Chapter 49: Chapter 49: Clean

Asher

I spent the dawn walking back to my territory. I use my wolf form, mostly because I’m naked but also because I missed this feeling. I haven’t let Cato roam in his natural form in years since I mated with Gen.

I’m connecting with the last piece of me that I lost. The wolf and Alpha had always been inside but were just dormant. Beaten down.

Now he’s back.

I stop at the ruined, still-smoldering site of what used to be my family’s cabin. I choke up when I see the rubble burned to char. All I can be grateful for is that the fire didn’t spread. I was smart in ensuring the area around the cabin was clear in case an accidental fire started.

I never imagined when I was a boy that the cabin would be a victim of arson. When I played there with my siblings, I escaped the reality of our poverty and used the trees we cleared around the area to build and repair the bones of the cabin we found.

I wonder, too, who owned this place before us. What was their story? Were they rogues hiding? Or was it an old house part of a pack that was unincorporated over time? Left to rot for years?

It’s sad to think that it’s not only my memories that went up in smoke but a stranger's. And, most tragically, Rose’s. Our memories together.

The book we kept track of our games wins? Burned.

The bottles of wine we stockpiled to share? Broken and evaporated.

I shed a tear for the place, my heart aching with its loss. I’ll have to tell my siblings. They’ll be devastated, too. But it’s best that they don’t know now. I don’t want them to treat Gen differently and potentially put themselves in her line of fire. It’s already a delicate situation with them, and I don’t want to risk seeing them without Gen’s permission to give them bad news.

I don’t know if they could take any more bad news. I know I barely can. It’s like surfers who fall off their boards and are battered by the waves deep into the ocean. Only to frantically reach the water's surface, get their head above, and take a deep breath just as another wave crashes down. And the cycle repeats and repeats until they eventually tire out.

I wonder how long I can tread water, barely having time to gasp for air between tidal waves? How much sorrow can a person wade in until they drown?

My saving grace, I believe, is Rose. She’s a lifejacket or the jetski that rushes to the struggling surfer’s rescue.

I pass the remnants of the cabin, sparing only one final glance over my shoulder before disappearing into the thick woods, knowing I need to leave that pain behind me. Sadness won’t serve me; it never has.

I walk into the house, shifting back into my human form, her foul stench striking me as soon as I do.

“Where have you been?” She shrieks, flying down the stairs in a frenzy.

“You’re lucky I didn’t stay here last night after what you did,” I growl, glaring at her just before she walks up to me, which makes her stop in her tracks.

“Where did you stay?” She hisses, her eyes wild with paranoia. “You better hope your family didn’t harbor you, or I’ll make sure they pay!”

“You have people watching my family; you would’ve known if I stayed with them,” I argue, rolling my eyes and trying to walk past her. But she stiff-arms me, blocking the hallway.

“Where did you stay?” She asks again, her voice dripping with venom as he enunciates each word slowly.

“I stayed in the woods in my wolf form, if it’s not obvious,” I reply, gesturing to my naked body. “I’d like to get some clothes on.”

She rakes her eyes up and down my body, allowing me to pass her to the stairs. I walk to the closet, and she trails behind me.

“What were you using that cabin for?” She interrogates.

My ears perk up to this. The tone of her voice tells me that she genuinely doesn’t know the answer. If she did, she’d sound more arrogant. She’d be bouncing with joy, knowing she had me cornered. Knowing she could use Rose against me.

But her tone is more of a question. She’s angry because she doesn’t know, which is a relief. At this least confirms my initial thought that she doesn’t know about Rose.

“An escape from you,” I answer plainly, knowing there’s no way to sugarcoat it. And it’s close enough to the truth that it doesn’t feel like a lie.

She scoffs as I finish dressing, pulling a shirt over my head. “You’re so scared of me that you’ve been sneaking off to a cabin?”

“Not scared,” I answer. “Annoyed.”

She glares at me, and I can feel the anger brewing inside her about to explode. I used to feel scared when she got like this, but something in me feels amused. It’s easy to get this reaction out of her; she’s like a child. A petulant, impulsive, unregulated child.

“Slap me all you want,” I tell her, my voice uninterested. “At least make it quick so I can go about my day.”

She only continues staring at me, her mind practically buzzing as she grapples with the new reality. The reality where she doesn’t control me. Where she doesn’t have power over me.

The reality where I’m not scared of her. Where I’m not beholden to her.

Where I’m the Alpha I was born to be, I control my destiny, taking my power back. I am in control of my emotions. Uninterested in her antics.

She storms out of the room, grunting in frustration like a teen denied the chance to go out with her friends after midnight.

It makes me laugh.

“Moon Goddess,” I speak, glancing at the skylight. “I don’t know if You or Rose injected me with this newfound freedom. This newfound strength. Maybe a mix of both. Plus, part of me believes that Your will is done through Rose. That You work through someone as pure and good as her. Someone so kind.” I smile, thinking of the oak tree I knelt before. The one I prayed at, begging for salvation, begging for death or freedom.

She granted me freedom.

“Thank you for mating me with Rose,” I whisper, the words so quiet that only a Godess could hear.

“Thank you for saving my soul.”

Rose

My leg bounces like a murderer in an interrogation room. Riddled with guilt, cornered by the detectives. I’m in the confession position, too. Elbows on the knees, head in hands—the universal sign of a psyche about to break. The walls are coming down, and the truth is flowing out.

Victor walks in right on time for an afternoon meeting I invited him to.

He immediately senses my apprehension.

“What’s going on, Rose?” He asks, sitting in the chair beside me.

“There’s something I need to tell you.”

“Uh-oh,” he says, a smile creeping on his face. “You’re pregnant and have to tell Asher that the baby’s mine?”

I whimper, the sarcasm-laden tone of his voice ironic given what I want to tell him.

He reaches his hand across the table to take mine. “You’re scaring me, Rose. You didn’t laugh at my hilarious attempt to lighten the mood.”

I lift my head, willing myself to meet his eyes as I take a deep breath.

“I’m going to say a lot of words, and I need you to let me because if I have to pause, I won’t get it all out. Okay?”

“Alright,” he says, his eyebrows furrowed as he leans in. “What’s going on?”

“I’ve lied to you about a lot of things. Everything, really…” I begin, trailing off, waiting for him to scream and tell me he hates me.

But he doesn’t.

He keeps quiet.

“The first lie is about my family. Where I come from,” I tell him. “I… An ex-boyfriend didn’t bite me. I didn’t run away with him. My mom was a witch, and I never knew my father. She sheltered me until I was eighteen, where she homeschooled me. I never interacted with anyone besides her until she cut me loose at that age. I feel she was hiding me from whoever my father was.”

I lick my lips, bracing myself for the next part. The serious lie. It’s one thing to lie about how you grew up; it’s another to lie about who you are.

“Truth is, I was born a vampire. I was never bitten.”

Victor’s jaw drops, smacking his hand over it as he gasps.

“What?” He cries. “H-How is that possible?”

I gulp down the lump in my throat and continue, “I’m also fertile. My aging stopped when I was eighteen. That’s when I was released and found a Clan, and my mom had given me a fake story to feed people. After that, I never saw her again.”

“How do you know you’re fertile?” He asks, still dumbfounded.

“I have regular periods.”

“My God,” he whispers, his hands in his hair as he grapples with this. “I-I can’t believe it. How is that possible? Who was your mom?”

“I never knew her name,” I reply. “She always had me call her Madame.”

“But you knew she was a witch?”

“Yes,” I answer slowly, a little confused. “I could sense her magic. Why aren’t you mad at me, though? Are you not angry?”

“Rose,” he sighs, gripping my hand tightly. “This is big! I’m grateful that you’ve trusted me enough to tell me this. I can imagine this is personal, painful, and isolating.”

“Yeah…” I murmur, taken aback. “I haven’t told anyone. Until now. She told me I couldn’t.”

“Why?” He asks. “And why let you leave at eighteen?”

“I think part of it is because I grew strong enough to break out if I wanted to,” I explain. “And I did. Growing up where the only social interaction you get is with a cold mother and people on a screen is lonely. I’m shocked that I have the social skills that I do. Most of it comes from watching TV and reading.”

“I’m amazed,” he marvels. “Going from that to Clan Leader over a few years is even more incredible than I previously thought.”

“I’m not looking for praise,” I grumble. “I need advice.”

“On what?” He asks. “Brainstorming how you could have been born a vampire? How can a vampire even be fertile?”

“No, the thing is, Asher wants to have sex-”

“I really don’t need that info about your relationship as much as I joke about it.”

“Stop, this is serious,” I chastise, a small giggle slipping through my facade, which feels nice. It loosens my tight chest. “But, anyways, he wants to, and I do, too. But…” I trail off.

“You’d have to wear protection if you had sex, or else you’d get pregnant,” he fills in. “And that would be a strange request, given that you’re a vampire.”

“Exactly,” I confirm. “And I can’t use the STD excuse since he’s only ever had sex with Gen, and he hasn’t been with her in months. So it’s not like he could be carrying something from the streets.”

“I understand,” he replies. “Well, telling me is a good step. I would advise that you’re honest with him, too. I’m happy you told me. Do you feel better having told me?”

“Yes,” I admit, feeling the weight off my shoulders. “The secret has been weighing me down for a while. Especially keeping it from you since you’re my best friend. I was just scared that you’d see me differently. Or, given that I kept Asher from you, you’d be angry that I kept another secret.”

“This secret is a lot different than the other one,” he soothes. “May I ask why you haven’t told Asher? He is your mate.”

“I’m scared that he won’t want to be with me anymore,” I mumble, playing with the sleeves of my shirt, pulling at a loose thread. “What if he thinks I’m a monster? An abomination?”

Victor tilts his head and gives me a “are you fucking for real” look with his lips pursed.

“Don’t look at me like that.”

“I will look at you however I please after you spewed that load of bullshit,” he replies. “’Cause that’s about the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard! That man would jump in front of a train for you, would he not?”

“He would.”

“He’s risking being mauled by his psycho ex for you, right?”

“Yes.”

“And you think this man would stop loving you because, oh no, you can have babies with him now?” He asks, clapping his hands in front of my face. “Wake up, sis.”

“I-I don’t know,” I moan. “I’m just worried. Because I don’t understand it, it’s confusing. I have no clue who my father is, and I don’t really know my mother or who she is. What if they’re evil? What if that’s why they concealed themselves from me? At the very least, my father is if they went to such great lengths to hide me from him. Or, it’s the other way around, and my mother is so evil that she hid me from my father out of spite or something. Either way, what if he feels a type of way about me coming from horrible parents?”

“He is not going to judge you for that at all,” Victor assures me. “And if he’s the type of guy that would, you wouldn’t want to be with him anyway. But I think you know that he wouldn’t react that way. I think you know that he would be nothing but loving and supportive. Right?”

“Yeah…”

“I think you’re the one who is ashamed of this. I think you’re the one who thinks these things about yourself. That there’s evil in you because of your parents or you’re a monster. These are your fears and insecurities that you’re projecting on others.”

“I guess you’re right,” I admit, tilting my head back as I groan. “It’s just so confusing. And depressing.”

“Listen, I don’t think you should tell anyone else besides Asher and I. Who knows how society would react because these old-fashioned fuckers can be a bunch of numbskulls.”

I laugh at his crude words as I lift my head forward, matching his eyes.

“Okay? Plus, if your mom was hiding you from someone, she may have done it for a good reason. So, we should know more information before we go public with this. But there’s no reason Asher, your mate, shouldn’t know. He has your best interests at heart, and I bet he will be more than willing to help you figure this out. All the while embracing and loving you. This time, the real you.”

I nod, invigorated by his words.

He’s right.

I was so scared Victor would react negatively. And look, it was all in vain. He’s just as supportive as I’ve always known him to be. Because I know him. I trust him. He loves me.

Asher is my mate.

I trust him.

I know him.

He loves me.

“I’ll tell him next time I see him,” I answer, more a promise to myself than to Victor. Conviction fills my bones, confidence with it now that this burden is halfway off my heart.

“It’s time he knows the truth.”