The Fog

Time started to blur after my birthday. I left my letter on Muin’s desk that night and waited for a response. Every time I saw Jurek or Anhelina, I asked. I looked expectantly or sat quietly, the question hanging in the unspoken words between us.

There was never a response.

Even when my sisters continued on their pestering bullshit, I hardly noticed. Years of dealing with them made it easy to filter out most of what they were saying while keeping up with the conversation. There was something about the cadence that made it easy to decipher what they wanted.

When my sisters left a week after my birthday, I started taking lunch in my office. Muin was even more of a specter than when I first arrived and there was no point in eating in that big dining room if I wasn’t going to be eating with someone.

The workload started to decline as the month wore on, most of what I had to deal with being monthly budgets Muin didn’t have time for and a few easy evaluations that didn’t take much energy. Muin took over the big project of mediating with the Woodland Creatures entirely since it was nearly worked out, so with that and the decline of work, I had more free time.

It was the worst.

Under different circumstances, I would have been thrilled. Now I had more time to finish the murals I was painting or get back to that portrait of Anhelina I’d been working on. I could explore more with watercolors or even crack open a few books.

Instead of any of those productive options, I wandered the property. I bundled up in my boots and cloak and walked around. So much of the manor still needed a lot of work done, but I didn’t even make note of what could be fixed. Lost in my own thoughts, I walked and walked and walked until I was either too cold or too sore to keep going.

After, I would go inside and take a bath to warm myself. I was in there long enough that Jurek would have come knocking to get me, but she knew something was wrong.

“There’s something going on between you and Lord Muin,” she said after I took lunch in my office the third time. “Is there anything I can help with?”

I paused, staring down at the chunks of beef in my stew. It was delicious and perfectly cooked. I couldn’t help but wonder if Muin had any to try.

“No,” I said, taking a bite. “I just need some time.”

She frowned, but nodded, leaving me to my lunch.

I kept that mantra as I went about my days. I just needed some time. Time to cope with the fact that our relationship would never be the same. Time to move forward from the ache in my chest from fucking up so hard. Time to stop getting my hopes up every time there was a knock on the door. Just… time.

The full moon came and for the first time in a long time, I was grateful to be a small insect, too small to hold all of the messy human emotions I was drowning in.

I sat on the windowsill, taking in the moonlight as it bathed the trees in pale light. The dragon was moving again, flying east back to her nest. It was a wonder she never bothered the town, but I suppose an unspoken truce had long since been made with Legendary Creatures and humans. If they didn’t bother us, we didn’t bother them and vice versa.

In the morning, when I became myself again, I wished desperately for the skill I once had as a child to transform at will. When everything was still fluid, before Mom cracked down on me for it, I used to change without even thinking about it. From animal to insect to arachnid and back for mine and my sisters’ amusement. It was as easy as breathing, easier even. But since I’d so carefully associated my transformations with out of control emotions and the full moon, I couldn’t untie the two from each other.

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Instead, I pulled myself out of bed. I washed my face and pulled on my clothes. I went to the dining room to eat and listened to Jurek talk about the history of Datura. If it wasn’t for the fact that it was the only thing distracting me, it would have gone in one ear and out the other.

“Given where we are on the map, we’re the last city on the outskirts of the Solance region this far south. To the east and west are the Ovata and Corym regions. Go any further and you’re in Hydrosa territory.” She paused, gazing at me with a look that was almost pity. But Jurek didn’t do pity, which I appreciated. “Do you know what the Hydrosa territory is?”

I shook my head. It sounded familiar, but I was coming up blank.

“It’s the haven for all Creatures, Legendary or otherwise. There are five of these on the continent. Sacred places that even the most diplomatic humans couldn’t talk their way into seeing. The fact that we’re able to be so close to it is part of the reason our hunters are able to gather as many dragon scales as they have, making it one of the most lucrative exports for us. Now, given that we’re still undeniably a hunting town…”

Even when I had work to do, it wasn’t enough to distract me. I couldn’t even whittle away more than a few hours on them before I was done for the day.

“My lady.” I tore my gaze away from the window to see Anhelina standing in front of my desk. She looked worried, but she’d looked worried for weeks. All of my work for the day was finished and I hadn’t moved since I gave her the last of the documents to file and send out. That was an hour ago. “I can keep posing for that portrait, if you’d like.”

I looked back out of the window, watching the swaying branches. The snow had stopped, but the ground was still a half frozen, muddy mess. I had been skipping my walks, the exhaustion of being perpetually anxious catching up to me. Instead, I just stayed in my room or studio, sketching whatever I saw or came to mind.

“Sure.” It had been a while since I tried, and the portrait had been turning out pretty good before I stopped. “If you have the time.”

A smile of relief split her face as she said, “Of course, my lady.”

“We won’t have much time since sunset is soon. You know I prefer natural light.” A knock sounded at the door and as always, my heart soared before I tamped it down. There was no point in getting hopeful. “Come in.”

Jurek came in, looking at Anhelina with irritation as she said, “My lady, I’m sorry to interrupt, but it’s come to my attention that you haven’t been notified about the Founding Festival coming up.”

Anhelina turned red, confusion and embarrassment mingling on her face until it settled on shame. “I’m so sorry. I was so focused on trying to make you feel better I completely forgot.”

“Why haven’t I seen any of the budgets come across my desk?” I asked. It would have been something to distract me even if I did prefer Muin deal with it. He was more of a numbers guy than I would ever be. “Why haven’t I seen any requisition or expense reports? Or literally anything else?”

“Lord Muin insisted he take care of everything,” Jurek said. “The Founding Festival is a time for everyone to look as squeaky clean as possible since the Dukes Nin will be making an appearance for the festival. It’s the only time they come to visit.”

With each word she spoke, I could feel myself getting tenser and tenser. “And no one thought it was important to tell me that either of these things were happening?”

“I’m so sorry, my lord,” Anhelina said. “It really did slip my mind. There were so many other things for you to take care of—” She cut herself off, shaking her head. She stood up straight, squaring her shoulders. “No, I won’t make excuses. I’ll take any punishment you give me.”

I sighed, standing. As I did, she squeezed her eyes shut like she was bracing for a hit. My heart seized and I sat down again. “We all dropped the ball on this. Jurek didn’t mention it because she thought you would mention it. You didn’t say anything because you were worried about me. And I didn’t bother to ask even though Jurek told me about this months ago. We all fucked up, so we all have to deal with it.”

She opened her eyes, looking a little lost. “My lady—”

“The only thing we can do now is prepare. How long until the dukes get here?”

“A little less than two weeks,” Jurek said. “They always arrive on the fifteenth and leave on the first. It gives them time to relax before and after the festival.”

“Well, that’s not much time.” If I’d been paying attention, I would have started prepping right after New Years, but there was no time for regret now. This was it. I finally had something I could put all of my energy into without feeling like I was just killing time.

I didn’t actually care about impressing his parents. From what I was able to glean from our letters and talks, he had just as complicated a relationship with his family as I did mine. I wouldn’t want him bending over backwards for them, so I wouldn’t do same. I would, however, put all of my effort into the manor as a distraction in disguise.

I stood again, smiling for what felt like the first time in weeks. “Let’s get to work, ladies. We don’t have that much time.”