Chapter 35

BANNER OFF TO THE SIDE WAS MADE BY Monsoon!!!

Thank you for all the beautiful long comments last chapter I LOVED them.

(Do I wanna know)

If this feeling flows both ways?

(Sad to see you go)

Was sort of hoping that you'd stay

(Baby we both know)

That the nights were mainly made for saying things that you can't say tomorrow day

So have you got the guts?

Been wondering if your heart's still open and if so I wanna know what time it shuts

Simmer down and pucker up

I'm sorry to interrupt. It's just I'm constantly on the cusp of trying to kiss you

I don't know if you feel the same as I do Artist: Arctic Monkeys Song:Do I Wanna Know

"Despite what they say, I dont see much of the beauty in goodbye."-Aubrey Taylor

Blaze’s Pov.

“We have to go to the caterer today,” I mumbled into my pillow but I knew she heard me. She was lying right next to me in one of my sweatshirts and a pair of leggings. She looked up at me with her big brown eyes lit up with hope.

“So do we have to get married?” I’ve learned a while ago how to hide my emotions and how to read others’.

“No, most likely not. We are going to call it off before then, I’m going to blame it on myself. I’ll say something about picking my job over you too much.” I replied firmly thought it wasn’t what I wanted; it was what needed to happen.

“Oh,” her voice wavered. “Okay, I’m going to go get something to drink then we can leave.” She looked like she was sick, but I knew what was wrong and I wasn’t going to comfort her this time. This was a heavy pill that we both had to swallow, though I was practically forcing her to.

I knew what she was doing and it needed to stop. She was getting attached after I told her not to. She could and I wouldn’t let her love me. I realized that I have made a mistake by buying her that café. I was giving into that desire that I could keep her when I knew that it’d be selfish of me to do. Even though I thought I was incapable of it, it happened. But I wasn’t going to let her stay because of it. I was already being selfish enough by being so damn affectionate towards her and making her fall in love. I wasn’t going to make her be cursed by being with me.

No matter how much Sage thought we were, I am no good for her. I want her to have better. They say if you love something then let it go and that’s what I’ll do, but I don’t want her coming back. I’ve put her though enough. I liked it better when she hated me. Zac warned me but like an idiot I fucked up and didn’t listen. I think deep down I knew what I was getting myself into because for once it’s something, she something that I truly want. I hate myself for being in love with her because I’m only disappointing myself. I know that at the end of the day I didn’t deserve her, I never liked having a weakness. Weaknesses can only be used against you, and honestly that fact scared me.

I can only keep floating in the river of denial only so long before I drown in it. Besides even if I was selfish enough to keep her in my life, my Father would make sure to ruin her family’s life and that was more important than my happiness. Because her family was her happiness, and her happiness is mine.

It’s been a month and a half and I still can’t get enough, and he she asked me to take her all the way that night, not matter how much I wanted to, lord knows I wanted to, I knew I couldn’t. It was just another thing with her that I didn’t deserve. I know I told her someone who loved her should have it, but even though I loved her someone who could give her the world should have that. No matter how angry that thought alone made me. Being alone was hat I was meant to be, I was programmed that way. I hurt her in so many different ways possible. First I said so many mean things to her, I’m ungrateful when she’s just trying when she’s just trying to help me she didn’t need the added stress to her life.

That night I knew she wasn’t herself she was never that open with her emotions so it had to be the wine. It was a reminder for me though. The business was what’s most important and it was my life, my Father made sure of that. One way I will continue to be selfish is that I’m going to enjoy the days I have left with her because I know her time left is limited. If I would have slept with her I don’t think I would’ve been able to let her go. I don’t know if my mother and Father were ever young and in love but all I know is that if that was what the business does to relationships then I don’t want to drag Sage into that trouble.

I was never one to understand the concept of love; I’ve never seen it close. It wasn’t my thing; I needed to protect Sage from my life, from my Father’s threats, from me and my damages. I’m in a situation that I have no control of and I’m just trying to get a hold of it.

When we were both finally ready to go, Lana and Zac were on the living room floor watching a Spanish soap opera, they waved goodbye. On the way to the caterer Sage was looking outside the window wistfully, tapping her fingers on her lap. Her curly brown hair was longer than when I first met her, and her beauty was still the same. Minus the glasses; despite the fact that I thought she looked adorable with them. I won’t lie, Sage is a distraction, but she’s one that I want. If it weren’t for my Father’s threats I would keep her for myself.

To be honest I no idea what I expected would happen when I bought her that Café. Maybe that I could visit her to see how she was doing, but I knew that was my conscience just trying to keep tabs on her to know she was doing well still. What was I expecting? That I could just show up and say “I was just in the neighborhood, and –” Nothing would sound right, it’d like I was trying to hold on when I was trying to make it look like I wasn’t.

When we reached the caterer’s it smelled of candy and food. Sage hoped in the store enthusiastically, especially since it was reaching the end of April and it was raining.

“Hello my beautiful couple we have a few selections for you to pick from. Is anyone else coming to join you? Because we know from experience that couples usually argue on what to get.” A man in his 50’s with black hair poking out the sides of his chef hat.

“I’ll call Zac” I told her and sent a quick text to meet us here. He and Lana were here in 10 minutes flat and for some reason Marnie was tagging along behind them.

“Why is she here?” Sage asked with distaste, looking at the brunette who was obsessed with me. “If Blaze’s father sent you here to sabotage there’s no need. Leave.”

“Blaze will soon enough see that he wants to be with me.” That was the last straw, when Sage leaves I didn’t want her to be pushed at me anymore.

“Marnie I need to tell you something, follow me.” I pulled her over to the other side of the store.

“Yes Blaze?” She asked basically forcing herself on me.

“Listen Marnie, I’m sure someone without ears would love to have you, but you’re just not the girl for me. I know my Father is putting you up to this, but I’m not worth it. You need to move on. I’ve known you since we were kids and you’ve always liked to chase me, but you’ve been chasing too long. Honestly you’re irritating my fiancé and I, you need to leave.” I tried to put it as nice as I could. I learned that from Sage, because if it was up to me, I would’ve said it the rudest way possible.

She looked as if she was about to cry but I couldn’t take it anymore, and she needed the harsh reality of it. She stormed away from me and out of the store with tears in her eyes, though I didn’t want to make her cry, she needed the truth.

When I walked back to the table I just glared at the questioning eyes, obviously they could see that she wasn’t coming back.

They brought out 12 different pieces of cake and asked us to try them all, Zac was shoveling pieces into his mouth and Sage was laughing at him, while Lana and I were picking at a mysterious mint cake and talking about how we didn’t like it.

“This cake tastes like shit,” Lana gagged spiting it into a napkin; I laughed and agreed and tried to shove it into Sage’s face. She fought my hands off, but I managed to get a piece into her mouth.

Zac laughed at the horrified expression on her face, and she glared at both of us.

“You two are despicable.” She said with a lisp sounding like Daffy Duck.

“Aw, but you love us little one!” Zac replied and Lana shook her head in agreement. We decided on a simple yellow cake with vanilla frosting.

As we finished up with the caterer, we all got into one car and picked up Cory from his daycare and decided to go to the park. Aubrey and Mark met us there with Matt.

Zac being the big kid he was went and played with his nephew and Cory. Lana joined them because she was in the mood. Aubrey sat with Sage playing a hand game like two school girls.

“So what’s up with you and Sage dude?” Mark asked and I looked at him confused.

“Huh? What are you talking about?” I asked him, making my expression blank.

“Well you’re not the only observant one. Though my Aubrey is smarter than she looks, she couldn’t tell something was up, but I could. Sage has been acting weird lately, and you sprung her on us without us even knowing you were dating. As your nosy friends, we would’ve known about her. Who is she really?”

“I—I—She’s a girl that I used to get the business from my Father, and get Grams off my back. But you can’t tell Aubrey!” I whispered harshly, eyes narrowed at one of my best friends.

“Hmm.” That was all he said. What the hell was that suppose to mean? I glared at him.

“Makes a lot of sense now. I won’t tell Aubs now, but I’ll have to explain once Sage leaves. And what time is that exactly? Or did you fall in love with her.”

“No! None of that love nonsense” I told him lying through my teeth. “But she will be gone in June.”

“So when is Mr. Colton giving you his business?” He asked suddenly looking at the girls.

“The day before she leaves.” I replied a little bitter in my tone.

“And how will you cope when she’s gone? It’s almost been a year with her.”

“I’ll be fine. I’m use to it.” He just looked at me and directed his attention to Zac and Lana.

“Hey! Zac he’s not strong enough to hold up his own body weight, get him away from there before you drop him!” I laughed and shook my head at Zac who was trying to get Matt to hang from the monkey bars. “I can’t make you do anything, but don’t lose her because you think you’re doing what’s right.” I just turned away from him.

We headed back to the condo and sat the kids down in front of the TV. Sage decided to make us help her make dinner.

“I can’t do this” I told her holding up what I assume was a pot. She fixed my hand and sat it on the stove.

“How are you supposed to learn if I don’t try? Now come on we’re making simple macaroni and cheese and steak. It’s not that hard.” She kissed my cheek and pointed to the cabinet that she was too short to reach. I pulled down the box, and she grabbed it out of my hand opening it up.

“Okay, Zac season with the garlic salt lightly. We don’t want to get high blood pressure from the steaks.” Lana giggled.

“So babe, are the eggshells suppose to be the crust around the pie?” Mark asked holding up the cake mix box.

“No!” She slapped his hand away from the eggs, “For one, we are making cake. For two, the shells go in the trash.” She looked at him as if he was the stupidest person ever. He was actually one of the smartest people I know. Maybe we just had problems in the kitchen.

“Okay, well we’re going to leave and watch the kids and some TV. Don’t burn up the kitchen, and read the boxes. We’ll see how the food comes out.” Lana exclaimed walking out the kitchen with Sage and Aubrey.

We were in deep shit, because none of us knew what to do.

(How do you think the food will come out? What you think about the chapter? What's your fav chapter?)

And I don't know how you get over, get over

Someone as dangerous, tainted and flawed as you

How did you get that way? I don't know

You're screwed up and brilliant,

Look like a million dollar man,

So why is my heart broke?

You got the world but baby at what price?

Something so strange, hard to define

It isn't that hard boy to like you or love you

I'd follow you down down down,

You're unbelievable

Artist: Lana Del Rey Song:Million Dollar Man