Hideaway Heart: Chapter 17

THE SECOND THE bathroom door had closed behind the four of us, Veronica had leaned back against the sinks and crossed her arms. Her blue eyes were dancing. “Okay, Kelly Jo Sullivan. Spill.”

“About what?” I said innocently.

“About what’s going on with you and Xander!” Ari shrieked as she headed into a stall. “But talk loud so I can hear!”

I laughed, checking my reflection in the mirror. My face was flushed, and my head felt hot. I took off my borrowed Two Buckleys cap and yanked out my ponytail, shaking out my hair. “It’s nothing.”

“Um, it is not nothing.” Mabel met my eyes in the glass. “I know my brother, and I have never seen him look at anyone the way he’s been looking at you all night.”

“That’s what I told her earlier.” Veronica nodded excitedly, her blond ponytail bobbing. “He cannot take his eyes off her. I’m expecting hearts to float out of them any second. And how about the fact that she’s wearing his clothes?”

Laughing, Mabel went into a stall and continued talking behind the closed door. “I’ve never seen him dance that way with anyone either.”

“We were just dancing.” But my cheeks grew warmer and pinker.

“Please.” Veronica held up a hand. “He was hanging on to you like a kid hugs his teddy bear at night, like he was afraid someone was going to come along and steal you away.”

“He’s protective,” I said. “He’s always worried about me being recognized. Photos of me up here are already online.”

“He still sleeping on the couch?”

“Um . . .” Should I lie? I wasn’t sure what Xander wanted his family to know.

“You can trust us,” she said. “We won’t say anything.”

“Definitely.” Ari came out of the stall and went to the sinks to wash her hands. “When it comes to girls vs. the Buckley boys, the girls stick together. Cone of silence in here.”

I laughed. “Okay. As of last night, he’s not sleeping on the couch anymore.”

Veronica squealed. “What happened? When I talked to him Friday, he said you two did not get along, and then yesterday at the house, you guys were adorable together.”

“I don’t really know what happened. We sort of just . . .” My shoulders rose. “Talked. Tried a little harder to listen to each other.”

“Talked?” Veronica squeaked. “Talked?”

“There may have been some other activities involved,” I said, redoing my ponytail.

“Lalalalala, not listening,” Mabel shouted from behind the stall door.

I laughed. “Sorry, Mabel. I know it’s your brother we’re talking about here.” Sticking the cap back on my head, I ducked into the stall Ari had vacated. After finishing up, I went to the sink to wash my hands.

“I’m only teasing,” Mabel said, drying her hands next to me. “I think it’s great. Xander is a good guy.”

“It must be hard to meet someone when you’re so famous,” said Ari. “You must have that suspicion in the back of your mind all the time, like does this person like me for the real me, or are they just dazzled by the celebrity persona?”

“It can be weird,” I said, yanking some paper towels from the dispenser and drying my hands. “Although in Xander’s case, he didn’t like the real me at all, and he definitely wasn’t dazzled by my celebrity.” I laughed as I tossed the towels in the trash. “I kept trying to get rid of him, and he just kept refusing to leave. I’ve never met a more stubborn man.”

“All my brothers are like that,” said Mabel. “And as the baby sister of the family, I’ve experienced the full range of their bossy behavior. But they were also the best big brothers ever, so I can’t really complain.” She turned to Ari. “Should we go back out and see if that one guy in the red shirt is still at the bar?”

“Sure.” Ari smiled at me. “See you back at the table.”

They left the bathroom, and Veronica came out of a stall and washed her hands. “Austin can be like that too. Bossy and demanding.” She laughed as she pulled paper towels from the machine. “But I kinda like it.”

I smiled. “You guys are so great together. He adores you.”

Veronica lit up. “I’m madly in love with him. I wake up every day and pinch myself.”

“Think he’s the one?”

“I’m pretty sure,” she said, her cheeks growing pink, her blue eyes bright. “I mean, it’s only been a few months, so it’s still a little new, but it just feels so right.”

A banging on the door made us both jump. Veronica stepped in front of me like a shield, which I thought was so sweet.

“Kelly?” Xander’s voice was muffled. “You in there?”

“Yes!” I shouted. “I’m coming out in a sec.”

“I’ll wait.”

Veronica and I exchanged a look. “He’s protective,” I said again.

“Also kinda crazy about you,” she whispered back. “I can see it.”

“That was fun,” I said on the way home.

Xander remained silent behind the wheel.

I leaned over and thumped his leg. “You didn’t have a good time?”

“What?” He glanced at me. “Sorry, I was distracted. Yes, I had a good enough time.”

“Just good enough?”

“I was on duty,” he said. “It wasn’t as easy for me to relax as it was for you guys.”

“Well, thank you for letting us go.” I left my hand where it was. “And for dancing.”

He fell silent again.

“Austin and Veronica are perfect for each other. Think they’ll get married?”

“Maybe. If my brother doesn’t fuck it up.”

I laughed. “He seems pretty taken with her. What about Devlin? I take it since he left with someone tonight that he’s single?”

“As far as I know. He had a girlfriend for a while, but that ended earlier this year.” He gave me the side-eye, thick with jealousy. “Why?”

“I want to bang him, obviously.” I punched his shoulder. “I’m just curious! Jeez. Although he is very handsome.”

Xander snorted. “Trust me, he knows.”

“You’re all handsome. Just in different ways.” I remembered what Ari had said about girls vs. Buckley boys. “You guys must have broken a lot of hearts around here.”

“I don’t know about that.”

“Sounds like Mabel and Ari have been friends for a long time.”

“They were inseparable growing up. Ari was always around.”

“I wish I had good friends like that, from way back when. People you can just always count on, no matter how long it’s been since you’ve seen them. People who will always be in your corner.”

“You don’t have good friends?” He sounded surprised.

“Not like that. I have my brother, but he’s gone a lot.”

“Are you close with your mom?”

“Yes,” I said hesitantly. “We’re close, and I love her, but I sometimes question her choices.”

“What choices?”

I caught my lower lip between my teeth. “I feel bad judging her.”

“You can say it.”

“Because she always supported my dream. She was there for us growing up.”

“Kelly. You’re not a bad person for having a critical opinion about your mother.”

“And I’ve got no room to talk. I took Duke back a bunch of times when I knew he wasn’t faithful.”

Xander glanced at me. “Is this about your dad?”

“Yes. He’s . . . I’m trying to think of the word I want to use here. Unreliable. He lets her down a lot. He lets us all down a lot.”

Taking my hand in his, Xander stroked the back of it with his thumb. “Talk to me. If you want.”

I took a deep breath. “He has a drinking problem. And a gambling problem. But he’s also handsome and charming and funny and affectionate. He started leaving us for long periods of time when I was about six, but he’d always come back, full of apologies. My mom took him back every time.”

“Wasn’t she mad?”

“Oh, she was. And she’d freeze him out a little bit at first. But somehow, he’d charm his way back into her good graces.”

“And yours too?”

“Sure. I was always just so happy that he’d come back, because I thought for sure it was my fault that he’d left in the first place.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know for sure. I just always thought, if I was better, if I was perfect, if I was famous, he’d come back for good and never leave.”

He brought my hand to his lips and kissed it. “It wasn’t true.”

“I know that now.” My throat felt tight. “I’ve gone to therapy and all that. I’ve tried hard to work through it. But certain things linger, you know?”

“I know.”

“Even now that I have some fame, he still comes and goes. Only difference is, he wants money.”

“Do you give it to him?”

“I feel obligated,” I said. “I don’t want to, but he’s my father. He taught me to play guitar. He’s why I love music so much. And he grew up with a terrible, angry father who hit him.”

“That’s fucking horrible. But it doesn’t mean you have to support him if he keeps disappointing you.”

“I know.” I closed my eyes. “Kevin tells me this all the time. I just find it really hard to stand up to him.”

“What would you say to him if you could?”

“God.” I shuddered.

“Come on. Say the words to me. He’s not here.”

“I guess I’d tell him how much it hurt when he left us. How much it still hurts when he leaves again. I’d say that every single time he walks out the door, I wonder if I’ll ever see him again. And how no little girl should have to live that way, wondering if her dad loves her enough to come back.”

Xander was silent, like he knew there was more.

“And if he apologizes for not being the perfect dad, I’d say I was never looking for perfection. Just a dad. And when he says, ‘I did the best I could,’ I’d say, ‘no, you didn’t, Daddy. I love you, but no, you didn’t.’”

“See?” He squeezed my hand. “You can do it. You can say the words.”

“To you. Not to him.”

“Maybe next time you have the chance, you’ll do it. You’ve got the words in your head now.”

“Thanks.” I wondered if I’d ever have the guts to speak my mind to my dad that way. Xander was so lucky. His family was so great. “So did your brothers ask about us after we danced?”

“A little.” He shrugged. “Mostly they just gave me shit about something I said a couple months ago.”

“About me?”

“About looking for a wife.”

“What?” My jaw dropped. “You’re looking for a wife?”

“No! I mean, not actually. Not literally. I just feel like I’m at the age where if you’re gonna do the whole white-picket-fence thing, you might as well get to it.”

“Well, sure,” I teased. “I mean, you’re gonna need energy for those three rowdy boys.”

“Exactly. I can’t be old man dad. I need to be young, cool dad.”

“I can see it very clearly. You are the cool, bar-owning dad with the tattoos and the swim records that still stand.”

“That’s fucking right they do.”

I laughed. “The girls had all kinds of questions for me in the bathroom.”

“I bet.”

“Apparently, it’s obvious you are no longer sleeping on the couch.”

“Where I sleep is none of their business,” he harrumphed.

“Oh, don’t get grumpy about it. They were happy. They said nice things.”

“Oh yeah? Like what?”

“Your sister says you’re a good guy and I can trust you. She also said she had the best big brothers ever. It was really sweet. And Veronica said she’d never seen you with hearts in your eyes.”

“I do not have fucking hearts in my eyes.”

I laughed. “I think she just meant, she could tell that you like me.”

He looked at me sideways. “Yeah, you’re okay.”

“So it’s true?” My ridiculous heart was going pitter-patter like he’d just passed back the note with the YES box checked. “You like me?”

“I like you.” He was silent as we turned into our driveway. “But when we get inside, I’m going to rip your clothes off and fuck you like I don’t.”

I lost my breath for a second. When I recovered, I put my hand on the door handle, ready to jump out. “You’ll have to catch me first.”

After an exhilarating chase through the dark, we ended up on the living room floor.

I’d bolted from the car and run into the trees, zigzagging this way and that, racing out into the clearing again, circling the house, and finally sprinting up the porch steps. Hot in pursuit, Xander caught up with me at the front door, locking an iron forearm around my middle and sinking his teeth gently into my neck.

“What took you so long?” I panted, my blood running hot and fast as I punched in the code.

“I’m a gentleman,” he growled in my ear. “I gave you a head start.”

In my addled mental state, the code took me several tries to get right, but finally the door gave way. Pushing it open, we tumbled to the floor, where Xander made good on his promise to tear off my clothes. He was rough with me, but maybe that was because I kept trying to escape. I’d only get about two feet—crawling on my hands and knees—before I’d feel his hand close around my ankle or his arm loop around my hips, and he’d drag me back to where he wanted me. I’d shriek and scramble and call him names, but it all seemed to turn him on.

He flipped me onto my back and went down on me, my thighs clamped tightly around his face, his beard deliciously abrasive on my skin. I thought he might play games with me again, leave me hovering on the cusp and pull back again, but he didn’t. He came at me like a lion and didn’t stop until my body was rigid with tension, then convulsing in sweet relief.

“Fuck, I love the taste of you.” He gave me one final, bone-trembling lick up my center and jumped to his feet, yanking off his clothes. When he was naked, towering above me and stroking his cock, I got to my knees in front of him.

“My turn,” I whispered, running my hands up his strong, muscular thighs.

“Who said you got a turn?”

“Come on.” I looked up at him. “Play fair.”

“You want me in your mouth?” He pressed the tip to my chin, brushing it back and forth along my jaw.

“Yes.” My tongue darted out and licked the crown. “I want to make you come, just like you said.” My hands replaced his. “Feel you dripping on my lips.” I sucked just the tip, making him groan. “Taste you at the back of my throat.”

He grunted and cursed as I lowered my mouth onto him, then slowly pulled the elastic from my ponytail. Sliding his hands along the sides of my head, he wove his fingers into my hair and fisted them. My scalp prickled as I worked my lips up and down his thick, hard shaft, ran my tongue over rigid veins and smooth crown, licked and sucked and teased. I gave him a taste of his own medicine, taking him to the brink of climax and easing off, torturing him the way he’d tortured me.

But Xander was not a man easily toyed with. As playful as he could be when he wasn’t aroused, he was governed by a different side of himself when it came to sex. He liked control. He wanted to set the tone, the pace, the rhythm. He wanted to make the rules and enforce them.

“Kelly.” His fists tightened in my hair. “Goddamn it.”

I laughed, tasting the sweet saltiness of him on my tongue. His erection thickened and twitched once. I pulled him from my lips with a soft pop. “What?”

“You know what. Stop teasing me.”

“But it’s so much fun.” I took him deep once more and slid my finger along the sensitive skin behind his balls, teasing at his tightly puckered hole.

He sucked in his breath. “Oh, fuck.”

Suddenly I struggled to catch my breath between the quick, hard thrusts of his hips as his huge cock filled my mouth. Luckily for my lungs, he only lasted about eight seconds before I felt the hot stream at the back of my throat and the rhythmic throb of his orgasm between my lips.

“Jesus,” he said as the spasms faded. He pulled out, loosening his grip on my head as I gasped for air. “Are you okay?”

I nodded, gulping in oxygen. “Yes.”

“That was . . . you are . . . I can’t even . . . Jesus.”

Laughing, I wiped my mouth and looked up at him. “I like you too.”

“So tell me about this wife.” We were curled up in bed, Xander on his back and me tucked in along his side. “The one you’re on the hunt for.”

He groaned. “There’s no wife, dammit. She’s not real. It’s just an idea.”

“But she is real. That’s the crazy thing, right? She’s out there.” I gestured grandly in the darkness with one hand. “Somewhere out there is the woman that will sweep you off your feet and make you fall madly in love with her.”

“Eh . . . I doubt that.”

“Why? Don’t you believe in true love? Once-in-a-lifetime, struck-by-a-lightning-bolt love?”

“It’s not that I don’t believe in it. I just don’t know if it’s for me.”

I slapped his chest. “That’s so unromantic, Xander. Remind me never to marry you.”

“Did I miss the part where I proposed?”

“I want my future husband to fall head over heels for me instantly, just like your dad fell for your mom. I want him to take one look and know. I want it to hit him like a hundred million volts.”

He laughed. “No, you don’t. It sounds good in stories, but if some guy took one look at you and announced he was in love because the sight of you electrocuted him, you wouldn’t marry him. You’d think he was unhinged. You’d run in the other direction, and rightly so.”

“Okay, maybe love at first sight is a bit much. But don’t you want to fall deep and hard for the woman you’re going to spend the rest of your life with?”

“I guess.”

“God, you’re so unenthusiastic! What’s wrong with you?”

“Nothing! Look, if it happens, it happens, but I don’t think it’s a prerequisite to a successful marriage. Not everybody is cut out to have that kind of relationship. I’ve seen guys who fall in that kind of love, and it fucks them up. It’s too unpredictable. Too volatile.”

“What about Austin and Veronica? He’s in love like that, and he’s not fucked up. He’s happy.”

“Maybe, but Austin and I are different. Austin’s a perfectionist, the kind of guy who has to have all or nothing. I’m more laidback. I’d rather be with someone I genuinely like, with an easygoing temperament and a good sense of humor. Someone who wants the same things I do. Someone who doesn’t care that I’m not rich or famous or brilliant, just a good fucking time.”

“Got it. So she can’t be too picky.”

He tugged my hair. “Smart ass.”

I laughed. “I’m only kidding. I think you’ll be a very good husband. You’re protective and loyal and reliable. Plus, you give excellent orgasms.”

“Thank you.”

I snuggled up again. “What does she look like?”

“Huh?”

“This easygoing, funny, good-time future wife of yours. What does she look like? What’s your type?”

He was silent for a moment. “I don’t really have a type.”

“But she’d be beautiful, right? She’d have to be, to catch your eye.”

“Sure. I like beautiful.” He paused, then flipped me over onto my back, settling between my thighs as he looked down at me. “And if she has great tits and likes to suck a dick on occasion, so much the better.”

Grinning, I wrapped my legs around his hips and my arms around his neck. “Good luck finding that wife. I don’t think she exists.”

“I’ll find her,” he said, lowering his mouth to mine. “I’m very resourceful.”

I fell asleep that night happier than I’d been in a long time.

The next morning, I finally decided to look at my phone—mostly because I wanted to check the weather. Xander had promised me a day out on his boat if it was nice. I hadn’t looked at my texts or peeked at my inbox or listened to voicemails or even glanced at social media in forty-eight hours, and given how good I was feeling, maybe I’d stay off the grid for the rest of my vacation.

When I tried to get out of bed, Xander’s arm encircled my waist. “Where do you think you’re going?” he mumbled.

I laughed, trying to pry his wrist from my hip, but he held me fast. “Let me up. I’m just going to grab my phone.”

“You don’t need that thing.”

“You could be right. I haven’t looked at it in two days, and I feel great.”

“I’m always right.” But he loosened his grip on me and I slid out of bed, went over to my suitcase, and dug my phone out. Powering it on, I slipped back into bed next to Xander, who was lying on his stomach, his head beneath the pillow.

“Ugh, I have forty-two texts,” I said.

A muffled grunt was his response.

Ignoring the messages, I opened the weather app. “It’s going to be a gorgeous day,” I said happily. “Sunny and eighty-four degrees. That means you’re taking me out on the boat.”

He pushed the pillow off his face. “Remember how fun our rainy day was?”

“Yes, I do. But we can—oh no.”

“What?” He picked up his head.

“Oh, God.”

“Kelly, what is it?”

“Photos.”

“Of what?” He sat all the way up and looked at the screen.

“Of us. Here at the cabin.”