we are coming closer and closer to the end and i cant believe it! i started this book in august i think and 4 months later here are!
AND MERRY CHRISTMAS TO EVERYONE!!!!!!!! HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!!! LOVE YOU ALL!!!!
OH AND 5.89K?! when i first started this story i was hoping to get maybe a few hundred but this is incredible! i love you guys for giving me this!
now ill shut up and let you read xD
[Editing me: i just realized i have Spaces for 2 chapters oops but i'm not going to change it because it fits and whatever so ya xp]
Spaces
Well that went well enough. After the initial yelling and shock wore off, I think everyone was happy for us. Louis was definitely excited that everyone knew. It's cute how excited he is about all of this. It warms my heart.
I take a breath and look up at the starry night sky. It was chillier than I had grown used to during summer in America. I had forgotten how different England's nights were. Not that I really minded. I had always liked the cold. Something about it made me feel safe and content, like I could just curl up in a ball with a blanket and hot coco 24/7. Plus, I hated being hot. In California, the last few summers I spent there were nearly unbearable, especially when mom wouldn't let us turn on the AC. And since my school's building was built in the 60's and had yet to upgrade their conditioning system since, there was a fifty-fifty shot in every classroom whether you'd be shivering or melting.
I grip my hot chocolate between my hands, trying to warm my fingers a bit. A downside of pregnancy was I couldn't really have caffeine. Anyone who knows me knows I survive off of caffeine. But, I guess if it's what I have to do, my hot coco will do for the time being.
I told everyone I just wanted a quick walk to clear my head and enjoy the evening feel. We were to be leaving London in a week for the rest of the European tour, and I'll admit that as much as I loved being home in America for all that time and as much as I'll enjoy travel the rest of the world, I missed the city that had become my new home over the past few years. It was kind of like my cocoon of safety. It took me in when I needed to get out.
I turn down a familiar alleyway I used to always use as a shortcut getting home from nearby cafe to my flat. I look to see on one of the bricks along the wall that still had Hails and my initials carved into it. It was our city version of a tree carving, I suppose. Not being able to resist, I reach up to run the pads of my fingers across the marred surface. It seems like a lifetime ago that Hails and I would spend hours studying and doing work at the little coffee shop, just trying to get through an upcoming exam or project. Now here we are, pregnant with One Direction's babies and traveling the world with the love of our lives. We both had a plan that neither of us expected would turn out so polar opposite of our intentions. Not that we were complaining anymore. Its just weird to think how things turn out.
Taking a deep breath, I drop my hand back to my warm cup and turn to head down the alley. I told the group camped out at my home I would only be gone for a half hour for a quick breather. Plus it was starting to get dark and I knew Louis would get worried if I was gone too much longer. He was protective before, but now he was getting to the point of ridiculous. I tried not to mind. He was just that good of a guy to want to watch over me. I didn't really have much problem with it anymore. I was careful myself more now, so there wasn't much room for him to worry too severely. My favorite part of being alone and wandering around was I was able to just get stuck in my head for a bit and either sort things out or ponder how life was happening for me. It was peaceful and reverent sometimes to just block out the world and get lost in your thoughts. I allowed myself to close my eyes and breathe in the crisp air, my shoulders slumping in release.
Suddenly and without warning, I felt myself being tousled over and pressed against the wall. I can't help but let out a scream as my smoldering hot chocolate that I had barely taken a sip of, waiting for it to cool down a tad, spilled all over the front of me. My face was pressed against the cold brick as I struggled to maneuver around my attacker. However, he made it clear he wasn't going anywhere and pushing against my hips into the brick.
I open my mouth to scream for help, but a calloused hand whips across my face before anything can come out. My eyes burn with tears at the sting of my cheek, but I bite my tongue in fear of it happening again.
I feel the attacker come closer to me, his warm breath wafting across the back of my neck as he opens his mouth to speak.
"Miss me?"
My eyes go wide and my heart is racing a mile a minute.
You've got to be kidding me.
He just chuckles, feeling my body tense against him and giving him the reaction he was looking for. I mentally scold myself for giving him that satisfaction, but also knowing there was nothing I could do to control it; making my skin crawl was an automatic response for him.
"Are you serious, Brad?! Why can't you just leave me alone?! What did I ever do that was so terrible that you follow me across an ocean to torture me for?!" I scream, no longer caring if he punished me for it since I know he would anyways.
He pulled me and flipped me around before slamming my back against the brick wall. I squeeze my eyes shut as pain radiates up my body from the impact.
He moves his face up close against me, using his usual intimating factor against me.
"You took what was mine and made it ugly and broken. You're disgusting," he spits his words at me. They no longer effect me, really. I've heard it all before. The difference this time is that I wasn't unable to fight back.
"Really now?" I taunt back, refusing to give in easily, this time around. "Well I'm not going to waste my time defending myself with explanations on how fucking awesome I have been able to work myself out and who I was able to become because I know you won't take crap from it. However, I will say this; I am not your's and I am not broken or disgusting. Any time that I was anything other than myself is when you manipulated and destroyed me, and I let you. I'll admit that now, that yes! I let you destroy me and made up all kinds of lame ass excuses for you because I loved what you once were. It's not like that anymore."
He scoffed and glanced quickly at my wrists, not needing to look closely to know there were fresher scars than he'd seen when we were together.
"You try and make yourself believe that all you want. You are still a worthless piece of shit who can't make heads or tails of her own life. Don't try the whole 'bigger and better' crap on me. You forget that I know you better than you know yourself. Better than that doe-eyed boy claiming to love you ever could and we both know it," he snarled.
The piece of shit. I stood tall and looked him dead in the eyes, not letting him gain any control over me this time around.
"Listen here and listen good, right now. I am done with you in my life." I pause to look around quickly, grabbing a beer bottle off the ground and slamming the side against the brick wall, the glass left jagged. "You see this?!" I said holding up the sharp object in his face before bringing it down to my wrist. "I have shed more than enough blood for you but I am done." I hold my wrist up in front of his face and blindly pull the edge across my skin. I wince slightly as it slices the surface but luckily the adrenaline and rage masks the pain enough that I hardly feel it. The blood runs down and I smile a sickly smirk at him as he watches in disgusted confusion. "That was the last time I will ever hurt myself because of you or anyone else that decides to throw shit into my life."
Realization and anger quickly flash across his face, and I know I hit just the right nerve. So, I knew what would happen next. "AHH!" he yelled in furry, snatching and throwing the bottle against the ground, shattering it into a million pieces. "You little bitch! You think you can be done with me?!" he screamed. He grabs my shoulders and shoves me to the ground, leaving me scraped and laying on my side. I wince knowing I will have scrapes on my arms that caught me from slamming my head against the asphalt. Before I can even think about getting up, I feel his foot collide with my stomach. I can't help but squeeze my eyes shut and scream in pain. Tears begin to prickle at my eyelids but I knew crying was the least of my worries now. I hear him moving and I quickly force my eyes to open. He bends down, tilting his head sideways to look me right in the eyes.
"I thought you were at least smart enough to know where you belong; in the gutter. Now, it would be my pleasure to put you there," he mocks before slamming my shoulders to the ground, my head colliding with the hard street. He lands another kick to my side before forcing me up and slamming me against the brick wall. I keep my eyes closed and I feel his hand come into contact with the side of my face. From then it all began to blur together. I was conscience of the fact that my nose was bleeding, as well as my lip and a painful gash across my cheek. I could also feel the warm liquid trail down the back of my neck. I knew I had a black eye forming and bruises all along my torso, but I did nothing. I knew fighting back would be pointless and most likely make things worse. I just had to wait it out the best I could and hope it would end soon.
After one final knee to my stomach, I felt him back up and I unwillingly collapsed to the ground on my hands and knees before my elbows gave out and I lay sprawled across the alley street. I did my best to sit up as much as I could manage, but after a few tries and failures I gave up and rest my cheek on the gravel, breathing heavily and trying to catch my breath. I knew now that it was over the pain would kick in any minute and I would feel everything he just did to me. The numbing of adrenaline and self preservation would soon wear off and I would be left to deal with my broken body.
"This is a sight I have missed for too long," he laughed, standing over and admiring the view of his handy work collapsed on the ground in front of him. "That twat doesn't treat you how we know you deserve to be treated. He has let you get a big head thinking you're better than this. But look at you now. Look where that thinking has got you. Bloody and bruised on the ground and no one to pick you up anymore." He gave one last humorless huff I knew was filled with disgust and mocking of the sight of me broken. He slowly began walking backwards out of the alley, holding his head high. "Good luck finding that bitch to come and save you." He turned around and I watched him go until he turned the corner and disappeared into the cold streets of London.
Once I knew he would be far enough not to hear me, I broke down. Tears began freely streaming down my cheeks. I hiccuped as the sobs racked through my chest. I knew I had taunted him into reacting like that, but I couldn't bring myself to regret it, even as pain shot through every part of my body. I had stood up for myself and finally said what I wanted to say all those years. I knew what I said was true and I was stronger than anything he could do to me. After today I knew he would be out of my life in more ways than one. I took what I had to take and now it was over and I could move on.
Suddenly pain shot up from my abdomen and a scream ripped through my throat. I collapsed into a ball on the floor as even more tears flooded my eyes. I did my best to catch my breath enough to look at the damage. I breathed in deeply once more and unfolded my body to look down at my torso. The first thing I noticed was a pool of blood between my thighs before another dose of pain came from my stomach and I arched my back with another loud cry that echoed through the narrow alley walls.
I knew I didn't have time to consider all that was wrong with my body and I had to find a way to get myself home. I couldn't call Louis or Hailee since my shattered phone was sprayed out a few feet away from me. My flat wasn't too far. I took a deep breath and began to pull myself up from the ground. I winced every time a new source of pain showed up, but eventually was able to steady myself on my feet. I let out a huff of exhaustion and held myself up against the wall until I could stand on my own. Finally I start to limp along, every once in a while having to stop or grab onto something to catch my breath. I did my best to keep my breathing steady, in through the nose and out through the mouth. Only when the pain got unbearable did I allow myself to break that pattern. I got weird looks from the few passerby's on the abnormally barren streets. Not one of them stopping or asking if they could help me. Just judgmental looks, or a sympathetic expression from time to time, but not one of them made a move to take any care for the bloody beaten girl limping along the darkening streets all alone.
I struggled along the path I had luckily memorized and numbly followed the route. By the time I reached my street, I was breathing so hard I was unable to steady it as I had been before. I walked with a hunch clutching my stomach and trying to not collapse. My eyelids were growing heavy and my mind was getting foggier and foggier. I all but crawled up the few steps leading to the lobby. Unfortunately my complex wasn't one of those fancy ones with a manager always standing behind a desk. I forced myself the last few feet to the elevator and leaned against the wall, waiting for the doors to open. I couldn't keep my eyes from closing or force my mouth shut as I gasped for air. Finally the metal doors opened with a ding and I stumbled into the small box.
Everything was getting more and more out of focus and I felt nearly too dizzy to move. It was at a point I was stumbling along numbly, trusting on instinct to get me to where I need to be. The movement of the elevator didn't do much to help, either. I held onto the railing until the doors opened back up. I took a step out of the elevator before I felt my knees give out beneath me. I fell into a crawling position, clawing along the hallway towards my door. Every once in a while I would try to take a few steps before stumbling down once more.
Finally making it to the end of the hallway, I used the handle to force myself onto my feet. Taking a moment to catch my breath, I push to door open and stumble through the entrance. I can hear muffled voices and distant shuffling in the room. I open my eyes, unaware I had closed them in the first place, and noticed a blurry figure moving toward me. I felt an arm around my waist just in time for everything to go black.