” Felix explains.

“Ah, I thought as much.”

“It was stupid, I know that. But I couldn’t dance there with him after what he did and so I thought, fuck it.” He gives a hopeless shrug.

“And what about Ava?” asks Christian as he moves to sit across from us. “Have you spoken with her?”

I knew she’d been calling. Knew she’d been staying at Sun’s but that her room was still filled with her things as though she might be allowed to come back. When I’d suggested he talk to her, he shut me down, so I’m curious as to how he’ll respond to Christian saying the same thing.

“Nope. I’m finished with her, too. This is as much her fault as it’s his.”

I look at Christian, who gives me a meaningful look. I haven’t spoken in what feels like hours, and I think we should probably change the subject to something other than Ava. It’s too painful for him.

“What was your take from the board?” I ask Christian. “If it’s put to a vote, will they vote to let him back in?”

“There were a few loud voices in support of that, yes. The duke being one.”

“What did my father say?” Felix’s voice is even.

Christian gives him a sad look. “He wasn’t present, but there was a proxy; he supports your expulsion.”

Felix takes my hand then and nods. “Prick.”

“I believe they’ll make the right decision, sweetheart, I do.”

“Fuck, you’re a politician through and through,” snorts Felix. “So, will you take the job? Go to the States?”

Christian looks at me, and then Felix, and then at our joined hands.

“I think a change of scenery might do me the world of good,” he says. “Plus, I know you’re going to be alright, so I don’t have to worry about that.”

Felix gives me a shy look, cheeks pinking very slightly.

Just then, Felix’s phone rings. He lifts it up from the coffee table and almost startles out of his skin at what it’s telling him.

“It’s Ben,” he says, standing.

I nod reassuringly and he wanders into the kitchen.

Christian stands too. “I should go; that might take a while.”

I walk him back to the front door, though I’m certain he knows the way. Outside, he pulls the collar up on his winter coat and turns to face me.

“I don’t have to ask you to look after him because I know you will,” he says. “I also know you told Benedict that you would resign if he wasn’t reinstated.”

“I… that wasn’t…” I stop talking because Christian is smiling. He looks impressed.

“Love him the way he deserves, Nico. The way no one ever has.” He turns and crosses the road towards his waiting car.

“I already do,” I say quietly.