a/n: happy early easter!
* * *
Harry
I walked away from Lili, feeling slightly irritated. I knew she meant no harm by asking for something so simple like her phone, but it bothered me, and the worst part is, I couldn't tell exactly why. I was mentally blaming it on the fact that she hadn't talked to me in a while, and now that she had the opportunity to, she was choosing not to. While I sat here waiting for her, giving her space just like my mum told me to, the first thing she wanted when she came out of her short hibernation was her phone.
Although I think that was a fair way to sum up the reasoning behind why I felt the way I do, I think there was a bigger picture I couldn't quite put my finger on.
I decided to join Mum in the kitchen. Maybe she needed help with whatever she's doing in there, and I needed a distraction of some sort. I shouldn't be angry, I know I shouldn't. This is such a small, stupid thing to be upset over. But I am upset.
Mum's head turned to face me as soon as I was close enough to come into her peripheral vision. She was placing the steel kettle on the stovetop, presumably making tea. Mum always makes tea whenever she wants to have a conversation with someone, or if she was trying to make someone feel better. The flavor of tea always determined which.
"Hi Harry," she greets me with a smile, wiping her hands across the fabric of her jeans.
"Hey," I say bluntly, accompanied by a sigh.
"What's wrong?" Her eyebrows draw together in concern and her lips turn down into a frown. "You seem upset."
"I'm not," I lie with a shake of my head.
She places a hand on the countertop next to her, shifting her weight onto her leg closest to the cabinets, staring at me with a straight face. I could tell just by her expression that she didn't believe me, and the way she stood told me that she was waiting for me to tell the truth. You learn things about your mother's body language over time, especially after your teenage years.
I fold my arms over each other as I stare back at her, trying to fight her intimidation. But just as I always do, I fail miserably, cracking under the pressure of her death stare.
I uncross my arms, letting them fall back down to my sides in defeat. I roll my eyes, the annoyance that went away for those split seconds coming back to me all at once. That irritating feeling I originally came in here to distract myself from washed over me like a tsunami, but this time stronger.
"Come on, what's the matter?" Mum repeats, seeing she was able to break my guard down.
I rolled my eyes, still unsure how extensive I wanted to go. There were quite a few things wrong. They may have all been little things, but little things build up to form big problems.
"I'm just annoyed," I mumble, but it was so quiet I wasn't sure if she heard me or not.
"What?" She says, proving my theory to be true.
"I'm irritated," I say, much louder this time.
"Harry, what could you possibly be irritated about?" Mum says, shifting her weight onto her other leg, popping her hip out.
"It's just..." I trail off, looking up at the ceiling as I search my brain for the right words to say. I didn't know how to express how I was feeling, not verbally at least. I knew I was annoyed, but I had a dumb reason for feeling that way.
"Are you mad at Lili?" Mum lowers her voice to a whisper, a weary look on her face.
I sigh. "No, I- I'm not mad," I try my best to explain, but then again I didn't know how to. "I'm just...slightly annoyed."
"Annoyed with Lili?" She questions me further.
I hold my breath, keeping my response to myself. But my silence was enough to give Mum the answers she was looking for.
Slowly, she shakes her head. "Honey, you shouldn't be annoyed with her."
"I know, I know," I'm quick to reply, shaking my head vigorously.
"No, Harry, I don't think you know," Mum says, her normally fun and playful self quickly becoming serious. Her facial expression became stern, and I knew immediately I was about to be lectured. "I mean, you may have not liked, or even knew who this guy was, but Lili did. And she's grieving. You have no right to judge her feelings right now because you don't know how she's feeling."
I know I shouldn't have, I really know I shouldn't have, but I couldn't hold it back. A smile spread across my lips, no matter how hard I tried to contain it, it slipped out of my control. To see my own mother talk about Lili so protectively made me smile. I can tell when my mum really likes someone.
And she loves Lili.
"And besides," she continues, despite my lack of response, "She's already embarrassed, so the last thing she needs is to feel your judgment on her."
"I know." I let out a sigh of frustration. "It's just pissing me off."
"What about this is frustrating you so much?" Her face twists in concern.
"I just...don't like how...I feel like she's pushing me away," I admit, furrowing my eyebrows together, deep in thought. "All I'm trying to do is help her and I can't but feel like she's pushing me away. A-and I hate it because...she's never done something like this before. She's always so open, but now she's just...not. And I hate it."
Mum nods along with my words, showing she was not only listening, but she understood what I was trying to express - which meant a lot to me because I think that's what I really needed right now.
She sighs, looking down for a brief moment before meeting my eyes again with a soft glare. "I don't know, H. I think you should really just w..."
She trails off, a smile quickly taking over her features. Her gaze shifts past me, and I slowly turn around out of instinct.
Behind me stood Lili, cell phone clenched tightly in her small hands, eyes glossy, and nose still red. Somehow, she looked even more upset than she initially did when she first came out of the room with my mum. I could tell something was wrong, and I mean other than the obvious.
Mum and I stare at her for a short moment, expecting her to speak up since she looked like there was something she wanted to say, but she was silent. Tears welled in her blue eyes, the metaphorical ocean beneath her eyelids filling with salty water. Despite the tears threatening to fall to her cheeks, her lips spread into a smile. It was that smile again.
"Darling, are you alright?" Mum's the first to speak up in concern, stepping around me to approach Lili. Her hands reach out to gently grip Lili's forearms, Lili turns to her, her smile dropping the slightest, almost unnoticeable, bit.
She looks at Mum with an overall calm face, but you could see the falseness in it. Her eyes told you everything you needed to know, surpassing all the lies her face may have told.
"Yeah, I'm fine," Lili says, her voice fragile and croaky. She sounded sick almost, extremely exhausted maybe even. "It's just been a really long day."
"Well, I'll say," Mum agrees with a smile, an uplifting tone laced in her voice. It was very obvious she was trying her best to lighten the mood by being bubbly. But I don't think this kind of scenario could be lightened by a happy personality alone.
"L, are you sure you're okay?" I ask, seeing past all her lies. It was obvious she wasn't just tired from the exhausts of the long day she's had. I knew it, she knew it, Mum knew it...hell, even Dotty knew it.
"Mhmm," she responds in a hum, nodding, but never meeting my strong stare. I suspected she was lying, and I wouldn't believe her words until she looked me in the eyes.
Suddenly, a loud whistling sound sounds through the kitchen, cutting the tension and startling us all. Mum quickly rushes over to the stovetop where the kettle was emitting out the whistling noise we all heard, signifying it had reached its boiling point.
"Lili," I say in a softer, but more stubborn tone, watching as her eyes follow Mum all the way to the stove. "Look at me. Please."
I wait patiently as I stare into her eyes, even when she refuses to do the same. I watch closely as her eyes move side to side, mentally deciding if she should look at me or continue to stare away. Slowly, her eyes flick up and my irises make the connection I'd been longing for this entire time.
"Are you okay?" I repeat my previous question in a lower tone, close to a whisper, hoping for her real answer this time.
Her bottom lip slips subtly between her teeth, never breaking the newly made eye contact. The whistling sound was stopped the moment Mum took the kettle off the burner, and it was now nearly silent, apart from the sounds of Mum preparing tea for the three of us.
I was nervous Lili wouldn't answer the question in front of Mum, but then I remembered they had a long conversation not too long ago, about this exact thing. The only person she hadn't talked about it to was me.
Her lips slowly spread into that fake smile once again, but this time keeping her teeth disclosed behind her closed lips. A single tear slips from her eye, now unable to keep the floodgates that were her eyelids from overflowing.
"I got fired from my job," she whispers, her voice hoarse. Another tear slips from her other eye.
My heart sinks after hearing those words.
When she said it's been a long day, she really meant it. I can't even begin to imagine how emotionally exhausting this day must have been for her. To find out about Noah's death, and then get fired from her job, and all in one day...fuck.
Now I felt awful for being so upset over a stupid phone.
I stare silently at her for a moment, my jaw slightly dropped, unsure of what to say. Saving me from potentially saying the wrong thing, Mum steps around me, holding a mug with steaming contents inside. She holds it out for Lili to take, giving her a sympathetic smile.
"Sometimes we all need a cup of tea after a long day," Mum says to her in a comforting tone. It had to be a mint tea of some sort.
"Thank you," Lili whispers appreciatively, quickly wiping her tears away with her fingertips before gently taking the hot mug from Mum, holding it cautiously with both hands.
I didn't know what to do, I was standing there like a fool. I felt the need to do something. So logically, I step forward, towering over Lili. She tilts her head bad slightly to meet my gaze once again, the height difference making it slightly more difficult.
I gently place my hand around the mug between her fingers, easily taking it out of her grasp. She flashes me a look of confusion as I set the mug down on the counter beside us.
She opens her mouth to speak, but before she has the chance to say anything, I wrap my arms around her shoulders, her head naturally burying itself into my chest.
If I had the day she's had, I would want a hug. Sometimes we all just need a hug...and a cup of tea according to my mum.
I feel her small arms wrap around my waist, hands stopping on my back as she returns my embrace. I tilt my head to the side, resting the side of my face on top of her head as I rub up and down her spine in a soothing motion.
"I'm so sorry," I whisper to her. I couldn't think of anything else to say. I was sorry, I was so incredibly, deeply sorry for her.
And I want to make her feel better, but I just don't know how.
***
Lili
The three of us sit on the couch together, each with a hot cup of tea of our own, either in front of us on the coffee table or in my case, in my lap.
I avoid eye contact with everyone at all costs. My eyes are fixated on my mug, teal with pink and green little birds printed on, resting snugly between my closed thighs. I watch as the steam slowly rises up from the cup and disappears into the air. Although we had all just barely sat down, I sensed a thick tension between us all that was mildly uncomfortable.
Anne and Harry channel surfed, trying to find something to watch, while I continued to stare down at my cuppa, as Anne would say.
"...coronavirus update-"
My head snaps up to the TV screen just as Anne switches the channel, my attention was immediately stolen away from the mug sitting between my legs.
"Hey, could you go back?" I speak up without even thinking. "Please," I add timidly, not wanting to come off as demanding.
I couldn't help it, I was curious to hear what was going on with this whole "coronavirus" thing. Last I heard it was still contained over in China, given I hardly ever watch the news or anything, so I was kind of surprised to hear it had somehow made its way over to the UK. But then again, it's probably just some silly cold that's gonna make its way around and then disappear, no big deal.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see Harry and Anne's heads turn in my direction at nearly the same time, both eyeing me with shocked expressions. I stare at the TV, which probably made things a hundred million times more awkward than they needed to be. But I was still avoiding eye contact, and staring straight ahead made the most sense to me in that moment.
"Sure," Anne says quietly, her voice still as kind as ever.
I watch as the screen changes from the random sitcom that she had stopped on when I spoke up, back to the blonde news anchor lady in the pink blouse, who happened to be talking about this whole coronavirus thing.
I watch and listen closely as she speaks, intrigued to hear what she had to say.
"Four more cases of coronavirus have been reported in England, bringing the total number in the UK to eight," the lady on the screen says.
"That's insane," Anne mumbles under her breath and I can't help but look over at her, risking breaking my streak of no eye contact. She shakes her head slowly in disbelief, eyes glued on the TV.
"I thought it was just a virus China had," I mutter quietly and she turns her head to face me.
Harry's eyes stayed locked on the TV screen, obviously intrigued as well.
"It was bought over here a little over a week ago," she explains, turning her head to the TV again, still shaking her head.
"But it can't be that bad, right?" I ask nervously, my eyes glued to her side profile, feeling a sudden anxiousness wash over me. I felt both scared and embarrassed that there's been so much happening with this whole virus thing that I don't know about.
Maybe I should keep tabs on it in case it ever gets serious.
"I think it's a load of bullshit," Harry's quick to say, never taking his eyes off the television. His arms are folded together, resting on his stomach, his body half-laying in a presumably very comfortable position.
"Really?" I ask, switching my gaze from Anne's side profile to now his.
"Yeah." He shrugs ever so slightly. "It's probably just some stupid flu."
"I don't know, H," Anne disagrees. She opens her mouth to say something else, but she quickly snaps it shut, the news anchor lady saying everything for her.
"It comes as the government introduces new powers to deal with the spread of coronavirus, declaring it a serious and imminent threat to public health," the lady explains.
"See?" Anne whispers quickly, nudging Harry's arm with her elbow, the lady on the screen proving her point.
"Under new measures, the Department of Health says people with coronavirus can now be forcibly quarantined and will not be free to leave."
What does quarantine even mean?
"Our health correspondent Philippa Roxby is here," the blonde lady continues before the camera switches to show a woman with short brown hair, wearing a red top. "Lots of developments to talk through-"
"I can't do this," Harry says, quickly standing to his feet. Once he stood up straight, he wastes no time to walk away, leaving the room.
"Harry, what are you doing?" Anne rolls her eyes, staying put unlike her son.
"I just think they're probably overreacting with this whole thing," he calls from the kitchen, where I had decided to go. I hear the sound of a cupboard close.
"Well maybe you're underreacting," Anne retaliates, shrugging.
"I'm just saying," Harry's voice draws closer, and I look over the back of the sofa to see him finally reentering the living room, this time with a bag of some sort of snack in his hand. "I don't understand how isolating these people from the outside world is going to do anything but make these people go crazy."
Quarantine means some sort of isolation. Got it.
"Harry, it's not about making these people go crazy, it's about keeping them from getting others sick," Anne explains, letting out a sigh. "It's supposedly highly contagious."
"I get why they're doing it, but why aren't they quarantining people who have other viruses? Aren't those contagious too?" Harry argues, walking around the couch, sitting back down in the spot he was before he got up for a snack break. He tilts the bag towards me, giving me a chance to finally see what snack he brought into the room. Pretzels. "Want some?" He offers me.
I shook my head slowly because I didn't feel hungry. "No thanks."
"You know it's different," Anne argues.
"But how?" Harry asks. "How could it possibly be different than any of the other winter viruses going around right now?"
Anne shakes her head in defeat. "I'm obviously not gonna convince you, so I'm not going to argue anymore."
Harry's facial expression softens from stubborn to sweet so quickly like an internal switch had been flipped. "I'm just saying...I think Boris is going a bit overboard with this."
Anne stays silent, turning her attention away from her son and back to the TV.
They're both just as stubborn as each other, it's almost funny.
* * *
a/n: y'all please don't get mad at me for bringing covid into the story.ð§ð»ââï¸ i promise it has relevance and you won't be complaining later on.