DONT HATE ME SCHOOL HAS JUST BEEN BUSY!!!!
AND MY BABY COUSIN WAS FINALLY BORN!!!! #Nixon-9.4.14
and id just like to say now that this is no way reflects my opinions or thoughts about abortion, nor will i tell you where i stand and i hope you can all ignore the controversial aspect of the topic for this is just a story. THANK YOU!!!
and last one promise............... 4 FLIPPING K READS!!!!! I LOVE YOU GUYS SOOOO MUCH!! COMMENT AND VOTE!!
Same Mistakes
"Excuse me?" I gasp, wide eyed. His expression remains stoic as he looks to me.
"You heard me. And I know somewhere in that pretty little head of yours, you know I am right." I keep my gaze locked on his as I process the words. I'm vaguely aware of Louis fuming in front of him, but I know he is giving me a second to collect my own thoughts, regardless of if he knows which way they are headed.
I don't even know that, myself. I'd be lying if the thought never crossed my mind, but I always shooed it away, thinking I just needed to get that out of my head since I knew I could never go through with that, nor would Louis let me. But now, hearing it as a reasonable option from a third-party may give the choice a new light.
I mean, how are we going to do this?! We are still kids. We can't take care of a baby. And then what about our careers? The media aspect alone would be hell, and then when we are on tour, would we just take the baby with us? I mean, Lou and Caroline seem to make it work, but they are older and married and can handle a child better than we could--at least right now. Of course I've always wanted children, but I wanted to wait until I was like... twenty eight. Or at least twenty five. Not not twenty one!
Not just out of college. Not just starting my first real job. Not just beginning my career! I have worked the better part of my life to get here, and I am still just getting started. And obviously, One Direction is still going strong. We don't have room in our lives and schedules and responsibilities for a baby!
So... what if... maybe it would be better for us all--the baby included--to not have it. We can always have some later when our lives are more adaptable for a kid.
Then again, I know Louis won't be easily swayed into this thinking. As much trouble he is aware this would be, I know he really wants this baby. He may not have planned for it, but now that it's happening, he has his mind set on the life he sees with our child.
I take in a deep breath as I refocus on the room around me. I notice Simon left at some point during my musings. Louis is sitting in the chair Simon had previously occupied before he was shoved up and toppled it over.
He holds his head in his hands with his fingers fisted through his hair. Looking at his distressed position, I have to remind myself of my reasoning.
I reach out slowly and place my palm around his shoulder. The contact surprises him and he jumps slightly in his seat before looking up to me. His eyelids are tinted red, and make my heart clench in my chest. He briefly clenches his lips together to assure me he is really there... to a certain extent, at least.
I breathe in deeply, exhaling, "Louis."
I see his Adam's apple bob as he swallows harshly, opening his mouth with almost a gasp for air. He gives himself a second before responding, "Yeah?"
I can feel the air around us growing heavier with all the words we read on each others faces, but hesitant to say out loud. My eyes flicker between them as I try my best to decipher what is really running through his head at the moment. All I see is devastation and desperation; grasping at straws to figure out how to handle the situation.
"What I said was true," Louis finally begins, only to leave me confused with the first words out of his mouth in twenty minutes.
"What?"
"What I said was true," he restates. "We don't need him. The boys and I could do this on our own. Liam and I have been getting involved with the business aspects of the band for years now. And I know Paul and the crew--including Lou and Caroline--would be willing to stick with us. Although, frankly, management will almost inevitably side with Simon, but again, we can stand on our own two feet. So, if that's what it takes to have this baby, that's not so bad. I know the boys will be on my side with this, seeing as I'm almost positive that he will be giving the same speech to Harry and Hailee as well. We can make this work."
I feel my face lift in shock. I knew he would try to come up with some crazy idea to save this baby, but I hadn't actually believed that that threat was something he would actually consider going through with. Once again, my focus flits between his eyes. The difference this time is I an looking for doubt or hesitation that would tell me that he isn't actually planning to follow through with this, or at least an unwillingness to do so. However, all I find was an ignited flame of determination flaring his iris'.
"Louis... I don't... um... I mean..." I struggle for words as Louis furrows his brows in confusion. Closing my eyes and shaking my head, I open them once again to look him dead in the eyes with as much compassion I can muster into my expression, although none feigned. "What if he's right?"
Louis' POV
"What do you mean... 'what if he's right?' He isn't," I state, seeing my words as a glaringly obvious fact, yet anxious for the reason it would even be questioned.
"I mean... What if we aren't ready? What if all that Simon said was true and we should just do what he says? What if this is just... maybe not a mistake... but just bad timing for something like this to happen. We both have hectic lives, Lou. And then what about the media and the fans? Not to mention tours and just our daily lives! What if it's best for everyone--including the baby--to just... wait a while?"
Her words are spoken softly, but they hit me like an eighteen-wheeler. I can't believe she would buy into Simon's bullshit. She is the most determined girl I have ever known when there is something she sees worth fighting for. She isn't the girl to bow out at the first sign of trouble. Where is the determined bitch I feared when I needed her?!
"You... want an abortion?" I speak slowly, not confident in the words spewing out of my mouth for I know all I wanted was to never utter those thoughts aloud, nor be in a position where I had to. Much less did I expect it.
"It's not that I want an abortion... I don't think anyone wants an abortion. But... maybe it's the best choice we have at the moment..." she mumbles, knowing well that I do not like the idea. I also know she is doing her best not to make me upset. Even being fully aware she is just trying to do what she thinks is best, I can't help but be angry. Maybe not even at her, but at this moment I am so frustrated and done with having to fight through everyone to be able to prepare a happy life for my child--now even including the mother!
"It is not the best choice!" I scream, incredulously, letting all the hurt and anger and frustration take over my body and words. "It's the easy choice! It's the easy choice for you! For me! Maybe even the easiest for the baby! But that doesn't make it the best! Most of the time, the greatest things we have in this life are the hardest to get! Just look at us! Do you think either of us would be in this relationship if we looked for the easy way out! If we only did things the easy way, we wouldn't have fallen in love! And, maybe it's not the same for you, but for me, we are the best thing I have ever had! You are the best thing I have ever had! It may not have been the easiest path, but not for one second do I regret falling in love with you, nor what that love created! I have watched you hurt, and bleed, and cry, and experience more pain than I may never completely comprehend! But, I have also watched you smile, and laugh. I have seen you in the worst and the best, and loved you more and more through each one! Although there were hard parts, I can't bring myself to regret those, because seeing you be so strong and brave and remain the person you are through all that pain made me love you even more! I love you more than I have ever thought possible, and I am happier than I ever expected to feel! I never knew this type of feeling existed where I could be so happy to the point of elation every time I am around you, or care for you so much that a mere memory could bring me to my knees. I never knew I could love someone--anyone--this much that... I can't even explain the feeling of overwhelming... I don't even know if love is the right word, but I don't know a better one. All I know is that I love you more than I can even comprehend, and it kills me that something that came from that wouldn't be wanted in this life! In our life! And it kills me even more that even... especially you wouldn't want it! Well... I want it! I want it more than anything, and I will go through whatever shit it takes to bring it into this world!"
By the time I am finished, I'm huffing and puffing and can feel my eyes growing red with unshed tears, but I don't restrain it. I know that I had to say what I said. It may make me vulnerable to anything she may throw back, not that I expect her to outright reject my idea, as well as me, yet I still feel a sense of trepidation for her response. Her shocked expression is also not giving me much reassurance.
"I don't know what to say," she says with very little volume.
I take a deep breath and ruffle my hair due to the nerves racing through my veins. Huffing dramatically, I fling my arm down to slap against my thigh in exasperation.
"Well, I just said all I had to say. You know where I stand. Would you mind doing the same for me?"
She sighs, running her hands up and down her thighs. It's one of her nervous habits I haven't seen her do since she first started and didn't know us yet. She does it when she was uncomfortable--uncomfortable around the person standing before her.
Me.
"I don't know. I don't know where I stand... I mean... I know that I would love to have this baby. But, I'm also afraid of the realistic side of it. The side with every obstacle. I'm scared and I don't know what to do. But... one thing I do know... I--I... I just--I can't lose you," she breathes, her voice cracking on the last sentence as a tear falls down her cheek.
That's what she got from everything I just said?
I can't help letting out a soft chuckle of incredulity, catching her attention and apparent confusion by the sudden look on her face.
"Seriously? I just told you how much I am undeniably, inexplicably, totally and completely in love with you, and you think I am going to break up with you?"
Her expression softens at my assurance that I'm not planning on skipping out on her, but still hilds her restrained composure; not allowing herself to be relieved just yet.
"I... I thought you were mad. Or... I don't know... disappointed... in me. I don't know!" she exclaims, shaking her head and dropping it into her hands. I breathe and drop down to my knees in front of her, gently placing my hands on her thighs.
"Hey," I laugh, reaching two fingers under her chin and lifting her face to mine. "I don't like that there is this decision to make, but that doesn't mean I am going to hate you if we don't agree on what should happen. And if you think I am going anywhere, these pregnancy hormones women are always complaining about must be getting to you." A full and amused smile stretches across my lips at the lifting mood in the room. She finally meets my gaze and I can see her spirits lifting, as well.
"So what do we do?" she asks, her serious tone held whilst she allows a tiny smirk to caress her lips. I take my own lip between my teeth and look down, shaking my head, before bringing it back to look at her.
"I'm sorry... I know it's not just my decision, and I promise I will love you no matter what... but I can't kill my kid. I'd rather risk my career and my fans and my music... before I could make the choice to not give my child life."
She breathes in deeply, nodding and resting her hands over mine.
"Then let's give them life."
I can't help the elated smile that takes over my face. I reach up to grab her face in my hands, still held by hers, her palms pressing into the backs.
"I love you," I mumble before dragging her head towards mine. I quickly move to close the space between out lips, before she retracts her face away from mine, deflecting my advance.
I look at her with a sudden worry and confusion. Is she still upset? Is she mad? Does she think I'm trying to control her? I thought she was just, if nothing greater, respecting my opinion and my right to have a say.
"What's wrong?" I ask. My eyes flicker between hers, trying to gauge her reaction. All I am met with is a look that screams a taunting 'I know something you don't know!' as well as an obvious sign of contentment that throws me even more off her train of thought. Her smile grows in proportion to my confusion.
"We have them. We do anything and everything it takes to do so. But throughout all of it, we stand together. One unified unit. This won't tear us apart. The only way that will happen is if we let it--if we let every choice become a disagreement and every bump, a mountain between us. Because I know, the only way I can do any of this is with you by my side." She brings her hand from mine to hang between us, her pinkie finger extended out. "Promise?" she asks with an amused smirk. I smile at her and hook my pinkie with hers without moving my gaze from her eyes.
"Promise."
Both our grins are as big as our cheeks would stretch as I pull her by her pinkie to finally meet my lips with hers, my other hand holding her hip while she threads her fingers through my hair. I can hardly even kiss her properly since I am unable to restrain the smile from my lips. And with our pinkies still linked between us, refusing to break the bond we promised each other, we both settle for pressing our happy lips and what parts of our bodies we can together, simply relishing in each other's embrace.
The problems are far from over, and there are so many more to come. However, we seemed to have decided on taking it on step at a time. And today, we may not have won by a land slide against Simon, but we won in the sense that he didn't; we aren't bowing down to his demands. We may not be sure of what we will be doing, but it won't be terminating the life of the child we created with every ounce of love in our bodies.
Whatever we do, we will make it to that delivery room as a family. One way or another, we will get through this together.