Chapter 6: Trust the Darkness

Laha played the role of the perfect courtier. She smiled gaily and clapped for all the archery competitors. She made idle conversation with the nobles. She even complimented Alfred when he won the archery contest. She did it all under the watchful eye of the Governess.

The Governess obviously suspected Laha of something, as did Mary, who had watched her friend’s performance through narrowed eyes. Several times throughout the day, the Governess and Mary tried to corner Laha or get her by herself, but each time she managed to evade them, surrounding herself with the Queen’s ladies, joining and encouraging their insipid commentary.

When they weren’t competing, Bertie and his brother were deep in conversation, discussing a trip they were all supposed to be taking tomorrow to inspect the King’s late brother’s properties in Lakeford. Laha had never seen Bertie so engaged in the court’s business. Alfred spoke with extreme confidence about his plans for the kingdom and its prosperous future, with Bertie seemingly believing his older brother had the power to make something happen just by willing it. Certainly Bertie gave the impression that he saw a future for himself at court.

Laha shoved aside her annoyance – or her sense of betrayal – focusing instead on how she would continue meeting Zayaka. That night, she left the feast in the Great Hall early, claiming she was unwell. She locked the door to her room in Mary’s apartments, and told the Princess’s attendants not to let anyone disturb her.

The next morning, before dawn, Laha, with Chaos in tow, slipped from her room and out of the castle, anxious to meet Zayaka.

The sun was just rising when she arrived at the tent. Laha’s whole body tingled as she pulled aside the canvas and stepped inside.

‘Good morning.’ Zayaka strode toward her, enveloping her in a hug.

Laha’s arms hung limp by her side, unsure of what to do. ‘Good morning,’ she managed to respond through a mouthful of the feathers pressed against her face.

Zayaka released her and stepped back with a triumphant smile. ‘Well.’

‘Well?’

‘We begin.’ She indicated a box sitting on the table at the centre of the room.

Laha approached it with cautious steps, Chaos mirroring her a few steps behind.

‘Go ahead. Open it.’

Laha did so. A brown field mouse with twitching whiskers peered up at her.

‘We start with a simple animal inhabitation,’ Zayaka began. ‘And since you seem so attached to that monkey, I found you a different subject.’

Chaos nodded approvingly, but Laha’s shoulders fell. ‘I don’t think I can.’ Or should.

‘Don’t think. Know. Then do.’

Laha made a scoffing sound. Zayaka pressed her lips together and folded her arms. Her stance was eerily reminiscent of the Governess.

Laha focused on everything the Governess had told her. Connect with the creature’s mind. Hear its voice. Call on it for cooperation. She scrunched up her eyes, tensed her jaw, focused so hard she forgot to breathe. But she could hear nothing other than the mouse’s nervous squeaks. She huffed loudly in frustration.

‘What was that?’ Zayaka asked.

‘I was calling on the creature to hear me. To be at one with me.’

It was Zayaka’s turn to scoff. She put the lid back on the mouse’s box.

‘That’s the problem. Asking for an animal’s cooperation is the harder path. You must build trust with the creature – it can take time and great energy, and even then the animal has a mind of its own and may ignore everything you ask of it. You must inhabit it. Command it. Control it. Surely you have done this before.’

Zayaka’s dismissal of Laha’s abilities flared embers of anger in her. ‘Of course I have done it before! It’s how I got kicked out of the Institute – inhabiting a giant snake and trying to attack the High Shaman.’

‘Ha!’ Zayaka cried. ‘I bet the old hag deserved it.’

‘She did.’

‘So do it again now.’

‘But…’ Laha wasn’t sure if she should explain her hesitation. That it was the Governess’s teachings that held her back. She didn’t want to sound weak in front of Zayaka.

‘But what?’

Laha heaved a great sigh. ‘I thought trying to control an animal was giving into the darkness. That you needed to master the light and conquer the darkness to succeed as a Shaman.’

Zayaka’s beautiful mouth formed into a scowl. ‘Yes, that’s what they say…but they’re wrong. They want you to smother the darkness, but doing that means destroying the source of half of your power. I say surrender to the darkness, bring it to the fore.’ Her eyes sparkled. ‘Dance with it!’

Laha didn’t understand. It was the complete opposite of what she had been taught. ‘But what if the darkness leads you to…’ She thought of all the dark things she had seen: the world of the portal, death – that wasn’t what she wanted.

Zayaka grabbed Laha by the shoulders. ‘The darkness must exist, as must the light. Accepting both and trusting your darkness is the key to unlocking your full potential. Do you see?’

Laha nodded, unwilling to admit she didn’t really see, even though she wanted to.

Zayaka released her grip on Laha’s shoulders and lifted the box’s lid. ‘Try again,’ she whispered in her ear.

Laha stared into the black orbs of the mouse’s eyes. She stared so hard she could see her own reflection in them. Trust the darkness, she said to herself, without really knowing what that meant.

Nothing happened.

‘You’re overthinking it,’ Zayaka murmured. ‘Think back to what you did the time before – when you inhabited the snake. What were you thinking? How did you feel?’

‘Angry. I’d had enough of how I was being treated at the Institute. The only thing I remember thinking was how good it would feel being more powerful than any of them.’

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‘Exactly! Harness that. Harness the anger. Harness your hunger for power.’

Laha thought about the things that made her angry. How Mary had prioritised her relationship with Alfred over their friendship. Still nothing. The judgemental sniggers at court because she looked…because she was different. Again, nothing. She thought back to her time at the Institute and how she’d been made an outcast, how she’d been made to feel she wasn’t good enough, that because of her powers she was undesirable.

A flicker of silver in the mouse’s eyes.

‘Yes.’ A hint of a smile in Zayaka’s voice. ‘Keep going.’

Laha thought about how the Governess had instilled in her a fear of the darkness, a disgust in anyone who gave in to it and couldn’t control their powers. Laha could feel the mouse fighting her as she reached into its mind. At first it tried to escape, scuttling from the box, but then it froze. Laha could hear its cries for her to stop, but the darkness had erupted inside her, cavorting like a wild cat playing with its prey. The light was still there, but overshadowed; it was a marionette, the darkness its puppeteer.

The burning energy and exhilaration she had felt when she had first visited Zayaka’s tent was back, feeding her, fuelling an indescribable need for more. The mouse thrashed its head, trying to resist her presence, but Laha didn’t stop. She thought about how it felt having to quell her instincts in battle – her urge to use everything at her disposal against her enemies.

The mouse stilled and blinked back at Laha with silver eyes. She had inhabited the creature.

‘Yes. Yes. Yes!’ Zayaka crowed.

What next? What would Laha get the mouse to do? The answer was obvious.

Laha’s mind reached into its limbs, her commands pulsing through the animal’s body. The mouse suddenly stood upright and began dancing a merry jig.

Zayaka broke into laughter and applause. Chaos screeched and leapt about, trying to mimic the mouse.

A dreamy smile crept across Laha’s face. She was overwhelmed by a sense of serenity, something she couldn’t name. Something that came from not fighting herself. From just being who she was meant to be…A sense of completeness.

‘I did it,’ she purred, then released the mouse from her control. It shook its head and wobbled for a moment, before launching itself off the table and scurrying to freedom. ‘What next?’ Laha asked with undisguised enthusiasm.

‘We go back to everything you have learnt before. Everything you could do before. And we do it all again…’ Zayaka’s eyes shone. ‘But this time you’ll be doing it with your darkness unshackled. You will do everything bigger and better, be more powerful than you ever dreamt!’

Laha tilted her head, imagining what it would be like to feel the way she had just felt, every time she used her magic. The prospect was altogether irresistible, but she forced herself not to get too far ahead. There were going to be some obstacles. People would already be wondering where she was and would come looking for her – and the first one would be the Governess.

‘We have much to do – starting immediately,’ Zayaka said.

‘But…’ Laha explained how her friends and the Governess were suspicious of what she’d been up to, and how she was expected to join them all on a visit to the countryside, leaving later that morning. They were to stay for several days at a property owned by the Lamorian King’s late brother.

‘Perfect,’ Zayaka declared. ‘Feign sickness. Tell them you are too unwell to travel. It will give me enough time—’

Laha raised a curious brow. ‘Enough time for what?’

Zayaka pressed her lips together, as if realising she’d said too much. After a pause she said, ‘It will give me enough time to help you harness all of your abilities. Then our business will be complete.’

‘Complete? Are you planning on leaving after that?’ The words rushed from Laha in a terrified torrent. ‘Leaving me?’

She didn’t want to imagine having to stay in Lamore by herself, without the only person in the world who really understood what it meant to be her and didn’t punish her for it. Not now.

Zayaka reached a gloved hand to Laha’s chin and lifted it. She looked Laha squarely in the eye. ‘Leaving you is not an option.’ The woman had never sounded so serious, but Laha was confused by her words. Did she mean that she couldn’t leave Laha behind, or that she had no options, that her only choice was to leave?

Laha played the words over in her mind. Had Zayaka stressed the word not or option? Had she stressed any of the words? She needed clarification but dared not ask for it. She didn’t want to appear desperate or scare the woman away.

‘Sure,’ she said casually.

Zayaka gave an inscrutable smile and released Laha’s chin. ‘So that just leaves us with the business of the Governess. I expect she will not trust you enough to leave you at the castle alone?’

Laha nodded. Zayaka reached for a bejewelled chest on the ground, which Laha hadn’t noticed before. She opened the chest and retrieved a small bottle.

‘Put three drops of this into the Governess’s tea…she still drinks Ivanian tea?’

She knows her. Zayaka knows the Governess. But how?

Zayaka clicked her fingers. ‘Laha? She still drinks—’

‘Yes…she does.’

‘Good. Put the drops in her tea after the others leave today and we will have the time we need without interference.’

A chill ran up Laha’s spine. ‘It’s not going to…’ She dropped her voice to a whisper. ‘…kill her?’ Laha didn’t particularly like the Governess and her bossy ways. She liked her even less when she thought about her insistence that Laha rid herself of darkness. But the woman had saved her from the Institute and come to Laha and her friends’ aid more than once during their battles. So she didn’t wish the Governess dead.

Zayaka laughed, almost a cackle. ‘No, that is not what will kill her.’

Laha wasn’t exactly assured by Zayaka’s words, but she was scared to ask for more information, certain she may not like what she heard. And while she wouldn’t dig deeper into Zayaka’s business, Laha could happily accept the woman’s offer to make her more powerful than she had ever dreamt.

‘Where have you been?’ Mary demanded.

Laha found the Princess waiting for her in her room when she returned from Zayaka’s tent. Her friend stood cross-armed, tapping her silk-slippered foot on the floor. Bertie was behind her, offering an apologetic shrug.

‘Aren’t you supposed to be sick?’ Mary continued.

‘I was sick…and then I felt better, so I decided to go for a walk.’ Chaos nodded his agreement. ‘But now…’ Laha clutched a hand to her stomach. ‘I just feel awful again. Like I could be sick at any moment.’

Mary glared at her. ‘Too sick for today’s trip, I suppose.’ Her sarcasm lay thick.

Laha matched her tone. ‘I know, the timing is terrible.’

‘Fine,’ Mary said through clenched teeth. ‘But the Governess will want to stay, to…to make sure you have everything you need for a full recovery.’

‘How kind of her,’ Laha hissed.

Mary unfolded her arms. ‘You know, Laha…I am your friend. Your best friend. Whatever is going on with you, you can tell me.’

‘What…so you can tell Alfred all about it?’

Mary sighed. ‘I’ll see you when I get back. And we’ll make some time to do something special together…just the two of us…like old times.’ She gave Laha a disarming smile. ‘How does that sound?’

Laha’s defences crumbled. She loved Mary, and she knew the Princess cared for her, even if she devoted most of her attention to Alfred these days. ‘Sounds good,’ Laha managed with a pinched smile.

Mary’s face brightened. ‘I’ll see you when I get back,’ she said and left Laha’s room.

‘She made me come with her,’ Bertie began, ‘for support…in case you tried to bite her head off.’

Laha scowled at him. ‘And what were you going to do if I did, Your Oh-so-great Highness, Prince Emberto, the Oh-so-important-now?’

Bertie pulled a face. ‘I’m just doing my duty, Laha. It’s my responsibility to take a role in the running of this kingdom.’

‘I’m just doing my duty,’ she imitated him in a whiny voice.

Bertie’s shoulders slumped. He mussed the dark curls on his head. Laha’s determination to punish him for abandoning her in favour of Lamore began to evaporate in that one simple movement.

‘Look, I know things have been hard for you since you lost your powers,’ Bertie began, ‘and with Mary and Alfred getting engaged…and I’ve been distracted…but when we get back from the trip, how about you and I spend some time together too? Just us.’

‘Like old times?’ she teased.

‘Yes, like old times.’ He punched her playfully on the arm. ‘Without, you know…opening magical portals and the like.’

‘Alright then,’ she agreed.

Bertie’s smile threatened to break his face, and it occurred to Laha that when he got back, maybe they could go back to the way they had been. Maybe she could tell him about Zayaka and the training she was doing. It would be good to have someone other than Chaos to share her excitement with – as long as Bertie didn’t start getting worried about that stupid prophecy again…

The prophecy. Her eyes went to her overcoat hanging over the back of the settee. Laha suddenly had more questions and was fast getting the feeling she was in over her head.