The Start

“Hyran.” Putra slammed the door open as he said my name, smiling as he walked in without knocking. Under normal circumstances, I would have yelled at him for it. We couldn’t be alone together, but Anhelina was hanging out with me in the art studio today.

She startled, putting a hand to her chest as she gripped the edge of the dresser she was sitting on. Thankfully, despite it not happening in months, I was used to this from Purta. There was almost no point in him knocking after all the bullshit we’d been through together.

“Why are you scaring my attendant?” I asked, tilting my head as I looked at the portrait sketch in was doing. Anhelina had volunteered to be the first and now she was posing/sitting by the window to get good lighting. “I need her to stay still. I was almost done.”

“It finally happened.” He was smiling, almost laughing as he spoke. “I’m surprised it took so long.”

“What finally—? Oh!” I laughed, letting my sketch pad rest against my legs. “I mean, he’s only recently started to interact with us. Did he talk to you just now?”

He nodded, taking a seat on the stool next to me. “He was a lot calmer about it than I expected.”

“Um.” Anhelina piped up from her spot, looking back and forth between us. “Am I allowed to know what you’re talking about?”

“Of course,” I said. “So, Putra and I have known each other since we were babies. We’ve been playing together since we could crawl, so we’re close. Closer than you’d expect a viscount’s daughter and her guard to be if they weren’t also sleeping together.”

“Oh. Oh! Hmm.” She looked away, ears turning red, and said, “I’ll admit, I was wondering if anything had happened between you two when you first arrived.”

“It’s alright,” I said. “Everyone does.”

“We’ve been fielding those questions from all sides since we were teenagers,” Putra said. He rolled his eyes. “Like I told Lord Muin, the idea of Hyran naked makes me want to wash my eyes out with soap.” I nodded in agreement. There was never even a moment we considered it.

Anhelina looked embarrassed as she said, “I think it’s the way you two move around each other. Putra’s always anticipating your needs without much input, and you always look at him like he’s the best thing to happen to you.”

“He is,” I said, simply.

“Hyran,” Putra said, his tone a warning.

I shook my head and kept talking. “When I was six, I had an… accident, I suppose. No one but Putra was there to help me through it, so he’s the most important person to me. Lord Muin is wonderful and I’m liking him more each day, but I love Putra like a brother. It’s that simple.”

Anhelina looked a little puzzled but said nothing as Putra continued. “He called me into his office to ask, ‘what exactly I felt for you’ and I told him what I always say. I love you, but I’m not in love with you. He listened to what I had to say and dismissed me, saying he wasn’t upset or anything, just curious.”

“To be expected,” I said. “He doesn’t seem like the jealous type.”

“I would ask Jurek about that,” he said. “She knew him when he was younger. Also, unrelated, your sisters are going to be here in a few hours.”

“What? Why didn’t you start with that?” I was a mess. They weren’t expected until tomorrow, the day before my birthday. I was in the overalls Muin had gotten me specifically for painting that were, of course, covered in paint and charcoal. “I can’t stand you, Putra.”

He shrugged, moving out of the way as I hustled to put all of my supplies away. “It’s not like they haven’t seen you at your lowest.”

“At my—I need you to get out of my sight. I don’t know what I’ll do if I have to keep looking at your face.” He cackled as he left, closing the door behind him. “Anhelina, can you get with Jurek to make sure the living room and dining room are in good shape? I need to take a bath and get dressed. Oh, Solas, I haven’t done my hair in days.”

“My lord!” Anhelina grabbed my shoulders, stopping my rapid pivot as I looked around the art studio. “Jurek has been obsessively cleaning since you told her your sisters are coming. There’s nothing left to clean. Fedir has all of the food covered. Putra talked to him about their preferences a few days ago and everyone else has been at Jurek’s beck and call to make sure everything looks great. The only thing you need to do is take a bath and get dressed. I’ll do your hair.”

You might be reading a stolen copy. Visit Royal Road for the authentic version.

I relaxed, untensing my shoulders as Anhelina smiled and put her hands down. “You’re right. Of course, you’re right, I’m just.” I sighed, turning to walk out of the room. “My sisters are hard to impress, and I don’t want them to say anything about this place.”

The past few months had been more relaxing than the last two decades of my life, and I didn’t want them to ruin it for me. They always had a way of just giving me a look and I knew just how much they hated whatever I liked and wanted me to know.

Even as Anhelina washed and dried my hair, I felt myself stiffening again. Falling back into my role as youngest sister and resident disappointment.

I sat on my bed, dressed and dried and pampered, wishing they would get here already. At least then I wouldn’t have the anxiety of anticipation looming in my stomach. I looked out the window, almost wishing the snow hadn’t melted enough for shovelers to get out there and clear the path.

My heart almost leaped out of my chest as a knock sounded at my door. It took me a moment to calm down before I stood, wishing it was Putra coming to talk some sense into me. There was something about his devil may care attitude that helped me deal with my sisters.

Instead, Muin was on the other side. He looked nervous, tugging at his collar as I opened the door. “Lady Hyran. Do you know when your sisters will get here?”

“From what Putra said, they’ll be here in less than an hour. Are you okay? Do you need to sit down?”

He looked past me, to my bedroom he’d never set foot in, and then out the window. The sun was low in the sky, sunset being a little over an hour away. “I’m so sorry, but I don’t believe I’ll be able to meet with your sisters today.”

“I don’t actually care. Come in and sit down. You look ready to throw up.” I pulled him inside, leading him to the ottoman at the foot of my bed. He didn’t put up a fight, though he looked confused as he looked further around. My room, no longer taken over by art supplies as it first was, was relatively empty. I never had many things to begin with, but since I was given such short notice, I didn’t have time to round up all of the little things I wanted to take with me. Instead, I focused on the essentials.

“You don’t care?” He looked at me, and I realized he looked smaller than before. It wasn’t immediately noticeable or odd, but we were nearly eye level when sitting. “I thought you wanted me to meet your sisters.”

“My Lord Muin.” I took his hands in mind, noting how clammy they felt. He really was nervous. “I want you to meet them, but if I truly cared about you meeting my sisters, I would have given you far more information on the two of them. As it stands, it’s not just my parents I have a complicated relationship with. Honestly, it may be better if they spent their first day here with just me.”

He seemed to relax a bit, pulling his shoulders back, sitting up fully. I guess that was why he seemed smaller. Without the weight of meeting my family, he looked more curious than nervous. “Every time you talk about your family, it seems like… like you don’t care. Not that you don’t care about them, but that you don’t care that you don’t see them anymore. How complicated is your relationship with them?”

“Starting with the heavy hitters then, huh?” I rolled my shoulders, trying to relax, but the stiffness wouldn’t leave until they did.

“You don’t have to answer. Putra told me something that made me curious.”

“Yeah?” It could have been a few things. “What’d he say?”

He looked nervous again, looking anywhere but me. “He said that something happened to you when you were a kid. Something so big it completely changed your family dynamic and that if I asked you, you might tell me about it.”

“Did he?” I suppose that this was his way of giving me the opportunity to do what I first wanted. To tell him everything about me and hope that he was as different as Putra was. We were doing well together. Our letters had slowed only because we were spending more time together. Everything about him made me happy, even the obnoxious way he talked about music. He had a taste for classics and disliked anything else.

“I do want to tell you.” That much, at least, hadn’t changed. There were so many moments I just wanted to blurt it out while we were together. “But now isn’t the right time. Maybe after my sisters leave. Ask me then.”

He squeezed my hands, tilting my head up to look at him. “You never have to tell me anything you aren’t comfortable with.” There was no teasing in his face this time. Just a sincere need to get his point across.

“I know, my lord.”

He moved his hand to cup my cheek and leaned down, putting his forehead to mine. “I never want you to feel like you’re being forced to say or do something. Please, tell me if you ever feel that way.”

“Of course. What’s bringing this on? You know I’ve never felt that way.” If anything, he always made a point to back off if I ever looked too uncomfortable with his teasing and always made sure I was doing okay. I never once thought to snap at him or even get more than a little irritated.

He closed his eyes and sighed. “Families are complicated.”

I smiled, pushing my forehead against his. “Families are complicated.”

He sat up, smiling. “Thank you for putting up with me.” He glanced out the window and stood, helping me to my feet. “Your sisters will be here soon, and I have to leave.”

“Be safe on your way, my lord.”

He paused at the door. “You truly don’t mind I’m not meeting them?”

“I don’t care. I’ll say it a few more times in a few different languages if that’ll get the point across.”

He chuckled. “As you say, my lady. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow, my lord.”

He left, closing the door behind him and I took a deep breath. His scent still lingered in the room, and I could still feel the warmth of his hand on my cheek.

I let the breath out slowly.

I could do this.