Dear Diary
They say that the eyes are the window to the soul. You can hide the truth with your smile but your eyes are usually the ones that betray you at the end. For mom it was the same. She welcomed us with warm smiles and tight hugs but her eyes were screaming in pain. A mental battle that she's trying to fight and the results are showing in her dull eyes. No matter what she has said to me in the past I still hate seeing her like this. I just wish she would let me in.
~Ally
" Why are you up so early?" I hear Emily whine from my bed.
I look over to her figure sprawled out over my bed. She didn't want to sleep in one of the guests rooms so I offered for her to sleep in here seeing as I have a queen sized bed. I mean the girl is small. How much space could she possibly take?
Boy was I wrong.
I pray for Emily's future husband. No one should go through that torture in one night.
" I couldn't sleep." I deadpan as I stand up from my study and head over to my door.
" Coffee." Emily yells as I exit my room and start walking down the passage.
I'm more in need of coffee than Emily at the moment.
Just as I was about to head down the stairs a door opens from my right and I'm suddenly pulled into the room. Before I can register what's happening, lips come crashing down on mine.
I moan against Tyler's lips as he pushes me up against the wall. He holds me in place with his one arm on my waist and the other on the wall behind me. He deepens the kiss by licking over my bottom lip and I gladly grant him access. I try and forget that I look like absolute shit right now as Tyler continues on exploring my mouth.
" Now that's one thing I'm grateful for." he breathes deeply down my neck.
I stifle a laugh as he kisses down the crook of my neck and hopefully not leave any traces behind. I'm not in the mood to please and explain to my mom. Not today.
" Good morning to you too. " I say as Tyler finally retracts his lips from my neck.
A few more seconds and I would've taken him here in the laundry room.
" Morning beautiful." he greets kissing my cheek.
" Why-"
" Ally?" I hear my mom's voice.
Shit.
Before I can think of an escape plan the door opens and in comes mom with a questionable look on her face.
" This isn't the bathroom." I gasp in shock as I look around my surroundings.
Mom glares at me when I walk around her to leave the room. Tyler can deal with this one.
Today is Thanksgiving. We're not leaving until Sunday so I'm still stuck here for a few days. When we got here yesterday we didn't plan on doing much. Mom had asked us to help her prepare for today by baking and doing those kinds of stuff you usually see in the movies. After that Emily forced us to binge watch the Twilight movies and we ended up falling asleep. I'm still surprised Tyler didn't whine once. I know he's secretly a fan of Edward's.
Mom has invited a few members of the family over for dinner and of course she gave me a whole speach on how to behave. She's been awfully nice with Emily and Tyler but I do notice the few glances she's throwing Tyler's way. She's just waiting for an opportunity to get him alone and drill some answers out of him. The poor guy.
I make my way into the kitchen. The smell of dough fills my nostrils and I cringe just from the thought of having to bake all sorts of pastries before the people start showing up. I pour myself a cup of coffee and decide on being a nice person by doing the same for Emily. On my way over to my room I pass mom.
" Don't pull any stunts tonight." she warns.
I roll my eyes and continue my way into my room. Emily is still sprawled out on my bed only now she has her phone pressed against her ear. From what I can make out I assume it's Ashton she's on the phone with.
Throughout the the rest of the day we helped mom prepare for tonight's dinner. Around 5 pm people started showing up with more food under their arms. My grandparents also made their appearance but it wasn't as heart warming as I thought it would be. They are still distant from me and I honstley miss their affection. My cousin who was only a year behind me also showed up along with her parents, mom's sister and brother in law. We were never close. I couldn't tolerate being in the same room as her for long but look at where we are. Just before dinner mom's older brother showed up along with his wife and their son who is a few years older than me. We're a full house.
Looking around the dining table my eyes land on the seat where dad usually sat. I knew he wouldn't show up but I still felt disappointed. His seat is now replaced by grandpa.
" I'm grateful for being here with my kids and my grandkids. It's been so long since we were all gathered here and it breaks my heart that she isn't here. We know she's in a better place now and I'm just so happy that we have the opportunity to mend what was once broken. " Grandma starts off by saying what she's grateful for.
I usually hate this part. All this food sitting in front of me, just waiting to be eaten and I can't take one bite until everyone says what they are grateful for. Unbelievable.
Around the table everyone speaks up about what they are grateful for. I try my best and listen and to not roll my eyes when hearing the same thing over and over again. Finally it was mom's turn.
" I'm grateful for being surrounded by so much love. We've had a rough year but I knew I could always rely on my family to be my moral support. Thank you for being here today with us." mom says reaching for my hand and grasping it.
I have to choke back some words from being said. I'm not in the mood for family drama. Everyone's eyes turn towards me, waiting for me to speak up.
" I-uh well I'm grateful for this food-"I'm cut off when I feel mom's hand slap me on my thigh.
" I mean I'm grateful for my friends and family. Love you guys so much. "I fake a smile hoping that what I said didn't sound too forced.
Finally we are allowed to dig into our food. I would be more pleased with my food if my cousin wasn't eye raping Tyler who was sitting beside me. Tyler doesn't seem to notice my cousin undressing him with her eyes but I do. It's disgusting.
Someone's getting jealous.
Whatever.
" So Tyler, are you seeing someone?" Lilly, my cousin, asks breaking the silence.
" Lillian." her mother scolds while I try and swallow the food that seems to be stuck in my throat.
Tyler throws me a side glance before focusing his stare back on Lilly.
I'm not going to try and hide the fact that I'm curious about his answer. I know we aren't dating or anything but we have something going on. We're more than friends but we're less than a couple. Someone please explain this to me in baby language because I don't know what's going on anymore.
" I am." Tyler answers making my heart skip a beat.
Before Lilly could drill more answers out of him, he wraps his hand around mine from under the table and lifts it up to place a kiss on it.
Gasps go off around the table and I can feel the glare that mom is shooting me from where she is sitting. As I look around, shock is painted on everyone's faces, even Emily's.
I'm surprised as well.
I just give them an awkward smile before continuing with my food. The table fills up with chatter again but I block out the noise and focus on my food and my hand that is still wrapped around Tyler's. When I looked up at him he only winked before continuing his chatter with Emily, who was sitting beside Lilly.
" You guys are dating? Why didn't you tell me?" Emily whines when we step foot into the kitchen.
I look over at Tyler and stifle a laugh. " No we're not." I answer truthfully.
" But why did you say so at the table?" Emily questions Tyler.
" To get Ally's cousin to stop looking at me as if I was a cupcake with a cherry on top."
I think back to Lilly's intense stare on Tyler. So he did feel her looking at him? He did a good job at hiding it. Another thought registers in my mind. He only said we were dating to get rid of my cousin. He used me. I know I shouldn't think too much into it but I was curious to hear his answer. I was pleased with his reply but now that he explained why he said that it kind of hurts. It's not supposed to hurt but it does.
I shake the crazy thoughts out of my mind and focus my attention on the mountain of dishes just waiting to be cleaned. Lucky us.
Slowly we start clearing the sink of dishes. Most of the plates, cups, glasses and essentials fitted into the dishwasher but the rest had to be washed by hand. It was funny seeing Tyler try and scrub the pots clean. He looks good with a sponge in hand. Emily dried the dishes while I packed them away.
It's always been this way when having people over for dinner. The 'kids' were usually forced to wash the dishes while the adults enjoyed a cup of coffee in the living room. Lilly was supposed to come help me clean but Tyler quickly offered to take her place and Emily tagged along.
Thank God.
Hours later but really only 20 minutes later we were finished with our chores. We decided on staying in the kitchen seeing as Tyler was a little skeptical of my cousin. Later on everyone started heading back home and soon enough it was only the three of us and my mom left in the house.
" Ally. My room. Now." mom orders while making her way up stairs.
I was waiting for that one.
" May the gods be with you." Emily says in concern.
I chuckle but nonetheless make my way up stairs and into mom's room.
" You're dating him?" is the first thing I hear when entering the room.
I quietly curse Tyler for putting me into this situation and take a deep breath in to prepare me for the conversation ahead.
" So?" I decide on going forth with Tyler's lie. It won't hurt anyone.
" So? Ally he's only dragging you down!" mom quietly yells.
" How is he dragging me down? You've only know him for 48 hours!" I exclaim.
Unbelievable. I can't believe she's actually accusing him of dragging me down when she barley knows him at all. Matter of fact, ever since I met him I've been a better version of myself. I've stopped smoking because of him for God's sake.
" I know guys like him."
" You know guys like him but you don't know him." I say with anger.
How dare she ignore the fact that she has a daughter and when the first guy starts to show interest in my life she all of the sudden wants to be mother of the year. It's bullshit.
" He's bad for you. "
" And I'm even worse for him!" I cry out.
My breathing has become heavy. I can feel my heart pound against my ribcage from all the anger that's building up inside of me. We've gone two days without fighting, we even manged to endure a family dinner, and now she wants to stir up a fight with me?
" Just because things didn't work out with you and dad doesn't mean you should look out for me because you're scared that someone is going to hurt me like dad has hurt you." I say a little softer this time.
Silence fills the room. Mom doesn't utter a word but her eyes don't leave mine. It's in times like these that I wish I could read people's minds. I just want to know what's going on inside of her mind.
" Get out. " she whispers.
My heart sinks into my stomach. Whoever said that guys cause the worst heartbreak clearly haven't met my mother. She's caused one too many heartaches for me to still feel loved by her.
Without another word I do as I'm told and I leave the room. I wipe a tear that has managed to escape before entering my room. I hear mom's door open again but I don't pay attention to her as my eyes focus on Tyler and Emily sitting on my bed and focusing on something in Emily's hand.
As I walk closer I realize what their eyes are trained on. If it's even possible my heart manages to sink deeper into my stomach.
They both look up from the photo frame in Emily's hand and look at me with pure shock and confusion.
" You have a sister?" Emily is the one to ask.
All the blood drains from my face. How could I be this stupid? Mom hid away all of her photos but I forgot about the one that I keep on my nightstand.
" I h-had a sister." my mouth speaks before my mind could think of what to say.
" She committed suicide." mom's voice rings from behind me causing my eyes to grow double their size.
I'm just so thankful for having a mom like mine.
Not.
_______________________________________
All will be explained in the next chapter.
I warn you beforehand that the next chapter might trigger some of you that are a little more emotional than others. I will be going into a sensitive subject and if you are unsure about your emotional state, please do not read the next chapter. You won't miss out on important details as I will mention it throughout the rest of the book.
I'll make a clear warning at the beginning of the next chapter â¤ï¸
Peace out âï¸