Aiden picks me up a little past nine. I'm wearing my new dress, with brown closed toe sandals because the night is chilly, and have my hair up in a high bun leaving my baby hairs hanging loose around my face, and neck. "Hey." I say as I get in, and he seems bothered. "Is everything okay?" I say as I put on my seat belt, and he drives off.
"Yeah. You look nice." his words seem distant. He's in the same hoodie as earlier, but changed into jeans. "You might get cold in that." He says, and I look down forgetting what I had on because I'm so focused on him.
I roll my shoulders. "Yeah, I wasn't thinking. I was just excited about my new dress." I say to him.
"Well you look pretty anyway." he smiles, but seems clearly upset about something.
"Are you sure everything is okay?"
"Yeah everything is fine." he assures me, and I let it go.
Once we get to Zach's, Aiden makes me wait on him to open my door. Still a gentleman. "Thanks babe." I say, and while I stand there he drapes his jacket on me, and I'm thankful at this moment that he always carries a coat with him.
"Thank you. I don't know what I was thinking wearing this tonight." I say, and he laughs lightly.
"Let me guess, Scarlett is in the same getup?" he asks.
I laugh loudly. "Yeah, pretty close."
"What are you two laughing at?" Zoe asks from behind. She runs up on the other side of me.
"Hey Zo!" I welcome her, and she gives me a small hug. "We're laughing at my dress." I answer.
She looks me up, and down. "Oh. What's wrong with it?"
"Nothing, just a little too soon for a sundress." I answer.
"Oh, well at least you're cute." she winks at me, and Aiden rolls his eyes.
"Girls." he says as we make it to the backyard. The bonfire is already blazing, and surrounded by kids.
The whole night we sit around the fire, and watch Zach, and his friends goof around, and Josh cuddling Scarlett, but Aiden is quiet most of the night. His mind is racing with something, and I just wish I knew what it was.
"Hey, do you want to get out of here?" I ask him, and first he looks at me with confusion, but then with sadness.
"Yeah, let's go." he answers quietly.
After we say goodbye to everyone, we start to walk around the front of the house to leave. "Let's go to the lake." Aiden suddenly say's and takes my hand as we walk. I don't respond, but instead follow his lead. It takes us about twenty minutes to get to our spot, and he of course has a blanket ready in the back of his jeep.
After I sit down, he sits behind me and lays his legs on the outside of mine, and puts his chin on my shoulder. We stare at the reflection of the stars and moon on the water for what feels like forever until he breaks our silence. "Mora, I have to talk to you." He says. It must be about his mom.
I turn around to face him, crossing my legs and cuddle myself harder into his jacket I have on. The breeze is blowing my loose hairs into my face so I wipe my face to move them out the way. "What's going on?" I ask him, and he just stares at me for a minute. "Aiden, is everything okay?" I'm losing my patience with him.
"I don't think I can go to A&M." he answers, and my heart drops in my stomach.
I'm quickly losing my breath. "What do you mean?"
"I didn't consider my mom and all her issues. I was so focused on you, and what we had going on that I forgot what it would do to my mom." he answers, and I'm still confused as to what he's really saying.
"I still don't get why you can't go to college." I say, and I can tell he's already losing patience with my questions. Anytime something gets serious or hard, I can tell he always wants to bail and not talk about it, but I won't let this one go. "So your mom doesn't want you to go to college? That seems sort of selfish doesn't it?" I find myself getting angry with him.
"No, she wants me to go to college, but not so far away. She said she's already talked to the community college here and they said they would still let me in." his eyes drop to the ground. He can't even face me.
"Did you know she was going to do that?" I ask, now my voice is louder.
"No. I just found out today." he answers, and I can feel my eyes start to water so I quickly wipe them dry before he looks back up at me.
"What about baseball. She seriously doesn't care that you're going to pass up such a great opportunity because she what, can't be alone?"Â Â he shoots his eyes up at me now.
He doesn't like me talking about her that way. "You don't know what she's been through Mora, and right now she's just now prepared for me to leave yet. She can't be alone right now."
"Well what does your dad say about all this?"
"It doesn't matter." he spits back at me, and this time I can't hold back my tears, and when he sees me crying his face drops in sadness, and he knows that he's going to have to answer all my questions because if he doesn't he'll hurt me even more. "He's pissed okay, but his opinion doesn't matter in this situation Mora, and I'm sorry and please don't take this the wrong way, but neither does yours." he seems so cold right now, and I'm in shock. I only have one question left, and I'm afraid to ask but know I have to.
"And what about me?" I calm my voice long enough for him to answer.
"Mora I love you so much, and I don't want this to change what we have. I'll only be a few hours away. I can visit you every weekend, and on the days I don't have classes I can come down. Nothing has to change with us Mora." he says it with so much certainty, and I can tell he was prepared for that question.
"So you want a long distance relationship? Can that even work Aiden?" I ask with no hope left in my voice.
"Yes. I think it can. I don't want to break up." he answers, and I turn away from him to look at the water again. "Mora, please." he goes to grab my hand, but I pull away.
"What if I say no. What if I say I can't do a long distance relationship?" I shoot my eyes back at him to read his face. He's hurt by my words.
"It would break my heart." he slowly whispers looking back down at the sand that sits beside us. Suddenly all my emotions rush over me like a tidal wave, and I start to bawl, and he scoops me up into his lap and hugs me tightly. I just sit there broken in his hands, and hurt that he didn't choose himself.
At this very moment I realized that I hated his mom for being so selfish with him. He had dreams that were coming true, and was happy and she took all that away from him.
"Can you take me home?" are all the words I could mutter up to say, and he doesn't respond. "Please Aiden. Take me home." I demand, and stand up to wait on him to get up. He finally does, but when I start to walk away he stays in place, and I stop a few steps ahead of him and we stare at each other.
"Please don't break up with me Mora. Please." he's begging me, and his eyes start to water. It's apparent that he doesn't have a choice in this. His mom is his world, and he's going to do whatever she wants. He's taken care of her for so long now, it's all he knows.
My anger starts to melt away into heartbreak and pain, for not just me, but him too. I walk back to where he stands, and dig my face into his chest, and hug him tightly. I've never been so confused in my whole life.
"Are you breaking up with me?" he asks, still holding me tightly.
"No." is all I say. "I'm so tired. Can you just take me home now." I ask, and he doesn't hesitate. He knows that he can't push me anymore. Of course I would try for him. I love him.
We don't say anything all the way to my house, until we're in the driveway. "Good night." I say, and he starts to say something, but before I can tell what it is, I'm slamming his door shut and running inside my house.
Once I'm in my room I wash off what makeup I have left on off, and brush my teeth, and get ready for bed. Once laying down I remember I need to call Conner.
I decide against face timing him, but it doesn't help. He can tell by my voice.
"What's wrong?" he asks, and I break. I tell him everything that happened tonight.
"Why would his mom even do something like that?" he doesn't understand.
"Because she has waves of depression, and she can't be alone." I admit, even though I promised Aiden I would never tell anyone. Now I feel bad for admitting it to my brother. "But Conner, you can't tell anyone."
"Well duh Mora. I would never tell anyone something like that. Are you going to be okay?" he changes the subject to me.
"I'll have to. There's nothing else I can do. He's already made up his mind." I say, and he doesn't talk for a minute. I can tell he's trying to come up with a solution because that's what Conner does.
"Maybe you should talk to his mom." he offers his idea.
"And say what?" I ask him.
"I don't know. Maybe just be honest with her, but in a nice way." he suggest, and I think for a second.
"Don't you think Aiden would be mad?"
"I don't know. Maybe not. At some point he has to grow up Mora. He can't be her caretaker the rest of his life, and it's not fair for her to think he can." he says, and I tell him I'll just think about it. "If you need me, call me." he says before saying bye.
"Will do. Love ya." I say, and hangup.
I fall asleep quickly while trying to think up something to say if I did decide to talk to her.