Chapter Song: Blame- Ryland James
Seeing her hurt.
It was an ache. Dull and heavy in my stomach, but not completely gut-wrenching as I would have thought.
It was fire lodged in my throat. As if someone threw a lit match into my mouth only it didn't extinguish. It continued to burn me from the inside out.
My insides screamed and groaned at the sight of her. Confused at whether or not I was going to grovel at her feet or walk away and never come back.
It felt as if I was finally able to breathe after holding my breath for years. My throat burned for water, for anything, and finally receiving it. The weight on my chest slowly sank to my stomach. Filling my entire body with a heaviness that tried to bring me to my knees, but I was frozen in place.
I couldn't move.
Seeing her is what I would imagine someone getting glasses for the first time. Everything was crystal clear. Edges sharpened like the corners of her mouth twisted but unsure whether to smile or sneer at the sight of me. The colors intensified like the green on her hoodie wasn't just a dark green, but a jewel. An emerald to be exact.
For the first time in years, I could inhale and exhale without dreading the idea of breathing. My breath didn't hitch or get caught in the back of my throat. It wasn't until I saw her that I let go of a breath I didn't know I was holding in.
"Uh-huh. Yep," I responded countless times. Maybe if I said it a twelfth time he'd get the point that I wasn't listening and hang up.
I gripped the steering wheel tighter and tighter with each complaint he threw. How nobody cared for the company, and if he wanted to he'd let it burn to the ground and we'd be left with nothing. Sucked that I was the only person he told this to. Not that I'd want anyone else to hear it, but I wish it wasn't me.
"Listen dad I gotta go. I'll see you in the meeting Monday." After saying yeah a few more times I finally got to hang up. Letting out a low breath I pulled into the driveway.
I turned my keys and pulled them out letting the silence fill the air. It was the only time I had to myself these days. Without a second thought, I grabbed the case of beer and seltzer and walked up the cobblestone path.
I'd never tell Liam how much I liked his walkway to the door. I thought Riley did a great job picking it out, but I made fun of Liam for it. For no other reason except to get on his nerves.
I didn't even ring the doorbell. How he trusted me to have a key to their house was beyond me, but it worked out when I didn't feel like staying with my mom anytime I was in town.
"Hello," I called down their entryway. I heard the shuffling of footsteps nowhere near me. As I walked closer to their kitchen I thought I might have heard Riley mutter "shit," but I couldn't tell.
"Liam where are you? Riley, I brought you those seltzer drink things you asked for," I called out to know one as I set down the packs on their counter. They were probably in the living room without me. "Hey! Did you guys really start Bachelor in Para- oh?" I stopped walking.
The world stopped.
Standing awkwardly in the middle of the living room were Liam and Kennedy. I wish I could say I'd forgotten how beautiful she was, but you don't forget someone like her.
Time had passed. Too fast for us to remember the finer details. Maybe it was for the better. It took everything not to drop to my knees. I was frozen in place. Maybe it was her attention on me that kept me there. Maybe it was seeing a ghost that kept my knees from buckling and sending me to the floor.
I drew a breathtaking in the sight of her. A ghost I didn't believe I'd see again. Perhaps in another life. But as I stared at the person in front of me I saw bits of the past that I was familiar with, as well as the stranger I had yet to learn.
Her hair was longer since the last time I'd seen her. She was skinnier too. When was the last time she'd eaten?
I had to force myself not to run up to her and take her in my arms. It was as if my body went to autopilot as I took a step towards her. Instead, I let the feeling in my body remain. No matter how much I ached to look at her or even touch her.
It hurt to see her.
A good ache but painful desperation I didn't know I still harbored. I thought I was over it. I thought I could move on and close that chapter. But I saw her again.
Dammit. I saw her.
Leave it up to Liam and Riley to try to play matchmaker. Those little fuckers still haven't given up after all these years. If it hadn't worked by now, you think they'd give up. But no. Still going strong. Maybe that's why they were so good together, their persistence.
"Hi," she finally spoke. Music to my ears. Like hearing Beethoven for the first time. Mesmerizing.
"Hi. Did you fly here?" I stammered. Of course, she flew here. How else would she get here? She made me stupid.
"Yeah," she chuckled. "Did I interrupt your 'guys night'?" She looked to Liam. Our five minutes of being in the same room together were almost up anyway.
"It's Bachelor in Paradise night," Riley came waltzing in holding a bowl of popcorn. "You can join us if you want?" Kennedy's back stiffened just at the thought of being in the same room together.
"Ohhhh. So you finally watch it now?" She looked at me again. Calculating the conversation in her head before I even responded. She didn't want to be caught off guard any more than she already was.
"Yeah kinda." I shoved my hands in my pockets. I didn't know what else to do with them. It was more of settling the fear of reaching for her. "It was the one condition for getting their house key."
"Really?" She raised her eyebrows at Liam and me.
"No. He's lying. Riley just forced us to watch it so much that now we can't stop." Liam admitted it. It did become a guilty pleasure of ours.
In high school, the girls would make us watch it from time to time. The first year after high school I would email Kenny the updates each week of the season if Riley didn't. Since then it just became a habit. I had no real reason to watch it anymore, but I couldn't stop. It sure beat hearing my dad complain about my coworkers over the phone though.
"We're you going to watch it with us?" I asked casually.
"Oh no. I don't think so," she rubbed her arm. A new habit perhaps.
"Oh cmon please, Kenny," Riley begged from the couch.
"Actually, I was gonna go see my dad and Tish," I didn't know who she was talking to at this point. "Can I borrow your car?" She asked Liam quietly.
"Here," I said reaching into my pocket and tossing her my keys. "I'm parked behind them anyway," I shrugged.
"No, it's okay. You don't have to do that I can call dad and I'm sure he'll pick me up." She shook her head but continued to hold onto the keys.
"No, it's okay. Besides, I'll probably end up at my mom's tonight at some point. Liam or Riley can drop me off there and pick you up if you're staying here." I shouldn't have said that. Made plans without asking any of them. But it was common sense so who the hell cared? Besides, since nobody had seen Kennedy in so long, everyone was playing by her rules. Not that it was a bad thing.
"Are you guys okay with that? I might stay over there. I haven't decided yet," she trailed off growing more quiet.
"Just let me know what you'll decide, I'll pick you up if you want to stay here," Liam assured her.
She muttered thank you to me before breezing past me. I tried to breathe in the familiar scent of her, but there was something missing that I couldn't place.
I waited thirty seconds after the front door shut. Another thirty seconds after the car started before I finally spoke. "Were you just not going to tell me she's back?" I sat on the couch as far away from the two of them as I possibly could.
8 couldn't help but imagine me pulling Kennedy onto my lap. I'd wrap my arms around her to keep her safe and myself warm. In that fantasy, I'd never let her go. But in reality, she was gone.
Fuck.
"What was I supposed to tell you? Hey, Cal my sister who just so happens to be your ex-girlfriend is back in town." Liam asked sarcastically.
"Yeah, you actually could have said that," I pointed out the obvious. "I mean you don't have to explain the sister and ex-girlfriend thing to me because I know her, but you could have given me a heads up man."
"He's right you know," Riley sided with me.
"Oh my god. Hell has frozen over Riley Daniels soon to be Parker finally took my side." I gasped.
"Don't let it go to your head," Riley smirked. We both directed our attention back to Liam.
"I'm sorry okay! I didn't think it was going to be that big of a deal for you two."
"Yeah well, I don't want to be surprised like that." I shot back. I shouldn't have, but I didn't care. He really could have given me a warning. "You know what happened last time."
"Look- it's been rough for you guys. It's been rough for all of us," Liam stated growing more stern. "We all have to get through it somehow. Cant you guys just try to get along? For once? I mean it's not like you knew she wasn't ever going to come back. She was going to be at the wedding regardless. She's a little early but who the hell cares?" He grumbled flopping onto the couch.
He was right. I didn't want to admit it, but he was right. I knew she'd be back. I just didn't think it would have been a surprise. I figured someone would have spilled the beans. Riley and Liam wouldn't shut up about her coming to the wedding. I didn't blame them. She'd been gone for a while.
"Yeah," I mumbled. "When did she even get back?"
"Last night," Liam responded quickly.
"Who knows?"
"Us."
"Just us?"
"Well she's going to our parent's house now, so I guess they count," Liam countered.
"Plus you guys gotta put your shit aside if you're going to get through the wedding." Riley scolded me. Being scolded by Riley made it feel like I was being yelled at by my own mom. She was scary.
"I will be on my best behavior. Scout's honor," I held up my hand.
"You weren't even a Boy Scout," Liam rolled his eyes.
"True, but it's still a promise nevertheless," I winked cracking open a beer.
I'd need it and more if I was going to get through their wedding as the best man. Especially if my ex-girlfriend just so happened to be the maid of honor.
Seeing her fucking hurt.