Chapter 20: The New School Teacher

~Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.~ —Robert A. Heinlein

Jake had a million things to do, but first things came first. He reached over and dug into Wild Tom’s pocket to retrieve the paper that Dannie had placed there earlier. He had to know what sort of coals of fire she was inviting this outlaw to heap on her once he was free.

~Mr. Wild Tom~, it read.

~I am sure that after all that has happened today you might hold a grudge against me and want to get even. If you do have this desire, allow me to give you some helpful hints on how you can best go about it.~

~If thine enemy be hungry, give him bread to eat; and if he be thirsty, give him water to drink: For thou shalt heap coals of fire upon his head, and the Lord shall reward thee. (Proverbs 25: 21-22)~

~If you are in Hopewing, you can feel free to bring me bread and water. In doing so, you will of course rob me of my peace of mind as I will live forever with a guilty conscience. What better revenge can you get? And, to add to it all, the Lord will reward you. It’s really a buy one, get one free sort of deal.~

~Sincerely,~

~Danielle Preston.~

Jake read the note three or four times. Where did Dannie get these ideas from? He’d never met anyone like her in all his life. He looked up at Wild Tom and, on impulse, pulled the gag out of the man’s mouth.

“What did she write?” Tom asked.

Jake read the note aloud to him. Tom scowled.

“She’s darn weird,” he said at last. “Just darn weird.”

“You tell me,” Jake replied. There was a moment’s pause before Jake said, “You so much as hurt a hair on that woman’s head, and I’ll…I’ll…I’ll…I’ll send you to a monastery to spend the rest of yer life living with monks.”

Wild Tom frowned at him. “I ain’t ever gonna try to hurt the likes of her. If I don’t kill her, she’ll lecture me again. And even if I do, she’ll turn into a ghost and invade my dreams and lecture me some more. I won’t know rest till I die, and after that, my ghost will meet her ghost—and that will really be the end of me.”

Jake shook his finger as a warning in Tom’s face before focusing back on the streets.

“Only, allow me to say,” Wild Tom spoke out again, “not that I know much about the subject of love—but I don’t think it’s a good sign that she keeps calling you another man’s name.”

These words had the blood rushing to Jake’s face. “Say one more word on that subject, and I’ll stuff that neckerchief back into yer mouth.”

The rest of the short trip to the sheriff’s office was made in silence.

Jake stopped the horses, tied them to the post, then untied Tom’s legs and hoisted him out of the wagon. They stepped into the office together, Jake gripping the outlaw’s arm firmly.

Inside, Jake found Sheriff Jeremiah Grant talking to Mr. Martin. The two men glanced up when the door opened, and Sheriff Grant rose to his feet.

“Jake, you caught Wild Tom?”

“He didn’t!” Tom growled as the sheriff led him to the cell and began untying his hands. “It was a wild woman with a frying pan who caught me. Knocked me on the head so hard I fell down senseless. Never thought such a small woman could have so much strength.”

Sheriff Grant’s eyes widened at this. So did Mr. Martin’s.

“Wild woman with a frying pan?” Mr. Martin repeated. “It’s odd enough to know Jake has been riding with a woman, but a wild one at that! How did that come about?”

Jake rolled his eyes. “He talkin’ about Hopewing’s new school teacher. The one I brought with me from Clearbrook.”

“Ah yes, the reverend was telling how he had found someone for his school.” The sheriff gave a nod. “Frying pan, huh?” He chuckled. “I see she’s takin’ to our ways quite well.”

“You’d better believe it,” Jake had to agree. “Though she be but little, yet she is fierce.”

This sentence caused Mr. Martin to look at Jake in surprise. “I’m impressed, Jake.”

“By what, Mr. Martin?”

“I never knew you read Shakespeare. You quoted him so well just now.”

“Oh, I didn’t never,” Jake hurried to clarify. “Don’t even know who that is. Miss Preston said that, and I remembered.”

Tom glanced over at Jake. “That’s a double negative,” he pointed out. “If you didn’t never, that means that you must have done it at some point.”

These words caused Jake to think deeply. “I’m guessin’ the correct thing to say would be—I didn’t ever—?”

“Or ~I never did~,” Tom suggested.

Sheriff Grant and Mr. Martin exchanged glances. “I didn’t know Wild Tom was a stickler for grammar,” Mr. Martin remarked.

“Oh, I ain’t neith…” Tom caught himself. “I mean, I ain’t… I mean, ~I’m not~.” There was a pause as Tom’s eyes widened at the realization of what he was saying. “Jesus Christ, that woman is gettin’ to me.”

“Hey, don’t you go takin’ the name of the Lord in vain!” Jake rebuked.

“What the hell is the matter with the two of you?” Sheriff Grant demanded. “I ain’t never seen the likes of you arguing about proper grammar and bad language.”

“It’s that woman!” Tom replied. “She ruined us!”

Sheriff looked at the two men in bewilderment and shook his head. “Uh, Jake, there is a reward for the person who brings in Wild Tom.”

“Don’t give it to him!” Tom cut in. “He didn’t catch me. That was Miss Preston’s doing.”

“I’m the one who bandaged yer wound,” Jake argued. “Miss Preston is terrified of blood. She hit and ran, while I cleaned up the mess and tied you up.”

“Well fine, but you have to give Miss Preston her fair share! And she should get the larger half because she did the actual work of sneaking up and knocking me out.”

“Halves can’t be larger or smaller. They’re two equal parts; it’s what makes them halves.”

Tom rolled his eyes. “Four days with that woman, and yer as petty as she is. Give her the larger portion. And don’t think of trying to cheat her out. When I return to heap coals of fire on her head, I’ll be sure to ask her just how much you shared with her.”

“Be my guest, she’ll prove to you how fair I am.”

Sheriff Grant had pulled the money out from his desk and was counting, but paused in confusion. “Coals of what? Heap ’em where?”

“That’s just a metaphor for how he’s going to give her food and water,” Jake hastened to explain.

“He’s going to what? Oh, never mind, don’t tell me!” Grant held up his hand. “The two of you are behaving so darn weird, and I don’t care to know why. Here you are, Jake. It ain’t that much. Wild Tom ain’t exactly the worst or the most dangerous out there—but it is something.”

“Thank you, Sheriff. Take a look at the man’s head, Mr. Martin. Miss Preston hit him good. Though, come to think of it, he don’t seem too affected, seein’ as he can even remember her grammar lessons.”

“There ain’t nothing... I mean, there isn’t anything that woman said that I’ll be able to forget,” Tom grumbled. “See! What did I say? Now, I’m busy choosing my words, tryin’ to get them right. I’m ruined. You are too. Go and give her the money, Jake! Don’t cheat. I’ll hunt you down if you do.”

Jake dared to laugh at this. He reached out his hand through the bars. “You put a gun to my head, but I’ll shake yer hand on behalf of Miss Preston. These couple hours together made us similar in a weird way. Like you said, we’ve both been ruined by that woman. Take care.”

“You too. If you can’t make her forget Paul by the time I come out, maybe I’ll be able to do it for you.”

Jake’s face hardened. “Watch yer words, mister, or I really will send you to go and live with monks!”

He put his hat back on, nodded to the other two, and left the office.

Mr. Martin and Sheriff Grant exchanged glances. Without a word, Mr. Martin entered the cell and began taking off the sloppy bandage.

One of the other deputies came in, but was immediately sent out to fetch clean water and linen.

“You actually want her to get the reward money?” Mr. Martin asked after he had finished binding up the wound.

Tom shrugged. “She caught me fair and square. She don’t look like much, but give her a frying pan, and she’s a force to be reckoned with. I don’t ever want to get on her bad side again.

“At first, she was real annoying. Kept on reading the Bible to me, and pretty much every time Jake opened his mouth, she was either correcting his speech or reprimanding him on some bad word he used. But ya know, after some time, she kinda grows on you.”

Sheriff Grant turned to Mr. Martin, his eyes burning with curiosity.

“Chris, why don’t you go over to the reverend’s and see just what sort of teacher Jake brought over from Clearbrook. To have both the cowboys and the outlaws behavin’ so strange, she really got to be one heck of a woman.”