Elena's P.O.V.
For weeks have I been missing the touch of the nature. I thought the sight of it would make me happier or homely. But now that I am standing in the middle of the forest, it felt weird.
However, it was nothing compared to the sensation to fly through time. The feeling was like a faint hug of a familiar person; it reconnected the cut strings.
Although it was a touch that I hadn't felt in a long time, I could still sense how the air was much colder. For some reason, it made me feel like I was thrown into something new - something different.
And I did not like it.
The walk to my house felt, for some unknown reasons, heavy and shameful. I was anxious for the things that would soon be thrown at me, and I was scared to see what had happened while I was gone.
It was weird to see my house again, and even more bizarre to walk inside of it.
Why does everything feel so cold?
I picked up my phone from the kitchen table that I had left weeks ago. The familiarity of advanced technology was coming back. After all, knowing the technical is just like riding a bike; you never really forget how to use it.
There were several lost calls and text messages from almost everyone I knew - heck, even Emil had called. However, that number was nothing in comparison to the times Hazel had tried to reach me.
It must've been almost a thousand calls.
And I had not answered any of them.
Without hesitating, I returned one of my curly-haired friend's call. Anxiety would've beat loudly in my chest had it not been for the fact that I was declined right away.
As I filled my lungs with an immense breath, I forced myself to stand and change clothes. Though it was painful, the yearn to go to Hazel's house ached more.
***
The summery warmth was converting into a wintery fall. Although I was disappointed that I hadn't been able to take advantage of the break and its opportunities, I was still glad that I could see my friends again.
Especially her.
The house seemed to be abandoned when I knocked, and I was afraid that she wasn't home. But slowly but sure, the home came to life. Her steps grew louder and louder, and I could feel how fear and excitement fought for the spot.
"Elena? Is that you?" Hazel's eyes grew wide and troubled, and her face was cut with worry. But there was something behind her emotions; something unwelcoming.
Ignoring the coldness behind her eyes, I attacked her in a hug - a comfort that I had desperately needed. "I missed you so incredibly much, Hazel. You have no idea."
Her touch was warm and gentle, yet, it felt foreign. Unfamiliar.
What happened?
"What happened?"
We might not have seen each other for weeks, and our contact might have been cut off so abruptly and cold. But it was without any doubt that we wondered about the same thing: what happened to you?
She led me to the living room, letting me sit down while she prepared some drinks.
"I. . ." It was a heavy start, and I felt disheartened to see such distant response from her. Suddenly, my injuries seemed to only be a mere scratch. "I was in Norway visiting my grandmother," my lies were steady and free from hesitation. "She signed me up for this viking camp, and well, you can imagine the rest."
My chuckle was nervous and an attempt to make things lighter. It didn't.
Hazel sat there quietly, tapping her nail on the glass of water. She didn't meet my eyes, just sat there and contemplated.
I wasn't sure if she bought it or not, and frankly, I wasn't certain if she was even listening.
The pregnant silence made me nervous and put me at unease. "Are your parents home or-"
"How could you?" Her glass almost shattered when she hammered it on the table. The question was loud and filled with knives, stabbing me repeatedly.
"I'm sorry I didn't leave a message-"
"No," she shook her head slowly, her eyes sharp. The glare was toxic and painful, and it made me feel shameful. "How could you leave me like this? I thought we were friends, Elena - friends." She put pressure on the word, spitting it out like a hollow picture. "You've been disappearing a lot lately, but this- this takes the cake. I don't know where you've been going or what you've been up to, but I didn't think too much about it since we were friends. And friends tell each other everything."
The direction this conversation was going made me shake inwardly. Guilt and shame were the only things I could feel, and I knew it would haunt me for a long time.
"I trusted you to share your stupid secret. One day, I knew you would tell me." Her glare did not take breaks, something that made the aching escalate. "But you didn't."
My throat was dry and empty of words. She had the right to be angry, but I just wish it wasn't like this.
"Hazel, I-"
"What, Elena?" Her answer cut like a dagger. "Oh, yes, let us all hear about your next excuse. What is it this time? Did you have another breakdown because your parents are ignoring you? Or perhaps you needed some time alone to think about how shitty your life is? What is it, Elena? Tell me, what is it!" By the time she finished, she was standing and shouting.
And God did it break my heart.
I knew I was still hurt after the things that have happened. Although I was recovering - both physically and mentally - it did not mean that I wasn't vulnerable.
To stand here and having to fight against my world and family, was a war I had lost before it had even started.
"You're right, and I'm sorry," I whispered, still hurt after the punches she threw. "I haven't been honest with you, and. . ." Uncomfortableness and hesitation were evident on my face and body language.
I didn't know if I was more hurt or scared of the gaze she sent me. Her eyes filtered disappointment, but behind her chaotic emotions, I saw pain.
Putting all of my lies and fear aside, I mobilized the courage and strength I needed for this moment. Every grain of power and energy was vital.
There is no going back after this. Even time traveling is helpless.
And so I told her the truth.
The air went silent and cold. Everything became heavy and distant. My stomach was filled with weights, drowning and torturing me as the anxiety grew darker.
"You know, Elena," Hazel started, finally saying something. However, the tone in her voice was not warm nor welcoming. It cut right through the atmosphere, creating a black hole that grew stronger the more she talked. "In kindergarten, I always thought of you as a shy person. You just didn't talk to people, you were quiet and reserved. But in elementary school, as I got to know you better, everything changed. I thought of you as that confident and strong being everyone wished to be. You didn't let people walk over you or others, you stood up for those who couldn't, for those who were too shy to say something.
"And in middle school, as our friendship thrived and developed into something strong and solid, I began to think of you as that weird but hilarious person. You always found a way to make a simple thing so bizarre, always making me laugh - no matter how stupid and creepy you made it sound like."
There was a faint, ghostly smile on her lips when she paused. It was like she was looking at our memories, tasting the feelings of our love. But the gleam was quickly thrown into the dark hole when she continued.
"You still have these qualities in you, Elena. I will always think of you as that quiet, little girl who today shy away when she's complimented. I will always remember you as that strong person who won't be messed with, who will stand up for herself and for those who can't. And I will always see you as that weird girl who can make me laugh, who will make my day better, and interesting, and fun, and everything I could ever wish for."
Then our eyes met. But there was no warmth in those orbs, there was nothing of that sparkling glint that always swam in her hazel hue. "But never - in my entire life - did I ever think of you as a liar, Elena."
Her words hit me. Hard. And I fell from the impact.
I trembled as I shook my head, "Hazel, no, please. What I'm telling you is-"
"Lies!" She spat, glaring at me with a filtering disappointment. "I can't believe the nerve you have to make up such stupid fairytale. What's wrong with you? Is it too much to ask for an explanation?"
"Hazel, please," I begged, trying to reach her. She stepped away, putting distance in between us, which broke my heart a million times. "You have to believe me."
"Do I now?" Though she laughed mockingly, her tone was more angry and cold than I could ever imagine. "Not only are you a liar, but you're selfish, Elena - selfish!"
"I'm not lying!" I tried to defend the truth, knowing that I could not fend for my actions. "Please, Hazel, you know me well enough that I wouldn't make up such things. Especially in a time like this. I know it sounds unbelievable and stupid, but it's not something I have-"
The curly-haired girl shook her head, giving me a look that was dipped in disgust. "Leave."
"Hazel, I beg you-"
"I said leave!" She screamed, her words and voice twisting my heart. "You're not welcome. Only friends and family are allowed to stay in my life - and you're not one of them. Not anymore."
My lips were dry, and my throat clogged with a crag of despair.
"You don't mean that," I whispered through the lump in my throat. "I know you don't mean that. We are family, Hazel and I love you to the end of the world and beyond." If there had been any liquid in my body, tears would've blinded me a long time ago. "Look me in the eyes and tell me that you don't feel the same way. That the love in our friendship was never there."
Her hazel eyes were bleak and crestfallen. And with the most acid sounding voice I have ever heard her use, she disdained.
"I hate you."
There was no glimmer in her words, voice and body language. There were no stars in her eyes.
It was dark.
Just as dark as the hole my heart fell into when I left with forced steps.