Chapter 9 - Arrival Of A Rival

Eric, Rose and their steeds materialised outside the Beast Be Gone shop in Porkhaven, their feet landing on the cobbles. The gloomy sky overcast the rows of shacks that barely constituted a street. People hurried past, shopkeeps, traders, bankers alike all going about their mundane lives with a vacant stare. With each of their outfits being so similar, Eric wondered if they all visited the same tailors. Interspersed between the city folk were heavily armoured adventurers, relentlessly demanding quests, knocking back Elixirs and challenging each other to duels.

In spite of the adventurers, it was good to be home.

Eric led Daisy to the tiny stable beside the shop, then tied her up and fed her some kind of knobbly vegetable he’d found deep in his Sack of Clutching. Rose appeared beside him, her face beaming. ‘This has all been quite informative so far.’

Her chuffer had followed her inside, taking up the rest of the space. Its many legs collapsed down, settling itself into the hay. It let out a long wheeze of steam and went quiet.

Eric patted Daisy on the nose. ‘Glad to hear it.’

There was a crash.

Eric and Rose exchanged looks, then hurried outside. Eric felt his stomach lurch. Adrenaline kicked through him.

Six burly dwarves were leaving his shop, carrying out a large chest of drawers through the smashed down door. Broken glass sparkled on the ground. The dwarves all wore black tunics emblazoned with unusual pink skulls. They glanced up at Eric and Rose, then continued to steal the furniture.

‘Hey!’ Eric exclaimed, running over to them. He pulled at the chest of drawers, but the dwarves didn’t even flinch, they simply grinned.

‘There you are, Mr Featherwick,’ boomed a voice over the sound of the crunching glass. It came from a man in the shop doorway, who had a jaw to compliment his caveman-like brow. The pink skull on his robes was larger and had more detail, implying that he was in charge. ‘You owe The Doom Bank a lot of money.’

Anger pulsed through his veins, a fire of hatred burned in his belly. ‘Get off my property!’ he shouted.

‘Now, now Mr Featherwick,’ said the man. ‘We don’t want to have to call the city guards,’

Eric shook with hatred, poised to punch the man in the face. Something gentle caught his arm. He looked round to see Rose. She smiled at him.

‘Come on, Eric,’ she said. ‘It’s alright.’

The rage washed away, leaving behind only shame. He hung his head. ‘I… just need more time,’ Eric pleaded. ‘Please.’

‘You’ve had plenty of time,’ said the bailiff.

Eric removed the money pouch from his belt and begrudgingly held it towards the man. ‘This is all I have.’

The bailiff snatched the bag and stuck his nose in it, inspecting its contents. ‘If you don’t pay us the rest by the end of the month, this shop is ours.’

Eric grumbled and nodded.

‘You should join The Guild. Free access if you have an account with us.’ The man thrust a parchment into Eric’s hands, smiled with satisfaction, turned and strolled away.

Eric looked down at the paper in his hands.

The Guild

Career Advice and Services - Your Adventure Starts TODAY

“Why farm animals when you could farm Experience?”

Proudly Brought To You By The Doom Bank

He was going to lose everything and there was nothing he could do to stop it. He wanted to scream and throw rocks at their big fat heads, but held himself back. Something about Rose calmed him down, but he couldn’t quite put his finger on it. He scrunched up the paper and tossed it onto the floor.

‘Who were they?’ asked Rose.

‘Bailiffs.’ Through the window he watched the group leave on their pink cart with their newly claimed furnishings. Eric froze. Had they taken…? He ran over to the fireplace and breathed a sigh. His crossbow was still sitting where it always had been, right above the mantelpiece. ‘Thank The Mole,’ he mumbled as he caressed the wood.

Rose raised an eyebrow. ‘Probably not worth their time, looks pretty rusty.’

Eric frowned. ‘It’s a… family heirloom.’

‘Quite an interesting heirloom.’ Rose turned around and looked at the shattered doorway. ‘Right then, where do you keep your brooms?’

They spent the rest of the morning clearing up the remains of the shop door. The sun beat down on their backs, while city folk wandered by, being careful to avoid eye contact. Life in Porkhaven bred a basic survival instinct of staying out of other people’s business, especially when violence and broken glass was involved.

A few addicts stumbled by, their skin green, soft and withered. The Alchemy District was full of these fools. At least once a week Eric had to clean up some purple or green bile outside the shop. Although living there did have its perks, namely a cheaper mortgage and an unlimited supply of empty bottles.

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‘Stop that,’ Eric snapped as he inspected the wonky frame.

Rose’s mechanical arm poked from her backpack, holding the dustpan while she swept up into it. ‘Stop what?’

‘You know what. That humming. Stop it.’

‘Was I humming?’

‘You were definitely humming.’

Rose paused and leant on her broom, her metal appendage whirred and retreated into her back. ‘You’re a real grump, you know that?’

Eric grunted and ignored her, going back to hammering the door frame. It wasn’t ever going to be straight again, but he couldn’t exactly afford to buy a new one.

‘Why didn’t you take that new job from Lord Egglewort?’ she continued, ‘Seems like you need the money.’

Eric stopped hammering. ‘I don’t do dragons.’

Rose took a step closer, leaning in conspiratorially. ‘Why not?’

Eric shuddered. He could still hear his father’s screams some nights. Feel the burning on his skin. ‘I don’t want to talk about it. They’re a damn cliche is what they are. The adventurers can have the stinking dragons for all I care.’

‘Well you’ve got to find work somehow,’ said Rose resolutely. ‘If I’m going to be your apprentice I’ll need to have some experience out in the field.’

Eric glared at Rose. ‘Why did you want to work with me so much anyway?’

‘After what you did for my father. How you stopped that dire-beetle with only a net...’ Rose stopped herself. ‘Why gee, it was so heroic. I’ve grown up with that story. It’s what made me want to be a pest controller.’

‘Things had been so much simpler back then,’ said Eric, fondly. ‘That was a time when being a pest controller meant something. The King himself hired me for that job, and more too. Once I spent weeks fumigating his palace against a nest of lesser-hydras. Now I bet he can’t even remember my name.’

‘My father remembers,’ said Rose.

‘I was just doing my job.’ Eric’s face decided to blush.

He still couldn’t wrap his head around her. She seemed old and yet so young, all at the same time. Maybe it was something to do with her white blouse and tidy hair.

‘How old are you anyway?’ he said.

Rose stood up straighter, puffing out her chest. ‘I’m fifteen and three quarters.’

‘And in those fifteen long years, have you had any other experience with wild creatures?’

‘My father owns a lot of plantations in the Western Lands. I’ve seen my fair share of bogglet invasions and goblin pillaging. But our land seems much less forgiving than here, so it’s only now that we’ve been hit by the same adventurer craze.’

Eric spat on the ground. ‘Damned adventurers.’

‘Where did they all come from?’

Eric shook his head with sorrow. ‘There have always been heroes. But I guess people realised how much treasure was sitting around unattended. I even heard they were all inspired by some knight who butchered an Elder Dragon. Then once word traveled, everyone wanted a piece of the glory and they all got addicted to drinking Elixirs and absorbing Experience. They’re obsessed with endlessly getting stronger and stronger, until eventually they die and there's no one left to resurrect them. They only use their power to make themselves more powerful, it's totally pointless.’

The thought of Experience made Eric shudder. For some twisted reason, the universe decided that killing something meant you deserved a tiny piece of its life force. You would have to kill thousands of people or creatures to make it worth the while, of course, but that’s exactly what adventurers planned on doing. The believers would say it was all part of The Holy Mole’s plan to turn the world into a molehill.

A familiar voice, silken and sickly, suddenly trickled from behind. ‘My guess is they wanted to have as much fun as we do.’

Eric grimaced. He knew that voice all too well. ‘Hello Freddy,’ he said, turning around.

Freddy Glorp posed in the street with his legs wide, violet cloak flapping in the breeze. ‘Good to see you old boy. I was just passing through and thought I’d come and check how my little buddy Eric was doing.’ Freddy glanced at the limp door hanging from the hinges. ‘Had a bit of an accident have we?’

‘Nothing to worry about. Only a break-in.’

‘What hooligans.’ Freddy smiled in such a way that made Eric want to punch him right in his chiselled jaw. ‘Take anything of… value?’

‘Nothing much.’

‘Glad to hear it. How’s business?’ Freddy swept back his handsome golden hair as if to mock Eric’s receding hairline. ‘I heard you recently helped Lord Egglewort with a little kobold problem?’

‘That’s right.’

Freddy absentmindedly neatened his sleeves. ‘We were too busy for that job ourselves. The reward simply wasn’t worth our time you see. We had to turn him down.’

‘Is that so.’ How had Freddy managed to get so many jobs? His wealthy father was probably still propping him up. It had to be.

‘If you are struggling Eric, do let us know.’ The words seemed to slither out of Freddy’s mouth. It made the last of Eric’s hair stand on end. ‘We’d make a good offer for your shop. You know. For a friend. I think it would convert wonderfully into a stable.’

‘I’m doing just fine.’

Freddy’s expression twisted into a mocking grin as he looked back at the door. ‘Of course you are. Have any other jobs lined up?’

Eric crossed his arms. ‘None of your business.’

Freddy laughed and patted Eric on the back. Eric flinched at his touch. ‘I understand Eric, I understand.’

Eric felt his face flush. ‘We do have one job. If you must know.’

Freddy raised his eyebrows. ‘Oh? And what job is that?’

‘A big one.’

‘Oh yes? How big? A few large bats in an attic? A couple of gremlins stolen a farmer’s family daughter...?’

Eric ground his teeth. ‘Much bigger than that.’

‘I’m sure it is...’

‘It’s a dragon.’ Eric blurted out before he could stop himself.

Freddy froze, mouth slightly agape. ‘A dragon you say? My, my, my Eric, I didn’t think you had it in you. Especially after, you know. The incident.’

Eric remained silent, fists clenched. He caught Rose’s eye and breathed out.

Freddy turned his gaze onto Rose. ‘And who’s this little one? Not another apprentice?’

‘Howdy, I’m Rose,’ said Rose, setting down her broom and extending a hand.

‘Ah, a Westerner, how darling. Charmed to meet you.’ Freddy took her hand with both of his, enveloping them. ‘If you fancy some real experience, you’re more than welcome at Glorp & Co.’

‘Oh. Thank you,’ said Rose, pulling her hand away from Freddy’s grip. ‘But I’m doing just fine here.’

Freddy appeared perplexed by the rejection but quickly regained his composure. ‘Well, I must dash. Good to see you, Eric. And Rose, I hope to see you again very soon.’ He winked at her and strolled away, whistling.

‘Who was that latrine-for-brains?’ said Rose after Freddy had disappeared down the street.

‘Freddy Glorp. His father owns Glorp & Co.’

‘Your rivals?’

‘You could say that.’

Rose picked her broom back up. ‘Definitely glad I took my apprenticeship here. He seems like a bit of a prat. Why doesn’t he like you? What did you do to him?’

Eric sighed. ‘We apprenticed together. Things got ugly.’

‘Oh. What happened?’

‘It was a long time ago. I don’t want to talk about it.’

‘You don’t want to talk about anything.’

‘Talking’s overrated.’

Rose turned to him with a look on her face that suggested she’d uncovered some kind of juicy gossip. ‘Well, you talked to Freddy. And you lied about having a job.’

‘We do have a job. From Lord Egglewort.’

‘I thought you said you didn’t want to do it? Something about not liking dragons?’

‘I don’t remember saying that. I said I would think about it. And well... I’ve thought about it.’

‘And?’

‘And maybe we could give it a go. It’d be good learning for you. And it’ll help pay for this door.’ Not to mention the crippling debt, he thought to himself. He’d even get to shove it in Freddy’s smug face.

Rose smiled and carried on sweeping. Soon she began to hum tunelessly again, but Eric didn’t stop her.