Chapter 36: 36 Meeting Doctor Brown

The door opens and a surprisingly young man opens the door. His hair is long and in a man bun. He couldn’t be older than thirty.

‘Doctor Brown?’ I ask and he extends his hand.

‘That’s me, nice to meet you Violet Visser, Beta female.’ I shake his hand and he guides me over to his office.

‘You are younger than I thought you would be.’ I say knowing he heard it before.

‘You expected an old man with grey hair, glasses, and a brown vest on?’

‘Not grey, bald.’ I answer and he laughs.

‘I hoop that will take a while.’

He stands in front of a chair and gestures for me to sit on the couch. It is a nice room. With nature theme colors. I frown when I see the two paintings hanging. Brown flowers, like the ones at the hospital. It feels like years since I was admitted, but is only weeks ago.

‘I expected to see you sooner. Maya told me about your first encounter with our kind. That must have been a life-changing experience.’ He takes out his IPad and associated pen.

‘You just want to dive in?’ Reserved I cross my arms.

‘Yes, is that okay with you?’

‘Actually no, not okay with me.’

He continues to write and I am feeling watched. ‘Can you please stop writing and look at me? And what on earth are you writing down?’

He looks up and sees the worry in my eyes.

‘I am sorry. Your right, tell me what you want to know before we begin.’

‘Okay,’ I try to peace the questions in my head.

‘So, you told me you expected to see me sooner. Why?’

He crosses his legs and makes eye contact.

‘Your view on the world has changed. It has been expended with myths and dangerous situations...’

‘And a mate.’ I add.

‘… and your mate. Your life is not what it used to be. That’s why I thought I would see you sooner. Maya told me she had mentioned my name. But it is up to you to decide if you wanted help.’

‘Is that what your offering?’

‘Yes, I want to help you. Help you understand your emotions and our world.’

Still not convinced. ‘So, with whom would you discus my…’ I try to find the right word, ‘..progress?’

He leans in, elbows on his knees, and faces deadly seriously. ‘With no one. Everything stays between us.’

I want to trust him, I really do, but before I can consider my next words, the question is out.

‘What if the Alpha commands you to tell him?’

He is taken aback by my question. Literally sitting up straight. ‘You’re afraid of our Alpha?’

‘No, I am wary of yóur Alpha, I am not a member, not my Alpha.’ I sigh and let the couch carry my weight.

‘He won’t command such a thing. If he does, I will resist. How much it may hurt.’ He adds the last words with a whisper. ‘This room is completely soundproofed. No one can hear us. You can tell me anything and it will stay between us.’

He seems honest and I nod to him. We stay quiet for a few seconds.

‘Any more questions for me?’

‘Yes, how many humans did you have on your couch?’

He smiles at me with excitement. ‘You’re the first!’

‘You look happy with my problems.’

‘Oh no, nothing like that.’ He seems shocked by my statement. ‘It is just from my point of view not often possible to observe a human interacting with werewolves. I must admit that the psychologist in me is enthusiastic about the opportunity to talk to you.’

Great, I am his guinea pig, or in Dutch, a laboratory rabbit.

‘I see you thinking. Your health is mine at most priority. You can trust me and tell me what you want me to know. This is a safe place.’

I laugh without humor. ’Safe place? If this was a safe place, tell me why I have more almost dead experiences since I came to America.

He takes his IPad and nods. ‘I see you are ready to start.’

‘Am I?’ I ask and he shakes his head.

‘You are not going to make this easy for you, are you?’

Not answering his question, he asks another, ‘Why now, miss Visser?’

‘Call me Violet, please. I have enough people calling me different things.’

‘Like?’

‘Beta female, human and Purple by Oliver.’

He gives me a friendly face. ‘Violet it is. Why are you coming to me at this moment?’

‘I had a sort of a meltdown yesterday.’ I fiddle with my fingers.

‘You want to tell me about it?’

‘I thought I could handle it myself. Be strong, but…’ I sigh, ‘… It all was too much. It was like it was suffocating me. You are right, I did go through a lot of things and it is gripping me tightly. I don’t know how to explain it better.’

Dr. Brown nods and tells me to continue.

‘It is like I can’t catch a break. I am surrounded by people who think that I am an outsider and want me gone. When I just try to survive within their community. Hell, I even killed their enemy and they forgot about it! While I lay awake covered in sweat to recover from the nightmares!’ I am starting to get pissed off.

I try to calm down and take deep breaths.

‘Would you give me a moment?’ he asks and without my response, he is up and walking to his desk.

He phones someone. ‘Hi, I need this afternoon free. Would you mind canceling our appointment?’ It is silent for a couple of seconds. ‘Great, thank you. E-mail me your preferred time for later this week.’ He hangs up and calls someone else with the same question. ‘No,’ he replies, ‘this will take a while.’

Great, just great. He thinks I am crazy.

Well, at least I get help.