Chapter Twelve
We crowded around the noticeboard the next day to discover that Prokofiev's Cinderella was our end of year ballet. My grin was genuine, at first â the music was perfect. High highs and low lows, it had everything a great story needed. I'd seen it performed twice at the Theatre Royal over the years.
Looking at the casting list had weakened my smile. Not even an ugly stepsister.
Amber had been right beside me when I'd caught my name in the long list of backing dancers. She'd congratulated me on not getting a part created especially for someone as bad as me this time.
I kept my mouth glued shut. In primary school the advice was always to ignore bullies. That route would at least let me keep my place in the school.
I blamed today's snide remarks on Leon's comments at the Gala. He'd indirectly made it worse even if he thought he was protecting me.
Or maybe it was just a continuation of their act that Leon was my friend and Amber was my enemy.
Or there was a chance I'd developed real paranoia.
Either way, I slumped towards my lesson with Ethan without much inspiration. No decent company was going to offer me a try-out if they saw me as a backing dancer. I couldn't show off anything I'd learnt.
For the people who had been here right the way through school, it must have been traumatising. Their entire lives spent working towards being a professional dancer and they'd be losing their dream. At least my dream had always been unrealistic. If I even wanted that anymore. What good was joining a company where I hated everyone?
Ethan was pacing when I walked in. "I'm sorry about the part, I really advocated for you when they were distributing."
"It's cool, I'm glad that you think I'm good enough, anyway."
"How are you? I saw what Amber did at the Gala. I was going to come after you, but I thought you'd rather I didn't."
"Yeah, I'm glad you didn't," I agreed, slipping off my cardigan and beginning my stretches. "And I'm fine. There's nothing I can do about it, anyway. It was an accident."
"True. I just wanted to check."
"I appreciate it."
"Right." He tapped his chin.
I jumped in, before he had time to decide what we were doing today. "Do you know the choreography?"
"For Cinderella?"
"Yeah."
His lips quirked. "I do."
"Can we do that, please?" I clasped my hands together and tried to look at cute as possible. "It'll make our lessons more fun, I promise, and I really want to learn the Cinderella dance. It's like my favourite ballet."
"I suppose I would get to be Prince Charming," he teased, crossing his arms and clearly very on board with the idea. Amber and Leon were playing the lead characters in the performance that would be taking place in February. They liked to give us enough time to revise for the academic exams. "Sure. I can't remember all of the routine right now, but I'll make sure I'm clued up by next lesson. I wasn't really involved in choreographing this one."
"Thank you." I almost tagged an Ethan on the end, but knew it would have sounded too weird. I was probably reading into his actions far more than any normal personâhe'd said to call him by his first name because sir sounded weird, it didn't mean he liked me. There was literally nothing to suggest that, yet the thought still buzzed around my brain without restraint.
He went to change the music to Prokofiev's classic tune and I tapped my foot in anticipation. Getting to dance it with Ethan would be more satisfying than with Leon anyway.
"Is anyone else as mean do you as Amber? Do you like anyone else?" Ethan checked whilst he skipped through the music to find a specific part.
"The answer to both those questions is a resounding no," I chuckled. "I mean, I like Liliana, but no one on the ballet side of things. No one is really... my kind of person, you know?"
"I get you. Are you enjoying the teaching now that you're up to speed?"
I lifted a shoulder. "I am, it just all feels a bit pointless now. I'm not going to get approached by anyone when I'm just in a supporting role, am I?"
"Of course you might. Every ballet company needs backing dancers as well. They look at everyone, not just the people in the lead roles. I worked with the recruiting side of a ballet company for a few months and it's definitely based on merit. The lesser roles still have complicated moves. You can still prove yourself there."
I made an incoherent grumbling noise as he settled on a track. It was from near the beginning. "Maybe I don't even want to do that after school. If I don't like any of the people here, why would the people in the companies be any better? I don't want to be friendless for the rest of my life."
"Hey, I was going for that and I'm nice. Not everyone is like Amber. Probably everyone in your year isn't like Amber, you just haven't got to know anyone properly. You got a bad start." He took up his stance and began running his way through a few steps. "People saw that you weren't as good and they judged you. If you went into a ballet company you'd be at their level and people would respect you."
He nodded to me and I reciprocated the steps he'd been doing. They were nothing extravagant yet, and I moved through them easily.
"I'm just not sure I belong in this world." I gave a long pause to focus on the steps. "Maybe I'd prefer something more relaxed. I miss my friends from home," I admitted, coming to a standstill and awaiting his appraisal. "We've all been friends for so many years and I just miss that atmosphere."
"You can still see your friends. Will they not be going to university and moving apart anyway?"
"Most of them are planning on staying in Newcastle for university. Maybe I'll do the university route. I can take a gap year and apply next year. My grades are really good." It was an option, but I didn't have any passion for anything in academia.
Ethan echoed my concerns. "Would you enjoy it?"
"I don't know what I'd enjoy."
"Your back needs to just me a little bit straighter," Ethan gave me a tap on the stomach. "You still stick your bum out too much."
I did the moves again, keeping my bum and stomach tight. "If you would be taking a gap year for university anyway then you may as well take any offers you get at being part of a ballet company. There wouldn't be anything lost."
I didn't respond until I'd finished the few steps. "You have a good point," I was forced to admit. "I still think I'm unlikely to be picked up by anyone, though."
"That was a good run through," Ethan complimented. "And I'll advocate for you as much as possible. You have a good shot at it."
"I can't believe how much you used to hate me."
Ethan had approached me. "This is the Prince's routine alongside that part," he demonstrated and I saw how we would slot together. "And I didn't hate you," he exclaimed, exasperated, as we began to move to the music. "I just didn't think you deserved your place and you proved me wrong. I respect that a lot."
My gaze flickered to his lips for just a moment. We were so close when we danced that I could have pressed my mouth to his in an instant. I wanted to, desperately. Dancing with Ethan was like nothing else. His hands holding my frame fingers light, but tight against my skin, was something that sounded impossible, but I was feeling it right now.
The steps I'd learnt came to an end and Ethan tucked a piece of hair behind my ear. I swallowed and met his gaze head on.
He wanted me, too. It was right there in his eyes as his hand hovered beside my face.
Up until now I'd really convinced myself I had a silly crush on my teacher, but the way he looked at me now was anything but silly.
This was probably the point where I had to realise that I was being a complete fool. Taking all of Amber's shit, but willing to risk my scholarship by getting involved with my teacher?
It may have been stupid, but I was still up for it. I wanted to feel Ethan's lips on mine more than I probably wanted to join a ballet company anyway.
He dropped his hand and stepped backwards, clearing his throat. "Shit, I'm supposed to be in a meeting." His lie was bland as he snatched his jumper from the chair. "I'm sorry to cut our lesson short. I'll see you tomorrow instead."
I was left standing in the middle of the ballet studio decidedly disappointed. At least one of us had our head's screwed on.
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It's an Ethan chapter! Hope you liked it <3