Chapter 12: Chapter 12

Pari opened and closed her HUD to check the time. It was shortly before midnight. She looked up briefly and sighed.

She was seated alone at a small round table in a corner of the Sapphic Sorceress. At the bar and various other tables, women were drinking, smoking, flirting, and generally having a good time. Only the “respectable” drugs—alcohol, tobacco, and marijuana—were allowed in Fantasy. The smoke she could see in the room was not real of course, but using a game item with these substances meant the relevant chemicals were temporarily added into one’s blood supply.

Besides these vices, there were a couple dart boards and pool tables to pass the time. Pari, along with May, Sara, and their new acquaintance Justine, had tried both of these earlier. While Pari had tried to enjoy herself, her social anxiety was making that difficult. As was usual, she had been quiet unless spoken to.

Her three companions had gone to the other room to dance. Music blared from behind a curtain, which covered the doorway into that area. Pari had not been in there. Another apparent diversion in this establishment she had avoided were the bathrooms—given that no one could use them for their real world purpose in Fantasy, they were obviously being used for sex instead.

Pari considered leaving, but she would need to say goodbye to the others first. Finding them on a dark dance floor might be awkward.

Sara emerged from behind the curtain and approached the bar. She was wearing an alternate outfit from her plea bargain—a black t-shirt, jeans, and white sneakers. Her hair was held up in a long ponytail by a white scrunchy. For her part, Pari’s only other clothing was the bland peasant outfit everyone received. Because of this, she had stuck with her usual dress.

After buying a couple drinks at the bar, Sara walked over to join Pari and sat beside her. “Do you want one? They’re just sodas, no alcohol.” The music was not too loud in here, but she had to raise her voice slightly. The two drank their colas as the conversation continued.

“Thanks. Don’t you drink?”

“No. Maybe it’s irrational, but I worry I’d do something I’d regret later.” Pari of course had stopped drinking once she had made the decision to become a nun. “Are you doing okay? You seem a little anxious.”

“I guess I am. I’m really not good with social gatherings. I find training a little easier, since that’s more structured.”

“We didn’t pressure you too much to come out tonight, did we? Or make you uncomfortable somehow?”

“Oh no, it’s nothing you did. And I probably would have felt like I was missing out if I hadn’t come. It’s the story of my life—stay home and be lonely, or go out and be awkward.”

“I’m sorry you have to deal with something like that.”

“It’s fine. I’m just glad everyone else is having fun. Sometimes I worry that I’m going to ruin things by being so off-putting.”

“Not at all. May and I both agree that you’re very endearing. And cute!” Pari blushed. She wished that her green skin were dark enough to hide that fact. Sara laughed slightly. “Sorry if I’m being too forward. I’ve been pretty excitable tonight—but kind of stressed too. I tend to be more introverted, but since I’ve been in Fantasy I haven’t had much alone time.”

“I understand.”

“I’d never been to a club before tonight. I could see myself doing this once in a while, but I’m not in my element like May or Justine. You should see those two on the dance floor—or maybe you shouldn’t, since they’re all over each other.”

Pari laughed. “Just because I want to be a nun doesn’t mean I’ve never seen anything sexual. I’ve been in a couple of relationships.”

“Well, you’ve got me beat there in life experience—I’ve never made time for anything serious. I’d like to hear about it.”

She supposed it was her own fault for bringing the topic up, but the conversation was straying into difficult territory. Pari decided to change the subject. “In high school I had a boyfriend, and then later a girlfriend. But what about you and May—is there anything brewing there?”

“We’re not exclusive or anything. I mean, we are technically living together, but that’s only to save gold. If our circumstances in the game weren’t so difficult, I might consider something more serious—she’s a lot of fun, and really hot. ...Sometimes I’m not sure if I want to be with her or just be her.”

“Her body is amazing,” Pari agreed. She then blushed again—that was not something she should have let slip.

“Sounds like you might have a little crush.”

“I did say I wanted to face temptation, so it serves me right,” she joked. “It’s not going to be easy staying celibate as a ‘magical girl.’” Pari then frowned slightly. “Except when it comes to Clare—I don’t care how gorgeous she is, she’s just awful!

“...Um, don’t tell her I said that, please.”

“I won’t. I know she’s been difficult, but I feel like I’m starting to get through to her a bit. She even apologized for what she said about me this afternoon. Sort of.”

“Maybe that’s something. I always try to be nice to people, but I have to admit that I enjoy it a little when May tells her off.”

“I understand the temptation, but it’s really not helpful from the standpoint of putting together a functioning party.”

“I suppose... But I just love how she doesn’t take crap from anyone.”

Her companion looked at her knowingly, and Pari realized she was once again letting her feelings through. “I’m hopeless! Let’s talk about something else.”

Sara paused to consider. “I know we’re here to relax, but we could talk shop a bit?” Pari nodded. “Have you made a decision about your PvE specialty?” PvE stood for player vs. environment. It was a catch-all term for any combat that was not PvP.

“I’ve read about all the different ranged damage styles. I’m leaning toward void mage.” A mage was a player who relied on burst spells to strike at monsters from a distance. That spell came in five different types of damage—stone, lightning, ice, fire, and void. Void did slightly less damage than the other elements, but no monsters or players could resist it.

“Any idea what you’d do with your last skill slot?” Single element mages only needed three spells. “You could pick up a pet—they’re good for reconnaissance, or extra damage.”

“I was thinking of going with the gemcrafting trade. The Church would pay my start-up costs so that I can help with the backlog of raw gems from donations. I could also cut any the party finds.

“That would save us a lot of gold. Though I think gathering is more lucrative.”

Pari hesitated uncomfortably. “I know, but I want something to fall back on if I decide I can’t handle fighting. Gathering only works outside the safe areas.”

“That makes sense. You should keep your options open.”

“You really think so? I feel badly about relying on your help to buy my spells. Especially when I’m still uncertain about what I’ll be doing.”

“None of us can be completely sure that we’ll keep adventuring—in a brutal game like this, post-traumatic stress might leave anyone unable to fight.”

“That’s true.”

“You can make a lot more gold for the Church running raids or max XP dungeons than you can in trades. You’d have the chance to protect yourself on Invasion Day as well.

“But I can’t guarantee your safety. And it’s possible you might have to kill another inmate in self-defense. I know I’ve said it before, but this is your choice alone. You’re under no obligation to the rest of the party, regardless of what help you accept from us.”

Pari decided that she trusted Sara well enough to admit something intensely personal. “Part of what’s bothering me is that I’m more scared of dying than I am of killing. I keep worrying that it makes me a bad Christian—the afterlife shouldn’t be something to fear.”

“There’s nothing wrong with feeling that way. Fear of our own mortality is the most natural thing in the world. We all come from a long line of people that were desperate to avoid death. And before that, other organisms with similar instincts. After all, any creature without that impulse wouldn’t have survived long enough to reproduce.

“You can’t decide what instincts you have—you only choose how you respond to them. It’s a good thing that you’re being honest about it. Some people delude themselves into thinking they’re too special to die in some mundane way. And that leads to recklessness.

“Even though I don’t believe in an afterlife, I have similar feelings to yours. Ceasing to exist may not be desirable, but I’ve had to ask myself why I’m so scared of it. After all, it’s impossible to be unhappy about not existing—I’ll no longer have any thoughts or emotions at that point. And I already got fourteen billion years of practice not existing before I was born.

“But I’m scared for the same reason you are—instinct. You’d probably never get them to admit it, but I know May and Clare are frightened too. That’s why they’re training just as hard as we are.”

Pari found the idea of nothingness after this life too grim to accept—if she had Sara’s beliefs, she would be even more paralyzed by fear. But she agreed with the rest. “I guess there’s no sense in feeling guilty over my emotions.”

“Exactly. What matter are your actions—and whether you chose to fight or not, you’ll still have ways to help people.”

Pari nodded. “Thank you. I know what I want now—to give adventuring my best shot. If I get too scared later and back out, I’ll be stuck with three wasted skill slots. But that’s not the end of the world. Trades aren’t the only way to help with the Church’s ministry to prisoners.” She was surprised by the resolve in her own voice.

Sara smiled. “If anything I said was helpful, I’m glad.”

“You’ve been nothing but helpful since we met. I can’t imagine I’ll ever be able to repay your kindness.”

“If you do want to help, finishing three speed gems for the party would really save me some gold.”

Pari laughed. “That I can do. And if you bought the raw gems from the Church, I’m sure Bishop Bell would appreciate it.”

“That’s a good idea, thanks. I’ll drop by the cathedral tomorrow before practice then.”

The two fell silent for a while. Pari then looked to the other woman again. “You know, since I got here...any time there’s a lull in a conversation, I have to stop myself from reaching for my phone.”

Sara laughed. “I know what you mean. And sometimes I feel a second of panic because my purse isn’t there. This place is going to take some getting used to.”

Pari then noticed May and Justine emerge from the other room. The demon player was impossible to miss—she was wearing a black suit and tie with a red shirt. Despite the suit being a men’s design, it did not hide all evidence of her amazing curves.

When Pari had first seen her in the outfit earlier tonight, it had felt like her heart had skipped a beat. And she supposed that having the target of her crush look like an actual devil made her feelings even more inappropriate.

After stopping by the bar to pick up drinks of their own, the beautiful inmates sauntered over to the table. “What have you two been up to?” Justine asked.

“Mostly talking about game stuff,” Sara admitted.

The new arrivals laughed. “We’ll have to loosen both of you up,” Justine said.

“Listen to the woman, she’s an expert on having a good time.” May then wrapped one her wings around Justine’s back and pressed up against her. “Not to mention crazy hot.”

“I won’t dispute either of those claims.”

After May withdrew her wing, the two women were seated. Pari found herself very conscious of how close May was sitting to her.

Sara looked to Justine. “I wanted to thank you again for your help this afternoon. I just love Clare’s outfit.”

“Glad to be of service. Now that I’ve seen all four of you, I have to say that you’ve got a gorgeous look. I know how these things go—I’m positive you’ll get a show once you start running dungeons.”

“Damn right we will,” May said boisterously. She held up her glass. “To getting a show and kicking an ass-load of ass!”

“Hear, hear!” Sara said in agreement. The four women clinked their glasses together and then took a sip.

“So listen,” Justine said in a flirtatious tone. “How about the three of you come back to my place after this round?”

“That’s the most fucking brilliant idea I’ve ever heard,” May said.

“I definitely don’t want to miss this,” Sara added playfully.

Pari was more than a little embarrassed by the thought. Even when she had been sexually active, she would not have seriously considered being part of an orgy! “I’m flattered, but I can’t.”

“She wants to be a nun,” May explained. “Kind of a waste if you ask me...” Her tail brushed up against the separation field on Pari’s leg.

“May!” Pari cried. She knew that she was blushing deeply, but she could not help herself.

“Sorry. In my defense, I am pretty drunk. And you did tell me you haven’t made any vows yet?” May grinned.

“I—I should be going.” Pari stood awkwardly.

May suddenly looked concerned. “I didn’t really make you uncomfortable, did I? I just get flirty with girls I’m friends with. ...That’s probably why I didn’t have many straight friends.” She gave a slight laugh.

“It’s not that.” It partly was, but she did not want to admit it. “It’s getting late, and the Mother Superior wasn’t exactly thrilled with this idea to begin with.”

“If you do come out again, I’ll behave,” May promised.

“We’d be happy to have you, Pari,” Sara added.

Justine nodded. “It was really nice meeting you. Have a good one.”

“Thanks, you too.” Pari waved and departed. After exiting the building, she set off toward the trolley stop. As awkward as her night had been, she was genuinely glad she had made the effort. And even if she could never pursue her attraction to May, she still wanted to be closer friends with her.