Chapter 32: Chapter 32

“Happy May Day!” Sara said. Everyone clinked their glasses together. The Magical Girls, along with Justine, were at the Behind Bars and Grill celebrating. They sat at a table with their meals and drinks.

“Happy Me Day,” May added. Pari grinned slightly.

Justine rolled her eyes at the demon player. “Cute. ...So, ladies, I gotta ask—are you really okay with going back to dungeons?”

“I think we’re about as ready as we’re ever gonna be,” May told her before looking to Pari. “We didn’t pressure you to get back into things, did we?”

“No. I want to be ready for Invasion Day if possible. And prove to Sandra that she doesn’t run my life.” Pari’s fear about adventuring was still present, but at least it had become easier to control.

“You’re going to be traveling to dungeons in raids I hope?” Justine asked.

“No, we decided against it,” Sara explained. “The bounty on us is so high that, even if we traveled in a group of fifty, an equal number of hunters might be willing to split the reward and come for us.”

“The full raid PvP out on the border is only survivable because every inmate involved is extremely skilled,” Clare added. “We could never hope to find allies like that when we’re still at seventeen percent.”

Sara addressed Justine once more. “On the plus side, I doubt most hunters will be likely to come after us more than once. A twelve hour ride is a long way to go for a bunch of video game currency and fifteen minutes of fame.”

“You don’t suppose any inmates will try to collect?” Justine asked her in concern.

“They’d end up on our show and be branded as traitors. That couldn’t be worth the risk to anyone—except Cantor.”

“I can’t believe that bastard is still out there. I hope you do kill him, just like how you said on your show.”

“I have to admit, I’ve been second-guessing my decision not to fight him. ...There have been so many more victims since then.”

“That isn’t your fault,” Clare insisted. “You handled the situation correctly.”

“Thanks,” Sara told her. She then visibly forced herself to cheer up. Pari worried to see her do that—but she was also grateful that the healer tried so hard to keep everyone’s spirits up. “But enough of that. Pari, tell Justine the good news!”

“I got a text from my parents—I have a younger sibling on the way.”

“Congrats!” Justine told her. “To the future big sister!” They all toasted again. Pari was of course happy about the news...but her parents had been adamant about not having a second child before her arrest. She could not help but feel that they had set out to replace her very quickly. Not that she blamed them—a brain in a jar was not about to give them grandchildren. And who was to say how much longer she would even be around?

Pari also pushed her negative thoughts aside and tried to stay upbeat. Moments to relax were precious commodities, given how hard the magical girls had worked over the last two months.

The evening wore on, with the women chatting on mostly innocuous topics. Eventually, Pari began to feel slightly run down from all the socializing. “I should be going soon—you know how my Mother Superior gets.”

“Before you go...” Clare interjected. She sounded slightly nervous. “There’s something I want to discuss that’s a private concern for the party.”

“Say no more,” Justine told her. “I love hanging out with all of you, but adventuring business is none of mine.”

“Thank you for understanding,” Clare said.

“Have a good night.” Justine rose, and then looked to May and Sara. “...Drop by my place later on if you feel like it.”

“I’d like that,” Sara said. May nodded.

“Good night,” Pari added.

With a wave, Justine turned and left.

“So, what’s this about that you couldn’t tell us during practice today?” May asked.

“I wanted to bring it up then...but I was afraid this might upset you,” Clare explained to her.

“Me? ...Well, get on with it.”

“Now that we’re going back into danger, I can’t help but think that secrets from our past have hurt the party twice before. My decision to conceal my childhood trauma led to my attack on Sara. And though the issue was resolved much more easily, Pari’s history with Cassandra briefly broke up the party as well.

“But now, three of us here are open books. May, I apologize—but I feel we could rule out another such incident if you came clean about your own past.”

Sara was about to speak, but May cut her off. “My past is none of your damn business. Just because we’re coexisting lately doesn’t make us friends.”

“You’re right that it’s none of my business. But Sara and Pari are your friends. Don’t you want them to feel safe?”

Sara interjected. “This isn’t necessary. I trust May.”

“I do too,” Pari added.

“It’s not a matter of trust,” Clare insisted. “I just want to take all possible precautions. I’d be willing to accept Sara and Pari’s judgment if you don’t want to tell me what you’re hiding.”

“Except that all of this is bound to end up on our show,” May pointed out irritably.

“I can only promise that I won’t watch that episode. As for our fans... I imagine the more obsessed ones have already researched your background. I’m sure Unique did. Do you want to wait for her or someone like her to tell us some distorted tale of your past? Or would you rather get this over with?”

“Clare, just fuck off! You’re some goddamn hypocrite bitching at me about this. We’re lucky Sara isn’t dead after what you pulled.”

“May!” the healer shouted. Pari had to agree the demon player had cut a little too deeply with her words. Especially after Clare rose from her chair and walked out of the establishment.

“You’ve really upset her,” Sara told May. “And there’s no reason to be so harsh when she means well and is really trying to be polite. ...I’m going to make sure she’s okay.”

Sara left Pari and May alone, seated next to each other. “Listen,” Pari said miserably. “If you really want, we can both pretend you told me about your past. I’m sure if I vouch for you, Clare will be okay with it.”

“Aren’t Christians supposed to tell the truth or something?”

“Well, we’re not supposed to bear false witness against someone. But lying to be helpful is more of a gray area. ...It’s fine.”

“I’m getting guilted from all sides today.” May continued when Pari tried to interrupt. “I’m just kidding, I know you didn’t mean anything like that. ...But I guess Clare was right, that nothing stays secret forever in here.”

“Who knew we’d miss privacy rights so much?” Pari asked lightly.

“It’s not that I’m really that ashamed of my past. It’s just hard to talk about. But then, I guess you know where I’m coming from on that.” Pari nodded. “I’ll give you the run down.

“It might surprise you to know that I actually came from a fancy suburb. I just didn’t stay there. When I was nine my dad died in a freak accident—some senile old lady still had a car that wasn’t self-driving, and she hit him.

“My mom got real depressed and basically stopped functioning. She ended up on disability, but that wasn’t enough to get by. She defaulted on our mortgage. ...I’ve always hated her for that.

“We ended up in a small apartment in a bad neighborhood—me, her, and my older brother Monroe. My grandma tried to help out, but she was on a fixed income and had health problems. She passed away a couple years back.

“As for Monroe...he was slow, angry, and lazy. He’d stand up for me if someone was on my case, but otherwise he was useless. So the cleaning, cooking, even shopping fell mostly on me.

“With all the pressure I acted out sometimes in class, but I still got good grades—expectations were a lot lower after I had to transfer. I ran track later on in high school. I was hoping to get a scholarship. I hadn’t decided what I was gonna major in when I got to college—I just wanted to get back into the comfortable life I’d lost.

“I bet you think I was this cool, rebellious star athlete?”

“It sounds like it.”

“You’re forgetting about that awkward name I had. And in the real world I was legally blind. I could see, but I had to wear thick glasses that made Sara’s look fashionable. Even goggles while I ran.”

“I can hardly picture that.”

“My parents had planned to get me cybernetic eyes when I got older, but obviously that fell through. Anyway, even looking that ridiculous I still slept with every gay girl at my high school.” There was a hint of her usual mischievousness at this last.

Pari laughed slightly. “Now that I can picture.”

“But I suppose I should stop dragging this out and get to the ugly part. Monroe went in a bad direction and got involved in a gang. I fought with him about it constantly, but his dumb-ass never listened.

“A few months back he got in a fight and killed a member of another gang. Then came to me about what to do! He didn’t wanna go to his scumbag friends—he was already on very thin ice, and they wouldn’t have appreciated him taking it upon himself to start a war for no good reason.

“You know, if Fantasy weren’t a thing I would’ve rolled on him in a heartbeat. I was so sick of his shit that I wouldn’t have minded him going away for twenty years. But he was my brother, and I couldn’t handle throwing him in a death game. ...I decided to help him dispose of the body.

“I didn’t realize it at the time, but a surveillance drone saw us during that part. Next thing you know, my family is in our apartment having dinner and the police surrounded the building.”

May teared up slightly. She hesitated slightly before continuing. “Monroe went completely crazy—he didn’t wanna end up in Fantasy. I was kinda afraid he’d shoot me if I kept trying to talk him down, so I just hid with my mom. ...He died in a shoot-out and managed to take three cops with him.

“But guess what?” May asked bitterly. “If three pigs die, you can be damn sure someone is going to Fantasy for it. So suddenly I’m being painted in the media by the fucking mayor of Chicago as the criminal mastermind responsible for all my brother’s crimes. I must have pushed him into it, ’cause apparently he was too ‘developmentally disabled’ to do anything himself.

“I guess being poor, black, and getting sent to principal’s office a few times was evidence enough for me to get charged as an adult. Well, that and hiding a body—I’ll give them that.

“It didn’t help that I got an absolute shit public defender. And no legal charity wanted to get involved. They’re so overextended, and they’ve gotta choose their battles. I wasn’t a winnable case. I was an example of ‘what’s wrong with today’s youth.’ Just so some bag-of-dicks politician could look tough on crime.

“I saw the writing on the wall and hammered out the plea myself. We met a couple weeks later.”

Pari was also on the verge of tears. She took May’s hand. “I’m sorry that happened.”

“Hey, is it really that much worse than what you went through?” May asked, still obviously wrestling with her emotions. “I didn’t wanna talk about it because I’m still so fucking angry at everyone. And I’m angry at myself for not turning my brother in. ...He’d have been better off in Fantasy than dead in a hail of bullets.”

“You shouldn’t blame yourself for that,” Pari insisted. “You didn’t know it would turn out that way. And if you’d still been living on the right side of the tracks, none of it would have happened.”

“But then I never would’ve met my favorite goblin in the whole world,” May said, managing a weak smile. Pari returned it, and her friend continued more hesitantly. “I just don’t know how to get over everything. And I guess Clare catches the brunt of my temper. ...This time she didn’t even have it coming. I just felt cornered and lashed out.” May withdrew her hand and briefly looked away, ashamed.

“It’s okay. Sara’s there for her, and you can apologize to her later.”

“I know. ...This is a kinda personal question, but...” Pari nodded encouragingly. “...how do you deal with what Cassandra did to you?”

“That goes into religious territory a bit.”

“I’d still like to know. The truth is I’ve been wondering for a while. But I didn’t wanna pry when I wasn’t ready to be open myself.”

“As cruel as Sandra is, I forgive her. The Catholic view is that we forgive others so that we can be forgiven for our own trespasses. By others, and by God.

“Forgiveness isn’t the same as reconciliation. That requires repentance, and baring a real miracle I don’t think Sandra’s capable. Of course, I’ve prayed for that miracle often—without it, who’s to say how many more victims she’ll hurt?

“But at least by forgiving her, it helps with my own peace of mind. I think that even from a secular perspective, that part is true. You make a decision to try as hard as you can to let go of your anger, regardless of whether the person who wronged you ever acknowledges their misdeed. And you do that for yourself. Otherwise, your feelings will keep causing you pain.”

“I don’t know if I can do that.”

“This is the part where if you were religious, I’d tell you to ask God for help. Failing that...you do have friends here who want to help and are willing to talk.”

“Maybe what you said already helped me. I am sick of being angry.

“The truth is, I’ve had my mom blocked on the messaging system since I got here. But I’m gonna let her text me, if she wants to and somehow puts together the cash.

“Thank you. ...I wish I could do something meaningful for you.”

“If anything, I’ve owed you from the start,” Pari said, suddenly self-conscious. “You’ve stood up for me since we met. The very first thing you said made me laugh for the first time since I was arrested. You’ve comforted me through painful times. And maybe it’s silly...but you were just so damn cool that I wanted to be more like you. ...You’re the best friend I’ve ever had.”

Both women stood and hugged each other. This drew a few stares from the other inmates in the bar, but for once Pari did not care. A part of her wanted to say more—but she was afraid that whatever else she might say would give the impression that she hoped to become even more than friends.

Shortly after the women stood away from each other once more, Sara and Clare returned. The latter spoke. “May, I’m sorry that I pried—”

“Forget it,” the demon player said. “This little incident was completely on me.” She gestured at the table, and everyone was seated once more. “I managed to explain everything you wanted to know.”

“None of it has any bearing on the party,” Pari explained.

“I’m not really up for talking about it again, but you can both watch it on our show. If there’s any misleading editing, Pari can fill you in on the truth.”

“You’re sure that’s okay?” Clare asked.

“Yeah. ...I don’t know if things are ever gonna be good between the two of us, but if we’re risking our lives together we should at least be straight with each other.” Clare nodded. “...Anyway, I could really use another drink.”