NATURALLY, YUNHUA WAS by the Crown Prince's side, the two conversing quietly as they walked ahead. Yunhua motioned to some of the gardens' features, and I tried to listen in but failed to.
Besides me, there was a low laugh. I raised one brow as I glanced at the shizi. "Sir?" There was a safe distance between us. But his shadow still loomed over me. He was a tall person, about a head taller than me, and I wasn't short for a young girl my age.
"You seem very interested in their conversation, Miss Fei," the shizi murmured, nudging his chin at the two before us.
"I have not been given a tour of this garden in such proper depth," I replied archly. "I'm merely curious as to what Yunhua is saying."
"Oh?"
"It is the truth, sir."
"If you don't mind me asking, Miss Fei, what is your age?"
"I come of age in a month."
"Turning fifteen, then," he mused. "Is that why you are here in Luoyang?"
"Partially," I replied with a tilt of my head. "And if you don't mind me asking, sir, what is your age?"
"I am one and seven," he replied. "Not much older than you."
He'd be one of the princes looking for a wife this Bride Selection. I did not know quite what to do with that knowledge, but surely it was something worth knowing.
At the silence, he continued, "Will you be entering society after your coming-of-age ceremony, then? Attending balls, soirees, dinners?"
"I believe so," I replied, dipping my head. "I have been told I shall accompany Yunhua to many events."
"She will be glad to have a companion. Even when the second Miss Shangguan was here, she disliked attending such events."
"You refer to Yunjun?"
"Yes. She is an interesting girl."
"I have not yet met her. But I have heard many."
"Your family produces fascinating women," the shizi laughed. "The oldest Miss Shangguan is a rare one, most ladies dare not be so bold before marriage, but she cares little. The second, well, how many girls do you know who demands to join the army and fight at the borders? And at so young an age? Most people found it strange that Shangguan Tianjin travelled to the borders with the army, since the Grand Chancellor is not a military official, but your other cousin..."
"I admire her greatly," I replied simply.
He glanced at me, studying me carefully, before saying, "Yes, I suppose you do. But yes. Then there is the youngest Miss Shangguan, of course, an absolute treasure. I do not think I've ever heard a single bad word about her."
"She's a very sweet girl."
"I agree. Very, very sweet. So sweet it seems almost improbable." He had to be hinting at something there. I chose to ignore it. "And there's also your Grandmother, a ferocious one indeed. I admire her greatly. Much kinder than my grandmother."
"The Empress Dowagerâ"
"Not her. Dowager Consort Chun. She is vicious, I assure you of that."
"I..."
"You don't need to say anything if you don't know what to say."
I clamped my mouth shut. Surely there was no right thing to say when he'd begun this conversation. I was the daughter of a low-rank official, only in Luoyang by relation. He was the heir of Prince Duan, nephew of the Emperor and a companion to the Crown Prince.
No, there was nothing I could say that would be correct.
"And now there's you."
I blinked. "Me?"
"Yes. You. You are a relative of the Shangguan, no?"
"My mother was the Grand Chancellor's half-sister."
"Hmm. Whatever. I do not quite know what to make of you yet."
"This conversation perplexes me." I chose to be honest. He seemed to enjoy that kind of person. Similar to Grandmother in that regard, I felt.
"I have been told my conversations can go in strange and erratic directions."
"That's... that's a very good way to put it, yes."
The shizi did not seem offended. If anything, that comment seemed to invigorate him, which was not the result I was expecting.
"How would you describe yourself?"
I blinked. "Sir, I am beginning to find this conversation a bit improper."
"Well, the Auntie your uncle sent to chaperone us is hiding off in some corner to give the Crown Prince and the eldest Miss Shangguan some time by themselves, and Qu Xuewen is always happy to speak to anyone who understands his poetry and artistic style of life."
"Is that anyone meant to be my younger cousin?"
"Of course. The youngest Miss Shangguan is a known poet, artist and writer in Luoyang." That did make sense. But then, he just had to turn the conversation back to her. "Thus, I ask, with your cousins being such fascinating figures, how would you describe yourself?"
I lowered my head, giving it some thought, trying to formulate an answer that would offend no one nor put me in an inferior, lowly position. "I think I am clever," I begun slowly, "but not as clever as many of them. I am a quick learner. I adapt to situations quickly. And I think I am fairly precocious for my age, my lord."
"A very neutral description. Any talents?"
"I am educated in all the womanly arts, but not exceptionally skilled at any of them. I am fairly proficient on the guzheng and pipa." A slight understatement, if I had to be honest. I was quite good at both instruments. But I had no interest in showing it off yet.
"A jack of all trades and master of none."
"I suppose that is a fair way of describing myself," I agreed. "I am pleasantly pleased with it, I think. I may not stand out, but I am still an acceptable young lady and it will do my future well."
He looked pensive, staying quiet as we continued strolling through the garden. I stole a look at Yunhua and the Crown Prince before us, and neither of them paid anyone else any attention. They were wholly engrossed in conversation and the rest of the world did not seem to exist to them.
I turned my head, glancing at Yunxuan and Qu Xuewen behind us. They were chatting as well, a respectable distance between them. Though I thought they were far too away in age to seem like any sort of proper couple anyway. Qu Xuewen properly was a whole decade on Yunxuan, and the younger girl looked her age, no matter how mature and precocious she may act on a daily basis.
If Qu Xuewen was a few years older, they could even be father-daughter.
And like the shizi said, the Auntie was nowhere to be seen. She would definitely be somewhere, less this spread elsewhere and they be accused of being compromised or acting improper, but out of sight and out of mind.
I turned my attention back to the shizi again, less it seemed rude. But his attention wasn't on me either, instead fixed on the Crown Prince and Yunhua.
"Sir?" I asked gently.
His gaze shot to me and he flashed a smile. He had a nice smile, the kind that seemed to light up a room. He was charismatic, I realised with a start. He had to be. He had the kind of smile I wanted to emulate. "Yes, Miss Fei?"
"What are you inspecting so intently?"
"Why, our cousins." He raised his head. "Look at them, deep in conversation. I wonder what they are saying."
"I hope you are not suggesting we eavesdrop."
He looked amused. "No, merely that we should take some guesses."
"Oh." I frowned. "That seems highly improper."
"You've said that about fifty times by now," he said dryly.
"Because this is highly improper," I insisted. "We should discuss something else."
"Like what?"
Now it was my turn to be speechless. After a moment, between my teeth, I squeezed out, "Fine."
He smirked. "Precisely. So. What do we think they're saying?"
"The future, perhaps."
"Let's be more specific."
"You can do that. I think I will remain silent."
He pouted, shooting her a glare. "That's no fun, Miss Fei."
"Losing my head won't be fun either, shizi."
He narrowed his eyes. "The consequences won't be that severe. Nobody needs to know, Miss Fei."
"It's my cousin. She'll find a way to know."
"You're scared of her?"
"She is someone I greatly respect. And I am a guest here. I must behave myself properly, sir."
He fell silent for a moment before murmuring, "It must be quite difficult, being here by yourself?"
"It is an opportunity I am greatly thankful for, sir." Not the answer he was seeking, but the appropriate one. I prided myself on being appropriate these days. It was the best thing I could do. Make it until my coming-of-age, see if I could make a good match for myself during the following banquets and gatherings I'd be brought to, or wait until the Bride Selection, somehow impress the Emperor and be granted a marriage.
My choices were rather limited. Most girls my age had no choice at all. I already considered myself quiet fortunate. The fact that I managed to leave Henan at all...
"Cousin!" It was Yunxuan who interrupted, and the two of us turned around. I greeted her with a smile. Yunxuan motioned to Qu Xuewen, "Cousin, have you ever been formally introduced to Mr Qu?"
"No, I don't believe so." No formal introductions had been made just now in the hall by my uncle. I bopped a small curtsy. "Mr Qu."
Mr Qu bowed in return. "Miss Fei."
"You look lovely as always, Miss Shangguan," the shizi said with a kindly smile. "How are your studies?"
"Well, sir."
"Been coming up with poems? Painting?"
"I've been busy, sir. But whenever I have time, I shall return to my previous endeavours. I have a few unfinished paintings awaiting."
"You must show me sometimes," I told her with a smile. Two became four as we strolled leisurely, still a long way behind Yunhua and the Crown Prince but never letting them be out of our sight.
â
A WEEK AFTER the Crown Prince's visit to Shangguan Manor, us three girls were invited out to a small garden party with a group of other young lords and ladies. Uncle and Yunhua had a long conversation with Grandmother about Yunxuan and my presence, but after careful inspection of the guest list, it was deemed to be suitable for us to attend.
The guest list, Yunhua told us, mainly consisted of the Crown Prince's circle and some of the children of the allies of Shangguan An. I assumed that referred to the people at the study, most of whom I liked.
The garden party was to admire flowers, according to our host, Princess Shaoheng and her brother, Bao shizi.
"The son and daughter of Prince Bao," Yunxuan informed me. "I am unfamiliar with Bao shizi, but Princess Shaoheng is around Yunhua's age. Fairly proud person, but she does not pick on anyone unless you offend her in any way. Her title, Shaoheng, refers to her fief, granted by the Emperor. She is very close to the Crown Prince and excellent friends with Yunhua."
"Prince Bao?"
"The current Emperor's..." Yunxuan narrowed her eyes, thinking, "eighth brother? The eldest Prince died some years ago, and the second was killed after attempting rebellion. The third is a princess, the fourth is our current Emperor, the fifth is a princess, the sixth is... the sixth is Prince Duan, remember the shizi? Prince Duan is his father."
I nodded. I'd lost track some time ago, but Yunxuan seemed so into it I did not want to interrupt.
"The seventh is a princess, the eighth is Prince Bao, the ninth is a princess, the eleventh is living... near the borders, the twelfth is barely eighteen if I remember correctly."
"The Emperor has eleven siblings?"
Yunxuan nodded, though her gaze was still unfocused. "I think that's right. I may need to consult my books."
"I'm sure you're right," I told her.
I had not left Shangguan Manor for a few weeks by the time I boarded the carriage for Prince Bao's Manor. At this point I'd spent around a month at the private study, and neither Yunhua nor Yunxuan felt the need to instruct me to behave properly. I'd already spoken privately with the shizi, and I'd behaved myself with perfect propiety.
I was, I rather thought, fit for my coming-of-age ceremony in a matter of weeks.
Yan'er had grown drastically in the past few weeks too. Sometimes I barely felt her presence, even when she was right behind me. Oftentimes, I completely forgot she was there in the first place. We'd grown a little more distant. With Yunhua and Yunxuan constantly around, it was difficult to behave with her the same way we might have in Henan.
She said she understood, but I thought I saw a tint of disappointment in her eyes. But this was the way things had to be here in the capital.
The carriage stopped outside the main doors of the manor, and Yunhua was the first to exit. I was second, and Yunxuan third behind me. A moment later the grand doors swung open, and an elegant young woman stood at the doors with an exuberant smile. She was rather plain, but there was something in her air that exuded pure confidence. She wore just as, if not more grand clothing than Yunhua, and gave a wave as we neared.
"Yunhua! I am so glad you are here. It has been ages."
Yunhua dropped into a curtsy and the two of us followed. "Princess," she greeted. "May I introduce to you my cousin, Miss Fei? And of course you know my sister."
The princess observed me for a moment before offering a smile. "Miss Fei, welcome to the our manor."
"It is an honour to be invited, Princess."
"Yunxuan, it has been ages since I've seen you out."
Yunxuan stepped forward with a little curtsy. "I've been working on a few paintings for you, Princess. Duan shizi also asked to see some of my work last time I saw him, so I thought I might allow him to see it too."
"Oh yes, my cousin shall be here shortly. Please, come in, come in. We must have some tea."
Yunhua and Princess Shaoheng were quick to fall into a conversation about the latest gossip in Luoyang, with Yunxuan and I following in silence. We were led to a large pavilion in a garden.
Yunhua raised one brow. "Are we the first to arrive?"
Princess Shaoheng gave her a look. "You always are, Yunhua, you always are. Tell me, how does my other cousin do?"
"One would argue," Yunhua said, seeming amused, "that you run into the Crown Prince far more than me."
"Yes, yes," Princess Shaoheng said with a roll of her eyes, "but he tells you far more than he tells me. In fact, he does not very much speak to me at all. He promised he'd be here but you know how he is. He doesn't show up half the time."
"He's always shown up when I come," Yunhua said, sounding surprised.
"Yes, I wonder why that is."
We all took seats, and Princess Shaoheng's maid poured each of us a cup of hot tea. I took a sip, and the Princess' attention suddenly turned to me. "Miss Fei, correct?"
"Ay, Princess."
"Have you met any of my cousins?"
"I've met the Crown Prince and Duan shizi, Princess."
"Ah, the two better ones." Princess Shaoheng rolled her eyes. "Those two always go everywhere together. Iâ"
But before she could finish her sentence, the voice of another girl interrupted. My gaze jumped to the bridge that led to the pavilion, where a pretty young girl around my age stood, slightly lowered in a curtsy. "Elder sister, Miss Shangguans, Miss Fei."
I blinked. Elder sister? Princess Shaoheng's sister, then. I was slightly surprised to hear that she knew my name, but unsure how I was meant to greet her back. As if sensing my distress, Princess Shaoheng announced, with some slowness, "Princess Eryang, my younger half-sister."
The daughter of a concubine, then. And the two didn't seem to be very close.
I stood, as did Yunhua and Yunxuan. Both reacted quite... slowly. They knew something I did not. "Princess Eryang."
"I thought I told you to come later," Princess Shaoheng said, sounding annoyed.
Princess Eryang never raised her head as she demurred, "I was told that the Miss Shangguans had already arrived, so I decided to come and look. My sincerest apologies if I've interrupted, sister." But she didn't look very sorry at all.
I decided my best option was to stay quiet. I had no interest in being dragged into what seemed like a rivalry between two sisters.
"Jiayan," Yunhua started with a soft smile, "What were you saying about the gifts the Emperor granted you recently?"
Princess Eryang blinked. For a moment, I almost thought Yunhua was referring to her. The sudden shift to using personal names instead of titles had thrown me off. But after a slight beat, as if registering the sudden change in conversation, Princess Shaoheng replied, "Oh, it was nothing much, really. A few metres of silk from the west, and a bracelet from the Imperial treasury. It is a beautiful thing, I shall show you later if I have the time."
Yunhua had done that on purpose. And Princess Eryang was now unwilling to look anyone in the eyes at all. She even looked a tiny bit angry.
Princess Eryang must not have the Emperor's favour like Princess Shaoheng, then. And this was a big factor on the side of Shaoheng in their rivalry.
And Yunhua clearly sided with Princess Shaoheng.
Yunxuan took a sip of tea. "It seems the Emperor is always granting you one type of gift or another. He must like you very much."
Even Yunxuan participated in this rivalry. And she sided with Princess Shaoheng.
Interesting to note.
Still, I did not say anything, choosing to remain silent. Most people here thought I was deadly shy anyways, so it would not affect me.
"Sister is always so clever. You always know what to say, unlike me." Princess Eryang looked away, disappointment in her eyes.
That was fake. She wasn't even going to fool me with that kind of acting. She would fool some young men, perhaps, because she truly was a beautyâmore beautiful than her sister by miles, I was forced to admit, and perhaps even more beautiful than Yunxuan, who I thought was the most gorgeous young lady I'd met in Luoyang so far.
But we were all girls. None of us would be deceived by a few tears and a few melancholic glances.
"Then you can learn," Princess Shaoheng replied bluntly. "Little sister, it is rare I can invite all my friends out, and I would hate for you to ruin it by becoming upset. If you feel a fit coming, you may retire to your room."
"I did not mean..."
"Then do not give me such a long face."
There was no way that attitude gave Princess Shaoheng any edges over her sister in day-to-day life. That was never the way to deal with people like Princess Eryang. You had to beat them at their own games, walk their path until they had nowhere to walk. By talking like that, Princess Shaoheng placed herself in the spot of an aggressor, and Princess Eryiang naturally became the victim. Shaoheng became the bully, and Eryang the poor younger sister who had to face her elder sister's wrath.
Yunhua and Yunxuan wouldn't help with their presence.
If they genuinely wanted to help Princess Shaoheng, I did not know why they did not see it. The way for Princess Shaoheng to win was by acting even weaker than Eryang.
But these were things I'd tell my cousins in private. I was unfamiliar with Princess Shaoheng, and I didn't want to risk offending her. She seemed like the type of person who was quite proud and was unwilling to lower herself.
A smile suddenly appeared on Princess Eryang's face as she straightened. "Oh! Brother is here."
Bao shizi was younger than I'd expected. He was perhaps my age, with a rounded face. There was something similar to Duan shizi in his face, which made sense, since the two were cousins. Eyes, I decided after some observation.
Besides him were familiar faces. Huo Murong gave a rakish smile before sweeping into a bow. Duan shizi gave a nod. "Cousins. Miss Shangguans. Miss Fei."
Princess Shaoheng stood. "Welcome, everyone. We're still missing a few, but do make yourself at home, gentlemen."
The men did not take seats in the pavilion, instead staying in the outer garden, sitting together as they chatted. We were of the age where men and women had to keep a careful distance. Any risk to our reputation was to be carefully avoided at all costs. None of us were to be alone together or too physically close to each other.
It was a hassle sometimes, but the rules of society were not to be trifled with. And I had no interest in testing them for myself.
So precariously, I obeyed.