Chapter 7: Chapter 7

I struggled out of bed. I had to be in class at seven and its already six thirty. I cannot be late but it was so unbelievably hard to stay awake. I trudged on to the bathroom and turned on the water to shower. I really don’t have time, I’m going to be late if I don’t move fast.

I pulled my shirt off and let it dropped to the ground. I was about to go for my sweat pants when I saw Kellin sitting on the counter in front of the mirror. I just about died of a heart attack; my hand flew to my mouth so I wouldn’t scream. He was amused by me and I can’t have that.

“Kellin, please, I don’t have time for your shit right now,” I said, still going off from being scared out of my mind. I can’t remove any more clothes because he’s right here. It pissed me off because he wouldn’t even move. He just sat there smiling.

“I’ll leave if-”

“I swear if you touch me, I’ll kill you,” I threatened. I’ve heard that before and I know what he wants. Like I’m going to let him kiss me again.

He shrugged and looked away, like I wasn’t even there anymore. He said nothing after that. The only thing that could be heard was the water running. I wanted to have a temper tantrum and go off but I choked on my screaming. I need to not be late so if that means I have to do what I have to then I guess there’s no other choice for this.

“Fine fine, do whatever.” I said quickly. He hopped off the counter, his smile popping back up again. I probably shouldn’t have said that then.

I closed my eyes so I wouldn’t have to bare it. The moment came when he put an arm around me; he was warm again, making me forget what he really was. I know for a fact that he’s still a vampire and this one’s in love with me. I just wished I didn’t have to endure this. I felt the shock travel down my spine when his lips met mine, just like yesterday. I remained still, there’s no way I can make him think I like this when I clearly don’t. His lips forced mine open and that’s when I struggled; I got a taste of him and now I couldn’t stop. I moved my hands to his chest to make him stop but I didn’t push away, I just let my hands stay there. His body wasn’t so warm like before but it was getting hot in here. Is it just me? My face was becoming red from him kissing me so hard and what made it so shameful was that he got me to kiss back. I forgot everything, the reason why I hate him, where my morals went, where we were. This was something my body wouldn’t let me pull away from. But when then I felt something sharp on my lip and it caused me to wrench away. He still had his arm around me but its not like I pushed him far away. What’s going on? What’s happening?

He finally let go and I turned away quickly, feeling my face become an even darker red. I didn’t want him to do this to me. He was supposed to leave like he said he was going to; I didn’t move till he did. I’m going to be late for sure now.

I had seven minutes left to run in my building and make it to my seat. I made good time actually, I didn’t miss my train so I was good. But running in cold weather is really hard to do. And Kellin happened to be in my way. Does he not understand that I’m trying to get to class? Why is he always around?

“Get out of my-”

“You forgot this,” he handed me a small folder. Oh shit, my paper that was due today. If I had not turned that in today I would have probably cried on the spot. I have to admit he’s a life saver, my grade would have been a zero. I took it from his hands; do I say thank you or what? There’s no time for that.

He pulled me forward and then he was kissing me, like nothing was wrong. Holy mother fuck why the hell is he doing this in public? But that’s not my main concern. I let him do it once already, now he’s fucking trying me. I pushed away from him, completely furious that he did this. What makes him think he can just do that?! Out here? Fuck him.

“Pierce?!” Jesse shouted behind me. No. Oh god no. Kellin did this on purpose, of course. He doesn’t like Jesse so this is what he does. I’m sure he wouldn’t have done anything unless he had the opportunity to. I saw the triumphant smile. He just ruined everything.

I turned around to face Jesse. She didn’t seem all that mad but I knew this was it. Fuck, look at what he does. His existence will be the death of me. Jesse just turned to walk away, not even a second glance at me. She can’t give up on me like that. I can’t let her. I ran after her, calling her name so she could stop and talk to me, then it seemed how hastily how she wanted to get away; she was trying so hard but she isn’t fast in heels. I grabbed her arm and spun her around to face me. Now she was pissed.

“I swear it was nothing,” I said quickly. It was nothing.

“Really Pierce? Really? It didn’t seem like nothing to me,” she snatched her arm from my hand and glared at me furiously. Well fuck.

“I’m being serious,” I was desperate.

“I’m sure you are. I can’t believe this was how you’d cheat on me,” she gave me a sympathetic look. Why the fuck would I cheat on her first of all? Did she really think that low of me? Did she never trust me? Really?

“Is that it?” I asked, narrowing my eyes at her. She thought I would be cheating. Does it seem like I’m the cheating type. Let alone WITH A GUY?!

“Pierce, you just kissed a guy and a hot one at that. And don’t tell me it was an accident because I know it wasn’t.” she shook her head. I can’t now. I looked away, pursing my lips tightly as I thought of something, anything. “You know, I knew this was coming,” she said.

“Excuse me?” I asked, offended. What the hell was coming?

“It was obvious that you’d be gay,” she said. No. “Its sad that you used me to find out,” she added. What the hell? Is that what she thinks? Jesse is so close minded sometimes. And I’m not gay for sure dammit. It made me sad how easily she said that. Has she been rehearsing on ways to break up with me?

“Oh hell no,” I said and walked away from her. I’m not dealing with that shit. I’m not gay, I know I’m not gay, that’s all that matters. If she wants to think that then fuck her. Damn. Jesse why? But I can’t go crawling to her like some bitch. Deal with it.

I could hear Kellin laughing somewhere off in the distance. That fuck face, I’ll kill him but that’s after I run like super man to my class. There’s basically no time for more bullshit, I need to get up there before I miss the whole thing. I don’t need to lose my scholarship when it hasn’t even been my first year yet. This fucking sucks. My day can’t get any worse than this right now.

After class, I just moped around and went to the café. I wasn’t working today but why not waste time, there’s nothing else I can do with my life. I just lost my girlfriend, I have a right to be sad. But I should have known Jesse would break it off so easily. And for something as simple as that. It isn’t fair. Its never fair. Everything just ends up all shitty in the end. That’s how it is; I always lose everything. I thought of something else but then I just ended up playing some blues on my guitar. I really might even cry over her but the feeling wasn’t there. Usually, there would be some time of void there but I couldn’t feel it. Then it made me wonder if I felt the way I said I did. Has Kellin got into my head? I feared this happening to me. He’s breaking me open and he’s already this far in a matter of days. Who knows what’s next. How far will he go with me?

“Dude, I heard you-”

“Shut up,” I said quickly to Toby. The only reason he came here was to ridicule me. Jesse is a rumor starter so now I bet she told people I’m “gay”. This hurts my pride. I’m not gay.

“Its funny,” he was laughing. Can I smash my guitar over his head? “Its okay, man. Just go with it.” He patted my shoulder. I looked at him like he was crazy and he is for saying something like that.

“Go with what? Toby, I’m not gay.” I said. He sat back in his seat, putting his hands behind his head as he gave me a sly smile.

“Sure buddy,” he doesn’t fucking believe me.

“Die,” I hissed.

“I believe you, sheesh. Don’t be so uptight about it.” He said defensively. I’ll be what the fuck I want to be. Today has been horrible just because of that incident this morning. How am I going to live. “You know you really didn’t like her anyway,” Toby said as he picked at the muffin on his plate. He thought that too. Did everyone think that? Was I the only one not aware of this? Its probably just cause no one else liked me with her.

I didn’t respond to him; I just played my blues on my guitar cause really, this sucks. This is the first time I’ve been dumped. Yes, she was my first girlfriend, I know I’m late but its not exactly ideal to want to have a girlfriend when you can’t do anything because you’re in an orphanage. I don’t like being humiliated and that would’ve done it. Toby just looked at me as he ate and shook his head.

“What happened to your game man?” he asked. Like I’m already going to flirt with someone else. I’m not a bitch, why would I do that?

“It has not been one day, Toby. Chill” I said, annoyed.

“You’re not playing blues in the apartment, got it?” he said sternly. I glanced at him and he was being completely serious. Oh. I just might hook up another guitar to my amplifier and play some rock or something.

“I won’t.” I gave in. He turned away and continued eating like he does. Then his muffin suddenly dropped out of his mouth.

“Isn’t that the guy you kissed?” he asked. I didn’t even have to look to know who. Oh my fuck. Why is Kellin here? Why does people assume I kissed him when its vice versa? He fucking kissed me. Its not my fault I swear. Time to divert attention.

“How do you know?” I asked, pretending to be clueless. He gave me a glance like I shouldn’t play stupid. Its not fair, does everyone know? Why is Jesse a rumor starter? I don’t care that she’s pissed, she shouldn’t have said anything about it.

“The way Jesse described him.” he shrugged.

“How the fuck did she describe him?” I asked, raging.

“Hot,” he answered, laughing. I put my head down on the table and cursed. This isn’t my lucky day. At least Kellin has his friend here to restrict him, at least I hope so. His friend looks responsible. “Man, I don’t care who you’re-”

“Shut the fuck up, I’m not gay, okay? This is what you’re going to tell people. I don’t need the harassment.” I said discreetly but what’s the point. I know he can hear what I’m saying. Getting away from Kellin will never happen.

“Got it, you aren’t gay.” he said for mental purposes. Good, now he understands. Now I have to get to my other friends before I get ridiculed for it. I was man handled, it isn’t my fault! “But seriously though, don’t you think he might be out of your league?” he asked. My jaw dropped as my fingers stopped playing over the strings. I went into complete mental and physical shock. Did he seriously just ask that? Out of my league? He doesn’t know anything about the league.

“I’ll put you out on the streets if you say that one more time.” I threatened.

“Never mind.” he said quickly. Out of my league my ass.

But it might be true, I have to admit it though. Kellin and his friend and probably most of the vampire existence can be considered out of everyone’s league. Its probably all the beauty they obtain or something like that. He’s perfect, every thing he does will be perfect just because of how he is. When Kellin could have any other person, he chooses me. Someone who’s had nothing most their life, someone who barely made it alive, someone who has no family. Why me? Why does he want me? I’m not the greatest catch ever so I don’t see why. He could literally have anyone. I’m not really worth the trouble. Putting my hatred aside, he really doesn’t have to have me. I’m basically useless. What can I do? Nothing. I’m just a lonely human who’s been through hell. I don’t know what he sees in me but he should stop it and find someone else who can handle the bullshit cause I can’t. I’ll just die of a heart attack, and then what will he do? Kellin doesn’t understand what this means for real, I feel like he just might be playing around. And no one wants to be played with, it hurts.

I sighed. Now I’m really depressed. Why would I think like that in the first place? I should just get my shit together but my girlfriend is gone. No. I can deal with it. Its just going to take me time to get used to.

“I’m going home,” I said as I got up.

“Oh wait, buy those cookies over there, I’m gonna be hungry later.” he said quickly. I sighed, rolling my eyes. I might eat those cookies anyway so he’s out of luck. I asked Marium for some of them and she just gave me a bag for free. I like working here.

I walked home on my own. Despite everyone around me shouting and yelling, everything was quiet. I was now a hollow shell but at the same time, I wasn’t hurt. It didn’t hurt so much. I know I liked Jesse so I don’t know why I’m not heart broken. Fuck this. I just want to get out of this cold weather right now so I can sleep. I have another class tonight and I’m not interested in actually leaving but whatever.

The first thing I saw when I got inside my apartment was Kellin sitting on my couch, playing one of my guitars. HE’S TOUCHING SUSAN, HE’S PLAYING SUSAN’S STRINGS. Everything dropped from my hands as I stared at him in complete shock. The fact that he thought it was okay to touch my stuff without even asking me for my fucking permission. I saw darkness. He’s touching my baby and he didn’t even look ashamed; he just continued playing like I wasn’t even here. It set me off so fast.

“How the hell do you have the nerves to sit here?” I shouted.

“Am I supposed to feel bad?” he asked. I know he doesn’t. Why the fuck would I ask that? I took a couple breaths to calm down; there’s no point in being mad with him.

“You made Jesse dump me,” I said through my teeth.

“I don’t feel sorry about that,” he shrugged. There was something that shot through me, I think the anger’s back again. And it took him one sentence. Is there some wood around because I want to kill him right now. “I’m not going to apologize for something I deliberately did. I wanted that to happen and so it did, can’t say sorry for it.” he said boldly. What?!

“So you got what you wanted now get out,” I said harshly.

“I actually didn’t get what I want, that was the first step to getting there.” he said as he strummed more chords on my guitar. I’m ready to choke him. So ready. “You can make this really easy Pierce, or its going to get difficult.” he suggested.

“No. I don’t want to deal with you. Get out.” I shouted.

“But I don’t want to,” he pouted. I gripped my hair, just trying to not have an out burst. I can’t do this, I really can’t. Maybe if I ignore him then he’ll leave me alone. “You know, you don’t have to be so cold.” he said.

“You don’t have to be a pain in my ass,” I walked over to him and snatched my guitar from his hands. Dare him to touch my stuff again. I went and put Susan in her case.

He put his arms around me. He’s touching me again. I don’t know how to feel about this now, its been a couple days but still. I would never fall for him like he thinks I would. I could never just because. I want to stop it from happening, I don’t want it to destroy my life in the end. Vampires have been nothing but a bother to me and I’m sure Kellin is just like them. What makes him so different? I wanted to shrug him off but I didn’t move a single inch. I was letting him touch me.

“You’re cold, get off me.” I said but it wasn’t authoritative in any sort of way. I wasn’t forcing him to, my body wouldn’t move. He just held me like this silently, making me want to have a break down.

“Please Pierce,” he said quietly in my ear.

“No,” I said. This isn’t what I want. I would never want this. His arms released me; I turned around to face him. It was obvious he wouldn’t be the slightest bit happy about me denying him but I don’t like this either. I never asked for this.

He picked my head up and I felt his lips touch mine. They were cold but it wasn’t bitter. He was trying, no matter how hard he tries though, I can’t give in. I wanted to make sure I didn’t but I was going blank. I couldn’t think straight.

What’s happening?

I’m not pushing him away, I’m not getting mad, I’m not getting anxious. I was still a void. I let him kiss me like he probably wanted and he wasn’t holding back anything from me. I have never been kissed this way before so it was different. I wanted to not do anything, to not give in but I felt the stress now. My heart was going insane from this. Even though he was so cold, I felt warm. What is this? Why do I feel this way? I ended up moving my own lips with his, I couldn’t stop it. My chest hurt even more when I realized I was doing this. Its not fair how I go through this.

I was breathless in a seconds, he was doing this too hard. It made me scared for how far he would really go with me. Knowing him, this isn’t all he wants from me. I can already tell that but it won’t get any further. I can’t let him.

I pushed him away so I catch a couple breaths. My face felt flushed from all this. God, this was different but I don’t know how I feel on this anymore. He didn’t move away from me, he just waited. Of course he doesn’t have issues like BREATHING. I hated how he was looking at me though, it made my face stay red.

“Stop staring.” I said as I looked away, feeling more heat. He was still very close to me, having the perfect opportunity to kiss me again.

“I can’t look at you?” he asked as he brought his hands to my face. I flinched a bit but stayed in place. I couldn’t take it anymore, it was just a bit much to handle.

“Get away from me,” I said silently but he didn’t move. I expected that from him. He was going to kiss me again but he stopped, something happened. When I opened my eyes, I saw that he was smiling. What’s he thinking?

I shoved him away as I felt the heat. Fuck him. I moved from the little corner, cursing as he laughed at me. I hate him for that. Does he think its okay to tease me like that? This is what makes me hate him, just making fun of me for no reason what so ever. I didn’t do shit to him and he has to go and treat me like that. He’s lucky I let him kiss me the way he did cause I would’ve kicked him out a long time ago. I stomped around till he wrapped his arms around me from behind. What does he think he’s doing? I stopped rampaging from shock. He’s still going through my boundaries.

“Don’t fight me,” he said.

“What are your intentions?” I asked. The only reason someone would say something like that would be if they were going to do something. And I know Kellin will do something I would never approve of ever. That’s how it works.

“To make you love me.” he answered.

“What makes you think that will ever happen?” I asked.

“You’re already letting me kiss you. And we know what happens next. It won’t be long before you say you love me.” he sounded confident about it too. If he thinks I’ll let him fuck me then he’s off the mark completely. That kind of thing will never happen.

“Don’t get your hopes up, I just don’t want to be killed.” I said.

“Then you’ll just do what I say to keep your life.” he said. I could hear a smile in his voice.

“Hell no, get off me.” I struggled to get away. Like hell would I do anything he says, is he stupid? I know what he’s thinking and I would never go that low. Especially with a vampire.

He released me and I stumbled away from him trying to put distance between us. He has a lot of nerves doing this to me. I looked at him; he just stood there quietly. What is he waiting for? My command? He’s going to be following me around for now on isn’t he? This sucks. I looked away when I had enough of this.

“You’re nervous,” he sounded amused.

“Okay you can leave now.” I said. There’s a lot of places he can leave through, he can chose one. He shrugged and went for the door. Good. “And don’t come back,” I added before he closed the door behind him.

“I’ll think about it.” he said and was gone. At least I get a little peace for now. This is what I need. Some silence. I swear if he bothers me again, we’ll have a problem.

Its enough for the day, seriously.