â ï¸
SELF HARM.
Hey cuties ð ð
NOT PROOF READ POOKIES
Sorry that was so long hehe
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Its been almost over 3 months since hyunjin and felix texted or even interacted with eachother. Felix missed him so much. His scent, his face , his embrace and a whole bunch of other things. Hyunjin would be lying if he said he didnt. Hyunjin would scroll throught instagram and everytime there was a photo of felix or even a slight METION of felix, he would get this sense of rush through his body. A sort of guilt for ignoring him at the mall. But, oh... he couldnt get his mind off that cashier idea... The way he looked at felix and the way felix just....gave him his number. Thats a whole bunch of shit. Hyunjin knew deep inside that felix thought the...STUPID CASHIER.... wanted to be friends but i guess he just erupted on the spot.....
Today was the day the movie night. Since they were plotting to go to the cinema but knew since bangchan had came back and it would be crowded once again, they would have it at home! Since bangchan had a indoor cinema, he thought he would finally use it with his new friends.
Everyone was gonna wear their pretty outfits and just live the momment thay was soon to happen this night.
Right?
Lost Kids ð¤
F
elix - i feel sick.
Han - bitch dont even. I know you arent.
Minho - babe what did i say about swearing.
Han - sorry daddy ð¢
Seungmin - kinky bitch.
Hyunjin - i feel sick too.
Bangchan -oh hoe i know you dont. What has been up with you too? So distant?!
Jeongin- maybe they just uhm are....uhhhhh
Han - DOING IT BEHIND OUT BACKS.
Jeongin - YUP MHM YEA DEFINITELY...THEY JUST UHMM DIDNT WANNA....GROSS US OUT!
Hyunjin - no we havent.
Felix - ð
Changbin - uhm...weirdos.
Jeongin - BABE.
Changbin - sorry ð
Minho - srsly what is wrong with yall.
Hyunjin - nothing.
Seungmin - your so dry....uhm.
Hyunjin - i would rather chew glass and wait until it turns into sand than reply more dryer to your fucking ass.
Seungmin - check yourself.
Han - fiesty fuck.
Hyunjin - cant wait to FUCKING see you all.
Bangchan - wtf..
Hyunjin left the chat
Changbin - felix go calm your man ð¨
Felix - not like he would care.. :(
- felix deleted a chat -
Minho - what?
Bangchan - what the fuck did u say???
Seungmin - are yall like broken up or smth??
Felix - no ofc not! Just uhm no! Ill see yall at chans house..
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Felix POV
Before anyone else could speak i just put my phone on silent.
There i was... standing in the middle of my bathroom. Bloodshot eyes that havent took a break to sleep and dried lips that havent eatan in a week. Arms with...slits in them. Blood tripeling down.
" im fucking useless...WHY?!" i scream as i throw my phone on the floor and a glass shattering could be heard.
Its 8:56 and we were supposed to arrive at chans house at 9:30 so i better get...ready.
I get my outfit ready and as i grab it i smell hyunjins scent on it... his purfeme and his shampoo... smelled like.... home.
" im sorry hyunjin...please...please c-come back to me"
That was the last thing i said before hopped in the shower with warm water. It sure did sting but dang it felt good.
I dried up and put my clothes on and grabbed some concealer and put it on my eyebags and some on my...how do you say it... scars.
As jisung knew my situation and was the only one available unlike jeongin, he volunteered to pick me up with minho. No one knew the situation i was in besides , han, jeongin and of course obviously hyunjin..
* beep beep *
Minhos car horn beeped outside my humble home. I quickly put my shoes on and tried my best to run to them but the scars on my leg almost made it impossible.
"Your such a slow runner ðââï¸"minho mimics my slow running
"Shut up! Not like u could do any better" i snap back
"I bet i could! Hmph!" Minho suks and drives the rest of the way.
" hey you ok ? " han whispers to me in calm words.
" i....ive been cutting again han...im so s-so s-sorry.. " i say before letting a tear drop a bit.
" felix...oh my gosh... youve been getting so bad ever since the mall Incident.. show me your scar... if thats uhm ok.. "
I hesitate at first, looking to see thay minhos eyes were only stuck on the road before showing han the piled up scars on my arms.
" fucking hell felix.... " han says not meaning to insult me. He then rolls don my sleeves and hugs me, trying not too hurt my arms anymore.
" im so sorry... i just... i regret everything so much... im serious.. i wish he knew that "
"I know you wish that... and i wish a geine would appear and grant you that but...its reality. "
" hey guys !" Seungmin is enlightend to see us, pushing us inside and leading us to the kitchen where changbin jeongin bangchan and..... hyunjin, were making food.
" felix? You look so sad! " jeongin says worried about felix, han then whispers to jeongin without anyone watched and jeongins smile soon turns into a drop.
" hyunjin i need to fucking talk to you. " Jeongin immediately slurs out grasping on hyunjins ear dragging him.
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" what the fuck?! " hyunjin says in pain rubbing his ear.
" so.. bother to tell me why your ignoring felix? HM?" Jeongin turns his voice into a deep tone.
" i dont fucking know what your on ab-"
"Stop this fucking SHIT TALKING ALRIGHT? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOUR BRAIN?"
" well i-i"
"Â wElL i-I-i - TELL ME."
"I THOUGHT HE WAS CHEATING ON ME WITH THAY CASHIER AND I WASNT THINKING SO EVERYTIME JE TEXTED ME I WOULD JUST TELL HIM TO FUCK OFF...." hyunjin screams at jeongin
"Â So... your telling me.. you ghosted him. Told him to fuck off? And didnt care about what he was feeling or what he could even do to himself? FOR FUCKS SAKE HWANG." hyunjin hated being called hwang. And jeongin knew damn well he did.
" He did nothing so i dont fucking see the problem. " hyunjin crosses his arms.
" he did nothin- huh. He...he fucking did nothing? HE DID NOTHING? HWANG HES FUCKING CUTTING HIMSELF OVER HERE WHILE YOUR HERE NOT GIVING A SHIT?! " Jeongin says laughing hysterically.
" w-what? " hyunjin says getting up and looks jeongin dead in his eyes.
" cut. Ing. Him. Self. " jeongin sections the words.
" because of ... me?" Hyunjin tries to clarify.
Jeongin just nods and walks away from the disbelifed hyunjin.
He was in disbelif that he was the reason for his cutting addiction. Felix told him before and that he was clean and planned staying like it but.. he...fucking hell....
" felix i need to talk to you... please. " hyunjin comes out of the room looking felix in his eyes, hyunjin looked as if he was about to cry.
" no!-" before han could speak felix spoke over him.
" s-sure"
Han makes sure felix knows what hes getting into before he leaves with hyunjin into one of the guest rooms and shuts the door and locks it.
" i- im sorey felix. I fucking am. I hate myself just for ignoring you and saying awful shit. I was so fucking jealous and didnt know how to react to the sudden move the cashier did on you.. i loved you so much i didnt want to leave you ever so i fucking isolated myself from you so you would be able to break up with me but when jeongin talked the shit into me i realized i hurt you more than i hurt myself. Im now realizing hurting someone like you is just like throwing a stone into the ocean but i never knew how deep it would go.. please forgive me.. im so sorry.. "
hyunjin drops to his knees infront of the boy sitting on the bed, hyunjin cries into the floor as felix looks at him and almost feels like crying aswell from hyunjins apology.
" i-i forgive you... please never ever fucking leave me like that. Ever again. You dont know how much you hurt me just by doing that. " felix says hugging hyunjin.
" im so sorry. I promise ill never leave you ever.. i felt mad but i guess i didnt realise it was just hurt i was feeling.." hyunjin says hugging him back.
" im sorry to ask this lixie but... may i see your...scars??" Hyunjin stares deep into felixs eyes.
" i....ok...please dont be mad.." felix hesitated but pulled his sleeve up and his pants up.
" oh my god....felix i....im the fucking worst. I hurt you so bad..im fucking sorry. " hyunjin cries into his hands , after seeing felix covering in self harm scars and some seem still bleeding.
" hyunne.." felix whispers.
"Y-yes ?" Hyunjin looks up with teary eyes.
Felix holds his chin up with two fingers and says,
" if me being hurt doesnt hurt you then... there no point in telling me you love me."
" i fucking love you lix." Hyunjin pulls felix into a fluffy kiss, tears running down both their faces as they hold eachothers embrace.
Hyunjin carefully takes felix to the guest bathroom and cleans his scars as gently as he could apologising every time he saw felix flinch or make a noise.
" im sorry! "
" hyunne you dont need to apologise..your doing me a really big favour. I appreciate that! " felix says patting hyunjins head.
" this isnt even half the price im paying you for the damage ive done.. "
" i love you~ "felix says almost falling asleep.
" ok im don- " hyunjins wipes a sweat off his forehead then realises the younger is asleep. He quickly grabs a hoodie from his bag and puts it on the younger so he doesnt freeze and kisses his forehead before rolling his pants back down and wipes previous tears away and carries him outside the bathroom and guest room.
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" sorry we took awhile ! " hyunjin sits on the couch making felix sit next to him making felixs head lean on hyunjins shoulder.
Han and jeongin high five eachother at the work theyve created and just admired them from afar.
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* beep beep *
" whats that? " hyunjin mumbles to himself, checking his phone if there was anyone to text him. Nothing.
He looked over to see felix with his phone in his hand and a new message from...
Cashier boy â
He still had his number?...
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Im sorry guys im leaving yall on a clifhanger cause i need time to think whats gonna happen next ð.
Some freaky Jilix fanart i randomly found in pinterest
BYE LOVES â¤