Part 35

"I couldn't really enjoy the dinner after his dad asked me that question," I complained to Claire, swirling the spoon around my bowl of ice cream.

"What did he ask you, Lee?" she questioned me worriedly, sitting cross-legged on the edge of the bed.

"He asked me what Jason and I were going to do after I go back home," I muttered, frowning at the recent memory.

Claire's shoulders relaxed as though she were expecting something much worse. "But you and Jason talked about that, didn't you?"

"Well," I sighed. "We didn't really get the chance to talk about it on the drive here."

"No," Claire said, her perfectly straight hair catching the light as she shook her head. "I meant, didn't you and Jason discuss your future when you started dating?"

The way she raised the question made it seem like it was an obvious, natural thing that Jason and I should have done.

I stared at the floor pointedly when I mumbled my answer, "We didn't, Claire."

"We didn't talk about it," I repeated, a wave of chagrin and panic washing over me. "That's why it got so awkward at dinner."

My insides felt just as cold as the bowl of ice cream in my hands when I realised how stupid and careless I had been.

"Lee, darling," Claire said slowly, forcing me to look up at her. "Why haven't you talked about it?"

"I don't know, Claire," I cringed in dismay. "I don't know!"

So caught up in the moment with Jason that I couldn't bother to think about our future.

Is that my excuse?

"Leena," Claire said again, her emerald eyes wide with disapproval and concern. "You're going back home in a week."

"Eight days," I corrected her glumly. "My flight is on Monday."

Eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one.

"Eight days," I whispered repeatedly, burying my face in my hands.

I looked up when I felt Claire's fingers grip my shoulders gently.

"Lee, there's no need to panic," she said. "But you should talk about this with Jason as soon as you can."

Stemming the tears that brimmed in my eyes with the tips of my fingers, I mumbled, "Okay, I'll talk to him tomorrow."

She wrapped her arms around me, murmuring reassurances with so much warmth that her words managed to soothe my worries.

Jason and I will talk about it.

It'll be okay.

We'll be fine.

Claire pulled away from me and pecked my cheek.

"I should get to bed," she smiled softly. "Don't stay up too late, darling."

"Good night," I called before Claire closed the bedroom door behind her with a soft click.

***

I pushed the French windows wide open, squinting against the bright morning sun. The sounds of the ocean, cars, and people accompanied the fresh sunlight that spilt into the room.

Rummaging under the covers of my unmade bed, I pulled out my phone to compose a text to Jason. But when I noticed that I had received a reply from Chris sometime during the previous night, I clicked on the message to read it.

Lee,

To be honest with you, I'm not doing well. I don't know how to tell you this, but... I thought I could be happy for you. For a moment, I was happy that you had found someone in LA. But the day I saw your new profile picture I realised that I can't accept it. Because I still have feelings for you, Leena. I guess I always have. I thought I could move on but I can't even try to accept it! I tried to forget about you. I stayed away from chat so that I won't tell you. But then I saw this email from you and I wanted you to know the truth.

Lee, I can't stand the thought of you being with some random guy because my feelings for you never changed. I want us to start fresh, yeah? And the last thing I want is for us to be just friends.

Chris

It took every ounce of self-control I had not to hurl my phone at the wall in anger. With trembling fingers, I dialled Chris's phone number and climbed off the bed.

The phone went unanswered. Not caring that it was probably an ungodly hour of the night in Australia, I dialled his number again, my hands clenching and unclenching with impatience.

"H-hello?" Chris answered after the fourth ring, his voice groggy and confused.

"Tell me your email was just a stupid joke," I said, surprised by how calm I sounded.

"Wh—Lee?" he asked, still sounding half-asleep.

"Yes," I answered in clipped tones. "It's me."

"It's three bloody AM, Lee," he groaned.

"I don't care what time it is," I deadpanned. "Tell me your email was just a stupid joke."

Chris sighed in resignation. "No, of course not."

For some reason, I had sincerely expected it to be a silly prank on Chris's part. My anger and frustration compounded when I registered that he was serious.

"What do you think you're doing?" I shouted into the phone, leaning against the desk for support. "Really, what are you even thinking?"

"Leena, calm down," Chris spoke in a soothing tone that only worsened my anger. "We'll talk when I come online after class today."

"No," I protested, my voice shaking. "I don't want to chat about it online! You can't just say something like this through email and then refuse to talk about it when I confront you. You did this the last time, but I'm not letting you do this again. Jason isn't some random guy, Chris. He's my boyfriend."

When Chris remained silent, I went on, "And you have a girlfriend, remember? Did something happen with Delphine? Is that why you wrote that email?"

"No," he answered shortly.

"What?" I asked, slamming my palm against the wooden desk. "What do you mean 'no'? Are you still with her?"

"I'm not serious about Delphine, Lee," Chris answered with a nonchalance that made me want to slap him. "But I'll break up with her when you and I —"

"Stop it!" I cried. "Does Delphine know that you aren't serious about her?"

I was met with an agonising silence before he muttered, "No, she doesn't know."

"God, what is wrong with you?" I demanded, my voice high-pitched and shaky. Inhaling deeply to steady myself, I said, "Listen to me. You can't do this to Delphine, and you can't do this to me. Jason is my boyfriend, and I —"

"And you what?" Chris interrupted me, the menace in his voice taking me by surprise. "You love him?"

I stopped short. I had only intended to say that I had feelings for Jason. But I felt a soft flutter of happiness when I realised that I couldn't deny that I loved him. That little sensation of joy faded away as quickly as it had appeared.

"Don't tell me you love him because I know you don't," Chris said in an infuriating, arrogant tone. "It's not real."

"What do you know about Jason and me?" I hissed haughtily. "What do you know about what's real? You don't know a thing about what a real relationship is!"

Chris responded with a silence that made me regret my harsh words.

Softening my tone, I said, "Chris, I'm sorry, but I don't feel that way about you."

I bit back tears when my apology took me back to the day I had confronted Chris at school about his email, the day I had lost my best friend.

Why is this happening all over again?

"You know what?" he scoffed, sounding very annoyed. "Just forget it."

"Don't hang up on me," I instructed, my voice quivering. "You can't avoid me like the last time. Chris, are you there?"

"I'm here," he said, sounding like a disappointed child.

"Please listen to me," I begged. "You've been very unfair to Delphine. You should tell her the truth and save your relationship. You looked happy together, you go to the same university . . . You should stay with her."

Expecting an angry retort from Chris, I braced myself. Much to my surprise, he let out a humourless laugh.

"That's rich, coming from you," he sneered.

Confused, I asked, "What are you talking about?"

"What are you going to do when you go back to London? You and Jason aren't going to the same university, are you?" he demanded. "What are you going to do when you're back home? Friend him on Facebook and post on his bloody wall?"

Stung and humiliated by Chris's derisiveness, I remained silent.

"Face it," he continued. "You're judging me for having a fling with Delphine, but what you have with your precious coffee boy will barely last longer than your vacation."

Pressed against my ear, the phone grew uncomfortably hot. All of a sudden, I couldn't even muster the energy to raise my voice and take offence to Chris's rude nickname for Jason.

"This thing you have with him won't survive, Leena," he continued. "It'll get ugly when you come back home. You're just going to drift apart. Because it doesn't mean anything, just like Delphine and me!"

It'll get ugly . . . You're just going to drift apart.

Instantly, a past conversation with Jason on the patio flashed through my memory.

"We just drifted apart halfway through," Jason had said about his ex-girlfriend from high school.

They drifted apart even though they saw each other almost every day.

"Hello?" Chris called frustratedly. "Lee?"

I couldn't let what I had with Jason diminish into something weak and ugly. I couldn't stand the thought of drifting away from him slowly and painfully.

I hung up on Chris, bursting into tears as the full realisation hit.

Jason and I stood no chance against time and distance.