67.

I just set my alarm for 4am. Excuse me while I cry.

Buckle up! It's a long one!! I worked hard on it and still don't ever believe I do it justice so take it easy on me. Love all your comments even though I don't have time to respond to 99% of them. Keep 'em coming!

ITS ALMOST CHRISTMAS, BABY!!!

OH SHOOT! It's Christmas!!!!

Double shoot. Merry day after Christmas! Crazy day, all my siblings and I brought our dogs home for the day. Absolute chaos. It was awesome. Parents were thrilled, of course.

Dang.

~~~

~~

~

The worn blue plaid fabric of the bus seat scratched at her bare legs. It was so itchy and scratchy, and she disliked it very much. It also smelled really very badly like when there is peepee in the bathroom because her dumb dumb brothers peed on the floor.

Sunshine knew how to go pee pee in the potty.

Kinda.

Sorta.

Mostly.

She tried her best.

But that was beside the point.

Because right now the back of her legs were forming red welts from the scratchy seat she was squished into. The bottom of the dirty metal window frame was pressing against her right shoulder and Glen was squashing her from the left side. She really didn't take up that much space and so the two tots occupied the same seat, their mother sitting rigid in the aisle seat.

Scratchy, scratchy.

Hayes squirmed in her seat.

The wheels on the bus go

round and round

round and round

round and round

Glen glanced at her through his glistening eyes as he was coming to the realization that they might not be going back home. He was too smart for his age. He knew something was wrong.

Scritch.

Scratch.

Itchy, itchy.

The bus hit a rough gravel patch in the road, jostling the seats. Hayes' shoulders curled in on herself even tighter. She really, really didn't like the car or the bus or anything with wheels that went vroom.

The wheels on the bus go

round and round

all through the town

Mama had not cared to spend an extra second to make sure she was dressed appropriately and comfortably for the long road trip ahead of them. Her tiny sleep shorts that weren't even of girl's fashion, only "tiny" because of being washed so many times from her brothers, didn't even match her brothers' shirt that hung loosely over her petite frame.

One would think, being the only girl of the motley bunch that she would have her own girly wardrobe. Guess again.

Not that Little Miss Sunshine even understood that difference.

Bat man was Bat man. And if GiGi and Franny and Sonny liked Bat man, then so did Sunshine.

But she wasn't even wearing Bat man tonight.

The night prior when Colton had helped her take a bath and get dressed felt like a lifetime ago. When all she had to decide was between Pokémon and monster trucks, so why not both. Trucks on top, and pikachu on the bottom.

Easy peasy lemon squeezy, best choice ever.

Until now when it was 5 in the morning and her legs were covered in goosebumps and the very itchy seat was giving the back of her legs red bumps.

And she didn't have her blanket.

The children on the bus go

Up and down

Up and down

Up and down

Her tiny index finger dug in the hole through one of the Pikachu's on her shorts, scratching her nail against her skin. She was squished against the window and her brother, her legs now bent tight against her chest with her shoes on the edge of the seat which she shared with Glen.

She wanted Aussy.

"Mommy, please can we go home?" Glen begged, pulling Hayes' attention. "Please, mommy."

"I want Aussy," Hayes whined, her bottom lip jutting out. Aussy would come get them. Aussy would take them home.

Austin was away at college. Austin didn't even know this was happening. No one knew yet.

The children on the bus go

Up and down

All through the town

Jane ignored her two children. She was beginning to look jittery as her knee bounced up and down. She bit the skin of her finger, hard enough to create teeth divots. Was she second-guessing her actions? She did not know.

"Mommy," Glen dumbly tugged on Jane's arm, which she immediately ripped from his grasp. She had to be careful, she'd start attracting attention to their little party.

"Don't touch me," she hissed, making the little boy flinch back against his sister. She remembered just in time that there were witnesses around them, stopping shy of backhanding her son in public transit.

"We just wanna go home," Glen just about whimpered. His hand blindly reached beside him, searching for his sister's hand.

Their mother's flaming red hair matched her fiery response. "Do not ask me again. We are going home. Your new home."

But we have a home.

Glen smartly stayed quiet, as he and Hayes watched their mom glance anxiously around the bus before gathering uncoordinated to her feet.

"Do not move," she ordered them, before skittering down the aisle towards the back of the bus, unsteady on her feet. Business calls to handle in the bathroom.

The doors on the bus go

Open and shut

Open and shut

Open and shut

Glen twisted around in his seat as he tracked her with his eyes, waiting an extra three seconds to see if she'd reappear from behind the closed bathroom door.

He spun back around, hands planted on top of his knees, stiff as a board with his blue eyes real big as he stared at the back of the ugly headrest in front of him.

Seeing but not really.

"Gigi."

Zilch response.

"Gigi," the little girl's voice was persistent, "Gigigigigigigi." She was also persistently tapping his arm.

"What?" He whipped his head to her, nearly banging noggins as she had crawled onto her knees and was in his personal bubble. "Ouch, HayHay," Glen complained in his high-pitched prepubertal voice. He pushed her chest to get her to move back.

"Look, Gigi!" Hayes remained a force to be reckon with, holding her ground by grabbing onto his shoulder. She went so far as to press her palm against his cheek and turn his head.

"What?" Glen sounded on the verge of tears. His eyes burned, unable to make out whatever she was obviously trying to get him to see.

The little girl huffed. She just had to do everything around here.

The doors on the bus go

Open and shut

All through the town

She removed the hand from her brother's face and jabbed her finger at the empty chair that their mother had been sitting in. More specifically, at the object that was buzzing incessantly, stuck in the butt crack of the seat from where it must have fallen off of Jane's lap.

Left behind, forgotten.

Glen's lips opened with a puff of air escaping.

A phone.

A ringing phone.

A life line.

The little boy clumsily made a grab for it, the object slipping further out of reach momentarily before his fingers could latch on. The whole time took seconds, but his heart was pounding so fast he thought he was going to fly away.

Who is it?

Who is it?

The question that echoed in his mind was repeated aloud by the little girl. But did it really matter?

Did it matter?

Did it?

The driver on the bus says

Bye, bye, bye

Bye, bye, bye

Bye, bye, bye

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" The fire-breathing redheaded dragon appeared in the aisle.

The cell phone fell from his sweaty fingers and clattered to the floor. The screen shattered as so did Glen's dreams of going home.

The little boy audibly gulped.

The driver on the bus says

Bye, bye, bye

All through the town

All through the town

All through the town

————

Countdown until Christmas: Still Sunday (Colton's birthday)

It was a nightmare, that's all that was. Just a nightmare, and as soon as she opens her eyes, this panic she's feeling, that sense of dread in her chest will evaporate.

Poof, gone.

Just open your eyes.

Open.

Open

Open.

If anything, Hayes' eyes cinched tighter, creating wrinkles at the corners. Even so, the pesky tears slipped out, one at a time. She didn't acknowledge them.

The nightmare too fresh in her head.

The bus; the smells; the itchiness; the staring of the other bus passengers, staring but doing nothing. It was too real. She couldn't have imagined it all.

The pain, though.

That was a new touch.

A new twist on the nightmare she hadn't even knew she had stored in the back of her head. The box that had been closed so tightly, the lid only now loosening up. She didn't like it. Not at all.

She didn't know what hurt, or better yet, what didn't hurt. Her whole body was thrumming with an achyness she hadn't felt before.

Open your eyes, Hayes begged herself. Please.

This time around, she thankfully listened to the command in her head to open her eyes. The little girl blinked many times, her vision blurry and unable to focus on anything.

Her head rolled to the side, check flush on the pillow as she tried to decipher where she was. The panic momentarily increased again until she was able to recognize the room she was in. Austin's bedroom. Except, now that her vision was geared straight on to where he is often found sitting at his desk, there was no Austin.

The man not anywhere to be seen.

The eldest brother was missing.

Oh no.

The panic flourished inside of her like an uncontrolled fire. There was no putting it out now.

It was happening.

She was alone. No one was here. Her brothers left her. History repeating itself. She couldn't do it again. Not again, no no no.

This wasn't good in the slightest.

Her tears picked up pace now that she couldn't convince herself it was simply a nightmare anymore. This was real and it was happening.

The nightmare was her reality.

Hayes shot up in bed like she was in a pingball machine.

The pain in her arm, a subconscious reminder that she was hurt, of course, after the matter of her, putting pressure on her hands to push herself up.

The sharp cry that escaped her lips, was very much a cautious reminder of the situation she was in. She folded over on herself, cradling her broken arm to her belly as her shoulders rounded inward.

"Hayes?" a familiar man's voice swam in her head, the creak of a chair echoing around the bedroom as all four legs returned to the floor. Colton swore he only dozed off for a second. "Hey, what happened?" He asked in a soft, low voice.

What would Austin do?

Colton's long legs covered the ground from the desk to the edge of the bed in milliseconds, each harried breath his sister took breaking his heart to pieces.

She must have missed him on her perusal of the room in her panic.

The mattress shifted slightly under his added weight, causing Hayes to curl inward even more to counteract the off-balance feeling.

The older brother instinctually stuck his arm out to catch her, just barely remembering to not touch the little girl, because that would only set her off even more.

Lived and learned, Cole had been in these shoes before.

His fingers clenched into fists as he kept them firm on his lap. Going against all instinct to hug her tight.

Happy birthday to you.

"Talk to me, kiddo," Colton wasn't above pleading as his little sister's cries was transitioning to full-on sobs that filled the bedroom and likely the whole second floor of their home.

Don't.

Don't hug her.

Don't do it.

Do not give in to the powers of a hug.

She may be sobbing her heart out, but you'll only make it worse if you hug her.

"It hurts," she sobbed, at her breaking point. All these unwelcome memories were bum-rushing her like no tomorrow. Years upon years of past terror unleashed.

It may have started with the bus but it certainly didn't end there.

"I'm so sorry, Sunshine," He murmured, fighting against his nature. He could only imagine the horror of experiencing the car crash over and over again. And not just her first crash, but to be in a second crash.

Boy, he had no idea how far off he was with this one. Any advice Austin may have passed along this morning in how to tackle the nightmares didn't matter, because it wasn't the same one.

"Make it stop," She whimpered, her blotchy cheeks hidden from her brother's view. Why was this happening? And why now?

Yeah.

He couldn't take it any longer. She was going to make herself sick with how hard she was crying. His self-discipline lasted all of 30 seconds before it went flying out the window with a big, fat Screw it to go along with it.

Colton's arms swooped around Hayes' tucked-in little body, gently yet effortlessly lifting her onto his lap. Her head turned into his chest, the sound of her sobs becoming muffled from face-planting against the fabric of his sweatshirt.

"I love you," Colton pressed his lips repeatedly to her hair. "I'm right here."

Happy birthday to you.

The older brother held his little sister firmly, hoping he was communicating his unswaying love for her through his actions because words weren't reaching her in this mindset.

"I don't want to go," She bawled, her fingers grabbing real estate on his shirt.

"Go where?" Colton asked, brushing the wild strands of hair from sticking on her cheeks, never in a million years guessing what she was about to say. "What are you talking about? You're not going anywhere."

Her response was muffled, lost to the fabric. But he couldn't let this go, because something had obviously scared her shitless. He had to try; he couldn't help himself.

Cole ducked his head, but Hayes was excelling at avoiding eye contact. He slid his hands from her cheeks to her upper arms and held her back some space. "Where don't you want to go, Hayes?"

When she lifted her head, time froze for a full three seconds as she stared at his eyes. Raw fear was what Colton saw, festering under the glistening layer of tears.

Fearful of him?

Wide-eyed, she imagined the color blue that reflected her own, morphing into the color green of his twin.

Fearful of her.

Hayes' breath hitched, then a hiccup.

Charlotte.

Colton.

Charlotte.

No.

She could not remember whose name had appeared on their mother's phone. If it even had happened. The lifeline that sunk before the kids even had a chance. The little girl's memory was not trustworthy. Maybe she no longer wanted to know, afraid of the truth.

She buried her face back into the comfort of her brother's chest, the older brother showing no resistance.

Happy birthday, dear Colton.

"Okay," he murmured over her sobs, though not so loud as before. The quiet sobbing was starting to scare him more.  "Okay," Cole repeated, hugging her tight she couldn't leave him even if she wanted to.

"What's wrong with her?" Glen pushed open the bedroom door that had been left ajar. He was the picture of concern at the sight of his rumpled little sister, crying her heart out. "I literally left for like two seconds to take a leak."

"I don't know, Glen," Colton sighed, all out of fresh ideas besides the obvious one - a nightmare. "Take a guess."

The younger brother frowned at the sassiness as he climbed onto the bed, settling in beside his best friend. He laid his forehead against her temple, his words no more than a whisper for her ears. "Don't cry, HayHay. Your favorite person in the whole wide world is here."

No rebuttal to the truth spoken.

Only a slight hiccup.

Better.

"There you are," Glen rubbed his forehead against her messy bed hair before creating some space between them. He turned her head, his hands cupped her flushed, sticky cheeks, the redness adding a new color to her bruised battle wounds. His tone so sorrowful, "Why so sad, HayHay?"

Her bottom lip began to tremble again but before Hayes could reply, two more brothers came tumbling through the doorway, shoving each other to be the first onto the bed. The large mattress was quickly shrinking in size.

"Heard a little someone needed some cheering up!" Francis exclaimed, totally not reading the room. Or maybe he did, and this was his answer to all the sadness. He dove on to the bed, bouncing on his side. He propped himself up by his elbow, his head resting in the palm of his hand. A mischievous smile playing on his lips.

"Guys, not now." Colton chided, shaking his head to warn them off. But honestly, he should have known better than to think they'd listen to that poor attempt.

"Psh, what better time than now?" Emerson said, appearing by Colton's other side. He stood at the bedside and slung an arm around his older brother's shoulders.

"Yeah! We can't have Sissy being sad." Francis chimed back in. "Especially not today." He wiggled his eyebrows.

"Stop it," Colton demanded, though his brothers ignored him.

"Stop what?" Franny asked with a snicker.

"Why, what could today possibly be?" Sonny asked, his eyebrows furrowed.

Glen glanced at his sister, his thumbs already rubbing away her pesky tears. It was obvious she was confused, reading from the look in her face she was parroting the question, what is today?

A win was a win, since she was no longer thinking about her thoughts. Like always, he'd talk it with her later, late at night after the siblings all dispersed for bed. In the comfort of the many blankets and likely their eldest brother. Austin had infiltrated their secret society of bff in all things nightmares, which made sense since Hayes was always ending up in his bed.

"Emerson, I'm not kidding," Colton warned, shrugging his arm off his back. There was no heat behind his words as he also picked up on Hayes' change of mood.

He'd do anything for his little sister.

Sonny simply laughed, running his fingers through his shaggy blonde hair before crossing his arms.

"I know!" Franny wiggled into criss cross applesauce and raised his hand. Colton glanced at the teen, providing the necessary distraction. Emerson yanked the shirt he had hidden underneath his own shirt. He quickly shoved the mysterious tshirt over Hayes' face, momentarily blinding and maybe little bit of suffocating her.

Emerson and Glen helped guided her arms into the oversized shirt before she could struggle too much.

Though she may not have remembered the plan, she was a part of it from the beginning stages and her brothers were not about to leave her out of it.

Colton whipped his head back when he heard a gasp from the little girl. Before he could kick them out of the room for basically being annoying, his attention snagged on to what exactly his siblings were doing.

More importantly, what they were wearing.

"Guys," Cole's voice faltered, how quickly it became hard to swallow. His gaze darted from one sibling to the next. "You didn't."

Hayes was quick to catch on, glancing at her own new shirt before looking at Francis' chest where she could clearly see what was on it.

Oh, but they did.

"Didn't what?" Francis grinned, elbowing Glen with excitement. Because of course they weren't wearing matching shirts with a picture of Colton on it from his toddler years.

Naked except for a diaper and a foam basketball in his hands.

A picture that was meant to be burned long before his siblings could put it to good use as blackmail. Which how did they even find it, one wondered.

Of course not.

Because where was the fun in that?

And they absolutely did not have words scribbled in permanent marker across the top of the picture that that said something along the lines of Balls Out Birthday Squad.

Because which one of the knuckleheads thought that would be the perfect words to add. Simply the icing on the cake.

Oh God, he knew there was an actual ice cream cake in the freezer. Instead of ignoring it last night, maybe he should have looked to see what was written on that.

Mistakes had been made.

"What the hell is this?" Colton shook his head as if trying to erase this twilight world from memory.

No way his siblings were sitting here in matching T-shirts. No way they went through all this planning for his birthday.

But yet, he couldn't make this stuff up even if he tried.

The boys' grins momentarily faltered as they couldn't decipher how pissed off at them he truly was. They were only trying to cheer everyone up. And it was already working, since Hayes was no longer piercing their hearts and souls with her broken sobs.

Just ignore the part where they ignored Colton's hardened heart against celebrating his day of birth.

"Here," Francis said solemnly, pulling something out from underneath his shirt. "This is for you."

Happy birthday to you!

Colton took the object that was folded haphazardly and was the cause of distress on his little brother's face. He lightly ran his fingers over the picture of his own baby face, seeing not only himself but his brothers who would all have passed for twins at that age.

Talk about genetics.

He then gripped the sleeves and held it up in front of him so he could see the full effect. He twisted his arms, unable to help the natural curiosity on whether there was anything on the back.

Which there was.

C-Dawg.

That had Emerson or Francis written all over it.

It was always Cole or Colton.  CJ from Austin or Baker when it was just the three of them.

And they gave him a number.

1.

Front and center.

He had never been number one in his life. That's what happens when you have two older brothers and a twin, then many younger brothers came behind him followed by the little sister who had them wrapped around her pinky.

That didn't mean that he never felt less loved or less important. But he certainly never claimed to be the most important or the favorite. Not when he blamed himself for all that had happened.

But this felt like a second chance of sorts. How simple it would be to tug on the shirt and celebrate his birthday. To put his own nightmares away for the day and make some beautiful memories.

And be number one.

He let his hands drop, the shirt falling on to his lap. Colton cleared his throat, his eyes landing on each of his siblings who were all sharing inquisitive looks with each other, deciding on their next move.

"So, umm," Francis broke the silence, "Are we in trouble?"

Colton shook his head, his head ducking back down to look at the white tshirt in his lap. "No, Fran, you're not in trouble." Cole lifted his head back up and into the glimmering blue eyes of his sister who still sat nearly on top of him. She had since curled back in on herself with her knees still pulled to her chest but her face was not hidden from them.

He curled his fingers around the edge of his sweatshirt sleeve and brought the fabric up to his sister's cheeks. She flinched but let him do what he wanted to do. He gently wiped away the lingering tears that Glen has missed.

Hayes went a bit cross-eyed watching her brother wipe her nose. She did a little sniff afterward, rather than sneezing right in his face. He'd thank her later for that.

Emerson, Francis, and Glen shared matching grins. Not that they'd come out of this scotch free, but they certainly weren't in danger of getting their butts metaphorically whooped.

"I thought you didn't like when I wiped my nose on you," Hayes chewed on the inside of her bottom gum.

Colton laughed, "I don't. But this was me wiping your nose for you." His fingers danced under her chin, tickling her before pulling her in closer for a kiss to the forehead.

She must have been feeling better as she wrinkled her nose in spite.

"So...." this time it was Emerson's drawl of the word, the dare at the tip of his tongue. "You gonna put the shirt on?"

"Debating," Colton answered, watching the smiles light up on his brothers' faces. Something so simple to make them all so happy.

"Just say yes," Francis said, too excited to sit still a second longer. His energetic being was bouncing the mattress.

"Alright, alright," Colton sighed heavily, knowing he may regret each word about to come out of his mouth. "You may continue with whatever you were planning."

Around them, the younger brothers high-fived each other. Emerson went even as far as to plant a smooch on Colton's cheek.

Hayes broke out into laughter herself when Sonny went after her next, landing kisses on both her cheeks. Francis did the same, or attempted to do so, with Glen, which promptly ended with the two of them wrestling in the already confined space.

The dumb dumbs.

Colton stood up from the bed, saving Hayes from the clutches of her brothers. "Go on, get out of here now." He dismissed the troublemakers from the bedroom.

"Wait, but you just said," the protests quieted down when Colton immediately raised his hand to cut them off and pointed to the open bedroom door. The brothers all made faces at him as they shuffled obediently to the door, Glen the last in line. He hesitated between staying with his sister or going with his brothers.

"10 minutes, then we'll be down," Colton added, his intentions obvious when his hands fell upon Hayes' shoulders. The little girl did just wake up a few minutes earlier. She needed some time to adjust before it was straight chaos.

Not to mention, he needed a second to breathe after the whirlwind of his siblings.

Because this was his birthday after all, and they were going to celebrate it. He'd take it no matter how it came, tears and all. Because for his siblings to go through all this effort to celebrate him, meant more to him than they'd even imagine.

And not going to lie, he always wondered what it felt like to be number one for a change.

————

Hold, hold on, hold onto me

'Cause I'm a little unsteady

A little unsteady

"You all set?"

"Yeah," Kota grunted, slowly making his way out of the bathroom, his crutches keeping him balanced.

Dakota was exhausted, and had surprisingly no complaints about being wheeled out of the hospital in the wheelchair. Hospital policy. But then again, he had been a man of few words these past two days.

Even more than usual.

Baker watched his brother carefully, hovering in case Dakota needed help maneuvering into the wheelchair. He took the crutches from Dakota, freeing up his hands to hold onto the armrests. Then he very slowly, carefully, turned around on his good leg and lowered himself onto the seat.

Kota was too tired to be pissed about the overprotectiveness his brother was exuding, not even recognizing the prime opportunity to punch his brother in the gut as he kneeled down to help put Dakota's braced leg on the footrest.

If you love me, don't let go

Whoa, if you love me, don't let go

"Are we going or what?" He grumbled after a few seconds when no one seemed to move. He twisted in the wheelchair to stare over his shoulder at his eldest brothers who stood silently behind him. Dakota was feeling a bit paranoid about it all.

"Or what," Baker quipped, elbowing Austin in the arm. The gesture knocked Austin out of his blank stare, where the eldest brother had been lost in his thoughts.

Austin lifted his hand to the back of his neck, briefly squeezing the tight muscles before running his hand over his mouth. Then he took the several steps to walk around the wheelchair, putting him in front of Dakota where he could perch on the single chair and be face to face with his younger brother.

Dakota stared at him, his eyes briefly closing when he let loose a yawn and didn't bother to cover his mouth.

No energy.

"There's something we need to talk about before we go," Austin said, his eyes downcast to where he was rubbing the palms of his hands together. Yes, he was nervous.

Kota blinked. He felt Baker's presence come nearer to where he now stood beside the wheelchair, one hand planted on the handlebar. A power play if he ever saw one. Too bad he didn't have much care at the moment.

"Can't we do this at home?" Dakota asked.

"No," Baker replied, ruffling Dakota's messy hair. "Key word being before we go home."

Kota scowled as he leaned further into Baker's side, the contradiction of his expression and his action making his older brothers share a knowing look.

Austin dug out his wallet from his back pocket, briefly opening it to retrieve a folded paper that had to of been intentionally placed there. His fingers twirled the paper in his grasp for a moment before extending his hand to Dakota to take.

In typical Dakota fashion, he didn't make a move to accept so Baker plucked it from Austin's hand. Then Baker picked up Dakota's hand and placed the paper in it.

"What is it?" Dakota grunted, his shoulders rising already in defense. He could feel the thickness of the paper, identifying it as stock paper that one would print a photograph on. Glad to know his memory wasn't totally wasteless.

The internal frustration with himself showed as he accidently crushed the well-worn edges of the photo in his hand. Baker wordlessly freed the paper, flattening it best he could against his chest before handing it back to Dakota, face down. This gave Kota the power to flip it over whenever he was ready.

Which he was not ready yet.

Austin took this as his cue to start talking. "A couple months ago, I got a call from Florida about two kids who were said to be missing."

Dakota tore his eyes off the paper and stared at Austin, silently commanding him to continue.

Austin nodded at the photo. "That's from the day after they came to live with us."

Heart racing too fast, Dakota studied the plain back paper in his hands again. His fingers were trembling. He didn't remember. Not a single thing about it.

But he knew without any more information from Austin. He knew their names, he could never forget those blonde babies' names. Glen and Hayes. Smiley and Sunshine.

He couldn't breathe very well.

The photo fluttered from his fingers to the floor.

Again, Baker's palm descended over his shaking hand, calming him from the storm brewing inside his head. "Want me to help you?"

Dakota gave a single, albeit jerky nod.

Baker bent down and picked up the photo and returned it to his hand upside right.

To where three blonde heads of hair glinted back at him. He may not remember them now, but he knew exactly who those kids were.

There was no mistaking his blonde babies, no matter their ages.

He lifted his index finger and traced their outlines, recognizing the driveway and basketball hoop in the background. He had played basketball with them?

No mistaking the familial blue eyes and the beginnings of smiles that all three of them had. Glen, Hayes, and himself.

Him, smiling. He wouldn't believe it if not right before his eyes.

He had no recollection of what was happening then or what was to come. That was a tough pill to swallow, again and again.

His eyes were getting heavy and his head starting to hurt, so he carefully folded the paper back up into a square and tucked it in the pocket of his sweatpants. Safe keepings. He figured Austin already knew he wasn't getting that picture back.

Taking the hint, Austin clapped his knees and was about to stand before sitting back down. "Dakota," He waited until the younger brother reluctantly met his eyes. "They love you. We all love you and everyone is ready for you to be home, okay? We love you just the way you are."

Dakota's gaze darted away. "Can we go now?" He mumbled, avoiding both Austin's and Baker's concerned looks.

He slunk down in the wheelchair best he could and crossed his arms over his chest. He remembered how much he fucking hated being the center of attention.

"I think it's time we get the fuck out of here." Baker said.

Dakota couldn't agree with him more.

Hold, hold on, hold onto me

'Cause I'm a little unsteady

A little unsteady

————

"They're here!"

Francis announced. The teen had taken up post from the window in the living room, keeping watch for the past twenty minutes since Baker had texted that they were on their way home.

"Calm, Francis," Colton reminded him as he wandered through the living room from the kitchen. "Dakota has a concussion. You need to keep your voice calm."

Francis rolled his eyes with an accompanying smirk. "I am the epitome of calm, Cole."

"Wow. Big word, bro." Glen teased from where he was stretched out on the fancy couch. "Careful, your two brain cells might not be able to handle it."

"Brain cells? Who she?" Francis asked, making Glen laugh. All in a days work for the older teen.

Colton smacked the back of Francis' head as he passed, a wordless threat to behave.

Francis scowled as he followed his older brother to the foyer entrance. "Just because it's your birthday, you don't need to be so mean."

Colton pivoted suddenly, causing Francis to smack into his chest. "What was that?"

Francis peered up at him, "happy birthday?"

"Happy birthday!" Glen echoed from where he popped up next to Francis.

Colton worked hard from keeping the grin appearing on his lips. "Stop."

"Never," Francis snickered. Not when it was full steam ahead with their matching birthday shirts that Colton eventually put on. He gave in fairly quick too, once he realized he still had four hours to spend of quality time with his younger siblings until Austin and Baker would be home with Dakota.

The sound of the key unlocking the front door had Francis bounding forward only to be dragged back a step by Colton's firm hand on the collar of his shirt.

"Calm."

Francis sighed, his shoulders slouching with the movement.

The front door was pushed open, the deep voices from outside mingling with their own banter.

The tell-take sign of the clicks on the floor indicated when Dakota entered the home, the crutches under his shoulders the way they should be.

That will only last a day or two before he ditches them. The trio of newcomers stopped in the foyer, meeting the three acting as the welcoming committee.

Unable to help himself, Francis was the first to move. Mindful of the crutches, he threw his arms around Dakota's neck for a hug.

"Welcome home!"

Dakota grunted at the invasion of personal space, stuck with his hands lamely at his sides.

He didn't forget how fucking annoying Francis could be.

Colton bit his tongue, staying quiet. Now that Austin and Baker were home, he'd gladly let them handle the younger bunch. The perk of being number one was bossing around who did what.

"Hey, where's my shirt?" Baker asked, jutting his head around Kota and Francis. He was quick to notice everyone's amazing shirts and already felt that FOMO. Not like he hadn't helped Dakota and the youngins get their hands on the blackmail picture to begin with. He had just had such a long 48 hours that he forgot all about it.

"Upstairs," Francis answered, the box of shirts hidden in the dangerous depths of his and Smiley's shared closet.

Glen snuck a look at Cole, thankful for the distraction. Not going to lie, he was a tad nervous about seeing Dakota. He was harboring emotions he hadn't had a chance to name all of them yet.

In between the slices of ice cream cake that Hayes swindled Colton into thinking he really wanted to try a piece of, Colton had the unfortunate task of letting the kids know that their brother hit his head hard and didn't remember the past couple months of events really well.

Aka, he didn't know they were here.

And like, Glen understood. Totally. Dakota had a concussion. He was in a freaking car crash with the one person he loved most. Which is where those complicated emotions entered. Not to mention that lingering self-sabotage still existed. Still whispered in his ear, about how forgettable he was.

The youngest brother was literally yanked out of his self-pity party and into the strong embrace of his eldest brother.

"Missed you, buddy." Austin could read his kid brother's face clear as day.

"Missed you too," Smiley mumbled into his brother's sweatshirt. He clung to the older brother, which Austin reciprocated until Glen was ready to let go.

"Where's your sister?" Austin asked curiously, not noticing the ball of Sunshine anywhere. Or Emerson, and Baker seemed to have disappeared too.

Glen shrugged as he wrung his hands behind his back. "In the kitchen with Sonny."

The two had been attached by the hip this afternoon, Emerson taking Hayes under his wing to keep her constant company. They were in the kitchen as Hayes had been enamored by the betta fish she named Mike Wazowski, going on three times now.

It was like she never had any sort of pet before, not even a goldfish.

Chubba didn't count.

The betta fish was a birthday gift for Colton, but he told the little girl he loved the name Mike Wazowksi, so that was that.

"Caught them red-handed, double fisting cookies," Baker busted his siblings as he escorted them out of the kitchen. Hayes was shying into Baker's side, hiding from everyone's stares. Baker enabled the behavior, his hand resting protectively over her cast. He'd do anything for her, his heart aching for baby Sunshine. It was the first time he saw her since he swapped places with Austin at the hospital.

Emerson waited for Colton to say hello to Dakota before taking his turn. Then that left two.

Glen scuffed his foot against the tile floor where he still hung out next to Austin. He blew out a breath of air and along with it any sense of animosity.

Dakota was standing in the same place he'd been, his hand slipped into the pocket of his sweatpants, unbeknownst to anyone but his two oldest brothers about the photograph his fingers were toying with.

He would be lying if he said he remembered their presence upon arrival to the house. And he couldn't hate himself any more than he already did. But that paper burning a hole in his pocket helped.

So when Smiley very hesitantly stepped forward with a sheepish look on his face, Kota followed through. They didn't exchange words or anything, at least not at first, with some awkwardness hovering over the two.

Then the younger brother shifted, and his knee banged against Dakota's bad knee. He hissed in pain as the crutch clattered to the floor. Kota grabbed Glen's shoulder to keep his balance.

The kid was mortified, and panic ensued inside him. "I'm so sorry."

"Shut up, Smiley," Dakota growled, the nickname easily rolling off his tongue without a second thought. He let the other crutch fall loudly to the floor and pulled Glen in for a proper hug. The boy complied, wrapping both arms around Dakota's waist.

And that may have been the first proper hug those two brothers shared in a long, long time.

Baker squatted down next to Sunshine, his hand lightly squeezing the side of her waist. "Do you want to say hi to Dakota?"

It was more of a gentle nudge to guide her than a question.

No.

The little sister was frozen, her limbs locked in place. Fear plagued her mind and her body because she was staring at a ghost.

And he was staring dead straight back at her.

Instead of acknowledging his rush of thoughts head on about seeing his baby sister all grown up, again, Dakota backed off. He could feel the terror coming off of her in waves. She was scared of him, bruised and broken, and he had not a clue why.

Instead, he faked nonchalance. Dakota forced a yawn and without any gratitude, accepted the crutches that Austin had picked up for him. "I'm going to bed."

Austin glanced at Baker to confirm it was a lost cause before nodding. "Alright, Kota." He took a step back and twisted the doorknob on Colton's bedroom, pushing it open to reveal a dark room. He reached just inside and flipped on the light switch.  "These are your new digs for now."

Dakota slowly turned and crutched his way through the foyer to the threshold of the bedroom. "Never say 'digs' again," he grumbled as he passed Austin.

Austin's lips twitched. "Roger, roger."

"Hey, you're learning!" Francis exclaimed, jumping forward to clap Austin on the back. He'd been working on teaching the eldest brother the current lingo.

Dakota rolled his eyes as he escaped into the sanctuary of his new living arrangement. He'd expected it and didn't have an argument against it. The stairs were a bitch to use. No sweat off his back.

They all began to disperse after that, the three oldest playing the ole switch-a-woo about which sibling they were keeping account of. Colton excused himself to follow Dakota into the bedroom and see if he needed anything. Even if Kota didn't say he did, Cole was going to bug him with his presence anyway.

Emerson and Francis raced each other upstairs to go grab the remaining shirts for everyone to put on. Peyton would be by that evening for dinner and cake; she'd get her matching t-shirt then.

Glen meandered over to Baker and their little sister, Austin behind him. The kid walked directly into Baker's extended open arm, relishing in the safe feeling his older brothers gave off. Hayes took advantage of the distraction and side stepped.

Her mind all jumbled, she felt that flight or fight kick in. And she needed to flee.

The eldest brother went to swoop Sunshine into a big hug but she limboed under his arm and made a dash for the stairs.

"What the-..." Austin startled, his reflexive nature lagging too much to catch her. Her hard cast smacked him painfully hard in the thigh as she darted off. Her brothers were so confused that she was able to complete her great escape, accompanied by the sound of a bedroom door being slammed shut upstairs.

Austin pinched his eyes closed and practiced a deep breathing exercise. He needed some coffee first before diving into that fiasco.

Baker scrutinized Glen's face for hints before voicing his thoughts to Austin. "I thought she was doing better."

Austin sighed, weighing his next words. "She was. But this was also the first time she'd seen Dakota since... Glen? What's that face for?"

The kid failed at hiding his grimace. Not wanting for everyone to hear, he reluctantly admitted in a low voice, "Hayes had a nightmare with Colton."

Add that to the many she had throughout the night. Sunshine barely slept, which meant Austin barely slept. And Baker hadn't slept in 48 hours.

"Fuck," Baker breathed, his hands coming up to his face. He rubbed the heels of his hands against his eyes. "Fuck."

The boy winced, a muttered apology coming from his mouth.

Austin shook his head but said nothing. They were still working on breaking the habit of unnecessary apologies.

"Has she said anything yet?" Baker asked, already knowing what the answer would be.

Big, fat hell to the no.

"Has she even talked about Dakota?" Baker questioned which had Glen shrugging his shoulders.

"Not as far as I know of," Austin replied, gripping one of the dining room chairs. He let his neck hang down in almost a sign of defeat. "Hasn't even asked about him."

Baker wrinkled his nose before yawning. "Well, this isn't going to be fixed right this second, so I'm going to go take a nap."

Austin gaped at him as Glen's eyebrows rose up his forehead.

"With Sunshine," Baker added with a teasing scoff at their looks of disbelief. "Jeez, don't bite my head off now. Have to get my snuggles with that girl while I can."

"You need sleep, Baker." Austin said. "Don't get her all wired up."

"Me? I would never," Baker retorted. He scooted past his two brothers with a wink before conquering the staircase two at a time calling "goodnight" over his shoulder as he went.

"Stubborn ass," Austin muttered under his breath as he stalked into the kitchen. He beelined to the coffee machine, pressing the power button.

The machine whirled to life as he grabbed what he hoped to be a clean coffee mug from the drying mat.

"Hey, Austin?"

"Hmm?" The eldest brother knew his kid had trailed behind him. He turned so his back rested against the counter with his hands gripping the edge. He gave Smiley his undivided attention. "What's on your mind, babe?" Austin shook his head. "Sorry, buddy. What's on your mind, Glen?"

"You must really be tired," Glen pointed out the obvious. He leaned against the door frame, undecided on if he wanted to fully enter the kitchen or not.

"Yeah, just a little," Austin gave a soft smile. "Nothing coffee can't fix. Don't worry about me. What's up?"

"Nothing." Came the simple teenage response. He continued, "It'll be okay, Austin. Just wait."

"Alright, Smiley," Austin murmured to his brother's back, watching the teen duck out of the room with those final words of wisdom. "I'm waiting right here."

In his home.

Where his family is.

Right where he belonged.

————

Hayes was tucked in the tightest corner she could find in her bedroom, but that didn't stop her older brother from finding her.

"No, leave me alone," she squirmed away from Baker's outstretched arms. Those tears had made one too many appearances and she was sick of it. And tired of it all and she really just wanted to sleep but every time she tried, the little girl revisited horrible memories. There were so many she experienced that she probably hadn't gone through half of them yet.

Her whole life has been one long nightmare.

"I'm not going to leave you alone," Baker said calmly, "and I'm not going to force you to talk to me. I just want to lay down and close my eyes for a couple minutes and I would love it if you joined me."

Sunshine thought about it, the idea of snuggling up to her big brother to good to pass up. The little girl nodded her head silently and this time accepted his help.

His hands slipped under her armpits and he lifted her from her crouched, defensive position. He playfully dropped her onto the nicely made bed.

It was Colton's tidiness as he had slept in the bedroom last night. Everyone was trading spaces for the time being.

Baker kicked off his shoes, leaving them by the closed bedroom door before doing a belly flop onto the bed.

Before Hayes could roll away, he snatched her by the waist and dragged her to his chest, tickling her the whole way. He barely dodge her casted arm flinging in the direction of his face.

The cause of her tears turned from sadness to abiding laughter.

"Stop," she whined, now squirming to be further in his embrace rather than away. How quickly the tables turned.

"Okay, okay," he chuckled. He held her firmly, feeling the fast rise and drop of her chest with each breath.

She nuzzled her nose against his chest, his familiar presence already making her eyelids droopy.

Baker pressed his lips to her hairline, murmuring "I know I said you don't have to talk..."

She flinched.

"Shhh," the older brother soothingly scratched her scalp, "I just want you to know that whenever you're ready, I'm here to listen. We're a safe space, Sunshine. Me, Austin, all your bothers. Capishe?"

Hayes listened intently to his words, waiting a beat before nodding against his chest. Quiet as a mouse, "Capishe."

————

Two hours later, Baker stirred from his nap. Hayes had only lasted about an hour asleep then spent the next hour just laying in her older brother's arms. Soaking in his being.

And just being.

She couldn't stop thinking about Dakota. And the last time she saw him. How he looked... unalive.

And it spooked her so bad.

She kept pretty much silent the rest of the night, through Colton's low key birthday dinner and dessert. Though she couldn't help the seconds of laughter when she got busted for her second slice of ice cream cake for the day.

It was so easy to fall into the whelm of normalcy again, something all the siblings were craving.

But as night fell, Dakota claimed a headache and went to bed again. Hayes became more clingy, cranky, and fussy as her arm began to ache.

Francis and Emerson had endless energy they needed to get rid of so Peyton and Colton took them to the Dave and Buster's, not expecting much crowd for a Sunday night. The two besties were even able to convince Glen to go with them. The two oldest brothers' encouragement for him to go have fun sealed the deal.

It backfired for Austin as he felt this sense of crippling anxiety he hadn't had in a long time, unable to focus on much else until his siblings returned home, back under one roof.

It wasn't likely he'd let them go out again soon.

There were bedroom trades again, as Colton volunteered to take the couch in the family room. He wanted to be close to Kota in case he needed anything.

Baker and Peyton took over his original bedroom, the couple decidedly spending the night. Chubba was to spend the night by himself at their home, like the king that he was.

Emerson and Francis bunked in their room like the good old times as Glen chose to join the slumber party in Austin's bed.

A full house.

Everyone was tucked in by midnight, though some siblings were still awake. Namely Francis and Emerson who were playing dual-player games on their phones.

Everyone was asleep by 2am.

Until they weren't.

"NO!"

A broken shout startled Austin from his snooze. It was a light slumber as his little sister kept kneeing him in the back, but it was better than nothing.

The sound was too distant to have been his two kids sleeping beside him.

Austin slipped out of bed, his feet padding along the carpet where he snuck out the bedroom door, leaving it the smidgest ajar.

"HELP! WE NEED HELP!"

His younger brother's desperate cry stabbed his soul. He quickened his pace, nearly colliding with Baker at the top of the stairs. Peyton not to far behind him.

"WAKE UP, HAYES! HAYES!"

The brothers hustled down the stairs one after another, straight into Colton's bedroom where Kota was thrashing in bed.

"Fuck," Baker grunted, immediately moving to where Colton was standing by the nightstand. Cole was trying to make sure he didn't bang his head against the headboard.

"He's not waking up," Colton said, glancing towards his older brothers, panic laced in his undertone. "Nothing I'm doing is working."

"He's reliving a terror, that's why," Austin replied quietly with a frown. He would know, it was harder to wake from a terror than a nightmare.

"The crash," Baker corrected, "he's reliving the crash." He laid his hand on Dakota's leg, the one that should of had the brace on for support.

Clearly Dakota didn't give a shit as the brace had been dumped on Colton's desk.

"Kota, you're safe. You're okay. Hayes is okay," Colton leaned near Dakota's side, whispering the reassurances.

"What's going on?"

All three brothers and Peyton turned to the doorway where Emerson stood uncertain. Francis was behind him.

"Go upstairs with Hayes and Glen, please." Austin ordered.

The two shifted to reveal Hayes and Glen standing there too.

"Is he okay?" Francis asked, his eyes flickering between all his siblings before him.

"Hey, upstairs now," Colton already knew his role and pushed away from the bed, hurdling his younger siblings out of the room. Peyton helped, guiding Francis with an arm around his back. "He's okay, let's go. Come on."

Austin watched them leave and by the time he spun around on his heels, Dakota was sitting up with his legs hanging off the bed.

His face was covered by his hands, breathing heavy. But that soon changed, his shaking shoulders gave him away.

Baker sat on his left, rubbing circles on Dakota's back.

Austin moved, coming to a stop in front of him and knelt down on one knee.

He reached out and gently brought Dakota's head to his chest. "It's okay, Kota. It's over now."

"I'm so sorry," Dakota choked out, "I'm. So. Sorry."

He remembered. Maybe not all of it, probably not even most of it. But he knew the most important part. He hadn't been alone in that car. And it was all his fault.

"It's not your fault," Austin said, his brother's despair bringing tears to his own eyes. "You did nothing wrong."

"The car- I was driving- and it came out from nowhere-"

Baker shushed him, continuing to rub his back as Austin brushed his fingers through Kota's hair. They were never to old to accept comfort from one another.

"Is Hayes okay? Is she okay? Where is she?" He couldn't breathe, the thought of his sister not being okay. That it was at his hands that she was hurt.

Dakota gripped his own sweaty shirt, his heel pressing against his chest where his heart was pounding. Too much, too much.

"Hayes is fine," Austin said. "Worry about yourself right now."

"Austin, she's at the door again," Baker told him under his breath. Their sister was a natural Houdini.

Dakota heard him and lifted his head up, finding the strength deep inside. His vision was blurry but he could make out the little girl. His little sister.

His blonde baby bestie who teetered around his ankles all day long.

She was grown now, he had to remember that. The photo he had kept in his pocket as a physical reminder had been discarded onto the nightstand.

"He's okay, Sunshine," Baker tried to dissuade her from coming closer. "He just had a bad nightmare like you get."

At his statement, Hayes' whole face paled. A reminder of what she saw every time she closed her eyes.

"I fucked up," Dakota swallowed a sob, "Austin, I'm so sorry."

"It's not your fault," Austin repeated, as Dakota shook his head, not ready to listen.

"But it is!" The broken brother insisted, whipping his gaze back to Austin. "It was all my idea."

"Hey, hey," the eldest brother grasped Dakota's hands, stopping Kota from punching himself in the chest again. "You asked to go out and I said Yes. None of us could have known. None of us," he emphasized.

"Dakota, you don't realize, but your quick thinking saved you guys." Baker jumped in. "He was coming right at you."

He hadn't shared that but with Austin, but the pile-up crash was all on tape thanks to the dashboard cameras.

Sorry, mouthed Baker to the eldest brother. Austin probably could have lived without those details.

"What's wrong with your arm?" Dakota asked, directing all their attention back to their little sister who hadn't moved a muscle from the doorway.

Her chin wobbled, her determination not to cry again, dissolving.

"Did I do that?" Dakota was fear stricken. "I- I broke your arm?"

The two oldest brothers went to correct him but were cut off.

"I thought you were dead." The admission slipped through her lips silencing the room. They could hear a mouse fart.

"Hayes," Austin exhaled, visibly shocked. That was what she was thinking this entire time?

She echoed her self. "I saw you. You were dead," her voice cracked on the last word.

The little girl's socked feet traveled forward until she nearly pummeled into Dakota if it wasn't for Austin who tugged her to his side.

"Well shit," Baker said in disbelief. His hand froze on Dakota's back.  That was an insight to her mind that none of them predicted.

Hayes' right arm, the one with the cast on, reared back. But before she could act, Austin caught her fist and hugged her tight.

"Woah," Baker was ready to lunge forward if Austin hadn't.

"No punching," Austin murmured, redirecting her. "You're okay. Use your words."

Dakota pushed himself forward so he sat on the edge of the bed, his heels on the carpet. The new position created a new twinge in his knee, but he ignored it.

Dakota extended his arm and took hold of Hayes' fingers of the broken arm, the gentleness so foreign. With his index finger, He traced an invisible pattern on the hard cast.

"I'm sorry, Sunshine."

"You wouldn't wake up," she rubbed her red-rimmed eye with her knuckle.

Austin gently ran the palm of his hand over her head, down the strands laying knotted on her back. He kept silent, him and Baker both, knowing that the two siblings had to hash it out.

With words, not fists.

"I'm sorry," Kota repeated, the only thing he was capable of saying. He didn't remember much, he certainly didn't have her perspective.

He didn't have Jack shit.

"I was so scared," she whispered.

"Me too." He leaned in, their whispers sacred between them.

Her glistening blue eyes stared into his. "Please don't ever die."

Dakota pressed his lips together, unable to promise something so out of his control. Instead, his finger began drawing shapes on her cast.

Not shapes, but a shape.

A heart, just like the one tattooed on the underside of his wrist.

I love you.

Austin kissed the back of her messy hair, continuing to stay quiet like Baker. As much as they so badly wanted to jump in, this was cathartic for the two siblings.

Dakota and Hayes needed this badly to begin the healing process.

Dakota's wordless silence didn't go unnoticed by the little girl.

"I love you too," Sunshine cried as she ferociously  tried to erase the tears off her cheeks. "Please don't go. Don't leave me."

"I don't plan on it," Kota gave his word to the little girl. That was all he had.

Not today, nor tomorrow. Not for a long time if he could help it.

And if he did go, he would not go quietly. Hell would get sick of him before he even arrived and turn him around at the Devil's Door to send him right back.

Hayes nodded, turning around in Austin's steady hold and hid her face in his neck. She reached her limit, overwhelmed to a new max.

Dakota lifted the hem of his tshirt and cleaned his face from the tears he shed. He didn't remember being such a pansy.

Baker coughed, clearing his throat. He resumed the soothing motion of rubbing Dakota's back. "Get in here, Smiley."

He waited a beat, then two before watching the kid came slinking around the corner into the room. He stopped after two steps.

"How'd you know I was there?" Glen asked grumpily.

"It's our job to know, my man," Baker replied making Austin chuckle. "You know that by now."

Glen couldn't argue with that so he simply stood there, swaying back and forth from heel to toe.

Dakota blinked, needing the few seconds for his brain to connect baby Smiley to the kid staring at him now. But once it did, he smirked.

"I can still kick your ass with one leg."

Glen paused, balancing on the balls of his feet, gaging  how best to respond.

Oh, to hell with it.

"I'd like to see you try, cripple."

~~~

That's all she wrote, folks.

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