Have you ever asked someone an important question, but you timed it badly, so distractions made it hard to get an answer? And you lose the power of an unfiltered answer? Well, that was my current problem. When I had asked Tate if Susan had asked him out, a server walked up, making it impossible to gauge Tate's reaction to my question and giving him a LOT of time to process it before I could get an answer. Crap.
"Hey, Tate!" A thirty-year-old sever with rose tattoos, several ear piercings and short-cropped purple hair said as she put down a pint of beer in front of him. She wore a black vest top and black ripped jeans. "I have your usual. Buffalo wings, onion rings, and chili cheese fries will be on the way in a few minutes."
Tate shot her a grin. "Thanks Hal."
The girl named Hal turned to look at me, taking me in under her dusky makeup. "And who's this?" She shot Tate a curious smile. "You never bring girls here."
Tate took a long, slow sip of his beer, adam's apple bobbing against his throat. "She snubbed my attempts to take her out on a date."
I gawked at him. Hal snorted and placed her hand on her hip. "Well, I can see why if your idea of a date was bringing her to this dump." She waved her hand gesturing to the pub around us.
"Hal, this isn't a dump. You've done a great job," Tate insisted.
She rolled her eyes. "You're just saying that because the supply of fried food would vanish if you tried to trash talk my baby." Then Hal turned back to me. "What would you like to eat?"
"I have no idea," I lied.
The smell of fish and chips was driving me crazy. But the idea of having something so utterly comforting in such a cozy place when I was on the verge of having an awkward conversation sounded awful. Maybe I'll just get a salad. That's probably a good alternative when asking a hot guy about dating your assistant, right?
"Oh come on! You've been drooling over the smell of fish and chips since we walked through the door." Tate looked back at Hal. "Don't let her indecisiveness fool you. We're getting lunch to stop her from trying to burn down a building because she's hungry."
I crossed my arms. "Who said anything about trying? I would succeed at burning down anything I set my mind to."
Tate smiled, amusement making his dimples flash to life again. "I'm sure you would. And it's terrifying. So do you want the fish and chips or not?"
"Your lack of filter is irritating," I muttered, pinching my nose.
Hal patted Tate's shoulder warmly. "Yep. We love our Sunshine boy, even if he has a habit of oversharing... and scaring people with that freakishly high level of kindness." She looked back at me. "So...?"
"Fish and chips, yes. That would be great," I said, refusing to look at Tate. "And a pint of beer too."
Hal offered me a wide-eyed good luck smile before walking off to fill the order. I chuckled, amused that someone else seemed to understand Tate. "Hal's awesome. I like her," I said as I watched her slide a shot of whisky across the bar to someone.
Tate took another swig of his beer. "I wonder why. Maybe it's because she makes fun of this sunshine freak."
I laughed. "Yeah, a little bit." A moment later, Hal appeared, dropped off my beer, and disappeared back behind the bar, leaving us in silence.
"So... about my question," I started again, gripping the crisp cool mug tightly, hating how ridiculous it all was. How much I cared about the answer to the question.
"About how I became such a sunshine freak?" Tate asked, his eyes playful.
I couldn't tell if he was being serious. He was a sudden vault of unreadability. Hiding behind jokes and smiles. Which threw me off completely. Did he really not hear me the first time? "Um... No. That's a life story for another timeâ"
"You're right." He took another long sip. "That is quite a personal question. And everyone's life story is longâ"
"Tate," I interrupted. But he barreled on.
"âI mean how far back do you even go when you start a life story anyway?"
"Tate," I said again, my voice clipped.
"Do you start at birth? Obviously, everyone is born. So you should probably skip ahead to a life event right?"
"Tate," I said, voice rising above the music as the same song began again. I was pretty sure the jukebox had been stuck on the same song since we arrived.
"So best to get a rain check on that. It will only take me five minutes to consume all three plates she is gonna bring out soâ"
"TATE," I said louder, trying to stop his monologue of ridiculousness."
"âA shorter topic may be best. Favorite movie maybe?"
"OH FOR GOODNESS SAKE TATE! DID SUSAN ASK YOU OUT?!?"
And as if the universe hated me, which I was starting to think it did, the music fell silent, the song ending for a full beat, letting everyone hear my question at full, blare level volume before the music started up again. Several heads turned to stare at me as I took a long awkward sip of my beer, trying to pretend that I hadn't just screamed at Tate. Great job Allie. Very smooth way to ask. And totally not psycho looking... at all.
Tate took another long slow swig of his beer, unphased by my loud outburst. Then placing it back down on the table, he wiped his mouth and looked up at me. "She did."
I waited for more, but he didn't seem to get the message as I gave him a pointed expression, making it insanely obvious that it wasn't enough information. "And?" I asked, forcing my voice back to normal decibels.
"And?" Tate asked tilting his head to the side, his face serious.
"Are you going to fill in the blanks for me?" I asked.
"Why do you care?" he asked, a slow smile spreading across his face.
It sent my face blushing wildy, which only got worse when Hal suddenly came back, dropping off my fish and chips, and Tate's food, sending us both into silence again with my blush as the center piece for the table. I hate these terribly timed pauses!
But the pause gave me a moment to think. To formulate an answer. To collect myself. Why do I care?
It was a fair question and every attempt at an answer made me sound terrible. The real answer came blaring into my brain, full force. Because I'm a disaster human that finds you attractive. And I don't want to date you because I don't date but I also don't want you to date anyone else either because I am terrible...
Hal left and I pounced on an answer as fast as possible, determined to slap that amused grin off Tate's face. "I care because she's my employee and I want to know if she's going to be giggling like an idiot when she gets back to work. I don't think I can take both of you in a giggly mess of lovey yuckness."
Tate raised a brow. "Okay... a lot to unpack there. But first... 'lovey yuckness?" He started in on his buffalo wings.
I shrugged before shoving several fries into my mouth. "Yesshh," I said past a mouth full.
"I think you mean lovey-doveyness."
"Same thing. Just try to keep your love-sick giggling to a minimum." I drank the rest of my pint in a single long gulp and waved Hal over for a second one. I probably should have stopped talking, but I didn't like how much he was enjoying my irritation.
"And keep the talking about each other's cute quirks to a minimum," I said with a scrunch of my nose, hating the visual. I shoved more fries into my mouth. "And..." I swallowed a large amount of my second beer to push down the fries so I could continue past my irritation. "...for all that is good in this world, please keep the nicknames to a minimum."
Tate moved onto his onion rings, stopping long enough to laugh. "So I take it Cutie Susie, Cutie Pie, Love Bug, Sunshine Freak #2 and Boo Boo are all out?"
I had to stop eating, feeling suddenly nauseous with the combination of fish, chips, beer, and something else I didn't want to give a name to.
I covered my mouth, taking a moment, even if it looked dramatic. "Oh my gosh... please no."
Tate smiled to himself. "No nicknames then." Then he took a sip of beer, looking at me over the glass with an intense expression. "Anything else on that list of yours?"
I tilted my head thinking. Then after deciding that any other demands would be overkill, I shook my head. "No."
I dove back into my food, needing something to do. The entire conversation had gone from casual to dramatic in the span of about five seconds. Note to self. I am not fit to eat with other humans. Maybe I should get a cat... no they are too judgy.
"For a detailed person, you seemed to have forgotten the most important thing," Tate said pushing away his empty plates. The magician was already done eating like a freaking vacuum.
"And that is?" I asked after finishing my second pint and moving back to the fish and chips.
Tate propped his elbows up on the table, taking me in with his green eyes, sparks of gold filling them with mischief. "You didn't ask me what my answer was."
It took all my self-control not to drop my fish back onto my plate and send fries scattering across the table. Oh my gosh, I am such an idiot. "Oh, are you going to share that information? Because you've made it impossible to get information from you that is of any real value? Why spend all that time listening to me talking about nicknames and pet peeves if it wasn't useful?"
Tate chuckled before finishing off his beer. "Oh, believe me, it was useful." He clanked his glass down on the table and shot me a pointed expression. "I learned how much you hate getting close enough to someone to have a positive feeling about them."
I snorted, trying to ignore how on point he was. And because I hated having my soul seen that well, which was utterly terrifying, I lashed back, seeing a piece of him he probably didn't want to face either and throwing it back into his face. "And I learned that feelings in general terrify you into hiding behind a wall of jokes. I know you are a happy person Tate. But you are also scared that if someone ever got to see what was behind the smiles and the laughter, they wouldn't want what they found."
Tate's expression turned dark. The light, smiles, and laughter vanished. "You are deflecting by throwing cheap shots. You can't even admit that I was right about you."
"Look who's talking," I muttered. "Can't even tell me if you agreed to go out with Susan." I shoved the final fry into my mouth.
Tate leaned forward, brown strands falling into his face and caging his eyes. "And you can't even admit that you were hungry for the fish and chips." He motioned to my empty plate. "And look. All gone."
I pulled out several bills and slammed them down on the table, flustered and angry. "This entire conversation is ridiculous. I have a thousand things to do. My assistant was attacked."
Because of me.
"All of the photos from my shoot were stolen."
Because of me.
"My office was ransacked."
Because of me.
Tate's eyes went wide, suddenly full of concern. "Wait, what?"
I continued, ignoring the sudden change on his face. "Some crazy fashion guy is trying to sabotage everything I've built." My voice cracked on the final word. I took a deep breath, steadying my voice. "And I can't go five minutes without my driver utterly pissing me off!"
I stood up and slung my purse over my shoulder with dramatic flair because that is what I apparently did. I yelled at Tate. I walked down the sidewalk with a baseball bat in hand with murderous intent. And I left pubs dramatically with everyone watching.
Tate stood up but I shot him a glare. "Just... stay. I'm just gonna call an Uber."
I bolted out the door, and out into the sunshine, angry, embarrassed, and on the verge of tears. My hands shook as I rolled them into fists, trying to keep myself from breaking from the worst day I had in years. I hadn't slept well, someone had left a threat on my office wall, and no one that worked for me was safe from being hurt by a fashionista lunatic.
Regrets swirled in my head. I shouldn't have yelled. I shouldn't have been such a jerk. I should have protected Susan. I should have found a way to keep my pictures safe...
"Allie!" Tate shouted behind me, shattering my mental spiral as I heard him approach me on the sidewalk.
Turning I came face to face with Tate with no time to hide how utterly broken I was. I had no time to put on a mask of strength, bravery, or anything close to okay. "I'm..." I stopped and just shrugged, showcasing visually everything I couldn't quite admit verbally. I'm broken. I'm a disaster human.
"I'm sorry," Tate said above the noise of the passing cars. His words shocked me to my core. I wasn't used to having anyone apologize to me. Not unless they were an employee and they were nervous or caught doing something wrong.
Tate ran his fingers through his hair. "You've had a crap day and I should have been nicer about it." The wind ran through his hair sending it sweeping across his face. "I'll drive you anywhere you need to go."
I shook my head. "I'm a mess. And I'd rather take a cab than yell at you again." I pushed my hair out of my face, feeling my fingers tremble as I did. "You are a good person and I think sometimes I just..." Don't know what to do with kindness. "Don't know how to react like a normal person."
I stared at the ground, on the verge of tears.
The smell of Tate's cologne wafted over me as he took a step closer. "It's been far from a normal day," Tate murmured.
I nearly fell to pieces at the tenderness in his tone. A single tear rolled down my cheek, betraying my will to be stone. To be unmovable. Unbreakable. "You are allowed to break when life gets hard."
A napkin from Malarkey's Pub swam into view as Tate held it out to me gently. I took it and wiped at my eyes, embarrassed.
After several deep breaths, I finally looked up at Tate, my vision blurry. "I couldn't keep Susan safe, Tate." I crushed the napkin in my hand, feeling the last of my anger vanish. The one thing standing between me and falling into tears. "I failedâ her." My voice broke.
I closed my eyes to keep the tears at bay. "Just... I'm going to call a ride. I need to..." To punch something. Burn something. Destroy something.
Suddenly, two strong arms wrapped around me, and I was enveloped in warmth. The gentle touch broke me. And I fell into pieces in the middle of the sidewalk, no longer a single person. But a bunch of broken glass that used to be whole. That used to be real. But was now just pain, fear, hurt and guilt.
"You didn't open Susan's door," Tate said, his voice deep and strong against the wind.
"You didn't trash your office." His breath tickled my ear.
"You didn't do anything other than love what you do and dare to do it well enough for others to want what you have for themselves." Tate pushed my hair out of my face, in a heartbreakingly tender gesture. "What you need is to be reminded that you don't always have to burn down the world when you are hurt. Sometimes you just need to be held."
I pushed my face into his chest, allowing myself another selfish moment. A moment where I felt safe. Just like I had during that photoshoot. I sunk into his warmth, making myself a promise to resist next time. To be strong enough next time. "I'm still not going out with you. So don't get any ideas," I muttered.
Tate placed his chin on my head. "I wouldn't dare."
"I still don't even like you," I added for good measure.
I could almost hear Tate's lips quirk up into a smile. "Even if I had said no to Susan?" he asked.
"That depends," I replied face warm against his button-up shirt. "Are you lying?"
There was no pause. His answer was instant. "No."
I hadn't realized that one word could be so utterly wonderful. So grin-inducing. But it was. I had to hide it against his shirt. And my reaction left me feeling guilty for Susan but relieved for me. I really am terrible.
I leaning back and looked up at Tate. "Why?" The question felt heavy and seemed to settle on Tate's shoulders like a weight.
He let me go and the warmth of his body vanished as he took a step back, making me instantly miss it. He ran his fingers through his chocolate-colored locks and looked away. "You had your reasons for asking me, and I had my reasons for my answer to her."
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Thank you for reading chapter thirteen! I hope you are enjoying the story! Or are at least curious to see where it goes!
UPDATE DAYS - A NEW CHAPTER EVERY FRIDAY!
There is quite a lot of emotional avoidance tag going on in this chapter. Why do you think Tate said no to Susan?
Do you agree with Allie that Tate hides behind jokes?
Tate is pretty observant. Do you think he knows how attracted Allie is to him?
CHAPTER QUESTION - Do you hide your emotions behind smiles and jokes, pretend your emotions don't exist at all, bluntly share them with everyone, or some other version?