Chapter 36: To Blame the Stars

~The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars / But in ourselves, that we are underlings~—William Shakespeare

Jake had stormed out of the house and onto the front porch. The heat of the day had been replaced with the coolness of the night, and he breathed deeply of the fresh air.

The ranch was still and quiet and covered in a blanket of darkness. The midnight blue of the sky was shattered by the thousands of stars, and Jake became lost in thought as he stared at them.

“Jake,” Dannie’s voice softly called out. He turned to see her standing awkwardly in the doorway. “I’m…I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“About what happened in the parlor. Sophie really had no business saying such things. She’s a good girl, but there are times when she gets carried away and spits out words without thinking of how hurtful they can be.”

“Why are you sorry? It’s not like you said it.”

“I know…but…well…” Dannie shifted her weight from one foot to another. All she really wanted to know was that Jake wasn’t hurt by Sophie’s lack of tact, but she didn’t know how to ask him without looking very foolish.

“I appreciate the concern,” Jake said with a slight smile, “but you really needn’t have worried. I’m fine.”

Dannie nodded as she walked up and stood beside Jake. “Are you?”

Jake laughed. “Seriously, Sophie’s sharp tongue isn’t the worst thing I’ve faced in my life. The only reason I left was because I had a lot I wanted to say to the young lady, but none of it was exactly appropriate, and I figured better just to leave before things really got out of hand.

“Don’t go fussin’ over me, takes a lot more than some girl’s loose words to cut me down. Trust me, Dannie, if there is one thing I’m used to, it’s things never turnin’ out for me. I’m sure you heard the popular joke of me not being born under lucky stars? Don’t know why, but that’s the way it is.

“Not like I’m complainin’. The hardships have toughened me, and I can brave just about any storm sent my way. I guess the stars figured since the luck in my life isn’t on the upside, then I might as well be given enough willpower to make up for it.”

Dannie looked up at the stars. “Astra inclinant, sed non obligant.”

“That wasn’t English, was it?”

Dannie let out a small laugh. “It was Latin. ‘The stars incline us, they do not bind us.’ Maybe you were born under unlucky stars, but you don’t have to live under them. They’re not up there to dictate how you live your life. Personally, I don’t think there are lucky stars or unlucky stars. They’re just stars, and we were all born under them. They may incline us, Jake, but it is not like they have chosen our fate for us.”

“So ya don’t believe in the stars?” Jake questioned, more out of jest than curiosity.

“I believe in the God who made them,” Dannie replied, still gazing at the celestial beings.

Jake, in the meantime, was busy looking at Dannie. The fact that most of her features were covered by the shadows of the night caused Jake to see her from a completely different perspective.

Maybe it was the night, maybe it was the moon, maybe it was the slight breeze that was blowing, maybe it was all those things put together, but Jake wondered what in the world had ever made him think there was nothing special about the woman standing next to him.

Before, Jake had always clumped women together in one gigantic mass. Now, he divided them into two separate categories. One was for most women, and the second was for the young lady next to him. She didn’t belong with the rest. There was something in her that made her stand out, that made her worthy of having a category all to herself.

Dannie soon became aware of the intent stare Jake was giving her and turned to face him.

“What?” she asked.

“What?” Jake answered back, shrugging his shoulders defensively.

Dannie raised her eyebrows. “You are staring at me, Jake.”

“Am not,” Jake protested.

“And you’re denying it. Here’s what I want to know. Why did you run off and disappear? Hmmm? I know we started off quite bad, but I thought we had befriended each other by the end of our trip. We even caught an outlaw together. So what happened?”

It was a question he had been dreading, and half hoping she wouldn’t ever ask him.

Jake went blank for a minute, wondering how best to answer.

“Um.” He scratched the back of his neck uneasily. He glanced around searching for a place to hide. Dannie put her hands on her hips.

“Don’t think I’ll let you go anywhere until you provide an answer I am satisfied with.”

“Ummm, I dunno. I had a lot of stuff to do. There was a cattle drive, and when I got back there were horses to breed and foals to train, and other work to do, and I sort of just got caught up in it all. It’s a really busy life on the ranch, and I don’t get much time to myself.”

“You think that’s a good enough excuse?”

“You know I can’t go to town much with Calhoon on my tail. People there always pry and then talk more than they should.”

“But you could have sent word with Sam when he came to town.”

“What about you?” Jake counterattacked. “It’s not like you tried to communicate either.”

“Don’t try to turn the tables, Jake,” Dannie said with a laugh. “Where was I to find you? How was I to get to the Cora Belle? You forget, I’m a lone woman trying to make it on her own in a place so foreign it might as well be a different planet. Not to mention, everyone told me that you don’t care to have a woman chase you, so I thought since you left and didn’t want to communicate with me, that meant chasing you would be futile.”

“Well, I like how the town thinks they know me so well,” Jake grumbled. “How has this year been for you? Have you settled? Do you feel at home?”

“Home?” Dannie laughed at the word. “What home? I live in borrowed space. Mr. Martin and his family are my family in theory, but we live separately. Most of the time, they are out here on the ranch while I’m in the town dealing with rowdy children and disrespectful parents.

“Everyone out here seems to be wild and unhinged. We’re always afraid of something, be it Indians or outlaws or wild animals or whatever. How can I call it home?”

Jake’s voice became low and soft. “Do ya find life out West unpleasant?”

“Not unpleasant, but it is a never-ending challenge. What I’d really love is a place to call my own. A place I could come to and not feel afraid.”

“Yer not afraid of the dark?”

Dannie lifted her face to the skies. “I have loved the stars too dearly to be frightened of the night,” she quoted.

“Then what are you afraid of?”

She took a deep breath, her gaze still locked on the stars. “Of being abandoned. Of being left all alone with no one to turn to, no one to depend on.”

Jake reached out his hand and put it over hers. She turned her face, and her soft brown eyes locked with his. For a moment, they simply stared at each other. Then, blushing and embarrassed, Dannie looked at the ground.

“It’s late. I’ll bid you a good night.” She pulled her hand from his, but he tightened his grasp and didn’t let her go.

“Thank you, Dannie.”

“For what?”

“For—everything.”

Her blush deepened, and she yanked hard. He released his hold, and Dannie ran off, her hands pressed to her hot cheeks.

Jake chuckled at her behavior and turned his gaze back to the sky, but he was no longer studying the heavens. His thoughts were occupied with Danielle Preston.

He noticed a couple of shooting stars as they flew across the sky. Pity Dannie had gone inside. It would have been nice to see the stars falling together with her.

Jake didn’t quite understand how his first opinion of Dannie had changed so drastically. Somehow, all the things that had repulsed him before suddenly attracted him. Her determination, her gut, heck, even her sassy attitude.

Jake felt something nudge his leg and looked down. “Roy!” he exclaimed as he found himself looking into canine eyes. “What are you still doing out here? Why didn’t you follow your mistress into the house? You are one lucky dog, you know. Most of your kind don’t get the privilege of sleepin’ indoors.”

Jake squatted down and rubbed the dog behind the ears with both hands. Roy continued to stare at him with his large brown eyes.

“What are you lookin’ at?” Jake asked. “You don’t trust me or somethin’? Come on, it’s not like I’m out to bring her any harm.”

Roy cocked his head to one side.

“You didn’t believe me back then, did you?” Jake guessed. “Well, what was I supposed to tell her? That I was fallin’ for her but was tired of being confused with a former lover?

“It’s not exactly flatterin’ to keep being called Paul, and she just kept doing it.

“’Sides, I swore a long time ago I was done with women and love—and then Dannie had to fall onto my lap. I didn’t want it to end up like it did countless times.

“And then there is Calhoon. I’m a hunted man. I can’t be draggin’ a woman into that.

“In the end, I just stayed on the safe side. Oh, quit lookin’ at me like that,” Jake said with a laugh. “‘I ain’t gonna hurt her. I know if I did, I’d have you to deal with.”

He rubbed the dog down the back. Roy sat down and put his head on Jake’s lap. “Don’t worry, ol’ boy,” Jake soothed. “I don’t claim to love her as much as you do, but I do like her a whole lot. I know it sounds mighty strange, coming from me, and I know I’ll be the laughing stock back at the Cora Belle, but somehow I don’t care.

“You know, she hasn’t mentioned Paul once since I came here. She hasn’t even brought him up vaguely in conversation. I’ll confess, I was waitin’ for it, but it hasn’t happened. And now, I’m thinkin’ I actually have a chance. Maybe there is hope she’ll actually like me for ~me~, not just as a substitute man.

“As for Calhoon, I’m sure I can figure it out once I know what her feelings are. Maybe it’s a dangerous move, but in any case I’m gonna to give it a try and see where it takes me.”

A soft croon escaped Roy’s throat.

Jake laughed. “Well, I’m glad you have faith in her. Come on, she’s going to start wonderin’ what happened to you. Let’s go inside.”

Jake stood up and opened the door, letting Roy in ahead of him.

He figured it wouldn’t be too bad to impose on the hospitality of the Martins for a little longer. After all, he wasn’t completely better yet, was he? Who would have thought, but this accident was turning out to be a good thing for him. Maybe the stars had smiled on him at last. Maybe they weren’t so unlucky after all. In any case, the Cora Belle and Clay Walkers could wait. Jake had more important things to take care of.