On Monday I was in school again. In an attempt to raise standards in schools the Education department had written out scripts which the teachers had to read out. This had been done under the no child left hanging around doing nothing program. The politicians had decided that it was a zip code lottery how good a teacher you got. So they had written down what the best teachers had done in class and got all the other non-best teachers to read out the script. Originally our teacher Miss Ella had objected but after being threatened with being fired had gone along with it.
"Hello class... it's another sunny day here in Maryland ...and what a great day to learn about our countries... wonderful history. Now, who can tell me what we did last week? ... Johnny." Miss Ella said looking at the well-worn script. We didn't have anyone called Johnny in our class but I suspect that there had been one in the class of the teacher that the script had been taken from.
"That's right Johnny well done," Miss Ella continued after pausing.
I felt sorry for Miss Ella, I tried to look like I was paying attention and desperately fought the urge to shout corrections to any miss readings. Most of the girls just had their phones out and were checking messages on Facebook and whatsapp. I had my broken phone out before me mostly for show. I didn't have that many friends of my age but I didn't want to appear different. Miss Ella had used to tell us to put them away but she had been given a warning for deviating from the department of education's script by the school inspector too many times. I felt sorry for her.
My dad had said most people could stick to routine, and continue in the job they used to do. It was why many things kept working. When people stop sticking to routine, then they became very unplugged. Miss Ella knew this. Our maths teacher had been fired and replaced with a Sesame Street DVD. He still came in and they let him stand in an empty class room giving the same lessons he had always done. It was the only way for him to make sense of the world.
The no-child-left-hanging-around-doing-nothing-program was concentrating on getting everybody able to sit what they called the 'Test'. For the past three months, all other lessons have been canceled and we had just repeated the same test preparation lessons over and over again. In theory, the test was for the personal and professional development of citizen's course. Part of it reinforced what the Department of homeland defense regarded as vital knowledge all citizens should have.
"Who remembers how we spot someone who is possessed? Johnny" Read Miss Ella. She paused She looked at her watch. From experience, I knew this would last a couple of minutes. I thought about the number on the bookmark that Mr Wallace had left. The numbers wasn't a phone number. I tried the number and it connected to nothing.
"That's right" continued Miss Ella reading from the script "The possessed often have stacks of books which tell them what do to. You see they aren't smart like us. They can't think for them selves..." Miss Ella continued. Sometimes I could swear she looked sorry when she said this.
Stacks of books - it reminded me about my own personal stash in my bedroom. That made me wonder. We had another more legitimate place for books. The kind of place with an index. In short, the local library. Perhaps the number is a book index. I would normally use the internet but in an effort to stamp out fraud and pornography the government had ordered the internet to be turned off every other day. This had halved the crime rate and this had been hailed to be a huge success. I decided to go visit the local library. That would be a long walk and I didn't have a good way to get there. The bell went and Miss Ella stopped mid sentence. Our school ran different lesson lengths than the one she was reading from so we frequently broke mid-sentence.
I was fully pleased with my brilliant that I almost walked into two of my least favorite people in the school. Hugo came round the corner. Hugo was convinced he wasn't infected. His parents had paid for huge amounts of extra tuition and he really wanted to be taken to Overworld.
He looked at me as he came in "Last night I realized why two plus two equals four"
"Really?" I said. I gave him my, 'Look it's my glass of care and oh dear, I need a refill.' face. As always it didn't work on Hugo.
I could just about cope with the fou fou chaos girls who could only talk about how they looked. When any of the class of fou fou chaos passed me by I instinctively felt myself looking for any nearby naked flames or any hot surfaces. After all plastic melts. Hugo and my nemesis Amanda somehow irritated me worse than sitting on a wasp. Take Hugo's next sentence for example.
"Yeah, you see two plus eight equals ten and ten times five is ten so in a way ten is like two and five. Now ten is one zero which is 2 in binary. So you seen, if you add two to two in binary you get one hundred and if you multiply the two tens you get a hundred as well." said Hugo.
If my life was a movie I would break the fourth wall at this point, turn look the audience in the eye and say 'It's not me? he is annoying isn't he?'
Just to make my day Amanda came by. Amanda was also high on everyone's list to get shipped off to Overworld.
"You can't say ten is one zero which is two in binary." said Amanda. For a second I found myself actually being pleased Amanda appeared to correct Hugo. Amanda continued looking at her book. "You mean one zero is a representation of two in binary, get it right you grammatically challenged gibbon's ass."
"Hey, Amanda laminated means a pregnant sheep right?" I said just to check.
"Of cause it is and the correct sentence should be is the correct way to refer to a pregnant sheep is as laminated?" said Amanda tutting.
If I ever broke the fourth wall in a movie I would add 'And she's is just a pedantic' to which she would turn to the audience and say 'no I'm not. I'm a pedant'.
Unfortunately, I could not think of anything worse to do to Amanda than granting her wish to go to the Overworld. Good luck generating a new master race with her around.
The bell had rung and the school day had ended. Marta and I streamed out of school with everyone else.
I was clutching my practice paper for today that had a lovely 10% and a sad face on it.
As I walked down the worn white steps I was approached by a large strong man. I didn't see him until he stood in my path because I was chatting with Marta. I stood before him like a child before a tree and felt the other students slipping around us like a shole of Atlantic tuna around a pillar. My first thought was what was the dumbest thing I could say. I looked at the man it's not often you meet someone with no neck. It's it possible to get a neck transplant? Perhaps he donated his to his a close personal relative for some reason.
"I'm Mr strong's body guard. Mr Strong would like to see you" said the man. He nodded to the limousine in the school car park.
"You can tell Mr. Strong I'm not interested." I said.
"You're mad. TS-17 has done a class A job on you." said Marta. "You can't tell up from down or man for a fun night, from a slap in the face from an angry pike. "
"I don't think you heard me properly." said the man "Mr. Strong would like to see you."
I tried to move around him but he blocked my way. I avoided saying 'He wants to see me? Does he want my Instagram account address?'
"What does he want?" I asked.
The man curled his lip.
"Freedom, Money, power, control, fast cars, beautiful girls, lower taxes, his sister to stop saying the word gabble all the time, His dad to show more signs of affection for all his hard work. The usual I guess" said the bodyguard who paused realizing what I had asked. "...and to talk to you."
Suddenly I had an idea. You probably had that thought already but I had a long day of pretending to be infected.
"Going with a man in strange car it's a really dumb thing to do." I said. "...so Sure why not?"
The answer rhetorical question is 'because you could possibly die or possibly worse or possibly end up with a face full of gonorrhea as you life's most happy memory before you die.'
I turned to Marta.
"Hey Marta" I said going with the bodyguard. "If I 'm not back in two hours call the police say I was kidnapped by Alexander Strong."
"If you're not back in four I'll call a for a priest and a marriage license," said Marta.
"I eyeeeeeeee eeyeeeee willââalways looooooove yooooooooOOOOoUUouOUUuUUUu" sang the bodyguard to him self as we want to Alexander's limousine.
I went to the car with the bodyguard who opened the door. Alexander was on the phone talking to someone.
"I've got to go. That cute girl is here now and I don't want to talk to you anymore for some reason." he said ending his phone call.