6. Cal

Chapter song: Nothings the Same- Alexander 23 & Jeremy Zucker

Shit.

I didn't even know she broke up with Sam. I didn't know that was what happened with Sam.

Part of me wanted to hunt that mother fucker down and give him what he deserved. He never deserved Kenny and he knew that. It was why he said awful things to her. She was too good for him. For anyone. It wasn't okay to do that to her.

I remembered Liam mentioning how she had started dating some guy named Sam but that was all I knew. He never gave me too much information on her just the basics. I didn't bother asking either. It wasn't healthy.

He said that she seemed happy. I left it at that.

We had both tried to move on and start dating other people. I didn't know they had gotten that serious. I guess they hadn't since she didn't have a ring on her finger. It was one of those things you didn't think would actually happen because you thought it'd be you two in the end. I guess I'd been wrong.

I tried to move on I really did. I went on dates, but the only one I ever got serious with was Camilla. She's an amazing person, but she just wasn't the one I wanted to come home to every day. Knowing that deep down I couldn't keep seeing her. It wasn't fair to her.

I went back to the boys and handed each of them a beer before settling on the couch. I scrolled through my phone for a while trying to distract myself. I even played a round of Tetris between my round of games.

"Where's Mase?" Ty asked just as the doorbell rang.

"Well that's either him or pizza," I shrugged.

"Mason!" Kenny yelled from the doorway. It sounded like he picked her up.

"Why didn't you tell me you were back? And everyone else knows but me? How long?"

"Gotta save the best for last Mase." She giggled.

Giggled.

She giggled at Mason. Those two always got along well. Actually, he got along with both Riley and Kenny. I was never jealous of their friendship with him or any of the guys for that matter. But something inside my stomach lurched just now, and it was an unfamiliar feeling.

They even got along after Riley and Mason broke up. I snorted at that. It was a good thing they were cool about it and no one brought it up. Liam would probably pout about it even though he was about to marry the girl.

I still think it was good of those two to start dating. Even though it didn't last long. I think it's what made Liam realize he actually had a crush on Riley. I'm just glad we were all friends still. But Mason never really let things like that dwell on him. I wish I could be more like him in that way.

"You're right. I always knew I was the favorite but don't say it out loud. You might upset everyone else."

"We can handle it, Mase," Ty stated.

"He's just saying that," Kenny assured him.

"I think with some more time we might be able to come to terms with it," I looked at Mason. I didn't want to meet Kenny's eyes.

Not after what I overheard in the kitchen. I didn't mean to but I couldn't just walk in right then and there. I had to at least wait for a break in the conversation. Still, I intruded on the conversation and it was wrong of me. Did she know I heard?

"You say that McCormick, but you don't have to pretend," he smirked.

Kenny's eyes widened at Mason called me McCormick. It'd been a while since anyone used that name for me. Usually, it was reserved for her.

The doorbell rang snapping us all out of our daze. My head immediately went to the door. Who else could possibly get here?

"Pizzas here!" Riley called as ran towards the door. Well, that made sense actually. Considering none of our other friends live close enough to see.

We all followed her into the kitchen as she held the enormous boxes in her arms. She wouldn't let any of us carry them despite all of our offers.

"So I got buffalo chicken, barbecue, pineapple, and pepperoni with jalapeños," Riley said spreading all the boxes out on their island. "Pepperoni with jalapeños and the barbecue are thin-crust the others are deep dish."

Everyone reached for their pizzas one at a time. I noticed both Kenny and I were waiting last. I ushered her to go first and after a minute of trying to get me to go first she gave in. Her eyes widened at the sight of me grabbing pineapple.

"Whaaaaat," she gasped.

"I know I know. Who am I?" I chuckled taking a bite. I swallowed my chewed-up bite before saying, "I also drank a pumpkin spice coffee and liked it." Camilla forced me to try it a few times. I had to admit it wasn't bad. I ordered it on my own once or twice.

"Wow look at you," she smiled. Then quickly relaxed her face as if she was realizing what she was doing.

I caught it though. A real smile. It was rare but at least she did it. I wouldn't comment on it. There was only so much she could take with me.

"Last I remember you called it basic," she emphasized the b.

"Mmmm can't say that I have," I shook my head. I remembered it. I never let her live it down in high school. She never cared though. Sometimes I thought she drank it just to see me mock her. I'd do it all night if I could. I just wanted to see her smile again.

"Kenny c'mon the movie is starting," Liam yelled. Well, fuck me then.

"Welcome to the club Cal," she patted my shoulder as she walked past me.

"I am not a part of the Basic Club," I retorted my

"Oh it's too late you're in there buddy." She didn't even look my way as she sauntered onto the couch.

I couldn't help but feel her words sting as I walked in behind her. Liam gave me a look that I shrugged off as I sat next to Natalie.

Everyone else didn't notice or seemed to not comment on the two of us walking out together. It felt like we were at Liam and Kenny's parent's house all over again having a movie night in high school.

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I didn't remember falling asleep. It seemed like I didn't make it past the first movie. They all let me sleep.

The only thing that got me off the couch was my thirst. I didn't know what magic that couch possessed but it was too comfortable. I didn't know how anyone else didn't fall asleep.

I crept into the kitchen turning on one of the lights. Careful not to wake anyone else if there were people there. Maybe they all went home. If Ty went home without waking me up I might become irritated with him for that.

After filling up my glass and chugging it I filled it up one more time but something caught my eye. I followed the porch light until I reached the back door. I eased it open and gently and walked outside.

"Mind if I join you," I yawned. I stood until she ushered me to sit down. "What are you doing still awake?"

"Time changes are still hard to get used to," she forced a half-smile.

"What are you reading?" I eyed the book in her hands. She had held her place with her thumb.

"It's called the Invisible Life of Addie LaRue," she explained. I waited silently for her to give me the synopsis. I knew if I was quiet long enough she'd continue speaking. "Basically this girl, Addie, she makes a deal with the devil I think, and practically becomes immortal, but nobody can remember her. And then someone does!"

"Would you do it?"

"Do what?" Her eyebrows furrowed.

"Become immortal but forgotten."

"Perhaps," she bit her lip. "Maybe it'd be nice to be forgotten," she said under her breath. "Would you?"

"I don't know," I smiled. "I guess I'd have to finish the book for my answer."

"You can borrow it once I'm done," she wiggled her eyebrows at me.

"I want your full review first," I smirked.

She shook her head and closed her book. Her gaze shifted to the sky and she shut her eyes. Inhaling deeply she sank down in her chair.

"Thank you."

"For what?" I frowned at her.

"You don't have to be nice to me you know," she said.

"I could say the same to you."

"We both said things," she was walking a thin line she wasn't sure she wanted to cross. I didn't need anyone to tell me that. "Maybe I shouldn't have come back?"

"What do you mean you shouldn't have come back?" I scoffed. "Just because things didn't work out between us. You really don't think we can set that aside for a day? Two minutes? Just to get through the wedding?"

Was it really that hard to be around me? Granted we hadn't seen or spoke to each other since we broke up but she's acting disgusted by the mere thought of me. As if she wasn't the one to shatter my heart.

"No." She finally met my eyes. "Because all I do is see her everywhere I look." I felt my features soften.

"Because no matter what I do or how hard I try to stay busy," she paused to take a deep breath. "I can't stop. And everyone is just fine and moving on with their lives like nothing ever happened. And I'm here, and it's like I'm forced back in time. And I'm- I'm stuck, Cal."

"Ken-"

"The moment I got off the plane it was like pressing play on a movie where everything just picked up right where it left off. Except this was a sequel and I never finished the first movie."

"Ken we're not pretending nothing ever happened. We're all trying to move on-"

"It's like instead of a ripple it's a wave, and it keeps pulling me under. And I can't get up, I can't catch my breath. Over and over again."

"Kenny," I sighed.

"She died Cal! She's dead. She's not coming back and everyone is fine with it. Everyone else may be able to move on but I can't."

"You think we're all okay?" I heard my voice crack. "You think that none of us are still upset and sad over it? She was like a little sister to all of us Kennedy, and I get that she was yours and Liam's. But it affected all of us."

She opened her mouth to speak but choked back a sob instead. She furiously wiped her face and turned away from me.

I pulled up my chair so our knees were touching. Slowly I reached for her hands. I bit back the noise rising in my throat from the cold shock that met mine.

"We all mourn differently Ken. Just because we don't show it doesn't mean we aren't doing it too." I whispered. "Try to take it day by day."

"I think I'm going to leave after the wedding," she slowly drew her hands back and wrapped them around herself. She wouldn't look into my eyes. "Liam said my bedroom is the one you usually sleep in. You can have it back tonight."

"No. You keep it, Ken. It's yours." I stood up.

She was done with this conversation. She withdrew and changed the subject. I thought we were finally going to be able to talk about this. I don't think she's talked to anyone about this. She's been holding it in for almost four years. All by herself.

My heart ached for her. Not because of her.

I didn't blame her. It was the most honest she'd been with anyone since she got here. And with the person, she didn't want to talk to at all.

It was selfish of me to think that maybe we could possibly be okay after everything that happened. That we could at the very least be friends. To even think that I was the first thought on her mind when she had been dealing with bigger shit than us. We were minuscule compared to everything else.

As I reached the door I turned back to her, "Hey Ken."

"Yeah," she asked.

"If you chose to live for thousands of years to be forgotten by everyone I still don't think I could forget you."

For a split second, I saw someone familiar in her face. The version of herself that wasn't walking around haunted and pained.

"Thank you, Cal."

———-

Oh my god hello!! Hi!

I AM SO SORRY ITS BEEN SO LONG! I started a new job & school so like is crazy and busy. I really want to get some more chapters out so the writing might be a bit sloppy. Bare with me here!

Anyways again I'm so sorry thank you for being patient. I hope you're enjoying the story so far!! I don't want it to end 😭

I love you all so much! ❤️