THE DAY I arrived in Luoyang was perhaps the most exciting in my life. I'd lived there briefly when I was very young, but we'd moved away with my father to Henan by the time I was three, so my memory of our capital was limited. I still vividly remember that carriage journey, all these years later. We arrived mid-afternoon, when the markets were bustling and the streets were crowded.
But as full of anticipation as I was, I was also terrified. It was the first time I was away from my father and my step-mother. It was the first time I'd left Henan by myself. I had no one with me from home except for my maidservant, Yan'er, and she was more clueless than even I was.
It was the sixty-third year since the establishment of the Dan Dynasty and I was fourteen. The country was at peace. We could not remember the last time there was war and conflict, at least ones that affected those of us nearer the capital.
I was fascinated by the sight I was greeted with. Henan was a fairly large city, but it was still nothing compared to this. The white walls with red pillars and green-tile roofs. The lanterns hanging down from the fascia.
"This is beautiful," Yan'er whispered beside me, her head furiously flickering between looking at me and glancing out of the little window of the carriage we'd been travelling in for the past week, with some stops along the way. I was starting to get bored of it by then, but I did not tell that to the man my cousins in Luoyang had sent to fetch me and act as chaperone.
"Of course it is," I replied. "It is the most beautiful city in the world, I think."
The invitation for me to travel to Luoyang came two months ago. I had almost forgotten, really, that part of my late mother's family was still alive and thriving. I could not be blamed, precisely. My sources of information were limited, as an unmarried daughter who had not yet had my coming-of-age ceremony. My companions were other girls my age (equally as ignorant to the ways of the world) and my family, who I saw rarely.
My mother had died while giving birth to me, and after the three years of mourning my father was meant to keep, and by the time that I was three, he'd married a local woman in Henan, the daughter of a high-ranking official in the area. She'd never been fond of me, and had been excited at the prospect of sending me awayâshe was pregnant with a child by then, one that she'd hoped desperately was a son.
But at the same time she was conflicted. Sending me to Luoyang, the capital? Where I'd become a ward of Shangguan An, my mother's oldest half brother (half, for my grandmother had been a concubine), the Grand Chancellor of our entire empire?
She'd given in at the end. I was glad of that decision, even if I was saddened to have to leave behind all my friends in Henan.
Not that I had many.
As I sat in that carriage, I could still not comprehend how this opportunity had been granted to me. By all accounts my mother was not close with her familyâit was one of the many complaints my father had regarding her, one of the most prominent ones besides having only given birth to a daughter. As only the daughter of a concubine, my mother would have had little to do with my uncle. And the Shangguans had paid almost no attention to me in the past eleven years of my life.
Perhaps they'd heard about the poor treatment I was given under my step-mother.
That was the thought I comforted myself with. If they had sent for me, they would not have treated me badly. And the things I'd been given throughout the journey were enough to make me have complete faith in the material aspect of life in Luoyang.
The man who was sent to fetch us was a guard of my uncle. He was a quiet, brooding man. He could not be a day past twenty-five, yet he acted older than even my father. I did not like him at all, but I was not in a position to complain about anything. I was a guest. I was a cousin who they had not seen for eleven years.
I did not need to think to see how beneficial this stay in Luoyang would be for me, even if I eventually returned to Henan. It was unlikely that I'd return before my fifteenth birthday, which was in a mere two months. That meant I would have my coming-of-age ceremony, my jiji, under the eyes of the second most powerful man in the country. And once I had my jiji, I could find a husband. If I found someone of decent wealth and power in Luoyang, I could stay in this magical city forever. I'd never need to go back and face my stepmother and her sneering face again. If I did return, it could be with a husband by my side. A husband that even my father would have to pay respects to.
But that was just a dream.
It would not be that easy. I could not measure with the educated young ladies of Luoyang's highest echelons. I knew that even then. I had much to learn, much to do.
The carriage eventually stopped outside a large, intricately decorated house. The grand door was looked after by two guards with expressions not unlike the man who fetched us. The walls were painted white, the tiles green and the pillars red in fashion similar to the rest of the city. But there was something about the house that stood out to me immediately. A sense of power, of wealth, that I did not know how to describe but still immediately recognised.
"We are here," the man said, opening the door of the carriage. He offered me a hand as I got out. I took it. Yan'er followed, standing a few steps behind me, head lowered.
I walked onto the steps, following after the man. The Shangguan mansion was located in a quiet street. Few carriages passed by at this time of day.
Shangguan Mansion was far, far larger than my family's house. It was designed in a similar manner, of courseâfour walls encompassing a series of smaller courtyards and houses with gardens and ponds and covered corridors linking them all together. I was led through the main courtyard into a large house that I could only assume was where they received guests.
I was correct. I was brought to a side room, where some refreshments were prepared for me. The man had been replaced with a kindly looking older woman who called herself Auntie Hu. That would make her one of the higher-ranking servants here.
"Wait here, miss," she told me with a little curtsy. "The Grand Chancellor will be here to receive you shortly. Feel free to have some food and tea, I am sure you must be exhausted."
I was. Yan'er and I were left behind in the room alone, and we both had our fair share of biscuits and food before Auntie Hu returned.
Another curtsy. "The Grand Chancellor is ready to receive you in the main room."
I was lying if I said I wasn't terrified. I was practically shaking as I was led out of the little side room and into the main house. I suddenly felt self-conscious in my colourless garbs, ones that I'd worn since I was twelve. It felt like I could almost fit into the rest of the female household staff. It was embarrassing.
My uncle was everything I'd expected and more. He was shorter than I thought he'd be, cleanly-shaven. His nose was sharp and his eyes were cool as they landed on me, and I felt him scanning me from top to bottom, taking in my clothing, my posture and my expression. I stood up a little straighter, willing myself to stop trembling.
Once I'd gotten close enough, I dropped into a low curtsy. "Your niece humbly greets you, uncle." The simplest, courteous words. I had to be polite. Here, I was at his mercy. What was to become of me was solely up to him.
"Your name is Minxi, correct?"
His voice was loud. As if he was used to speaking in the large Palace in front of hundreds of other chancellors and officials. And he was.
I dropped a little lower. "Yes, uncle. My name is Minxi."
"It fits you. Take a seat."
"Thank you, uncle." I stood, obeying his instructions, moving to the seat he'd motioned at. Yan'er scurried to stand behind my chair.
"I hope the journey was pleasant."
"It was a most wonderful journey, uncle."
"That is good. You look quite similar to your mother."
"It is my honour to look like my mother. I do not remember much of her."
My uncle sighed, shaking his head as he reached for his teacup. "I did not suppose so. My wife died quite some years ago too. Childbirth, throughout history, has always been the demon's gate for women."
I did not reply, choosing to lower my head. I did not think my uncle was seeking a response.
I guessed correctly. After a sip of his tea, he continued, "Unfortunately, it is one you must all brave." That was not precisely correct. I could choose to go to a nunnery in the mountains, to devote my life to the Buddha. Certainly, my step-mother would adore that life for me. But that was not a path I wanted to choose.
"I have some time left, I think, Uncle."
He glanced at me and then tilted his head. "Yes. A bit of time left." It seemed as if he wanted to say more, but then decided against it. "You will not be alone here, of course. I have three daughters and one son."
I'd heard about that before I'd come. I'd never met these cousins, but I knew they were around the same age as I. "Are they here, Uncle? May I meet them?"
"Two are," he replied, nodding to a servant. "Fetch da guniang and si guniang, won't you?" The oldest and the fourth. The oldest and the youngest. "The other two... Well, you'll see."
The servant had already left. So I asked, "How old are my cousins, sir?"
"Around the same age as you. You're fifteen?"
"Turning fifteen in a few months, sir."
Uncle nodded again. "The eldest, Yunhua, she is around a year older than you. She is sixteen now. The second is your age, a few months younger. Yunjun. She is not here, though she will return in a few months." I did not ask where she'd gone. "My only son and youngest daughter are both thirteen at the moment."
I must have looked curious, because he added, "Yunxuan, that is the youngest, she is the daughter of a concubine."
"Ah, I see." That was expected. Someone as powerful as Shangguan An wouldn't not have a concubine or two, or three. It was a staple for men with money. I'd been expecting far more cousins than just four. "Uncle, if I may ask... when did my aunt die?"
He did not look surprised at the question. "It was around ten years ago."
Yet he never took another wife.
That was fascinating to note. Most men would have taken another wife long ago, like my own father had. It was nothing special.
"Sir!" a voice came from the doorway, and I turned my head to see the servant stood there, slightly hunched. "Da guniang and si guniang are here."
"Bring them in," Shangguan An said, waving his hand.
I confess to not knowing exactly what I should expect. I had not seen my fair share of young ladies of similar family backgrounds to me or greater in Hunan. I was expecting elaborate and expensive clothes, most definitely, and an elegance I knew I could not even attempt to emulate. I knew my education had been lacklustre, and that my family's financial situation was not even a fraction of what the Shangguans owned.
But I was still blown away as I watched my two cousins enter the room. The girl in the lead was tall, taller than I was, and I knew immediately that she was the eldest daughterâcertainly no daughter of a concubine could look as majestic as that! Her head was raised high, her hands placed before her abdomen. She took slow, stately steps. Her hair was raven black and done in an elaborate style, her features sharp. She looked scarily similar to my Uncle in both appearance and mannerisms. Her clothes were of dark green silkâit was the summer, and it was hot in Luoyang. The material seemed to glimmer and shine as she moved down the aisle, stopping at the level where I was sitting and dropping into a curtsy. "Father."
I stood, curtsying. She was older than me, and it was the first time we'd met. She seemed to notice me then, turning with a nod of her head and returning my gesture. "You must be our cousin."
"Yes, Yunhua," my uncle said at where he sat. "This is your cousin, Fei Minxi. You ought to all get along, you will be living with each other for a long time."
It was only then I was able to tear my gaze away from Shangguan Yunhua and turned to the daughter behind her. What had her name been? Yunxuan. The daughter of a concubine. It would not have made all that of a differenceâdaughters were usually of little consequence in this world, and I knew that well. But I was thinking of a little less luxury, a little less poise and elegance, but I was incorrect.
She was thirteen. That was what my uncle had said. Yet she looked much more the lady than I could ever be. Yunhua's features were bold and aggressive. Yunxuan was a traditional beauty, the kind I thought I could only ever see in drawings. Large, doe-like eyes, a sharp nose, a small mouth. Her skin was porcelain pale. There was something fragile about her, as if she could break with the slightest push. Later I'd know how deceitful this was, but at that moment, my breath was taken away.
"Minxi, this is Yunhua." Uncle was introducing us to each other. "And this is Yunxuan. The eldest and the youngest, respectively. The three of you should get acquainted with each other. Minxi, we have not prepared a courtyard for you yet, and you will be living in the side house of Yunxuan's courtyard for a while."
"Aye, Uncle," I replied, turning back to face him. "I thank you for your hospitality and charity."
"We are family, after all," he said with a smile that did not reach his eyes. I took no offence. I doubt many of his smiles were genuine. "Why don't you two girls bring Minxi to her residence?"
"Yes, father." Yunxuan's voice was soft and sweet, matching her appearance perfectly. She could not be any more different compared to her half-sister. "Do come this way, cousin. I will show you where you will live for the next little while."
And so I was quickly led out of the main house, Yan'er in tow.
Yunhua glanced at me once we were out of sight from the house. "Minxi, eh?"
"Yes," I replied with a tilt of my head. "Can I call you Yunhua?"
She waved her hand in the air. "Be my guest. Si mei mei, hurry up." That was directed at Yunxuan, the fourth little sister, who was starting to fall behind as she took small, tiny steps compared to Yunhua and my longer strides.
"Apologies, jie jie." Yunxuan rushed forward. "There is no need to walk so quickly, you know. My courtyard is right around the corner."
Yunhua sighed. "You will learn, eventually, that time is an expensive thing."
Yunxuan lowered her head and did not reply. I glanced awkwardly between the two sisters. "So, where is your other sister? And your brother? Uncle did not mention it."
Yunhua rolled her eyes. She seemed to be a rather impatient person, or at least she saw no reason to be patient with me. "Yunjun and Tianjin are at the borderlands."
My eyes widened. "The borderlands! What are they doing there?"
"Tianjin is naturally training to be a soldier," Yunxuan demurred. "And Yunjun wishes to do the same. Father could not convince her otherwise, she had her mind set to it."
"Yunjun wishes to be a soldier! But she is a girl!" I'd never heard of such a thing. I was not aware, had never been told that the army was an option for a girl. If my father heard it, he'd be scandalised.
Yet Yunhua simply shrugged. "Well, it's Yunjun. And she is a genuinely good fighter. She could beat all the boys who study at our private study."
"You have a private study?" It was not shocking. The Shangguan Mansion was certainly big enough for that.
"Yes." Yunxuan smiled. "You shall attend there too, I think. We all study there, albeit we have to be separated in the classroom. Boys on one side, girls on another, with a screen in between. To keep things appropriate, of course."
"What do we learn?" I was astonished. Back home, I'd been taught by a private tutor, a woman who was skilled at the womanly arts and knew a few words. I could read fairly proficiently, but nowhere to the level of the boys I knew, which were few.
"The same things as the boys," Yunhua said, glancing at me with one raised brow. "Oh, your parents are the old-fashioned kind, are they? The ones who think daughters do not require any education."
I blushed. "I can read."
"I expected you could. But anything else, except sewing and arranging flowers and making tea?"
"I am skilled with the pipa and guzheng." But that sounded fairly weak, and I did not meet her gaze, turning away to look at the little pond by the corner of the garden.
Yunhua did not say anything directly to me, instead turning to her sister. "She'll need a lot of work."
"She has six months," Yunxuan murmured.
"Six months for what?" I demanded, eyebrows knitted together.
Yunhua waved her hand in the air dismissively. "Oh bother. I suppose you'll share the same Auntie. Or perhaps Father will ask for another Auntie from the Imperial Palace to teach her manners and courtesies."
"I know manners and courtesies," I protested.
Yunhua's cool gaze glazed over me. "Sure you do. It won't be enough. The other girls will eat you alive. And not to mention the men. They won't even take a glance at you."
"They're not meant to glance at me. I'm not yet of age."
Yunhua let out a sigh. "Yunxuan, I will leave you here. Why don't you bring our cousin to her residence? I have things to do."
I did not think she had things to do. It was an excuse, clearly. I'd annoyed her, and she wanted to leave before I irritated her anymore. Yunxuan bopped a little curtsy. "Of course, sister."
I curtsied as Yunhua turned to leave. And then, it was as if everything got much quieter. Yunxuan was shorter than I, and the atmosphere got a lot less suffocating and pressuring. I was scared of Yunhua, I realised with a start. Terrified of the young lady. There was something intimidating about her.
"Your sister is terrifying," I remarked to Yunxuan.
"She takes herself very seriously, and for good reason," she replied demurely. But then she smiled, as if she'd thought of something funny. "I'll show you where you'll live." I did not fail to notice her changing the subject. That meant that she didn't want to discuss her sister, at least not out here. I glanced around the little garden and saw a few servants loitering around, brushing the leaves on the pathway and pruning the bushes.
Perhaps that was why.
She was the daughter of a concubine. While it mattered far less for girls, whether or not they were born of the main wife or not, since they'd all end up with the same purpose in the end anyways, there was still a difference in status. Yunhua and Yunjun, along with their brother, would have the support of their mother's family. Considering how the Shangguans had always been wealthy and powerful in Luoyang (I liked to remind my father and step-mother of this every time they began to criticise my mother), my aunt could not have been from a small family.
Yunxuan would not have that.
No doubt I'd meet Yunxuan's mother sooner or later, if she was still alive. She had to be living in the Shangguan Mansion. Yet from the way her name had not even been uttered, it seemed as if she was not of much importance.
Which was strange. With my aunt long gone, the most logical person to handle household matters would be the highest-ranked concubine. And surely that would be Yunxuan's mother, as the only one with a child? Unless she was of extremely low status...
I asked, carefully, walking behind Yunxuan, "Who is in charge of household matters here?"
Yunxuan turned, tilting her head. "Why do you ask?"
"I am simply curious who I am to go to if I face any difficulties."
"Well, you can always tell me. But Yunhua is the one in charge of everything."
I frown. "She's only sixteen, no?"
"She's been in charge of household matters since she was twelve," Yunxuan remarked. "My father always thought it was good training for her." Training, but for what? I opened my mouth to ask, but she continued, "Before that, our grandmother helped. You will meet her too later, after you are settled. She's having her afternoon nap right now, or she'd have already summoned you over."
"I am not related to her." This grandmother would be Shangguan An's biological mother. My own mother would not have been blood-related to her.
Yunxuan stopped for a moment, turning around. Her face was stoic, and her back rigid. "It would be wisest of you not to mention that. Grandmother may be old, but she is the only daughter of the late Grand Tutor to the current Emperor. If she likes you, you will face no issues among the nobility of Luoyang. If not..." She relaxed, her shoulders sagging slightly. "Well, you will not find it easy here."
I saw nothing to say except a quiet, "Understood." Clearly this was a sensitive topic for reasons beyond me. I'd only been here for so little time, and there was already so much that eluded me. There was something everyone was not saying. Was it because they did not trust me? Most likely. But I failed to see how I could damage any of these secrets. I was not an idiot. And I was related to them all in blood.
But I did not argue, because it would not help me make my case. I'd already clearly made a bad impression with Yunhua. I had no idea what my uncle thought of me. It would do me good to make a favourable impression on Yunxuan, who I'd be living with for the next while.
hi!!! yes!!! welcome!!!! to this story!!! again i'd just like to remind y'all that this book is FAST FAST FAST FAST paced, like i'm covering minxi's entire life basically so there's going to be occasional timeskips of like years here and there but this also means i kind of mess up the ages and stuff sometimes so if you ever see that and notice!!! remind me in the comments ty love you bye!