Chapter Thirteen
Having a birthday party in a coat was definitely a novel experience. Liliana said that it was best to hold these parties outside so that we definitely wouldn't get caught and it sounded reasonable. We were close to the edge of the grounds, so the music was blasting and the beer was flowing.
It would have felt very good to have a drink again, but I was most likely the most awkward person at my own party.
I'd really been looking forward to it. I expected Liliana, Callum, Dean, and a few other people. As in, maybe ten or twenty more. Not as in, nearly the entire year being here.
I was just uncomfortable as fuck being surrounded by people I didn't know, and so I was still drinking my first beer.
The main reason, though, was Leon.
I wasn't sure why he was here and Amber wasn't, but he'd been hanging off me all night. Even though I was standing at the edge of the crowd, Leon had been glued to my side since I'd arrived. He was completely wasted and talking shit to me that I didn't even understand half of the time.
People had to be noticing. He wasn't being the least bit subtle about it, especially when he wrapped his arm around my waist. "So, yeah, then I told him he was a wanker and socked him straight in the chops. My finest moment, I'd have said." I really hoped he hadn't slobbered in my ear.
"I'm sure it was thrilling."
Leon barked with laughter. "It was. So, have you ever been in a fight?"
"Far too many," I admitted. "My finest was on a night out. I was completely mortaled-"
"You were what?" Leon's face was a picture. His expressions were exaggerated even more than normal in this state.
"Mortaled. It means very, very drunk," I explained, lamenting that I couldn't let myself get in that state tonight. "And in a club. This guy tried to lift my skirt up and I gave him a kick in the bollocks. He deserved it and I didn't fall over in the process, so I'm counting it as my finest hour."
"You were in a club?"
"There was a club that didn't ask for ID for a while."
"Ah," he dragged out his acknowledgement and dropped a can on the floor. Liliana and her green morals would probably be cleaning up the mess tomorrow. "That's cool. Have you ever had a girl on girl fight, though? That would likely be hotter."
Rolling my eyes, I pried myself from his grip. "I've had plenty, but I'm sure they weren't as sexy as you're imagining. I'm just going to find Liliana to thank her for arranging this for me."
He gave me an extreme pout before nodding and going in search of something more to drink.
Letting out a sigh, I scampered away from the party with the hopes no one would notice me leaving. Everyone was having a good time without me, anyway. I was just the excuse for throwing the party, it was only a handful of people who had actually wished me happy birthday.
The realisation it was my birthday hit me like a jackhammer. Last year, we'd thrown a massive house party and played a brutal drinking game where you had to say a statement like "ugliest person" and everyone had to point. There'd been so many arguments it was hilarious. I was surprised a real fight hadn't broken out then.
I missed my friends.
Christmas couldn't come soon enough. A couple more weeks and I'd be back in the toon celebrating and drinking and relaying all the gossip from this stupid posh school. That was when I'd be comfortable and relaxed and actually enjoying myself.
On my walk around the gardens, I realised that the ballet studio lights were on. Checking my watch, it had turned midnight. Someone was keen.
It was on the ground floor, so I was free to stand and watch the person in there. My feet glued to the ground when I realised it was Ethan.
He was completely absorbed in his dancing. I wished I could hear the music, but it was beautiful to watch without, too. It was a tragic dance. His feet glided across the floor and his hands were everywhereâcontrolled but erratic at the same time as they conveyed his plight to what should have been a real audience.
Ethan should have been the lead ballet dancer somewhere. He was perfection, even at the acting part. It was painful to watch his expression, conveying all the heartbreak and despair in the world.
I stood and watched with a constricted chest.
If that pain was real, then I desperately wanted to do something to make it go away.
It was after a cleanly executed leap that he noticed me standing and watching. His dancing stopped and I pouted, wanting to sit and watch. He opened the fire exit and beckoned for me to come inside. "What are you doing out here at this time?"
"I couldn't sleep," I lied. Whilst lying to him made me feel a bit iffy, ratting on my friends definitely wasn't the way to go. "I like watching you dance."
I wasn't sure whether the expression that passed over his face was quite a smile or not. I hoped I hadn't stepped out of line already. He'd completely ignored any suggestion that he liked me in our next lesson together. Things had been back to business. He'd taught me some of the solo elements of the Cinderella routine.
"Thank you." He grabbed his cardigan from the chair and switched the light out. "Let's go and walk for a bit. I've always kind of liked walking at night."
"I can't say I do it very often," I looked at his outfit sceptically. "Are you not freezing? Do you want my coat or something?"
Ethan laughed. "I'm pretty sure that's not the way chivalry works."
"I'm pretty sure chivalry can go both ways. You couldn't sleep either?"
"I couldn't. So, where's the party? I'm not going to bust you. I'm surprised you're at a party, though."
"It's my birthday party," I chuckled. Maybe my tights had given me away. I tended to wear jeans during my spare time.
"It's your birthday today?"
"Yup."
"Oh, well, happy birthday."
A smile ghosted across my face. "Thank you."
"Have you had a good day?" He directed us off the main path around the building and out towards the wilder part of the grounds. We were still a way off the party.
"It's been a bit shit, to be honest," I admitted. My parents had texted me to let me know that the postal service were delayed with my parcel, so I wouldn't be getting my presents from them until tomorrow.
His shoulders slumped a bit. "That sucks. Is there anything that would make it better?"
"If you'd let me keep watching you dancing it was beginning to cheer me up."
Ethan laughed. "Sorry. I'll dance for you some other time. How come the party wasn't so good?"
We were walking relatively close togetherâEthan was probably trying to sap some of my body heat. "Leon was being all weird. He was glued to my side all evening and it was getting on my nerves. I'm sure people must have noticed and no doubt Amber will hear all about it," I sighed. "I just can't be bothered with either of them messing around like this."
"He's a dickhead," Ethan stated bluntly. "One of the people who noticed should have told him to fuck off and leave you alone."
I bit the inside of my cheek on a smile. "It's fine, I wasn't really enjoying myself anyway. I was expecting it to be smaller. Small house parties with people you actually know are the best." That was enough of that topic, though. "It's funny when you swear. Because you're posh it's somehow not quite as offensive as when my dirty accent says it." Just talking to Ethan was dragging my mood right out of the ditches.
"You're so cruel."
"I like your accent," I assured him quickly. "Don't get me wrong. It's just funny when you swear."
"Well, anyway, if you ever want me to get rid of Leon I'll probably have an easier time of that than removing Amber."
I shook my head with a large grin. "I'm quite happy to just hear you say that you want to get rid of him. And you are making my birthday better. Chatting with you is always fun." I was being so blunt I was surprised he hadn't completely shut me down by now. I thought he'd have at least turned around and started walking us back towards the school by now. Maybe he was just indulging me on my birthday.
Maybe it was because I was no longer illegal goods now I was eighteen.
"I'm glad."
"What's that?" We were coming up on a couple of structures. "Oh, it's a bandstand. That's cool." I dared to grab his hand and drag him towards it at a job. His fingers were freezing cold. "You're going to get hypothermia," I warned him.
He squeezed my hand before pulling it back. "I'm a manly man, I can take a bit of cold."
I rolled my eyes and stepped onto the wooden structure. It was practically abandoned. The paint was chipped and discoloured and there was a hole in the floor. "It's so strange that there's a building like this at this school. You'd expect everything to just be perfect."
"That's why I like walking around the grounds. There's so much weird stuff. Have you seen the fountain?"
"Yeah, that's where I normally meet Liliana and her friends. It's really pretty. Have you been here before?"
I walked around, wary to stay as far away from the hole as possible. Falling through some floorboards definitely wouldn't be my sexiest moment. I stopped and leant against one of the sturdier beams and watched Ethan's movements. He was graceful even when he walked, striding around with his arms crossed to try and preserve heat.
His lips were tugging downwards slightly and his eyebrows were knitted. I'd have loved to know what was going on in his thoughts.
My thoughts were almost always impure when it came to Ethan. "You okay?" I checked, my own eyebrows dipping into a frown. He'd cheered me up, maybe I could cheer him up, too.
"Yeah," he was distracted, that much was for certain. "I'm fine." It was practically a mumble.
He was heading in my direction now though, gaze glued to the floor to make sure he didn't step on any dodgy boards.
I wasn't expecting him to stride right up and kiss me at all.
I couldn't tell whether it was a split second decision or not, but Ethan kept walking until he was directly opposite me, took my face in both of his hands, and pressed his lips to mine.
It was sweet for a moment. Silence as our lips pressed against one another chastely. Then, it was hot.
I laced my fingers through Ethan's hairâfloppy at this time of night rather than gelledâand dragged his entire body against mine. His hard chest pressed against me and it sent pangs of desire running through me. Our mouths opened and our tongues fought. Ethan let one hand slip from my cheek to my hip and his fingers dug in deliciously.
A sharp creak from the beam behind me caused us to jump and our kiss died. I was still revved up to extreme levels, but Ethan took a step away and turned his back on me. His back was rising and falling and he ran a hand through his tousled hair. "Shit," he muttered, clearly wanting to pace, but the hole in the bandstand preventing him. "Shit, shit, shit."
I tried to calm my breathing, to stop myself begging him to keep going.
Once again, he'd come to the realisation that we were making a stupid mistake just in the nick of time.
I opened my mouth to apologise, but stopped myself. He'd been the one to kiss me, he might think I was rubbing it in his face I said that. Instead, I waited. He needed to come to terms with what he'd done, and my speaking in my no doubt still husky voice probably wasn't going to help that.
He turned around, his face pained, a moment later. "I really shouldn't have done that."
"I know." It had been perfect, but it had definitely been wrong. "It's okay. It doesn't matter. Not in the long run. No one saw. No one knows."
We left the bandstand to stand on more stable ground. "I'm sorry for doing that, on your birthday, it wasn't fair."
My smile was sad. "You really made my birthday."
He took a step towards me and my heart soared for a second. He pressed a kiss to my cheek, his lips lingering there for a second. "I'm glad. I'm going to go back to my room. I think that would probably be best."
I wanted to say something that would make him feel better, but no words came to my mouth. "Okay."
"I'll see you in class."
"I'll see you then."
I stood and watched him leave, not quite being able to make my feet take off just yet, and felt the heat leave my body. "Ethan?"
He stopped and turned, almost begging me to say the right thing.
I faltered, linking my hands together. "I'm glad it happened, even if it's not going to happen again."
When he smiled, I took it as a good sign. "Me too. But it can't, happen again, I mean. I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry, too. But it is what it is. We'll get over it. Hopefully."
"Yeah." He ran a hand through his hair. "Maybe."
He turned and left then, and I continued to watch him go. Nothing at this school would ever work out. It was a curse. A curse that felt like it was ripping my heart in two right now.
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Ahhhhh, I love this chapter! Let me know what you think!