Chapter 30

I asked Terry to come play chess with me before bed—I knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep—but he shook his head and said he was going to join the other knights in search for the king.

“You can’t find him?” I questioned him worriedly.

“No… Hopefully he’s okay.” Terry replied.

I went back to crocheting in my quarters, and, at the same time, I read a book written by humans to learn more about their culture. Eventually, I finished the blanket deep into the night—unable to sleep no matter how hard I tried—and suddenly, my door clicked open and Paris stumbled in, sopping wet.

I gasped and ran to his side. “I’ll get the physician! Stay here!”

But he grabbed my wrist before I could. “I’m just cold… Don’t get the physician.”

I glowered angrily. “What the hell were you thinking? I was worried sick about you for two days and then you go wandering through this awful storm!”

He stood up and then fell back down—feeling weak. It was hard to tell since his face was already covered in water, but he was definitely crying. “My mother is dead. She was the only one who… Who…”

I clapped my hands to my mouth in pity. I knew how hard it was to lose a family member. I tried to think of something to say to him that would make him feel better, but I knew there were no words.

He looked up at me with admiration and held my face in his hands. “Look at me, weeping over one death while you stand strong amidst living in your family’s grave.”

I felt another shiver run up my spine at what I was about to suggest. I helped Paris to his feet and told him, “come on, you’re freezing, let’s get you out of those clothes.”

I reach out and tried to undo the clasp on his cloak first, but he leaned forward suddenly and rested his chin on the top of my head before I could. He was close, and I couldn’t help but lean my head into his chest when thunder crackled in the sky again.

I liked being held. I always had.

After a moment, I went back to attempting to undress him with shaking hands.

I unclasped his cloak first with two of my arms, and then removed his belt and helped him slide his tunic off above his head with the others.

I could tell he was not used to sword fighting or horse riding. He was very thin and didn’t have much muscle.

I stared for a moment at his bare chest as I had days before. I couldn’t help it—it was such a foreign sight. Impulsively, I kissed it once and then unlaced his boots and untied his breeches.

I looked at his whole body for a moment as he looked back at me unblinkingly with a miserable look on his face.

“I… I made you something.” I said to him. I ran to my bed and picked up the knitted blanket and then I stepped close to him—just an inch away--and threw the blanket over his shoulders. “I-it’s a blanket of innocence and purity. Moths wrap it around themselves when they feel like they have lost apart of their childhood. It’s all white to protect yourself from black thoughts. I know it’s all crooked and not very well made—the other ladies only just started to teach me to crotchet—but you said you wanted my innocence, so I thought--”

He threw his arms around me and wrapped me in the blanket too. He said through tears, “nobody ever did such a nice thing for me.”

Stolen from Royal Road, this story should be reported if encountered on Amazon.

I was a simple and silly girl. Any man could have held me in that moment and I would have been comforted. It felt like love—regardless of whether it was or was not—and I craved love more than anything after being hated by so many humans and moths alike.

“Your advisors want us to have children…” I said nervously. “Do you want to try?”

He said nothing.

I continued on nervously, not even sure I meant it when I told him, “your mother isn’t the only one who…" I spluttered. "I mean--I love you.”

He was silent for a moment, and then before he kissed me gently. He reached out a hand, intending to grab my shoulder, and accidentally ripped my night gown while he was trying to take it off in a hurry. I giggled a little which elicited a grin from him.

I threw my arms around his neck and stood on the tippy of my toes to kiss him back as he gradually pushed me toward the bed.

The best moments in life are left unwritten, however♡. One must always keep those moments special and to themselves. They must remain the purest of white things.

__

But it did not remain so white as I awoke in the middle of the night and remembered I wished to meet with Morgan in the kitchen.

I looked at the sleeping Paris by my side with confusion. I felt like I had made a big mistake, despite having such a nice night. The moth gods would detest me for this, and I already knew the majority of my own people did.

More than anything, I had betrayed my feelings for Caerwyn. I let Paris rip his sapphire off my neck in a moment of passion and I hadn’t cared at all. I screwed my eyes shut in pain.

I should not feel guilty for sleeping with my own husband.

I looked ahead blankly for a moment while feeling sick inside. In a moment, I took a deep breath.

It had to have happened eventually. I shall put it toward my cause.

With my nightgown ripped, I searched my closet for a different one to wear and then headed to the kitchen.

Many guards were still up, and I simply told them I was having a sleepless night and needed a walk. Many of them asked if I wanted them to protect me, but I shook my head.

I wondered if Morgan had been telling the truth about wanting to meet me. How could he avoid the many guards posted outside the slave quarters and make it to the ktichen unnoticed, after all?

Rain pattered ceaselessly on the roof of the castle and loud wind was blowing outside as I turned into the kitchen. Surely enough, the black moth was there. No one was holding his chain.

“How did you evade capture…?” I asked him.

“The dark realm. Would you like to see?” His voice was very different when it wasn’t in my head; it was a higher pitch and younger sounding.

“The dark realm?” I asked, shaking my head. “What are you talking about?”

“That is where you can see Caerwyn. Shall I take you? Or are you satisfied with your king?” Morgan asked me accusingly.

“I want to see him…” I replied. “But… But I have given my heart to Paris.”

“So you say. Very well, take my hand, My Lady.” Morgan held out his hand.

I hesitated for a moment as silence fell in the kitchen and thunder struck in the distance. I took his hand fearfully.

As I looked beyond Morgan’s head, reality melted away and was replaced with a dark forest. It was so dark that I could barely see the brown tree trunks and green leaves highlighted in the blackness. I should have been frightened, but I had a warm and lovely feeling in my heart as I stood in the darkness. It was very similar to how I felt with Paris earlier.

“What is this?” I asked Morgan. “It feels nice…”

“It is desire. Follow me.” Morgan commanded.

I followed him through the dark forest which felt as if it was wrapping me in love incarnate. My mind felt fuzzy and giddy, my legs felt mooshy and unstable; my heart skipped with eagerness as we strolled for minutes through the dark forest.

Eventually, we came upon a spring in the darkness. A beautiful, blue, crystalline spring that shone like a thousand sapphires.

“Look into it My Lady.” Morgan commanded.

I obeyed.

My heart bloomed with love and warmth as I was shown Caerwyn who was riding a horse through a beautiful glen with a miserable look on his face. Many pilgrims followed after him on foot.

He whispered to himself under his breath, “I wish to ride to you like I promised, Mimi. I want to sweep you off your feet and take you away from your wretched husband… Right or wrong.”

I gasped and reached into the spring—my hand brushing the water. “I want you, too, Caerwyn. Take me away from these wicked convictions you have bestowed upon me!”

“If you want to, you can fall into the spring and you will appear at his side. The only price to pay is that you must abandon your duties here.” Morgan tempted me with a grin.

Sapphire reflected in my eyes as my hand came closer and closer to the spring and I thought nothing could stop me from being at Caerwyn’s side.