Chapter 37: 37 Starting therapy

“I am losing it, aren’t I?”

Dr. Brown sits down and shakes his head.

“I am here to listen to you and help you come to solutions and clarity. But I will tell you this…” he leans in and pins me with his eyes. “You are more accepting of our world than I thought possible. You adapt better than you know. Don’t be so hard on yourself.”

I accept his words. “Amanda told me almost the same thing. That I am blessed with my point of view and that I go with the flow.”

“Amanda is special,” he agrees.

“I know.”

“She told you?” he asks, surprised.

“Yes, we are close. Also, it is not like I could tell anyone else.”

“What do you mean by that?” He has his iPad in hand and writes while I tell him: “For starters, if I tell a human about werewolves, the Alpha will take revenge on Joe and Rose. It is not like humans will believe me anyway. Also, is it almost impossible to connect with humans at this point. Igétas wants me close.”

“Ah, yes. That can be difficult. If I understand correctly, you are not going to school or seeing human friends at this moment?”

“I only go to school when it is really necessary. It is not like I don’t already know what they’re teaching. I am twenty-four years old. I am just here to learn the language, on an exchange project from my college, so I don’t really need to complete my degree. I am the Beta female. I should have some tasks I need to do, right?”

“Let’s go back first. You don’t have contact with people at school?”

“Ethan and Logan are always around. Taylor and Tiffany are great, but we didn’t connect like best friends.”

“And you have friends inside the Pack?”

“Yes, Ela and Amanda, of course. I consider Oliver a friend too, but spending time with him is a little difficult right now, because Igétas and Vasil are having problems with males being around me.”

“How does that make you feel?” he asks, and I smile at his cliché line.

“I understand. I don’t have a wolf, but I kind of feel jealous when women are touching him. It’s the mating bond.” I sigh, feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders. “Ela and Amanda are lovely. I can’t imagine how it would be without them.”

We talk about my daily routine and how limited my contribution is to the pack. Tharros keeps me away from actually contributing by not making me a pack member. Dr. Brown explains that the Luna and Beta female normally share tasks, encouraging me to try to find my own way to contribute. That will be my homework assignment, besides finding out why I am what I am.

“So, now that we’ve covered your current situation, tell me about your first experience with werewolves.”

“Right, that was horrible.” I know he wants to hear more.

“Can you elaborate?”

“I still see him in my nightmares. The smell of his sweat and the stank of death come back to me in my dreams. The sensation that I was going to die. Knowing you’re going to breathe your last breath.” A single tear slips from my eye before I can catch it. It’s not the last one.

Dr. Brown leans forward and hands me a tissue. He doesn’t say a word.

“I screamed, I cried and I even tried to joke with him. I knew I was going to die a horrible death and I joked!”

That’s when he cuts in. “You were trying to deal with the situation. We all will respond differently.”

“Yes, well, I was different. I feel different now.”

“Different?” He looks up from his iPad.

“Sorry, my words are limited. I am still learning. What I meant was I was a different person in Holland. I changed here, ever since my encounter with the rogue. But I am finally starting to find myself with Igétas.”

“Let’s talk about Igétas another time. I want you to tell me more about the rogue attack.”

And I did. I told him about my fears with the mention of rape he suggested. It pains me to go back to what I was feeling at that moment. I really thought that I was going to die. If I had died, I would have never found Igétas and he never would have met me. Then it hits me.

“If I was never in danger, Oliver wouldn’t have found me. He wouldn’t have asked me to go to his birthday and I would have never been on pack grounds the day of the rogue attack. I wouldn’t have saved the children and the pack, and I would have never met Igétas.” It was a freeing thought.

“Maybe you can give the events of the past a place of peace in your mind if you see it that way.” It did feel like everything made more sense, even after all the horrible things that happened. I was more calm.

“You believe in fate?” I ask him and he nods.

“I do, but it is about what you believe, not me.”

“Well, it feels like I need to believe different things all the time.”

“It’s a good thing you go with the flow then.” He smiles and looks at the clock. It is dinnertime. We talked for hours and I realize now it drained me.

At that moment, I can feel Igétas close. “Igétas is coming to get me.” I say, right before the bell rings.

“How did you know?” he looks up with confusion in his eyes.

“The mate bond,” I answer and his eyebrows shoot up.

“Let’s talk about that next time.” He sets the iPad down.

“Which is?”

“How do you feel about coming in two days?”

I nod, shaking his hand. “Thank you, I feel much better.”

“I am glad to be able to help you feel relief so soon.”

We walk to the door and see Igétas standing there, waiting for us. He embraces me, kissing my head.

“How are you feeling?” He noticed my red splotchy eyes.

“Better,” I say, “I feel better.”

“That’s good.” He shakes Dr. Brown’s hand and we leave.

We eat at the canteen and we part ways after dinner. I am going to my room and he is heading to his apartment.

“This is ridiculous.” I whisper to myself, feeling worse with every step I take away from him. We are made for each other, we are a couple.

Without thinking, I follow him. I pump myself up; this is nothing illegal, only dangerous.