Dear Diary
I don't know how to express my feelings anymore. It's as if people forget that I'm human too and they treat me as if I'm not able to hurt inside. Take mom as an example. I try so hard to try and make her understand that I am okay and that she doesn't have to worry about me but her mind only focuses on what happened on that day. I guess she's afraid I'm heading down that road as well. Her fear blinds her sight and she can't see how much she's pushing me away with her words. Even dad. I still haven't heard from him and it's been 3 weeks. 3 weeks of absolute silence. Is this how divorce works? The one parent focuses on everything going wrong in their life while the other tries and avoid everything that is currently going on in their life. While they are caught up in their own mess they are forgetting that I'm stuck in the middle. I hate being in the middle.
~Ally
I look down at my diary and sigh. Why does it feel like writing down my feelings isn't helping anymore? It helps to put it all together but I'm starting to lose hope. Ever since I started college things have only been going downhill, especially my relationship with my mom. My heart still aches that she just up and left after I explained how she was making me feel. Why do I feel like the bad guy when I only tried to tell her that I'm hurting inside? It's not supposed to be this way.
I hear soft grunts coming from Emily. Looking over to her sleeping figure I hear her mutter a few incoherent words. She's probably having a bad dream. I close my diary and head over to my bed. It's already past 1am and I need to get rest in for the day ahead.
We are going hiking.
Don't ask why, just know Emily is behind this like usual.
" D-don't." I hear Emily mutter after a few minutes.
I ignore her as I try drifting off to sleep. I'm disturbed once again when I hear her sniff. Is she crying?
" You're hurting me." she sobs softly into her pillow.
I furrow my eyebrows in confusion. Her sobs become louder and I decide it's best to wake her up before she hurts herself.
" Emily." I whisper hoping she could hear me.
She doesn't react to me waking her up and continues on sobbing.
" Stop p-please." she cries out.
Her sobs are becoming louder and she's starting to shiver. She's having a really bad nightmare.
" Emily wake up. " I say a little louder.
Her eyes fly open. She's confused for a few seconds before she let's out a sigh of what I assume is relief.
I stare at her with shock. Sweat is dripping down her forehead as she takes in her surroundings. She relaxes once she realizes we're in the dorm. She then turns to me while wiping away a tear and laying back down on her pillow.
" Bad dream." she mutters before turning her back towards me and going back to sleep.
What the hell was that?
I think back to her bruised wrists. Does her nightmare have a connection with her wrists? Something doesn't add up. I'm starting to get worried.
I head back over to my bed. I don't think I'll be getting much sleep after Emily's nightmare.
***
"Rise and shine sleepy head!" Emily yells as she opens the curtains, allowing the sun to feast away on my precious sleep.
I turn my back towards Emily and dig deeper into my blanket to escape the light.
I need more sleep.
" We don't have time to sleep in Ally. We're going hiking!" Emily shrieks.
For a girl who had a bad dream she sure is full of energy. I on the other hand struggled to close an eye. I was afraid Emily would get another bad dream and God knows what she would have done to herself.
" Fine. " I groan as I place one foot out of bed.
" I brought coffee!" Tyler yells as he steps into the dorm.
Why is everyone so full of energy?
I look over at Tyler and sigh. Does this guy have anything else to do besides annoying me? I swear it's as if he doesn't have hobbies.
" Hey ladies." Ashton greets as he too steps into the dorm.
Throwing a glare at Emily for inviting people over this early, I grab a pair of clean clothes and dissappear into the bathroom.
Today we are going hiking. It wasn't my idea though. Firstly, I don't like walking and secondly, there could be snakes just waiting to sink their teeth into our flesh. It doesn't sound like fun to me at all. After Emily realized that we have gained some weight she immediately jumped at the opportunity to get us into shape. I guess a few miles isn't going to hurt anyone? Right?
I quickly finish getting dressed and preparing a bag filled with medication and snacks for our upcoming trip. With my luck I'm probably going to get stung by some unknown species.
" Are you going out dressed like that?" Tyler asks as he quirks his eyebrow and looks down at what I'm wearing.
I'm dressed in a high-rise yoga pants with a matching sports bra. Looks appropriate for hiking to me.
" Yes. Do you have a problem with what I am wearing? " I ask as I look over at what he is wearing.
He is dressed in track pants and a sleeveless shirt. I certainly don't mind looking him up and down, especially with those biceps that aren't covered up. If he's got a good body I'm allowed to observe okay. It's not my fault my eyes like what they see.
Tyler shakes his head before picking up his own bag and heading out of the dorm. I grab my car keys and my room key before locking it after myself.
I hop into my car and watch as Tyler climbs into his. I have to stop at Trish's building to pick her up. Samantha has a stomach bug or something like that so she can't come along but she insisted that Trish should still tag along.
I know Mason is driving through with his own car but Parker made up a lame excuse of having to study so that he doesn't have to tag along. We all know Parker isn't one to cancel plans to study. He's up to something.
Trish's building is near mine and in a matter of minutes the music is blasting through my car and we are on our way to the nature reserve a few minutes out of town.
" How did the whole meeting Samantha's parents thing go?" I question Trish.
A grin crosses over Trish's face before a blush rises up to her cheeks. Looking at her being so happy really makes me feel happy for them. I know Samantha came out to them by dragging Trish along. It should have been awkward to show up at your girlfriend's house and then having to witness her coming out to her parents. By the look on Trish's face it didn't go bad.
" They were amazing." Trish replies after a few seconds.
" Her mom makes a mean carrot cake." Trish chuckles.
I continue to listen to all the things that happened when they were away. It was nice hearing about someone else's happiness for a change. It made me forget about how messy my life is at the moment. Soon enough we arrived at the nature reserve.
" Okay listen up everyone!" Emily yells over the group.
We all quiet down, allowing Emily to speak.
" Today we are going to head down the Cobra Trail and before someone decides to chicken out, I have all your car keys." Emily smirks.
That's why she wanted to 'find something in my car' and took my keys. She's sly. I like it.
I hear unhappy grunts go around the group before it's quiet again.
" It's only 30 miles people. "Emily rolls her eyes.
30 miles? I didn't sign up for 30 miles. I was fine with doing like a 10 mile walk but 30 miles is pushing it a little bit.
Before anyone gets a chance to attack Emily, she walks off with a grin spread across her face. Well here goes nothing.
10 miles later
" I-I can't." I choke out. I have to stop and bend down to my knees. It feels as if someone punched me in the stomach.
We've only been walking for 10 miles. It's still pretty damn far if you ask me. The worst thing about walking 10 miles is that it was mostly up hill and I can't feel my legs at the moment. What only made it worse was when Mason started singing, claiming that he is trying to lift everyone's spirt. He was only crashing mine.
" Let's take a break everyone." Emily announces.
Tyler walks over to me. He hasn't even broken a sweat and here I am looking like a wet chicken. I probably smell like death as well.
" This is what smoking does to one." he says as he sits down next to me on a large rock that was placed on the side of the trail. Probably for those who are on the verge of passing out. Like me.
" No it's what eating unhealthy does to me." I say as I take out a bottle of water. I look over at where Zac is sitting. Mason is currently trying to tell a story to Zac but he looks less than interested. The poor guy. I wonder why Jackson didn't tag along?
We sit in silence as I catch my breath. Tyler chuckles each time my face cringes from some insect flying by. Luckily we haven't crossed a snake yet.
" How are things with your mom? " Tyler hesitantly asks.
My mood immediately drops at the mention of my mom.
" Haven't heard from her." I shrug as I put away my bottle of water and take out two energy bars. I hand one over to Tyler and start tearing the wrapper from mine.
" Did she freak out on you after I left?"
I think back to all the things she said to me. Saying she freaked out was to put it nicely.
" Something like that." I chuckle.
Before Tyler could question further on my complicated life, Emily flops down next to me.
" So I was thinking. " she starts off.
This isn't good.
" We should head down to South Carolina for that trip I was telling you about. We could rent a beach house for a few days or something like that. It's only about a 7 hour drive from here." she shrugs as if 7 hours isn't long.
It doesn't seem like a bad idea. We could head down to South Carolina after the Christmas break, even though it's going to be really cold. A get-away to the beach in the winter? Sounds like something only we would do.
All in all it sounds like a really good idea. It will be nice to just get away for a little while especially after all of this drama.
" I'm in." Tyler voices from beside me.
He wouldn't miss this for the world.
" That's great. I'll start looking for houses we can rent." Emily shrieks before getting up and dashing over to Ashton.
After a few minutes we continue on with our trail. The sun just keeps on getting warmer and the trail seems to become longer. Before heading up a steep pathway Tyler grabs onto my hand to help me walk easier up hill. My first instinct was to pull my hand away but I then realized that I would hurt myself without his help. I thanked him by giving him a small smile.
After what feels like forever we reach a more secure path and it wasn't necessary for me to hold onto Tyler's hand anymore but neither of us made an attempt to move our hands. What made me move my hand eventually was when I heard a feminine scream in front of us.
Releasing Tyler's hand I run over to where Trish had tripped and managed to bruise her leg. I look down at the blood coming from her leg and gulp.
" I'm okay guys." she chuckles as Emily comes over with her mini first aid kit that she brought along for situations like these.
My eyes narrow in on the little blood on Trish's leg. It's just a little blood. That's all. Nothing to get upset about.
So much blood.
I'm still not good with handling blood.
I hold onto her lifeless body.
Just stay calm. Inhale and exhale.
" Ally?" I hear Tyler question as he looks at me with worry.
I've probably gone pale by now. My head is feeling slightly dizzy. I blink to try and focus my eye sight.
No one can hear my screams.
Emily patches up Trish's leg but there is still blood from where Trish tripped.
" Allison what's -" I don't get to hear Tyler finish his sentance as all noises around me die out.
The last thing I remeber is feeling my knees buckle out and my eyes closing.
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Short chapter I know! Next one is going to be longer I promise ð
Thoughts?
Peace out âï¸