Chapter 35

SABINA

Aboloft walked in right on the thirty-minute mark. He made a beeline for the healer, demanding answers.

“What’s the deal with my queen?” Aboloft asked.

“I think it’s best if we talk outside, my lord,” the woman replied.

Fear clawed at my heart as Aboloft and the healer left the room. She’d promised not to tell Aboloft about the baby. I prayed she’d kept her word.

I had to protect this baby from the world, at least until the war was over and Aboloft’s life returned to normal.

Aboloft was gone for about fifteen minutes, maybe more. I had no way of knowing. Had the healer broken her promise? Had she told Aboloft what was happening to me? God, I hoped not.

After a few more minutes, Aboloft came back. His eyes were closed off, showing no emotion, as he gestured for me to sit. I let out a deep sigh and sat back down on the bed.

“The healer told me what’s going on with you,” he said.

Dread squeezed my heart. “A-and?”

He cradled my face and planted a gentle kiss on my lips. “Don’t worry, Bina. I promised to take care of you. You’re mine to protect now. Why are you scared?”

“Wh-what? What are you talking about?” I asked.

“The healer said you’re worried about the upcoming battle between Wilsden and me. I’m telling you not to worry because I won’t let those monsters hurt you anymore,” he explained.

“But I don’t want you to kill them, Aboloft. Let them go, don’t fight them. So many lives will be lost. So many children will lose their parents. So many families will be torn apart. Please, don’t do this,” I begged.

“I will avenge you, my beautiful goddess. Either Wilsden will accept you or the people will die. I won’t let anyone live if I think they might hurt you in the future.

“So, stop trying to change my mind. My decision is final. This war will be over before you know it. Then we can finally live our lives happily,” Aboloft said, giving me a tender kiss.

I didn’t know why, but I needed Aboloft, needed to feel his body around mine. Without a second thought, I deepened the kiss, clutching Aboloft’s neck as I moved my lips over his.

He pulled back, looking at me with surprise and confusion. I felt rejected and tried to pull away.

“I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking.” I blinked back tears, giving Aboloft a small smile.

“No, your actions please me greatly, Bluebell. Don’t ever ask for my forgiveness again. I told you that before. I’m happy to see my Bina coming back to me,” he said before kissing me again.

This time, neither of us pulled away. We let our hearts and souls guide us.

I gasped when my back hit the bed, giving Aboloft the chance to slip his tongue in my mouth, making me lose my mind.

Our tongues danced for dominance as Aboloft ran his hands all over my body, finally resting them just above my belly button. My heart pounded in my chest as I realized his hand was right over our baby.

Did he know? No, he couldn’t. If the healer had told him, he would’ve brought it up right away.

“You are my Bluebell, my beautiful goddess,” Aboloft whispered, his voice rough before he kissed me with a passion that scattered my thoughts.

I wanted to tell him I loved him. I wanted to tell him with all my heart, but I was scared.

I didn’t know what I was scared of exactly, but there was a strange fear inside me, stopping me from telling Aboloft how much I’d loved him all these years.

But I would tell him soon. I would conquer this fear and confess my feelings to him. Just not today. Not now.

“Bina, my sweet, will you do something for me?” Aboloft asked, looking deep into my eyes, as if trying to bend me to his will.

“What is it?” I asked.

“Will you try to face your fear right now?” He replied.

“My fear…”

“You’re scared of fire. I want you to try and face your fear,” he said.

“Aboloft—”

“You can do this, Bluebell. I believe in you,” he said.

“I don’t think I can. Every time I see fire, those terrible memories come back, and I can’t…”

“Bina, you’re strong, stronger than you think. I know you can overcome your fear, my sweet,” he insisted.

“No.” I shook my head. “Do you know how dangerous fire is? It can burn in a second and the pain lasts forever. I can’t go through that again, Aboloft.”

“It won’t hurt, Bluebell, because I’ll be right here. I won’t let the fire touch you…never again. I’ll keep you safe. All you have to do is try,” he said.

Could I really do it? Could I face my nightmares? I didn’t think I could. Just looking at the flickering flame made my skin feel like it was burning. I couldn’t do it.

“I’m sorry, but I can’t do it. It’s just not possible for me. It hurts to look at it, Aboloft,” I told him.

“Do you want to live your life in fear, my sweet? Don’t you want to be happy, to live in peace?” Aboloft asked.

“Yes, I do,” I answered.

“Then you have to get rid of this fear, my beautiful goddess. I want my queen to be strong and fearless, so no one can ever think about hurting you.

“You’re strong—I believe that—but I need you to be fearless too,” Aboloft said.

“Fire spreads quickly. What if…”

“Believe me when I say I won’t let it hurt you. I won’t let it burn you,” Aboloft assured me.

I closed my eyes, considering his words. I was desperate to overcome this fear. I didn’t want to tremble and weep every time I saw a flame flicker.

Aboloft was right there, promising to protect me from the fire. Maybe I could do this. Maybe with Aboloft’s support, I could finally confront my fear.

“Okay. I’ll try. But you can’t leave me,” I agreed.

“I swear on my life I won’t leave you. And I won’t let anything harm you.” Aboloft kissed me gently before pulling away and sitting up. “Get ready. I’ll get the matches and the candle.”

He rose from the bed and walked over to an unlit candle in the corner.

Aboloft picked up the candle and a box of matches from a small table, then walked back to me. He set the candle on the bedside table and handed me the box of matches.

I gave him a tight smile and pulled out an unlit match, doing my best to ignore the creeping fear wrapping around my heart.

The match quivered in my hand as I stared at the candle, its wick standing innocently.

“Aboloft,” I said, unable to tear my gaze from the harmless candle.

“I’m right here, sweetheart,” he replied, wrapping his arms around me, enveloping me in his warmth.

“I can’t—”

“You can. I believe in you,” he countered.

I shook my head. “Don’t. I’ll disappoint you.”

“You won’t. Now strike the match,” he instructed, his voice soft.

“It’ll hurt me,” I whispered.

“It won’t. I’ll take it away if it gets too close. Just strike the match. You can do this,” he encouraged, kissing my cheek.

Taking a deep breath, I tried to light the match. I scraped the end of the match against the box as hard as I could.

But it didn’t work. There was a tiny spark, but not enough to ignite the match.

“It’s okay, try again. Take a deep breath and try again,” Aboloft encouraged.

Nodding, I took another deep breath and repeated the motion. Still nothing. “It’s not working, Aboloft.”

“It will. Just try one more time. You can do it.” He rubbed my back in a slow, soothing motion.

Summoning my courage, I tried to light the match for the third time. As soon as I scraped the match against the box, a flame sprang to life, flickering and dancing on the matchstick.

“Good job, Bina, good job!” Aboloft praised, gently covering my hand with his as we both watched the flame dance, the stick slowly turning black. “Now, light the candle.”

“I don’t—”

He didn’t let me finish. “Here.” Aboloft guided my hand toward the candle until the flame touched the wick. After a few seconds, Aboloft moved my hand away and blew out the match. “Look, the candle is lit.”

And it was. The once straight and white wick was now aflame, the fire swaying proudly. We watched, mesmerized, as the wax melted around the wick.

I couldn’t believe I had done it. I had lit that candle. After what had happened to me, I never thought I could face fire again, let alone light a candle. But I had done it. With Aboloft’s help, I had faced my fear.

“I did it.” I exhaled, my eyes wide with disbelief.

“Yes, you did, my beautiful goddess, just like I knew you would,” Aboloft responded, his voice full of pride.

“Aboloft, I did it.” I finally tore my gaze from the flickering flame to look at the man I loved. He was smiling at me, his dark eyes shining with unshed pride. In that moment, I fell even more in love with him.

I had broken his heart, abandoned him when he needed me, and yet here he was, trusting me, believing in me when no one else would. How could I ever doubt him? Aboloft truly loved me. He wasn’t lying.

“Yes, you did, my beautiful Bluebell,” he agreed before kissing me.

“I never thought I could do this,” I murmured, watching the flame to make sure it was real.

“But I knew you could. And you did. I’m so proud of you, Bina.” Aboloft kissed my temple.

“You helped me.” I would never forget how he had just helped me. If he hadn’t guided my hand to the candle, I would still be sitting here, watching the flame consume the matchstick.

“No, Bluebell, I didn’t. You did this all on your own. I just reminded you that I’m here, and I’ll never leave you,” he replied.

“Yes.” His words brought back one of my most painful memories. The day I left him. Aboloft was right, he never left me. “I was the one who left you.”

“No, don’t think about that, not now,” Aboloft commanded.

“How can I not? You never forgave me for it,” I argued.

“Never forgave you? My beautiful goddess, I forgave you a long time ago. The day you told me why you left me, I forgave you then and there,” he said.

And once again, he proved just how big a mistake I’d made by leaving him that fateful afternoon.

~“Bina, you’re late. Do you know how long I’ve been sitting here waiting for you?” Aboloft asked.~

~I wanted to respond, but I couldn’t. My heart was shattering, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t stop the tears welling in my eyes.~

~I didn’t want to do this. I didn’t want to be here, doing what I was about to do. Especially not when I was looking at Aboloft’s handsome face. But it was necessary. For Aboloft’s sake, for his future.~

~“I...I need to tell you something.” I managed to get the words out, trying my best to keep my voice steady. It was a struggle.~

~Aboloft rose from his spot on the rock, our special rock, and walked over to me. He took my hands in his and looked at me.~

~No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t hide my feelings from him. He knew me too well.~

~“What’s going on? Why are you upset? Why are you crying?” His voice was filled with worry.~

~I took a deep breath, then said the words that broke my heart. “Aboloft, I...I can’t see you anymore. I came here to say goodbye.”~

~He was silent for a moment, but then he spoke.~

~“I don’t believe it. You can’t just walk away from me, Bina. Tell me what’s happening. And don’t lie to me,” he said, his voice firm.~

~“I’m not lying.” I pulled my hands away from his. If he kept touching me, I’d fall apart. I needed to be strong. “This has gone on too long. We need to go our separate ways.”~

~“Stop it, Bluebell!” His voice was louder now.~

~“Don’t call me that. I’m not your Bluebell. My name is Sabina,” I shot back.~

~“You’re not leaving me. I won’t let you. Tell me who’s making you do this. I’ll take care of them,” he said.~

~I couldn’t tell him that my father was the reason I was leaving him. It was better this way.~

~My father was right. Aboloft deserved someone from his own class. Being with a farmer’s daughter would ruin his future in Quopia.~

~“No one’s making me do this. It’s my decision. I’d appreciate it if you respected that,” I said. I was grateful that my tears had dried up. Otherwise, I might have told Aboloft everything.~

~“I can’t believe it.” He shook his head.~

~“Believe it. It’s the truth. I don’t want to see you anymore. After today, you won’t see me again,” I told him.~

~“Why are you doing this? Tell me. Why? Don’t you know how happy you make me? You’re my happiness, Bina,” he said, his words stabbing my already broken heart.~

~“But you’re not mine,” I said, not realizing how much I was hurting him.~

~“Wh-what? What did you say?” His voice was soft, like he couldn’t believe what I’d just said.~

~“Y-you don’t make me happy. You’re not my happiness, Aboloft. To be happy, I need to leave you.” The lie came out easily, but it left a bitter taste in my mouth.~

~Aboloft grabbed my arms. “Look me in the eyes and say that.”~

~It was probably the hardest thing I’d ever done, but I did it. I looked him straight in the eyes and repeated the words.~

~“You don’t make me happy, Aboloft. You never did.”~

~He looked into my eyes for a moment, searching for something. Then he let go of me and stepped back, putting distance between us.~

~“Alright. If you think you’ll be happier without me, I’ll let you go.”~

~“You don’t need to come here anymore. Go, live your life. Be happy.” With that, Aboloft turned his back to me.~

~It was over. I’d given up my happiness. Now Aboloft could be with a woman who deserved him, because I didn’t. He would be happy. And as long as he was happy, I could be too.~

~I couldn’t hold back my tears any longer. I turned and ran back home, leaving my broken heart with the only man I’d ever loved.~

~“Aboloft, I’ll always love you.”~