I DID NOT expect that the next time I saw Luo Xueying to be at her funeral.
The news came as a shock. As Yunhua became more and more busy, I spent less time in the Eastern Palace in fear that the Crown Prince might find Yunhua's association with her maiden family to be too strong. As Yunjun was to return to the borderlands in a few months, I started spending more time with her instead, alongside the newly wed Yunxuan, who'd quickly fallen into a rhythm of marital bliss. Shu Jueheng treats her well. His sickly aunt was well-read despite her lack of proper education, and Yunxuan admitted that she found something peaceful and admirable in the women. Having spent all her life around the rich and influential, I wasn't particularly surprised.
And certainly, it was too early for Luo Xueying to give birth. It was only around eight and a half months into her pregnancy when Yunhua sent down a missive informing me that Luo Xueying had gone into labour and had given birth to a baby that was already lifeless. A girl. It had been a girl.
And Luo Xueying had bled far too much during the process. She left shortly after as well.
I was numb when I read the missive. It was already far too late at that hour for me to head to the Eastern Palace, and there was no reason to either. I was acquainted with Luo Xueying at best.
I knew that birth giving was dangerous. My mother had died from it. As did Lady Shangguan. But to have a peer die from it...
I sucked in a cold breath before passing the news onto Chiqian.
Poor, poor girl.
It was difficult to associate the Luo Xueying I knew now from the girl I'd been greeted with when I'd first arrived in Luoyang. In the past few years, it had been as if life was gradually sucked out of her. As she was forced into the position of Side Consort, away from the freedom she might have preferred, forced into being a political pawn. The attitude I'd associated with her upon first meeting was nowhere to be seen.
I almost wished she was still here, still that way, despite the clear animosity towards me and Yunhua. None of her crimes were worth dying for. Yunhua was fairly horrid to her as well, even if the two seemed to make amends in their years in the Eastern Palace. And the missive was hastily written. Surely Yunhua would have been shocked as well.
But... this was horrible news for the Crown Prince.
Two babies gone within the span of a year. It stinked of a plot. A plot against the Eastern Palace and the future emperor.
I was invited to attend the funeral. Per Yunhua's request, I suppose. Chiqian did not accompany me. It was strange, seeing everyone in white, knelt before her plaque. Yunhua looked like she was in a trance, completely out of it, staring into the plaque without a blink of the eye, silent tears rolling down her face.
I wasn't sure how to interpret it.
The two women had formed a camaraderie in the past few years. That, I knew. As time went on, there was little personal spite spoken off between them. Whatever grievances there were were all political and for the sake of their families. But Yunhua's response still stunned me.
Perhaps, in a way, Luo Xueying was her only true equal and true companion within the walls of this Palace. And now she was lost to her. Yunhua was well and truly on her own. Most of the other concubines were sycophantic, and perhaps all of this was finally dawning upon her. The life she'd signed up for, what she'd be living through for the next few decades of her life. For the remainder of her life, most likely.
When all was done, people began to file out. I accompanied Yunhua, who was still in her own mind as she strolled out of the temple. The Crown Prince met us outside the doors, and we both curtsied.
"Princess Consort," he murmured at our greeting, "Duan shizi Consort. It is extremely unfortunate, the circumstances under which you have entered the Eastern Palace today."
"A great tragedy," I said earnestly. "Side Consort Luo shall be duly missed. She was an admirable woman."
"And the child too," he sighed. "At least it was a girl."
I froze. At that moment, I wasn't quite sure what to respond. While I knew some people would have definitely thought it, the fact that he'd said it so out loud, completely missing the fact that I was commemorating Side Consort Luo...
It said a lot, didn't it?
Yunhua seemed to notice my plight and quickly answered for me. "A prince or a princess, Your Highness, she was of royal blood. A child is dearly wished for among all of us, and it is an absolute tragedy that she has gone so soon, and her mother with her."
"This shall not do. So many years now, and not a single child has been born?" He looked angry. He didn't look sad. But he wasn't angry about the fact that... there had been two clear attempts on his concubine's lives that caused the miscarriages and deaths. He was angry about the fact that the child had not survived.
I stayed quiet. I wasn't sure if I could stop myself from saying something petty in response.
Yunhua glanced down, shoulders drooping. "Your Highness... I cannot help but imagine that this is no coincidence. First my miscarriage, and now Side Consort Luo's untimely death. I fear something foul is at play."
"There is no evidence of foul play. She went into labour far too early."
"After months of great health?" Yunhua asked, shaking her head. "I find it difficult to believe, Your Highness. There was clear foul play with my assassination attempt, and now Side Consort Luo is harmed as well. I fear someone does not want you to have a child, Your Highness. Something must be done about it."
And then it clicked in my head what Yunhua was trying to do.
If this was the Third Prince behind it, then this was the perfect time to take him down. Being guilty of harming royal children was certainly one way that would send the Third Prince into the deepest abyss. And if it wasn't the Third Prince?
Nothing a bit of framing couldn't do.
And the real culprit would have to be found. This couldn't be allowed to continue. Even the Emperor wouldn't allow this to continue. This wasn't just a battle between princes for the throne anymore. When so many royal children are being affected, when the daughter of a prominent minister is killed...
Her family would want answers. It was obvious to anyone with eyes that someone was behind this.
The Crown Prince wasn't clever. He wasn't a political mastermind. He wasn't cunning or a pragmatist and I'd even argue that he wasn't half the politician Yunhua was. Anyone with insider knowledge knew that it had been Yunhua pulling the strings on the Eastern Palace for the past year or so. The Crown Prince put up appearances, and perhaps in his own head he was in control, but we all knew he was not.
But Yunhua couldn't be obvious about it either. Women of the back palace, of the courtyards, as they said, were not supposed to interfere with the politics of the front palace. Not to mention the fact it would be devastating for the Crown Prince's ego. Men didn't like women who were cleverer than them, and Yunhua certainly was.
I was witnessing what Yunhua did on the regular. Hints here and there, steering him into the direction she wanted him to go into.
It must be exhausting.
But the Crown Prince had bit the bait now. His eyes narrowed, he raised his head. "I will look into it. Do not stress yourself out, dear."
"I shall keep myself in good spirits and ensure that I do not let Side Consort Luo's passing be forgotten. We shall all miss her, but we must all move on."
He nodded, pleased with the answer, dismissing us and leaving. I wasn't sure he was headed, I wasn't sure I wanted to.
If we were anywhere else in the world, if we were still the girls in Shangguan Manor, I'd have pointed out the idiocy in the words the Crown Prince murmured. I'd have pointed out his blatant coldness to Luo Xueying's death and his heartless focus on a child who was never brought into this world at all.
But we were in the Eastern Palace.
I was not the daughter of some unimportant official. I was the wife of the heir to Prince Duan. Yunhua was not merely the daughter of the Grand Chancellor, she was the future Empress of our nation.
Some things had irrevocably changed, and there was no way to go back.
I accompanied Yunhua to her courtyard, and she almost fell onto the floor on the way in. She was shaken, absolutely shaken. Her maids had caught her just in time, carefully moving her to the day bed. With shaky hands, she picked up the teacup into which her maids had poured tea, her hand still shaking. I watched all of it with concern.
"Yunhua?"
"My god," she whispered. "My god."
I turned to servants and dismissed them all. As if seeing that Yunhua was in no state to issue orders, and her lack of complaint at my overreach, they obeyed.
"What happened, Yunhua?"
"They told me she was going into early labour," she swallowed, "way too early. More than a month early. I went to her courtyard. The Crown Prince was busy with work, but I think he was just too cowardly to go there. I don't think he saw a point. He never does. And then the next thing I know a maid runs out and tells me the baby was born dead. And then they're running out with so much bloodâI'd never seen that much blood in my life, Minxi, I never thought a human body could hold that much bloodâand then they tell me Luo Xueying is gone. Just like that. I saw her the day before that, you know? She came to greet me in the morning even though she didn't need to. I gave her a new pair of earrings."
"Childbirth has always been dangerous," I murmured. "There isn't much anyone could do about it."
"How could she just be gone, just like that?"
I didn't have an answer. I was finding it difficult to process it myself. Months ago she was happy. Something had always felt missing from her after the Bride Selection, but she had seemed... content. Content with her life here in the Eastern Palace, even if I'd been let into that tidbit of knowledge that it wasn't what she wanted.
And now she was gone. So young, too. Only twenty-twoâshe was the same age as Yunhua.
Six years had passed since I'd first met her. Six years since I've come to Luoyang. And now Luo Xueying was erased from the story, dead from childbirth, without a child to follow her. Gone, just like that. A snap of a finger. Forgotten from history. The names of women were not recorded in history like men, and even when we did make it in, it was our surnames. And merely our surnames. Our father's names. Luo Xueying's name would not be recorded either. She would be Side Consort Luo, and that was all she'd be known as.
The same fate would befall me, most likely. But not yet, I hoped.
Or perhaps there was still some time for me to etch my name into history.
But when did that become my goal? Perhaps sometime in the years I've spent alongside my cousins. I didn't see a point in their scramble for power. It seemed pointless in the end. Even when you got all that power, you had to live in constant fear of losing it. What was the point of that? What was the point of gaining only to lose again?
I was content with my current position. But it had slowly influenced me, gotten into me, that climb for better, even if I didn't personally care much for it. But it was what my family wanted, so surely it was what I wanted as well?
Luoyang was corrupting me.
Or perhaps corrupting wasn't the right word. Changing me, perhaps, for corrupting sounded far too negative. And I didn't hate all the changes that Luoyang had wrought upon me, only some of them. Only the ones that made me feel like I'd turned against what I used to be.
But that was also what it took to survive.
If I only took it on because it ensured my own survival, was it a bad thing? Was self-preservation ever a bad thing?
Was it self-preservation? Or was even that just an excuse for my growing greed for power and influence?
"You know," Yunhua was saying, voice soft, "despite everything, I think she was my favourite person in this entire damned Palace."
"Yunhua..."
"All the other concubines are too scared to ever say anything. She was the only one ever worth talking to. Even when I hated her the most."
"Perhaps it is time for the Crown Prince to have some more concubines. One more befitting to your tastes."
I could not believe I was suggesting that. I could not believe that I was suggesting replacements for Luo Xueying so soon after her death. But it was what came out of my mouth.
Yunhua let out a staggered breath. "The concubines are for him, not for me. And he wouldn't like it if I found some very clearly allied with the Shangguans. No matter. There are new girls coming in soon. The Bride Selection is soon to be held. The Emperor will surely send some here to the Eastern Palace. We need more concubines of a higher status. Without Side Consort Luo, I am the only one of a truly powerful family."
"Who do you think is behind this, Yunhua?"
She stared out of a window. "Who else, Minxi?"
"The Third Prince?"
"It has to be him, right?"
So Yunhua had no evidence either.
Then what?
We couldn't accuse him of anything without proper, concrete proof. In fact, the best way for this to happen was for the Emperor to order the investigation. If the Emperor was the one to find the evidence, the Third Prince would not be able to get out of it easily. The Emperor may be more than happy to sanction his sons battling each other for the throne if it meant balancing them out, preventing any single one from becoming too powerful, but children were of utmost importance in the Imperial family. And if the Third Prince was truly guilty of the miscarriages and deaths, then even the Emperor wouldn't let him off the hook. It would ruin his chances of taking the throne.
I had no access to the Emperor. Chiqian did, but it would seem a bit strange for him to interfere with the affairs of the Eastern Palace too much, especially when it related to the women.
And, in a darker light, did I want my name or Chiqian's to be linked to this investigation? Because if we failed, and if the culprit remained at large, we may be next. For something that did not truly directly relate to me, it seemed too big a risk to take.
"Don't worry," Yunhua said, sucking in a breath. "There is a way. There is always a way."
"Do you really think," I asked quietly, "that the Crown Prince would make a better ruler than the Third Prince?"
Yunhua was silent for a long moment. But then, slowly, she shook her head.
"No. Neither are precisely intelligent to begin with, and the Crown Prince even lacks the pure ruthlessness and cruelty that makes the Third Prince at least suitable for a strict ruler. A violent ruler. He's soft with his decisions and takes too long to make up his mind about anything. But he has a secret weapon."
"What?"
She stared at me. "Me. He has me. And he has the Shangguan."
"The Third Prince's wife is a Chen."
"The Chens are nothing compared to us." She shook her head. "He knows that. If he truly wanted a wife who could compare to me, he'd have married Luo Xueying. She was the only one truly up to par with me on status and social influence. And the Empress managed to wed us both off to the Crown Prince. Pity Qin Yue, a pawn that everyone wanted to be rid of."
"Did we make the wrong decision?" I asked quietly. "Should we never have backed the Crown Prince in the first place?"
"That decision," Yunhua said slowly, "was made by the time I was born. It was not something in any of our power. The Emperor decided to name the son of the Empress the Crown Prince, and then decided I should marry him when I was of age. Nothing we could do about it."
"But he's not the best choice. Do you hear the way he speaks? Sometimes I have to force myself to remain silent so I do not say something I'd dearly regret in his face."
"Don't worry," she laughed bitterly, "sometimes, I do too. Oh, I wish women were allowed to be in the court without being wives first, Minxi. And I wish I could partake in politics more directly, rather than trying to influence idiotic men into following my ideas. It is all me, is it not? All of it. It's me. All the charity organised, the food giveaways, the new job opportunities for the refugees. I even edited some of his speeches in the Imperial court, you know? And the Emperor praised them. He praised them. But I cannot claim any credit for it. If my name becomes connected to any of it, all of my hard work will be ruined. It will be torn down because they do not think a woman has any right to interfere in it all, even though I am so much better than all of them at it."
Quietly, I said, "You're beginning to sound like Yunjun."
She scowled. "I envy Yunjun. At least she is able to go against the norms. The people mocked her then, they do not mock her now. Even with her failed marriage, the people dare not mock her. She has made a name for herself. She has shown them a woman can be a soldier and be as good as a man in that department. But I'm afraid the imperial court is very different from the battlefields of the borderlands. There, only strength matters. If you win, they will respect you. It is not that way here."
"You know," I said softly, "Luo Xueying once said something very similar to me. The night of the Bride Selection. She told me she envied and admired Yunjun greatly. Isn't it funny? Yunjun has managed to secure something other than her marriage, but in doing so, she has the worst match out of all of us. Is it just impossible for a woman to make a name for herself and enjoy a good family life at the same time? Is the balance between traditional and breaking the mould truly impossible?"
"I am sure there are women who have achieved it," Yunhua huffed.
"Oh?"
Her eyes fluttered shut. "But they are most likely not known to us."
"In which case, they have not made a name for themselves. Perhaps we are forced to sacrifice between being a good wife and mother with a good husband, and being able to be something other than that."
"It is all pointless." Yunhua shook her head, laying her forehead on her perched arm. "I must do this because it is the only way I can survive. If the Third Prince wins, it is our death sentence. He is cruel, you know. He would not let us off easily. He has already tried to kill me, and I wouldn't be surprised if he tries it again."
"We must be more careful. You must be more careful."
"Ha! So everyone keeps telling me. But when someone is trying to kill you," she told me darkly, "there is no precaution you can take to stop them. A single gap or opening is enough. It is far more difficult trying to stay alive than to kill someone."
"You have experience in that?"
She glowered at me. "I live in the Eastern Palace, Minxi. If not today, then someday, my hands would have to get bloody. You do not become the Empress by being a saint."
"I had not expected you to."
She nodded. "I'm glad you're aware of that. Oh, I grow tiresome. Perhaps you can come another day."
"Perhaps not," I said slowly, "I don't want people to think you're associating too much with your maiden clan."
She scowled. "Why would they care?"
"You are the Crown Princess Consort now. You are, in all manner of things, a Yuan rather than Shangguan, and that is where your loyalties on paper should lie. It would not do for you to contact us too much. I will visit, but not frequently. Your father's orders."
"And how fares Grandmother?"
"She is barely able to leave the bed these days. It is a miracle she has lasted this long already."
Yunhua squeezed her eyes shut. "Oh, I miss her so much. I wish I could visit, but I do not think it is possible any time soon."
"If you request it..."
"Not so soon. Not with Luo Xueying... No. They would not let me."
"Oh."
"Send my regards, won't you? I miss Grandmother dearly. And tell Yunjun I will try to see her before she leaves for the borderlands againâI think that shall be possible, especially if General Feng is summoned into the Palace before that expedition. I have heard word of it already, and if General Feng is summoned, Yunjun will as well. His Majesty and His Highness may allow her to visit me before it. Have you seen Tianjin?"
"He is hard at work. About to take his keju exams."
"Good. Good. I hope he does well. It would bring much honour to our family." A pause. "I grow fatigued, Minxi. I shall see you soon, I think. Hopefully."
I curtsied and left.