78

The thoughts of people coming after me were still chasing after my positive thinking. Every time I left my palace, I would have to look out for myself. At night, after the incident, it was difficult for me to sleep.

Memories of the assassins breaking into the Empress Dowager's chamber terrified me. I didn't want that to happen to me.

Hua Yang was sitting across from me. We enjoyed each other's company, as always, and this was the first time I was in her estate. She held the teacup in her hand with grace, worriedly watching me as I was stilled.

"Empress, you're going to be fine," Hua Yang searched for something in my eyes but I don't think she found it. "You can rest assured that His Majesty will be able to investigate this safely."

I smiled. "I didn't think it would be this stressful for me."

"It is," Hua Yang never sugar-coated things. She took a long sip of her tea and gently placed it down. "Now, as a friend, I am here for you."

"Thank you." I took my teacup in my hand.

Hua Yang was kind enough to visit me at night. I know I couldn't be able to sleep at night if these thoughts continued to surface. Now, it was harder for me to fall asleep.

Dragon stayed on my lap; she tried her best to fall asleep. I rested the palm of my hand on her back. The Emperor was kind enough to gift me a pet, but he forgot that a pet was hard to take care of. I felt bad for my maids who were mostly taking care of Dragon as well. They spent more time and effort taking care of Dragon than taking care of me.

A quick burst of movement from my eunuch caught the attention of Hua Yang and me. Next to him, was a woman I've never seen before. She wasn't a concubine. She was a maid. They both bowed when they reached us. "Warm blessings to Your Majesty, greetings to Your Highness."

"At ease," I gently lifted Dragon up from my lap and handed her to Snoopy. She opened her arms and took Dragon away. After Li Shu and the maid straightened themselves up, I noticed the worry on their faces. "What seems to be the problem?"

"Your Majesty, Consort Zhang has committed suicide!" Li Shu exclaimed. His eyebrows slanted upwards as he tried his best to look at me. The maid must have been Consort Zhang's maid.

The thought of another death in the harem made me wince. Hua Yang noticed my sudden discomfort. Another concubine died a while back from suicide as well... Guan Shu had also died from 'suicide' which was not deemed to be true. It wasn't only traumatic for me, it hurt me.

My breaths were starting to quicken as I stood up from my chair. Hua Yang followed suit, still watching me with concern. I almost lost my balance when I stood up.

The maid looked at me frantically. "Your Majesty... I—We didn't mean to..."

Guan Shu's body hanging in the silk fabric crossed my mind. I wanted to erase that memory. She died for nothing. At least she reunited with Rong Er... but she didn't have to die that way.

"Take me to Consort Zhang's chamber." I looked directly at Li Shu.

Hua Yang quickly shook her head and took my hand. "Empress, do you truly want to... go? Your past maid... I don't—"

"It's my duty as the exalted head of the harem to care and manage the harem. I cannot make any excuses," I faced Hua Yang, speaking in a solemn tone. My lips formed into a slight curl. "Thank you for your concern."

"I'll go with you." Hua Yang whispered.

"Me too." Hua Er tucked her chair in.

The scene didn't look familiar to me. Consort Zhang died from consuming large contents of salt willingly. Her body was sent out of her chamber by the time we got there.

"Happiness and peace to the Empress," her maids kneeled, bowing deeply. "Greetings to Your Highness."

"Rise," I looked around her chamber.

Her maids quickly got up. "Thank you, Your Majesty."

Bland. Nothing out of the ordinary. No note, no signs or traces of anyone else in the room. She might have done it. But I couldn't be too convinced. After scanning her room, I looked at the head maid. "Do you believe Consort Zhang truly killed herself?"

"Your Majesty, she talked about it... a few nights ago," the head maid shook her head and sighed. "We... We tried our best to convince her and we thought she listened to us..."

Another maid spoke up. "We were so clueless... We thought that she dismissed us to be alone for a while but... we didn't expect this to happen."

Was there ever any therapist or psychologist around? I doubt it. When I see the Emperor again, I'd like to suggest a few ideas. I didn't know this would be this common but I was starting to worry over the girls.

I also didn't want the Emperor to feel upset over this. Before I could speak, Hua Yang took a step forward.

"Does His Majesty know?" she asked.

They shook their heads. "No, Your Highness."

"Good," I nodded. I looked at each of them and then turned to Li Shu. "Refrain from speaking about it. I also don't want the Emperor to find out until the next morning."

"Yes." they all said in unison. Li Shu nodded as well.

I left Consort Zhang's chamber immediately. After walking down the corridor in the concubine quarters, I heard a few whispers. Concubines were discussing Consort Zhang's suicide and although I hated eavesdropping, I felt obligated to.

Hua Er and Hua Yang turned around when I stopped walking. I gave them a reassuring smile and urged them with my hand. "You two leave first, I'm going to stay back for a while."

The two women looked at me suspiciously but they bowed and turned around. I pressed my back against the wall and sighed.

Li Shu was probably used to me eavesdropping on other people. He was also ready for me to punish someone today. However, I felt like it wasn't necessary to do that after this tragic event.

"Why would Consort Zhang do that?" a voice asked.

"I don't know, but the only reason she got promoted is because she is cousins with the late empress," another person scoffed. I could've sworn I heard that voice before. "Maybe because of the lack of favour from the Emperor."

"I agree. But I do feel bad."

"I do as well. But that's the life in the harem," she sighed dramatically. "We don't have to worry because we're Noble Consorts."

Fei Ruo's voice. That was Fei Ruo's voice. I recognized her voice and her attitude.

A burst of slight laughter erupted. "That is true, sister."

"I am accompanying His Majesty tonight, I just hope that he doesn't cancel it to mourn over Consort Zhang's death." Fei Ruo sighed again.

"Don't worry, sister. She isn't important enough for him to grieve over," her friend whispered, but loud enough for me to hear. "His Majesty didn't grieve as much over the late empress as well!"

They giggled together and I had enough of it. Before I stepped in, I stopped myself.

I shouldn't let them off the hook. I had the power to punish Fei Ruo by telling the Emperor what she said right then and there, but I chose to just leave it.

I could get revenge in another way.

Li Shu was practically waiting for me to step inside, but I turned to him and gave him a bright smile. He furrowed his eyebrows at my behaviour as if I was doing something weird. After listening to them chatter about irrelevant things, I walked away.

I went back to my palace and was immediately greeted by Hua Yang. She stepped out of the doorway and bowed as I stepped up the small steps.

"It is starting to get late, Your Majesty," Hua Yang took a few steps forwards and smiled. "I think I'm going to go back. I shall take my leave now."

"Goodnight," I stepped aside for her to walk down. "Thank you for accompanying me today. I needed that."

Hua Yang gazed up at the dark sky. The moon illuminated her face; her skin was glowing under the light. She had a young face, slightly chubby cheeks but had fierce eyes. I wondered if she was seeing anyone. After the Empress Dowager passed away, I remembered she was relieved that she wouldn't marry a stranger.

Slowly, she faced me and sighed. "Of course, Empress. I'll see you soon."

I nodded. She bowed once again and left with one of my eunuchs. He walked her to her sedan chair. My eyes lowered at her silk hanfu. They were slightly long and dragged behind her.

Once I stepped inside my palace, Hua Er was playing the guqin. My maids greeted me politely and I made my way to get changed for the night. The atmosphere was light and blissful. It was darkening but the waves of the guqin washed over me.

It almost made me forget that Consort Zhang committed suicide.

Consort Zhang was related to the late empress. This, I didn't know. Was she the consort the late empress was speaking to before? My makeup was removed and my maids helped me strip down to my bare body. I felt the gentle breeze against my skin.

Fei Ruo also had a big mouth but I felt that snitching on her to the Emperor was unnecessary as of now. The Emperor had more things to worry about so Fei Ruo was off the hook. But sooner or later, I will have her banished from the harem and into the Cold Palace or demoted to a commoner.

As my maids gently helped me with my nightwear, I almost moaned at how good the light, sheer silk felt against my skin. The sheerness of my hanfu was beautiful as well. It was a beautiful pink and light purple sleepwear with small embroideries on the bottom.

The Emperor would be doing... activities with Fei Ruo as of now. I believe he might be seeing her more often with the cockiness in her tone, but it wasn't confirmed.

After my maids finished taking out everything in my hair, I got up from my chair. They slowly dipped their head. I put my last pin down. "When did Fei Ruo leave her chamber?"

"By the time Your Majesty arrived, she was already gone," the head maid said.

I nodded. "Get a eunuch to inform the Emperor that I need to speak to him. It is an emergency."

"B-But, Your Majesty, Lady Fei Ruo is with His Majesty... as of now," Fen Ai said. She looked at me in confusion.

"It has to do with Consort Zhang's death. I need to speak to His Majesty," I instructed. "I also want Li Shu to be here in my chamber."

The head maid bowed along with my other maids. "We will follow your orders, Your Majesty."

After they left, I toyed around with my headpieces and pins. I should put them away. I didn't want the Emperor to see how messy it was. While I was putting them back into specific boxes with gentleness in my hands, Hua Er walked in.

She watched me from the large mirror in front of me. Her eyes were slightly drooping as she looked sleepy. While she watched me, she yawned. "Are you seeing His Majesty soon?"

"Yes," I responded, looking at her from the mirror as well. My hair was growing longer, which is what I noticed. When I get back, I'm going to get a haircut. "I have something to tell His Majesty."

Hua Er yawned again. She covered her mouth with her hand. "Is it... something to do with Consort Zhang?"

I nodded solemnly. My eyes fixed on Hua Er's face. She knew something was up, and I was glad she could read me. I had no energy to explain my plan.

"Smart," Hua Er's tired eyes brightened. She grinned. "You want to interrupt them so Lady Fei Ruo is dismissed for the night."

Hua Er read me like a book. She was good at it now. She seemed to be very good at reading people, and I liked it. I liked that we knew each other for a short amount of time yet we can connect on a different level.

Smiling slyly, almost into a simper, I let a soft chuckle. "I am proud of you for guessing that."

"Of course," Hua Er laughed. She looked away and stretched her arms above her head. "I'll leave to another room now."

Li Shu arrived quickly. He bowed. "Warm blessings to the Empress."

"At ease," I turned around. Li Shu rose. He opened his mouth to speak but I spoke before him. "I need you to tell His Majesty what had happened to Consort Zhang."

"Yes, Empress." he obeyed, dipping his head.

I couldn't be the one to bear this news to the Emperor. That was someone else's job. The Emperor will associate me with the bad news and this could be dangerous. I needed Li Shu to tell the Emperor instead.

All I had to do was to talk to him and comfort him.

The Emperor didn't take long to be in my bedroom. I felt his eyes scan me all over the place, and I knew it was because of my sleepwear. While he did look irritated, he still had the hormones of a teenage boy.

I turned away from staring into the mirror and stood up. I bowed deeply, this time with the energy of respect. "Greetings to Your Majesty."

Li Shu followed as well. The Emperor furrowed his eyes at Li Shu, and then at me.

"Empress, what is it?" he frowned.

"I know you were in the middle of something," I took his hand and led him towards my bed. He sat down slowly and I followed immediately after. "But something has come up..."

The Emperor turned from looking irritated to looking stressed. "Continue."

Li Shu stood in front of him, bowing more respectfully now. "Consort Zhang has committed suicide just recently, Your Majesty. She consumed large contents of salt and is now declared dead."

My eyes trailed away from Li Shu and onto the Emperor. I watched as he took a heavy sigh and relaxed his shoulder. As he stared off into nothing, I gently placed my palm on the back of his hand. "Your Majesty, I didn't want you to be informed until the morning... But I believe you should know now."

As I continued to watch him, I leaned forwards.

"I just... the amount of stress you have right now is alarming," I sighed. "I apologize, Your Majesty... Please forgive me."

The Emperor looked at Li Shu and gave him a curt nod. My eunuch bowed to both of us and left the bedroom. We watched him leave before we faced each other. My heart was beating. I could hear it. I wished the sound of the guqin was still playing because now, my room was silent.

My mind was racing with things I could say, but I chose to let the Emperor have his moment. He didn't look too upset.

"Ying Yue, what could I possibly do to prevent this?" the Emperor shifted his body so he was completely facing me.

I couldn't help but think about therapy. Or perhaps on another level, psychologists. I knew it might be rare for them to focus on mental health, but I believed that if I introduced this, these things would not happen as often.

The women in the harem needed a lot of psychological help and aid. All this competition was mentally draining. I felt slightly uneasy about staying quiet while the Emperor was practically pleading me with his eyes.

I chewed my bottom lip as I slowly looked at him. "Perhaps you can have professionals studying human behaviour to help with these things... Our minds are very powerful and they may gradually wire differently over time, causing us to do certain actions."

"Experiences can change us... I can imagine people being able to speak to a trained person, seeking the help they need when it comes to their mind," I looked away. "We should study the human mind. It is powerful."

The Emperor's eyes glistened as I spoke. He leaned closer towards me and tucked a few strands of hair behind my ear.

"Er... I b-believe that after each session... the professional should not disclose the information to anyone," I nervously stammered. I wanted to move away from the weird affection he was giving me, but I stayed put. "It's a good system, in my opinion, Your Majesty. Perhaps it's best if you test it out."

"Ying Yue, you're an incredible woman," he purred, huskily. He was moving towards me now, and in a blink of an eye, I felt his breath down my neck.

While he ran his fingers through my hanfu, he planted a small kiss on my lips. I puckered automatically and was embarrassed because he had a smirk on his face. Immediately, I stood up to ease the tension between us.

He remained nonchalant and stood up after me. His eyes almost burned mine as he bored his eyes into mine. "Thank you, Ying Yue."

"Have a goodnight, Your Majesty," I whispered.

I didn't know how to react because I was still doe-eyed looking at him. He had a slight smirk on his face he tried to hide. My hands were subconsciously fiddling with my sleeves. I ran my fingers against the fabric of my sleepwear as I gently waited for the Emperor to leave the room.

When he didn't, I started to feel the heat on my cheeks. Of course, the Emperor and I were platonically in a relationship, but it seemed like we were fooling around at this point. I didn't belong to anyone. Nobody but me. By law and paper, I belonged to the Emperor, but in my heart, I was just me; I belonged to myself.

My discomfort faded away, though. A quick peck on the lips was nothing, so I let it go. The Emperor continued to stand there. He watched my movements quietly. I was nervous. It was hard to breathe in the presence of him, but I did find him attractive. I couldn't fall in love with him, nor ever do anything with him.

He had just dismissed Fei Ruo and left for my estate. Maybe they were in the middle of something... Maybe they—

I didn't want to be locking lips with him right after the Emperor performed an activity with someone else. It was weird and it didn't sit right with me. I wondered how the late empress dealt with this.

Oh wait, I already knew.

The silence in the room was killing me. My heart was beating and my palms were starting to moisten. I looked at the Emperor underneath my lashes. "Y-Your Majesty, are you not going to leave?"

"Do you mind if I sleep with you? I'm too lazy to go back," the Emperor cleared his throat. His eyes were glossy now.

"No, uh... No... Not at all," I lied, plastering a bright smile on my face. He didn't have the wrong idea. He knew we were strictly friends. "I-I just... All of a sudden..."

I nervously chuckled while the Emperor furrowed his eyebrows. While I looked away from him, I could feel his eyes on me. He was quick to get under the blankets and act like he owned the place.

The Emperor closed his eyes. He eased himself nicely into bed and all I could do was stand there awkwardly and watch. What the hell was this game he was playing? When I laid next to him, he ignored my presence as if I wasn't there.

Perhaps he really was just lazy.

As I turned to face my back against him, I slightly looked behind my shoulder to see his response. His eyelids fluttered lightly and he shifted his weight towards me. I cleared my throat stiffly.

I couldn't say anything now. I've made my bed and I have to lie in it.

Literally.

A small part of me felt guilty. I've interrupted Fei Ruo and the Emperor, just so Fei Ruo couldn't have her chance. Now the Emperor was laying next to me, still with a slight smile on his face. I rolled my eyes. Look what I've done to myself.

Fei Ruo must despise me so much right now. I might have to watch my back soon, because I may have done more damage than I intended to. Whatever, it served her right. I don't think I did enough. I may need to visit Fei Ruo tomorrow.

Anyway, I had a problem that I had to deal with. But it wasn't that bad, was it? I slept with the Emperor more than once, I can do it again.

I moved my body slightly towards the edge of the bed.

"Goodnight, Your Majesty," I whispered.

"Goodnight, Ying Yue," he whispered back.

Now I must have realised it was improper for the Emperor to be sleeping in my palace. Whether or not it would spark up controversy, that was for the Emperor to deal with. It was technically not my idea.

I felt an arm around my waist and the warmth of someone else's body against mine. I immediately woke up. Trying my best not to wake up the Emperor, I slowly tried to push him off.

He still had a tight grip on my waist. The Emperor let out a small groan and hugged me even tighter. My cheeks were starting to burn. I swallowed, waiting for him to wake up. Birds were chirping outside and it was almost time for the Emperor to get up and start his day.

"Good morning, Ying Yue." the Emperor groaned in my ear. He pulled me in closer but I didn't fight it off.

I usually felt groggy in the morning, but today I was waiting to get out of bed. I stiffened my body as he didn't let me go. "Good morning, Your Majesty."

Immediately after, maids started to pour in. They knelt down and bowed respectfully, greeting both of us at the same time. The Emperor stood up abruptly and turned around. Before he left, he smiled. "Thank you, Empress. You were very kind enough to let me stay with you."

His cheeky smile almost sent my fist flying at him.

"No need to thank me." I gritted my teeth.

I guess he was off to head back to his palace.

Soon, I needed to head out as well. And then, I would like to speak to Fei Ruo.

Before I did, I visited Hua Yang first. She was the only physician I trusted. Although she might have been suspicious about what I asked of her, she still delivered what I needed. Perhaps Hua Yang already knew. She just didn't want to say anything.

After creating a pleasant scent with the herbal sleep powder, I packed it nicely in a container. A perfume powder disguised as an aid for sleeping.

Fei Ruo's chamber was quiet. There was a lack of movement in her room. I peeked inside and noticed that she was sewing a garment. Her head was down. I quietly entered and was greeted by her maids. Fei Ruo looked up, she took a heavy inhale and stood up. She bowed. "Happiness and peace to the Empress."

"At ease," I smiled.

Her maids back away from Fei Ruo and watched as I approached her. She didn't try to hide the hostility towards me. The polite expression she had on her face opposed her glaring eyes. While I sat down on the chair across from her, she frowned.

"Your Majesty, I apologize for being impolite, but why are you here?" Fei Ruo asked sweetly. Her face was clouded with annoyance as I kept my smile.

She was good at hiding her emotions but I saw through her. Fei Ruo knew that she was walking on eggshells when she spoke to me. A third strike and she would face heavier consequences.

"I interrupted you last night. It was wrong of me but His Majesty needed to know what had happened with Consort Zhang," I placed the container on the table. It was pink with floral designs. Fei Ruo continued to glare at me. "I feel upset that I interrupted, so I prepared this for you."

Fei Ruo held the container in her hands. She opened it up and leaned in to take a small whiff. I observed the way she studied it. If I was in her shoes, I think I'd suspect that I tampered with it. Fei Ruo wouldn't use it if I didn't prove it was safe otherwise.

It was a light floral scent. The scent was derived from magnolias picked out from the Imperial garden. From here, I could slightly smell it.

There was a lack of gratitude from Fei Ruo, but she closed the container and held onto it. I spoke before her, "You might assume that I tampered with it."

She kept quiet. Her narrowing eyes were studying my face. "Empress, it is only a thought. I know you want the best for us but..."

I reached to take the container. As I opened it, Fei Ruo watched intently, waiting for me to chicken out. I brushed my middle finger on the powder and lightly tapped it on my wrist and behind my ears. The only harm it could do was make me sleepy.

After Fei Ruo applies this at night to accompany the Emperor, she'll fall asleep before anything happens. It did no harm to her at all.

"Can you smell it on me?" I gave her a reassuring smile.

She gave me a slight curl of her lips and nodded. That was it. I can already feel her calculating something. Or perhaps she was trying to calculate my own calculations.

Fei Ruo took the container and let out a small sigh. Her shoulders relaxed while she kept the container in her hand. But her eyes continued to narrow slightly at me in suspicion. Even with her suspicions, she slowly bowed. "Thank you, Your Majesty. Your Majesty is kind enough to send me a gift to apologize."