Chapter 16

I’m not sure that ever works, even in places like the Veil. One can be matched to another and live harmoniously, creating a family and presenting the sense of a normal relationship.

But I’ve often wondered if there’s a mental toll that accompanies it. Yes, you can be matched to someone you believe would suit you, but would you ever fully trust them?

Would you ever feel anything more than maybe lust when you created that family with them, and would you care at all for them as time passed and the two of you got older? These questions had crossed my mind as I’d gotten old enough to understand the concept of love and relationships.

I’d done my best to push them aside and believe that being chosen as someone’s bride would be enough for me. After all, comfort was supposed to be the most important thing in life.

Love did not always bring that. I’d even heard females say that the arrangements were so much better because of that.

At least you knew what you were getting into with the male you were paired with. But did the same go for imprinting, and would these females never get the chance to have that happen to them?

Was that why they could brush love aside so easily, and not worry about the future with the males they called their husbands? I was dwelling on that as I lay in bed, watching my lover sleeping beside me.

It was still very early. The sun hadn’t even risen, though I could hear the gentle sound of the sprites singing in the distance from the forest.

It drifted through the open windows like a beautiful wake-up call, bringing some peace to me despite my deep thoughts. The night had been warm yet comfortable, and Rayne and I had fallen asleep naked and with the curtain open.

Not that there was any reason for us to worry about it. The glen was very secluded, and Rayne had his barrier around it to ensure no one got in.

I’d awoken from dreams of my past, leading me to lie here and think about things as I watched him sleep. I couldn’t deny that everything about Rayne was perfect to me.

He was everything I could’ve wanted in a male. He was strong, handsome, high-standing, and even sweet to me.

So why was I having doubts? Well, there were two possibilities in my mind.

The first was obviously me and my worries about what I was. The rumors that had been spoken about me had fed into this, making me far more insecure about our relationship than I’d ever wished to be.

I was hoping that it would get better once we got to the bottom of things and stopped them, though that might take a while. I wondered if it was even possible to stop others from whispering about me.

They may have never stopped completely with Rin either. Perhaps I’d need to talk to him and seek advice on how he’d overcome them.

It was the other possibility that bothered me more. That was what I’d been thinking about.

What if all of this, even imprinting, turned out to be more convenient than love? I didn’t know where that would leave me standing as the years went by.

While creatures like Rayne aged incredibly slowly, even stopping as long as they maintained their power, I wondered if he would lose interest in me physically over time. Yes, I would remain as beautiful as I was, but the excitement in beauty only lasted so long, and I was well aware that Rayne basked in the physical pleasures between us.

The thought that he may turn away from desiring me frightened me almost as much as the thought that he could never love me. What good was imprinting on someone if those things could happen?

I was pulled back to reality as Rayne began to stretch beside me. His eyes slowly opened and I felt his tail lightly caress my hip.

“Good morning. You’re up early,” he greeted me, keeping his voice quiet.

“I wasn’t intending to be, but it was hard to fall asleep again, so I was lying here listening to the sprites and watching you sleep,” I admitted.

“It sounds like we have a shared habit then.” Rayne pulled me against him and turned on his back so that I was lying on top of him.

“I’m glad that you were able to sleep some. I worried that your thoughts may keep you awake.”

“They could have, but I was worn out after everything yesterday, so it wasn’t hard for me to fall asleep.” I ran my hands through his white hair, placing a few light kisses on the scar on his throat.

“You aren’t angry at me, are you?”

“I wasn’t yesterday, so why would I be today?” Rayne inquired.

“True,” I half relented, laying my head on his chest and hearing his heartbeat in my ear.

“It’s just been so much lately, and I know I’ve fed into everything with my own insecurities about what I am. I’m just trying to find my footing now.”

“Everything will be fine, Luna. I won’t allow them to keep doing this to you, and neither will my family. You also don’t need to keep worrying that I’ll ever look at you differently. I can promise you that it’ll never happen, no matter what comes,” Rayne assured me.

“I know this is crazy, but I have to ask; will you always feel as attracted to me as you are? I know time has a way of changing such things,” I went on.

“I’m certain I will. My mother and father have been together for a very long time, and the attraction between them is just as strong as when they met. I like to think that it comes from the bond they share, although you have also seen what a beautiful woman my mother is, not to mention she has an incredibly strong soul. She’s always been the perfect match for my father,” Rayne responded.

I lifted my head, seeing the content look in his eyes as he spoke of Lana. “You carry much respect for your mother,” I noted.

“I always have. She’s survived so much in her life, even before coming to this world, and she’s only become stronger from them. Aurora is the same, and I sense that you are too.” Rayne brushed my hair back, holding my face.

“It takes a very special type of soul to be able to pair with the likes of us. That is how I know that you are stronger than anything they may attempt to throw at you. Do not worry about me either. My eyes will always only be for you, as will my body and bed.”

“I believe you, and I feel that I will be more secure in time. There are simply many changes that I haven’t adapted to yet,” I confessed. I slowly pushed myself off of him, sitting up beside him.

“It is strange for me to think about everything that has so quickly changed since the day I met you. I believe that’s why those rumors got to me as they have. I didn’t see myself as anything more than what I was born as, and even though I wished so hard for this, I didn’t believe any alpha would ever truly want me, let alone one of your standing. I confess that I have worried about my role in things, even if inadvertently.”

Rayne sat up with me. I had expected him to rebuff me, but instead, he understood my concerns.

“I realize why you would think that way, and while I admit that I have considered the possibility, I also know myself in all of this,” he said.

“I know that you are much more Fae than succubus. You are a very gentle, sweet soul. It’s obvious that you’ve never set out to hurt or seduce anyone, and as I told you before, if such had been the case with me, then I would never have been allowed to choose you. Aside from that, you now know that I am far from perfect too. What occurred last year should be enough to prove that.”

I had to ask, “Is that why you have avoided returning to the palace? Because you are still upset over what occurred between you, Aurora, and your brother, and the injuries you inflicted on Emelio?”

Rayne sat back against the wall, his tail covering his pelvis. He wasn’t able to face me as he spoke, “It is a small piece of it. I will admit that I carry guilt about much of what happened, and I know my role in it. Between you and I, it wasn’t simply the spell cast over me that led to those unpleasantries, especially concerning Aurora. Yes, the spell did lead me to what I did, but I already felt quite an attraction to her in the first place, and there was that part of me that wanted to give in to it despite knowing what would happen.”

“But why? Did you hope to steal Aurora from Rin?” I asked, moving closer to him.

“Not at all,” Rayne answered. His ears went back as he closed his eyes.

“I never wanted to admit it out loud, and you are the only one I would ever speak of this to, but I have always felt a certain envy of my brother. Rin may have been born different and had to endure a lot from it, but he was always very strong throughout it. Even when he felt down, he could pull himself right back up and keep moving forward. He even ran away to be on his own without a second thought. I couldn’t have done that. Even though I wanted so badly to feel equal to him, I never felt like I could, and it ate away at me.”

“And him finding Aurora only made it worse,” I guessed.

“Not at first,” Rayne corrected. “I was very happy to see that Rin had found the one he loved. He wasn’t feeling so alone anymore, and it was enough for me to have a friendship with her. But as time went by, I began to realize that something else was awakening within me. My bed began feeling cold and empty, and my eyes began looking more at females. It wasn’t long before I realized that I was craving intimacy like what he had, and Aurora was the one who caught my eye the most, though I still don’t know whether it was from that spell or my own forbidden thoughts.”

Even though this sounded terrible, I didn’t feel that Rayne had bad intentions when it all happened. From what he was saying, there was something else at play here, something that might explain some of how he was with me too.

“You know, at the risk of sounding slightly out of line, I believe that perhaps some of it had to do with you reaching maturity,” I suggested.

“Why would you think that? I am a Luna Dog, and even as we mature, we can hold such instincts until the right time,” Rayne countered.

“Yes, I’m aware of that,” I agreed. “But you do carry human blood as well, even if it is not as strong as your father’s. Perhaps that affected what happened to you and your brother once your bodies matured. I have heard that humans have the instinct to strike out more on their own during that time in their lives, along with wishing to mate and settle down with a partner. I realize that this might sound a bit out there, but I wonder if that is what affected you during that time. Perhaps the human side of you pushed the Luna Dog side of you into wishing for both more freedom and intimacy.”

It did make sense and fit with things I’d heard from my mistresses before. They thought humans were very interesting and often spoke of different things about them.

Aside from that, I knew that all had instincts, even if we tried to suppress them at times. Procreation and pleasure definitely went hand in hand too.

Rayne thought it over as he sat there, and his ears twitched along with his tail. “Interesting. I hadn’t thought of it that way before, although Emelio did mention to our father quite a few times as we grew up that we may be susceptible to more human instincts at times. Was that what he was speaking of?” he quietly wondered.

“It’s possible.” I moved onto his lap, kissing his cheek. “But you shouldn’t keep feeling guilty over the past. Instincts can be strong, and there was a spell cast on you on top of that. You may not have stood a chance between the two.”

“Maybe not,” Rayne relented. He ran his fingers through my hair, pushing it over my shoulders before resting his forehead against mine.

“But I am very happy to have found you. I know you’re the one I’ve been longing for, and you don’t need to overthink things.”

“So I satisfy that part of you?”

“Tremendously.” Rayne lightly ran his claws over my sides and hips.

“You don’t need to worry about me getting tired of you in the future either. I know I won’t.”

“You’ve been awfully confident about things between us since we met,” I pointed out.

“Why wouldn’t I be? I trust my instincts, and even if I’ve stumbled a few times, I know that they ultimately lead me to where I’m meant to be,” Rayne responded.

“I’m so glad they did.” I gave him a quick kiss and hugged him. “I know bad things happened in the past, but I’m not going to look at you any differently. All I want is to be yours for as long as you want me.”

“As I said, that will be forever,” Rayne stated, giving me a firm kiss. He smiled as we pulled back. “What do you say to me taking you out to Jumal today? I haven’t gotten to take you out that much yet and I’d enjoy more time with you outside of this glen.”

“I wouldn’t mind. I want more time with you. At the risk of sounding awful, I feel that I still only know bits about you, despite all of this,” I admitted.

“Well, that is my fault for roaming so much,” Rayne lamented.

“Were you truly that dedicated to searching for something for me?” I asked.

I’d been curious about this since Rayne had confirmed it the day before. I hadn’t imagined that he’d been going through so much trouble to find something sentimental for me.

“I was, and I will find it one day, but for now, I am content to find other suitable jewels for you. You are my precious Luna after all, and I want to spoil you as I can,” Rayne answered.

“Come on, Rayne; you know I don’t need jewels or gems. I am perfectly content being here with you and having what you have already given me,” I reminded him.

“I am well aware of that. I simply enjoy spoiling you,” Rayne countered. I let out a small squeak as he suddenly laid me back on the bed, hovering over me.

“I won’t let them make you doubt me, my Luna. I’ll do everything you need me to do so that you’ll always trust me.”

I touched his cheek. “I do trust you, and that won’t change, no matter what comes.”

Did I believe my own words? I can’t say. I know I wanted to believe them, and I wanted to believe in my own feelings.

Perhaps the biggest thing I needed to learn was to believe in myself, and I hoped that I could start doing that with this mutual understanding Rayne and I were coming to.

Rayne leaned down and lovingly kissed me. “You realize that I’ll do anything for you. I’d give up everything just to have you by my side forever,” he whispered in my ear.

“There’s no reason for you to do that. I’ll make sure I can be stronger even when others judge me, and I’m not going to keep letting things get to me. You care about me, and so does your family, so I’ll take that to heart,” I promised him.

“Very well. I will believe you,” Rayne relented. He flashed me a mischievous smile as he continued lying over me.

“It’s still quite early, so let’s get some more rest. I think I’m quite comfortable now.”

“You do realize that it is not so comfortable for me to sleep with you on top of me,” I reminded him.

“But you are quite soft.”

“Rayne!”

That made him laugh, and he moved to his side, allowing me to rest my head on his arm. “All right. I prefer lying like this with you anyway. It’s much easier to kiss and touch you,” he relented before kissing me.

“You certainly are amorous.” I giggled before allowing him to kiss me again.

We kissed a few more times before settling together to get a bit more sleep, and I did feel slightly better about things. I think it was also because he’d been honest with me about what had happened before.

Maybe Rayne did carry regrets, but that felt like it gave me even more of a purpose to be with him now. I could help him overcome them, and perhaps those mistakes were even leading him to me.

Yes, it did seem like wishful thinking, but I chose to believe that was the truth. We were meant for each other, and even if I faltered a little at times, I was always going to remind myself to believe that.

Rayne could love me, and I was certain that I was falling in love with him.