The most magical feeling when you're in love is the assurance of the both of you being together till the end. After not seeing him for 5 years I came across him again, I can't say that this is some kind of destiny but I am sure God has a purpose for it.
Napakalakas ng musika habang nagsasayawan ang iba.
Kami'y magkahawak-kamay na naglakad sa may hallway, ramdam ang pagkasabik sa higpit ng aming paghawak-kamay habang sumasabay sa ritmo ng musika ang pagpadyak ng aming paa, aking naalala noong siya'y una kong makita, isang lalakeng kung titignan mo'y walang direksiyon ang takbo ng buhay, walang kahit sino mang magpapalambot sa kanyang pusong matigas at sugatan.
Hindi ako makapaniwala na yung taong hindi ko lubos akalaing mamahalin ko at mamahalin din ako, heto kami ngayon, punong puno ng pagmamahal.
Lumapit kaming dalawa sa aming mga kaklase, ang ilan ay nagulat at ilan naman ay natuwa.
I know never naging social si Chris, kahit sa mga classmates namin but that night, I saw him talking with them, asking them about their lives and whereabouts.
While I sat down and watch him interact with others..
"Aika, okay ka na ba?", it was Khael
"Yep, Okay na kahit paano"
He then immediately grabbed my hand, dinala nya ako sa center stage while others are also dancing, he put his hand on my waist and the other one holding my hand with a rose.
Hindi na nga ako nakatanggi...
Habang kami'y sumasayaw, I was looking for Chris, I was afraid na baka mamaya mawala na naman siya bigla sa aking paningin,
nang aking marealize...
Khael was intensely looking at me, right through my eyes.
"Andito ako pero iba parin ang hinahanap mo" he said.
"Bumalik na pala siya after how many years, you've waited for him that long, those times na ako yung andito para sayo, but I know you didn't feel that even for a second" he added
I directly answered him
"Khael, oo ikaw yung pinaka unang taong hinangaan ko, that was 7 years ago, 2nd year tayo noon when I first saw you. Yes, I got attracted, I was excited seeing you, I felt nervous pag nakikita kta, but when I knew how high you are, I told myself na never kang mapapa saakin. Since then, I didn't dream of us being together anymore."
"No, that' just an excuse, that's a very shallow reason" he said
"Huwag mong ideny na dahil kay Chris..."
He was about to say something but I think I have to cut it out, so I said...
"No, it's not"
That moment, there were a minute of silence between us but he still kept on looking at me and he even held my hand so tight.
I looked at the audience again for Chris, he was looking at the both of us then he talked to someone beside him, it was Darlene.
I don't know exactly what they are talking about but they're having a deep conversation with each other.
"Pagod kana ba? Please let me know" Mikhael asked
"No, let's continue" I said
I suddenly realized that Mikhael was right, he has been there for me since Chris was gone for long years. He comforted me when I missed him, He helped me find him through the internet and I even asked him to go to Chris' house for some check.
He did all of that even though he has feelings for me, he did that for me to feel at ease for a while.
I knew he has feelings for me since then but we were too young to be able to express our feelings. So, he kept it hidden until he messaged me back then.
"Can I own you even for a minute? Till we finish the next song, please think only of me" he said
He asked the band to play "Maybe this time" again.
"I want to say something Faye, please understand the lyrics of the song, that's exactly what I wanna say".
We danced gracefully that night while I listen to the song, it's all about two people met again after years but the man is hoping that there will be love this time, he is asking if they can be more than just friends.
The song really touched my heart, I don't know exactly if it's about Khael and I or Chris and I.
Khael suddenly sang along the music.
"Two old sweethearts who fell apart, somewhere a long ago, how are they to know, someday they would meet again and have a need for more than reminiscing"
Habang kumakanta siya kasabay ng musika, tila ba ako'y maluluha, I felt his sincerity, I felt his love.
The song was about to end when he grabbed my waist close to him and hugged me while he lean on my shoulders and said " I love you Aika, thank you for the dance", he smiled gently and sincerely.
I saw Chris, biglang tumayo sa kanyang kinauupuan, I don't want to disappoint Chris, kasi after years, ngayon lang ulit kami nagkita, and may past kami ee, we have promises for each other, I don't want to hurt him for what he saw but I don't want to push away Khael either.
That moment I got so confused and just closed my eyes for a moment.
I saw Chris walking towards us, his face and looks was so calm but I don't know what he's about to do.
I pushed Khael a bit, just to remind him to stop hugging me but he refused and just continue hugging me, he even pulled me closer to him even though alam niyang papalapit na si Chris.
Hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko, napayuko nalang ako at wala nang nagawa.
"Bro, can I dance with her also? I think tapos na yung isang piece" Chris said while holding my wrist
Khael is not responding, medyo lumuwag na ang kanyang pagkakayakap pero hawak hawak parin niya ang aking kamay.
"Aika, puntahan mo ako pagkatapos ne'to" Khael said
"uhummmm" I said
Chris was so bothered as he said "No Aika, let's dance till this night ends"
Nagtinginan sila ng masama pero I'm sure hindi na sila mag-aaway katulad nung mga bata pa kami, I'm sure parehas na silang matured mag-isip.
Biglang tinanggal ni Chris ang kamay ni Khael na nakahawak sa aking kamay at inilayo ako sa kanya.
I can feel na kumukulo ang dugo ni Chris but he still smiled at me and asked me to dance.
"Chris, huwag mo bigyan ng malisya yung nakita mo kanina, we are just friends" I said
"Alam ko, at hanggang doon lang yun, hindi ba?"
"Oo naman, Alam mo, siya yung kasama kong naghanap sa iyo, he even comforted me many times, binigay din niya sa aking yung letter mo, ginawa namin ang lahat just to reach you but you never intended to even text or call me, nasaan ka Chris? For 5 years, nasaan ka? you even broke our promise na magkikita tayo after college, hindi mo man lang ba naisip na baka naghihintay ako?"
"I guess, you have fallen for him during those times"
"Yan lang ba isasagot mo sa mga tanong ko? Actually, mas marami pa diyan ang gusto kong itanong sayo" Medyo frustrated na ako that time.
"Galit kaba sa akin Aika? I'm sorry kung ngayon lang, I had to finish something kaya lumayo muna ako, I have to fix myself, I have to fix my life, Para naman may mukha akong ihaharap sa iyo pag nagkita na tayo"
"So where were you?"
"I travelled so far, pumunta ako ibang bansa, I used all my means para makarating doon, I studied, I got myself treated, kaya natagalan ako, I undergo rehab"
"Huh?, bakit? Treat what?"
"Aika, I suffered depression due to trauma, I've been seeing things that I cannot take since I was young, I saw mama got beaten up by dad many times, yung pain since bata ako,I am the only adopted sa aming magkakapatid, naipon lahat, I don't have someone to talk to, to express what I'm feeling, but then I found you noong 2009, you were the first person to understand me, to accept me for who I am. And that made me realize that I have to be the man na nararapat para sayo, So I decided to go, kasi kung andito lang ako, hindi mawawala yung trauma"
"I am sorry Chris! I didn't know you have to go through that, Pasensya kana, but how are you now?"
"I'm getting better, salamat dahil meron akong Aika dito sa puso ko, never kita nakalimutan, sa araw araw iniisip kita, gusto kitang icontact many times pero natatakot ako na baka ayaw mo na sa akin or sobrang galit ka sa akin, sinubukan kong umuwi last year for your graduation pero I really cannot kasi graduating nadin ako that time."
"I understand now, nakakalungkot lang isipin na sa mga panahong desperada akong makita at makausap ka, hindi ko alam na may mas malala ka palang pinagdadaanan, so anong course ang kinuha mo sa ibang bansa"?
"Aika, gusto kong ipagmalaki ngayon sa iyo, parte na ako ng Navy, ginugol ko ang oras at atensyon ko sa training, gusto kong maturuan ng disiplina sa sarili kaya yun ang napili ko, isa na akong Sergeant ngayon, sana proud ka sa akin"
As he was telling his story, I started to cry a lot, as in umiyak nalang talaga ako, humagulgol ako sa tuwa, nakakaproud yung taong yun.
"Talaga? Ang layo na pala ng narating mo Chris, I didn't expect you were so determined"
That night I realized how I touched Chris' life, but for me hindi naman talaga ako ang rason kung bakit siya nag change of heart, it's his desire, it's his own decision. He wanted this kind of life; this is his dream.
Maybe God separated us for that purpose, and gladly I waited, I didn't give up, I fought for our promise.
The event was about to end, it's 2:00 AM already, most of the alumnus are gone. But my batchmates are still there enjoying the event.
At exactly 3:00, the program organizer ended the program with a fireworks display, everyone was so amazed and kahit yung mga super inaantok na biglang nagising sa lakas ng sound at liwanag ng kalangitan.
I was with Darlene that moment, Chris and the other boys were busy talking on the other side.
Then suddenly Darlene talked to me....
"Sis, alam mo, may gusto akong ishare sa 'yo but please huwag nalang sanang malaman ni Chris na sinabi ko"
"Okay sige sis, ano yun?"
"I know you are happy na bumalik na si Chris, talaga namang naghintay ka ng matagal, and believe me super hanga ako sa hindi mo pagsuko pero........"
"Bes kinakabahan ako, ano ba yan?"
"May girlfriend si Chris bes"
"Huh?,How sure you are bes?"
Parang gumuho ang lahat sa aking narinig, ayokong paniwalaan, and I was hoping na nagkamali lang sila ng akala or may napag kamalang ibang tao. I really prayed silently na sana hindi totoo.
Kung kailan okay na ang lahat, Professionals na kami, wala ng hindrance sana dahil nasa right age na kami, I waited so long for this.
"Actually, I'm not sure, kausap ko siya kanina, He was asking kung may deeper relationship daw ba kayo ni Khael then I said "I don't know", because I really don't know bessy, but what I'm sure is that you love Chris. May nakapagsabi lang sa akin bessy na last year pa umuwi si Chris pero may kasama siyang umuwi, they saw them together many times, kaya hindi na namin ipinaalam sa iyo para tuloy tuloy kanang maka move on."
"Bessy, who is that woman? Please tell me"
"She's not familiar bes, this is just a warning bes, don't fall for him that easy dahil lang bumalik siya, in the first place, never siyang nag effort para mag reach out sa'yo, please remember that."
I don't know what to believe, kakaexplain lang sa akin ni Chris yung nangyare pero bakit para akong sinampal ng katotohanan sa sinabi ni Darlene.
Oo tama siya, never siya nag reach out, kahit isang hi or hello, parang napakadaling maniwala sa sinabi ni Chris but the action wasn't visible.
Even nung bumalik siya, he didn't approach me first, kung talagang sabik siyang makita ulit ako, bakit siya nagtatago, bakit di niya ipinakita yung excitement na yun.
"Bessy, excuse me for a while"
Parang sasabog yung utak at puso ko sa realization na yon.
I went to our classroom, opened the lights and sat there for a while, gusto kong I process sa utak ko lahat ng sinabi ni Chris at ni Darlene.
Maybe, nadala lang ako sa emosyon kong sabik sa kanyang pagbabalik, maybe nadala lang din ako sa promise niyang babalikan nya ako after we graduate sa college, siguro masyado kong pinanghawakan yung mga ganung bagay kaya ako umasa at naghintay without even knowing kung ganun din ba siya sa akin.
What Darlene said was an eye opener. But I still want to confirm.
After a minute, I can hear someone running towards the room
He opened the door and it banged loudly; it was Khael.
"Sabi ko naman sa'yo puntahan mo ako after niyo sumayaw"
I was shedding tears abundantly after seeing Mikhael again, why is it that this man always arrives when I need someone.
This smart but weird man, please stop adding confusion sa aking napakagulong isip.
"I knew, but I don't think you have to know, kasi akala ko naka-move on kana, akala ko okay ka na, I'm sorry to tell you that and I didn't expect na pupunta si Chris dito"
So, I confirmed that Chris was already in a relationship with someone else, I hated him for that, I resented him for that and I want to beat myself up for being so soft and easy.
"Please leave me alone" I said.
Khael felt so sorry for me, I can feel it in this voice, he was breathing so deep as he left the room.
That very moment I promised myself not to talk to anyone for a while, they all deceived me, I felt betrayed by anyone,
They saw me dance with Chris, they saw me so happy and in-love, but they didn't tell me earlier. How I wish everything will go back to the very beginning where I can un-love that man, where I choose to love someone else also.
Those 5 years I waited for nothing, it's a waste of time, a waste of energy, a waste of everything.
I suddenly laughed at myself, how it all ended up.
But why does Chris still wanted to dance with me and tell me his story.?
I still want a closure, para naman makapag move forward na talaga ako and accept that first love always dies.
I sat there for almost 20 minutes, crying and laughing at myself.
I just wanted to cry and cry and cry until it doesn't hurt anymore, until there will be no more tears to cry.
This is the first time we saw each other again after years and maybe this will also be the last time again.
I convinced myself to calm down, as I walk leaving the room, I saw Khael sitting on the floor in the hallway right after you go out the room. He was waiting for me while he was holding my purse and my umbrella.
He got up and walk towards me, the place was already so silent, nagsi-uwian na pala ang lahat, it's just the two of us there.
He held my hand and gave me my purse saying "You okay?, I'll drop you home" with a calm and sincere voice.
Out of nowhere I just hugged him on his back and held his hand, he removed my hands then he suddenly pushed me in the corner, his face was so close that I can smell the sweet flavor of apple wine...
And there he kissed me on my cheeks, just a simple smack then he looked at me saying "Please be mine tonight"
He kissed me again intensely in my lips while tears fell from his eyes.
"I'm sorry for doing this" he said. Then he continued.........