Chapter 52: 52 hurting desicions

After days of immense pain and suffering, not forgetting the almost dying part, my mate doesn’t want to claim me as his. Somehow, that rejection is harder and feels more painful than being burned from the inside out. He doesn’t want to save me. Sitting in the wheelchair staring up into his eyes, I see it hurts him too.

He drops on his knees in front of me. “This is not what I want, trust me. We both had a tough time, let’s go home and sleep. We can talk when it is morning again. I think we can both sleep for days.”

“A tough time?” I ask, making quotation marks with my fingers, “That is how you describe the hell I have been through?” My voice is soft, but my brain is running miles and still not registering what is happening.

He sighs, running a hand through his hair and standing up again. He looks at Maya pleadingly, for, I don’t know, support?

She cleans her glasses. “You’re on your own.” She mutters. We share a look. She was my doctor, and it was hard for her too.

“I can’t lose my family.” He adds softly. “The Pack comes first, always.”

“I am your family, your life and future.” My voice is cracking. I am completely drained again.

Resting my head on my hands, I take a few deep breaths.

The tingling feeling is back. Igétas is stroking my arms. “You are still recovering. Come home with me, we can talk tomorrow.” His eyes are begging.

I can only think about all those days, being in the most horrific pain I can imagine and wanting nothing more than spending time with my mate, needing him there with me. Now, he is rejecting me.

More tears are running down my face as we sit there for a little while. I can’t accept his statement easily, but my mind and body want him close. I am at a crossroad and don’t know which way to go.

Maya steps in and rubs my arm. “You need to heal and the best way to do that is with Igétas by your side. You are probably already feeling your energy reaching out to him and he does too. You need each other to heal. My advice is to sleep and heal. Talk it over in the morning, if you feel better.” She looks at me and I nod.

I don’t want to fight; I want to heal. It doesn’t matter how angry I am at him or how disappointed. He is my mate; that means we belong together, but his words are ringing nonstop in my head. “The Pack comes first.”

Maybe I do need to sleep on it, or else I might do something I regret.

“Okay, take me to your room.” I’m not calling it home. He is my home, but he doesn’t see the weight of our problems.

Maya and Oliver lead us out of the prison, and we part ways. Igétas pushes my wheelchair, taking the elevator to his floor. We’re both silent, not saying a word. Opening his door, I see that some of the furniture has been replaced. I think back to the night when the heat began. I had no idea what was happening, and it was scary. Seeing Igétas and Vasil out of control was intimidating.

“Do-” Igétas clears his throat, “Do you want to shower?”

I shake my head no. I had enough water baths to last me a lifetime. I also think I won’t be able to do it myself, and he is not going to see me naked for the first time when we are fighting.

“Something to eat?” He asks, not knowing what to do or say otherwise.

I stare at him, feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders. “I want to sleep.”

With those words he is taking me to the bedroom and laying me in bed.

“Give me a second.” He tells me. I try to accommodate myself in the bed. The bed we are going to share. He is gone with wolf speed and back in no time with two bottles of water, opening one and giving it to me.

“You still need to drink a lot.” I take a sip, not feeling the energy to argue.

He eats two energy bars and turns down the light. The he lays down on the left side of the bed, taking his place and holding me. I let him. I need him to hold me, for now.

Let’s sleep and take care of this mess tomorrow.

The sun is shining when I wake up. I’m still sore and tired. Igétas is missing and his side is cold, he must have been up for a while. Pushing myself into a sitting position I look around, drinking the water next to my bed.

“You awake?” He comes into the room, and I nod.

“I don’t know if I can stand yet. Can you help me?”

“Of course I will help you.” He looks so pained when I ask him something that is supposed to be normal.

After doing my morning ritual and learning it is already noon, I eat a big plate of food. I didn’t even hear the training bell ring.

“Ready to talk?” I ask, and he nods.

“Honestly? I don’t even know what your problem is. I almost died multiple times and you are refusing to save me. What the hell?” I ask him, diving in right away.

“Of course I don’t want you to die, mate.” I see Vasil present in his eyes.

“You are my world. If you die, my life is over.”

“Then why…” he interrupts me.

“The pack comes first. That’s a code we werewolves live by. Tharros doesn’t want us to mate, if we do, we go against his orders and he can ban us. That is not the best situation for the pack.”

Now I interrupt him. “And you going crazy because we are delaying our mating bond is not dangerous?”

“Of course that is extremely dangerous. The risk of going crazy and hurting you or any other person in my way is still possible. But think about it, that’s what Tharros wants. He wants a reason to remove us.”

“Then he isn’t putting the pack first.” I say, looking at my hands.

“In his way, he believes he is. He doesn’t trust you. He thinks you are a threat in more ways than one.”

“Let’s just go somewhere where we can be mated.” My eyes light up with an idea.

“We can go to The Netherlands. You can meet my parents.”

He shakes his head. “They need me here. The rogues will come back and we don’t know why, we need to be strong. The Pack comes first.” He whispers the last part.

“I. Almost. Died.” I answer back.

“You didn’t.”

“Not yet, the next time will be fiercer if it even comes as far as this one. What if Vasil hurts me?” I hear a little growl in his throat. “That will kill him and you.”

“I know it will, but my hands are tied. I will ask my brother every hour of every day to let us mate, but I can’t do it without his permission. I’ll get Maya to talk to him too.”

I shake my head. “You know him, he will not do it.”

“I need to try, I can’t do nothing and see you die.” A tear escapes his eye and I am a little taken aback by it.

Maybe he does understand the gravity of our situation, but I just can’t accept my fate as easily as him. Maybe it is a werewolf obedience thing I don’t have.

“I am not agreeing with you.” I stand up, surprised to feel steadier after eating, and go to the bedroom.

“What are you doing?” He looks worried as I don’t answer and get my suitcase.

“Are-are you leaving me?” I don’t answer when I start packing.

He comes to my side and turns me around, holding me by my shoulders.

“Please stay. I can’t do it. I can’t mate with you. I want to, so bad, but it is forbidden.” He’s frantic, watching me pack.

“I know.” I say, packing the rest of my things with him watching me, waiting by the door. I know he can’t turn his back to his pack and everything he believes in because of his stupid Alpha brother. But it hurts so bad that he chooses them over me, even when I understand it. He is the best thing that has happened to me. I believe I am also the best thing that’s happened to him.

I need time, just a little time to get my head straight. That can’t happen when he is close.

“You are leaving me,” he is blocking my way.

“No, not leaving. I am taking my time away from you.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“It means that I need to think about everything that is happening, and I am moving back to my old room. You choose the pack. Well, I also make the pack my top priority. The pack comes first. I am not choosing you, and you are not putting me first. Then we can both be second. You fix this mess.” I point my finger at him.

“Fix it and fast, because I don’t know how long I will live. I need to take some time to write goodbye letters to my parents.”

“Goodbye letters?” He asks with all the air sucked out of him. That sinks in. “No, I am not letting you die.”

“Well, Igétas, it looks like you are!” I push past him, suitcase in hand, and leave.

Not for good, but for now.

The Pack comes first, well let’s see how he likes that!