Abdul Razzaq's POV-
I was in my office, avoiding everyone like a plague.
I don't want people coming to me and asking me what I've decided.
Including my family.
I don't particularly care about anyone's opinion on it.
Except Kulsum.
Everything in my life is so overwhelming and frustrating.
I typed onto my computer, the clicking sound intensified as my fingers moved abruptly on the keyboard taking all my frustrations out.
There is nothing to think about. I'm going to deny the proposal. That's it no questions.
The reason I didn't say 'no' right there and then it's because Mr. Baris is a very sneaky man.
I cannot risk anything. If he gets offended, everything will suffer.
My company, business, reputation and most importantly my family.
So I need a good and a polite way to turn down his offer.
It would've been rude and would've hurt his ego if I'd deny immediately.
Although I wanted to deny immediately, but I can't.
And the another reason is.....Kulsum.
Of course marrying Esra has nothing to do with Kulsum.
If I wanted to marry Esra I would have, regardless of Kulsum already being my wife.
Or so I thought....because maybe, I would marry Esra if Kulsum meant nothing to me.
After all, I married Kulsum because of business affairs as well.
If someone asked me to marry Esra a few months ago regardless of Kulsum being my wife.....I would have.
But now, it feels wrong. What's happening is wrong. It's not fair to her.
I know I can have a second wife, but I don't want to. It's not cheating but it felt like it.
I can't be with someone else knowing she's not with me.
And the reason I'm feeling this is because she means something to me.
But that's not the only reason. I also hanged them on a cliff hanger because I wanted to see how Kulsum felt about this.
Of course no woman wants her husband to have a second wife but Kulsum is no mere woman.
When I proposed her the deal about 7 months.....she agreed, that's obviously because I don't mean anything or maybe our relationship means nothing to her.
And frankly so didn't she in the beginning but now......I'm having second thoughts.
And probably she does too, she might act tough around me and everyone, hangs out with Emir and maybe even cheated on me.
But I could sense her in her eyes that she does care. She cares about me. About our relationship.
But everytime I think that our relationship is mending, she pulls out a new stunt which makes me doubt her....and us.
But this time.....I had to be sure. I cannot risk anything.
It cannot be one sided. That's how it is.
You get attached to someone, they mean a lot to you, then they break you, your trust and leave you.
Turns out they never cared for you in the first place.
I've been through this earlier and I don't want to experience it again.
That's why I'm always cautious. I need to know what she feels about this.
About me, about us.
And until I don't get my answer and assurity, I'm not putting anything into action.
But one thing is for sure, even if Kulsum doesn't care about it, I'm not marrying Esra. I cannot imagine being with anyone except her even if it's just for 7 months.....
But now, I'm not sure if I want to end this even after 7 months....
I don't know why she matters to me or why does our relationship matters to me!
Yes, it's because I respect it and her but moreover I care about her.
I'm not sure if I love her but I definitely care.
I went home shortly as my mind was not in it's right state.
All I could think about was Kulsum, how must she be? What she must be thinking?
I entered my house and found her sunked into the couch with her laptop totally unbothered.
She felt my presence as her eyes drifted up to look at me.
And I could feel the tension, affection and confusion.
Her eyes were as dry as sand. There were no ounce of tears.
This girl seriously amazes me. She never cries. It's unusual, even when we got married, she didn't shed a single tear.
This made me question if I mattered to her? Or maybe not because nothing matters to her.
Maybe my subconscious was right....she doesn't care at all!
But somewhere it hurts me.
I've been through a lot more traumatizing circumstances than this.
After that, nothing bothered me, it all felt like a tiny grain next to it.
But this time....it's different. I feel different. I don't know what it is yet.
She tore her gaze from me and continued doing her work as if nothing happened.
Her eyes, her gestures were telling me something she isn't.
Kulsum's POV-
I was in the living room working on my laptop while watching news on television.
I wanted to just throw myself into work and forget about everything.
But what played on the T.V, shook my world upside down.
The media and the journalists were talking bullshits about Abdul Razzaq marrying Esra, with a bold title 'Abdul Razzaq Ozturk marrying 2nd time?'
My blood instantly boiled with rage. That's it. Everything is done for!
All my prayers and hopes have shattered into million pieces.
Now the media knows about it and practically the whole country knows about it.
Now he won't back off! His reputation is everything to him and he won't let his reputation suffer because of me.
I mean who am I to him anyway.....why would he deny?
He was going to accept the proposal anyway.
I just have to keep calm and be strong, and let no one know about my pain.
If only you knew Razzaq how much it's hurting right now.
I marched up to my room, I put my laptop on the desk as I stretched my arms. Soon after I realised that the bed is mess.
I started making the bed as I don't want to bother the maids for a mere job.
Suddenly I heard a familiar clicking sound of the heels.
"Ooh, poor you....that's right, make the bed right because that's all you'll be from now....just a mere maid while I will be his wife." Esra smirked as she leaned against the door frame.
I turned around as I rolled my eyes. Looks like I have to deal with her forever now.
Oh well...let her know that I'm no less despicable than she is.
"How does it feel getting rejected honey, I told you I would have him. One way or another.....I'm going to be his wife." She scowled devilishly.
"Correction....second wife. And that's all you will be! His second wife! I assume you love leftovers. And oh please consider yourself very lucky because not everyone is destined to be blessed with my leftovers." I smirked as I flipped the hem of my hijab.
And her reaction was worth capturing, her eyes widened and she scoffed.
Abdul Razzaq's POV-
I was disappointed. I'm waiting here and trying to know what she feels about it.
It's so frustrating, I can sense what the other person is thinking easily but with her, nothing's predictable and it's eating me up.
Please melekim, give me a sign, just a mere sign to convey that you care.
I headed towards the library as it's the only good place in the whole mansion. In fact the whole world.
Also now it has become more special because it's the only place where Kulsum and I shared a drop of a good memory.
A time, a place where we didn't argued, didn't fought or doubted each other.
It was just me, her and our comfort. I always loved libraries and books but now it has become more special because of her.
I breathed in the vintage scent of the books and paint as it instantly took away all my stress.
I decided to go in my secret library as it reminded me of that night with Kulsum.
It was the only good memory we have of each other.
I opened the door to find all the books scattered around the floor and the bean bag chairs ripped.
The wall paper was torn, the room was a complete mess as if a cyclone hit it!
Wallahi what happened here!?
My eyes widened in dismay. Who could ever do this.
No one knows about it except me.......and Kulsum.
Well of course, she must've done it! Out of rage and frustration.
She loves books and library and she wouldn't do it if she wasn't absolutely depressed or angry.
This means she does care, she does care about me. I mean something to her. Now it's clear.
It's a sign that she cares.....it's been wrecking her as well.
I now realised how hard it must be for her to process everything.
She's completely torn and broken otherwise she would never do this. Especially to libraries and books which she loves dearly.
It's clear how much the situation has hurt her and it is partly my fault as well.
I promise you melekim, I would crash down the world now that it hurt you.
I quickly left the library, my chest feeling heavy.
I was about to enter my room as I heard voices.
"Correction....second wife. And that's all you will be! His second wife! I assume you love leftovers. And oh please consider yourself very lucky because not everyone is destined to be blessed with my leftovers."
I heard Kulsum speaking nonchalantly. I smirked upon hearing it.
She's honestly the strongest woman I'd ever known, she has been hurt so bad yet she never make it evident nor she bows down to anyone.
That's my wife. I'm proud of you melekim, don't worry I won't disappoint you.
I murmured to myself as a slight smile curled my lips.
Let the game begin now......
____________________________________________
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